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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > I never should have asked her......but I did.      Home login  
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 Tryns
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 1
I never should have asked her......but I did.Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
So we've been dating for about 6 months or so. Last night we were having this conversation about orgasms. I'll try to keep this as PG as possible but I was asking about what I could do to better achieve orgasm during intercourse. She has orgasms during other "activities" but never during intercourse.

So me being the not so bright individual I am ask "have you ever had an orgasm during intercourse with anyone?" she said "yes" and "i know why too". So thinking she is going to tell me about some mystery maneuver or position that this guy used I asked her "why?". She responds by saying "because he was big.....like really really big and long"

Well...talk about a punch in the gut...that is what I'm feeling right now. I know it is my issue to deal with and she was just being honest. Thing is by most standards I'm considered "average" sized....but now I'm feeling completely inadequate.

How do I get past this? Now everytime we are intimate I'm going to be obsessing over the fact that I can't please her because I'm not big enough. Ugh....I hate this feeling.
 c_deyoung
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 2
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 12:51:38 PM
She can't orgasm during intercourse? Talk about being a freak of nature.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 3
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 12:54:26 PM
Owwwww....

Well you asked.

I really don't think this is going to be a happy ending.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 1:04:50 PM
Well, some women are size queens...and only a big johnson can give them the big O.

Personally, I like the good ol Canadian average, suits me just fine.

I dont see this ending well either, your ego has been blown. You were being a concerned lover wanting to please, I think her comment was rude and tactless.
 Strickalator
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 5
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 1:19:00 PM
Tryns, I completely understand your pain here, I really do. The best you can offer her is to be a good lover in other areas. If this doesn't satisfy her, then she is not right for you.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 6
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 1:37:53 PM
Well...talk about a punch in the gut...that is what I'm feeling right now. I know it is my issue to deal with and she was just being honest. Thing is by most standards I'm considered "average" sized....but now I'm feeling completely inadequate.

As someone who is in the average boat, and know that I wasn't nearly the biggest of the guys that several of the women I've dated have had, about all I can say is that one day, you should realize that it's silly to worry about the size of your package. Seriously. You have what you have, so all you can do is learn to use it. I have yet to run into a woman who is strictly a size queen. I know they exist, but for the most part, women will be quite happy if you know how to use what you have and not every woman wants big. In fact, if you aren't hitting the cervix, you have an advantage if you think about it.

How do I get past this?

Easy. It's her orgasm, so it's up to her to help you out if she wants one. If she doesn't or doesn't care, it's not your problem.

Now everytime we are intimate I'm going to be obsessing over the fact that I can't please her because I'm not big enough. Ugh....I hate this feeling.

She didn't say you can't please her. She said sh doesn't have an orgasm from intercourse with you. That doesn't mean she can't or that you aren't big enough to please her. It only means she isn't having an orgasm from intercourse with you right now. So, if you want to do something more productive than obssess over the size of your yinyang, get her to show you how to get her off. If she doesn't care enough to help you out, forget about it and just get yourself off. Her orgasm is her responsibilty first. Your responsibility is to follow instructions, not read minds.

You should also get used to the idea that you aren't going to be king of the hill unless you marry a virgin. You might be, but it's unlikely just from the statistics. You're best bet is to get good at using what you have.

That was a very cruel & hurtful comment to make.....

I'd much rather have a woman tell that, than tell me everything is just great when it isn't. At least I can do something about a problem I know about. It is what it is.
 cheryl1229
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 7
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:09:08 PM
I think I missed something.

Did SHE say she was not satisfied? Or are you one of those guys who thinks he is not a great lover if she doesn't orgasm multiple times, on demand? A lot of women do not orgasm during intercourse. She IS having O's from other things, so what is the problem? Is SHE complaining? If not, neither should you!!

