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Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 1
lack of desire for a relationshipPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Has anyone gone through a period, when they don't want any relationships at all? I'm not talking about being upset from coming out of a relationship or disappointment from relationships and people, but for some unknown reason you just don't want to be in one and you can't even explain it why not?
Also having a very low sex drive, which even surprises you, how you are not even looking for a sexual encounter? Again, I'm not saying that someone who has some chronic low-sexual drive, but someone who used to be very active but now suddenly you feel nothing?

Or how you even if you browse the profiles, nobody really catches your eyes like they used to a while ago?
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 2
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 11:58:47 AM
I have felt this way before but it was because I was going through a very stressful time in my life.
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 3
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 12:02:00 PM
Changes like you describe can indicate a health issue. I would check out a visit to the Dr. and a good checkup.
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 12:04:33 PM
other factors in life can cause this sort of shift. job stress, family illness, physical changes. any general loss of energy? lessening of enjoyment of hobbies, pursuits or friendships?
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 5
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 12:08:52 PM
Are you focused on a life changing endeavor?
I can relate to your description--went through it when I got serious about school and a career change.

Could be mild depression as well.
Are you happy/comfortable in this space? Or are you bothered by it?
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 12:15:07 PM
Sure. It is pretty common. It COULD be something physiological, but I've had it happen for what I would describe as "life transition" periods. Essentially, I've gone through times where I WASN'T depressed or angry (as far as I could tell), and WASN'T fresh out of something, but I WAS at a point in my life where I was reassessing myself. A job transition point, the discovery that I was interested in things I'd never realized I was, the recognition that I WASN'T interested in things that thought were very important. That sort of thing.

Though I knew intellectually that I still wanted a mate, I was also subconsciously aware that I wouldn't be able to act on any attractions I felt, and that in turn caused my level of pursuit energy to droop to zero.
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 7
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 12:26:52 PM
Yeah... It was because I was content and happy with who I am and where I was in life and didn't want that to change.
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 8
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 1:56:48 PM
I have never really had the need or the want of a relationship. Not everyone feels complete when in a relationship. I tend to find them smothering and enjoy being single.
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 9
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lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 2:21:35 PM
It has been said that the most important sex organ is the one between the ears. If you are stressed, depressed, or just not over the last relationship, that can explain the reduced interest in sex.

The same factors can also explain your loss of interest in relationships. I am convinced that (for some of us anyway) there is a "relationship drive" that may not involve organs other than the brain, but nonetheless has similarities to the sex drive. If you had it before, it will almost certainly come back later. Don't worry about it.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 10
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 2:32:54 PM
~OT~ Oh dear me. I do that all that time. For the past 11 + years I have been chronically and for LONG periods of time not interested in a relationship/sex and often times even meeting/dating. I don't know why this is, but I stopped questioning "why" long