When did she say you were not pleasing to her? Get some toys, use other non-intercourse techniques! The best lovers are the ones with a lot of moves in their repertoire. The best lover I ever had was also the smallest. If intercourse were the only O that mattered, many women would dry up from sexual frustration. You have it better than a lot of guys, because she does orgasm during lovemaking, just not the way YOU want her to.

And you asked her a blunt, highly personal question, and she gave you a direct answer. If you can't stand the answer, don't ask the question!
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 8
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:24:20 PM
Abelian and cheryl1229 hit the nail right on the head.

OP, there is nothing you can do about your size (no matter what those spam emails claim), so forget about that part and use your talents on other techniques to keep her happy. I don't think she'll complain. If she likes a good pounding from a big one, there are toys for that...
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 9
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:32:08 PM
Well the way you are wording this it seems like that was a pretty mean response on her part. Regardless of it being true or not. You were genuinely wanting to know what you could do to please her (right?), so why did she approach it that way... Of course she could be telling the truth. Keep in mind women have different sizes too. An average sized man could be too large for some women, etc etc.

I say don't dismiss sexual compatibility being a huge factor in the success of the relationship. For both of you! It's not just a matter of being 'big enough' for her man, think about your own satisfaction. If I was not able to give orgasms, whatever the reason, I would not feel sexually compatible with the women. Maybe some guys don't care about that, but apparently you are like me.

That said, its been my experience a smart tongue can outperform a Ron Jeremy Is she numb in this department too??...
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 10
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 2:35:48 PM

OP, there is nothing you can do about your size (no matter what those spam emails claim),


That's incorrect. A very unfortunate, yet prevalent belief.

There is no magic pill no. Go to better man dot com. Look around, talk to people on the forum. You will clearly see men have increased length and girth. Exercises over a length of time.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 11
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:03:54 PM
She needs to see a gynaecologist for an exam. There is a simple operation which will let her come with men of normal dimensions.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 12
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:07:40 PM
Most women don't need "big and deep" stimulation to achieve orgasm, although it may add to their pleasure. (Or it may cause them pain, depending on how big both you and she happen to be.)

Then there are those few who, for whatever reason, just can't be satisfied by the average man. I still remember reading "The Godfather" ...

Perhaps you can give her orgasms using other techniques. But at this point, she may be disappointed to the point of turn-off, and your confidence with her may be damaged beyond repair. If things haven't become to serious between you on other levels, it might be best if you both simply move on and find more compatible partners.
 MagikMan59
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 13
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:37:54 PM
Is she complaining? If not, don't worry about it. Since she is still willing to be with you, she must be enjoying herself and she must like you, try to relax and enjoy that you're getting some action at all. And don't forget, certain positions can make a world of difference. It's nice that you want her to climax during intercourse but just keep doing whatever it is you're doing that gets her off, and do it alot!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 14
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 5:04:01 PM
~OP~ The interesting thing about asking questions? Be prepared for the answer. Personally? I think she could have left the intimate details of someone else's size a little less "informative" but she didn't, so now you can either forget the comment and move along or not see her anymore. If it's going to be something you "obsess" over? You really need to just stop because you're not going to magically get larger and she's not going to forget her past. It will forever be something that inhibits your sex-life. JMO
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 15
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 6:03:30 PM
You need to think like a guy with a big**** What part of the vag is the big one hitting? Use all your length, find that spot and work it. It may not be the technique that gets YOU off, but it could work for her. (Try staying deep and allow it to rub the top of her vag. rotate the hips, don't pull out too far) Has worked for the few girls I have been with (lets say my size doesn't leave them bleeding) Read some books or articles. This mystery can be solved.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 16
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:24:49 PM
^^^^^ Hands is absolutely correct. Before the game me and the little fellow have a strategy session, and after each play we huddle. That's "huddle" not "cuddle". Because I have the brain and he has the brawn and it takes both to bring a date to a satisfying climax. We have our set of standard plays, say for example he fakes left and goes right, or he goes deep for a long shot, and so on. With a lot of workouts, drills, and training under his belt he's become very flexible and adaptable. You only get out of the game what you put into the game. When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 17
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:38:04 PM
Yes you will suffer performance anxiety and I dont see this relationship flourishing.
THere are certain places that trigger orgasm in vaginal intercourse and not every woman experiences them.....
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 18
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 7:49:00 PM
Asking if she’d ever had an orgasm during intercourse is a pretty obvious question for a concerned lover to ask. I don’t think it was a stupid question at all.

And it would have been a glaring omission not to ask why when her response was "yes" and "i know why too". What would any man have done? Said “That’s nice” and moved on?

So stop blaming yourself about that part.

Bear in mind that very few guys are “like really really big and long." And finding partners that can take them comfortably can be difficult for them. Average men fit average women, and you have nothing to feel inadequate or envious about.

As for where you go from here and how you’ll get past this, I think the next few times you’re with her might give some indications of that.

You might let her know you’ve been thinking about her sexual satisfaction. Or wait and see how your next love-making sessions go.

There may be more (or less) to the story than what we know so far. She may not want you drilling away forever in pursuit of an orgasm she doesn’t think is gonna come. Or she may learn to have one by less than supernatural means, as some women do in the middle years.

I say hang in there. Don’t get past it. Move through it. There's more to the story. See what comes next.
 christielove1971
Joined: 7/25/2011
Msg: 19
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 8:11:58 PM
Freak of nature? You may very well be having sex with women who fake orgasms. It's totally normal for a woman to not have an orgasm from intercourse alone.
 andwhatsurstorylol
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 20
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 9:12:10 PM
I don't see the problem here. You have a good sex life with her, you asked about something and she told you. Get over it, so waht if the guy was bigger than you. You might do something to her that he could never accomplish so unless she's complaining let it go.
 Peppigonzalis
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 21
I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 9:24:10 PM
classic case of "it's not the size, but how you use it"

Men that are not so large actually have an advantage when it comes to satisfying women as they are able to stimulate her in more ways than one.

Get creative with your delivery!

Also try getting her to play with her clit during intercourse.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 22
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 10:22:37 PM

Men that are not so large actually have an advantage when it comes to satisfying women as they are able to stimulate her in more ways than one.


Wait, why would larger guys not be able to stimulate in more ways then one? I am confused on the point you're making here? All men have tongues, fingers, and hips...
 Clintindubois
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 23
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/9/2011 10:50:23 PM
The vagina can accomidate something as large as a small watermelon, so NONE of us can ever compete with that. The average vaginal canal is 7 inches long and can normally elasticate to three and a half inches during arousal (not during birth); the average man is only 6 inches long and 1.4 inches wide. It's just nature, so just don't worry about it and enjoy. Continue to use your talents and tools. If she tires, then she'll leave. You must be doing something right if she's still around. I think she should be commended for being honest.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 24
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/10/2011 12:11:19 AM

The vagina can accomidate something as large as a small watermelon, so NONE of us can ever compete with that.


Well sir I believe you just successfully closed this here argument!

Perhaps the real concern then is when a women can't get off with a large melon

hehe
 badassdaddy
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 25
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I never should have asked her......but I did.
Posted: 9/10/2011 2:45:54 AM
Dude. Ur over thinking. Some women can only get off being fisted cause they crave a stretch that would be extreme to most. This guy just so happened to have a hage schlong that gave her the perfect stretch. If urs isn a cutom fit, who cares. Make her cum in other ways, or stick ur fingers in her while ur in her, maybe even toss in a few benoit balls before u go in or slide ur her toy in with u. It's not about ur cokk. It's about makin eachother feel good. If u don't have a monster cokk - life goes on. On the flip side - I've had women who could make me come while ridding me or giving me a blow job and women who couldn't. And really - it never made me like them any more or any less. She wouldn't be gettin it on with u if she didn't think u were sexy. Accept it!
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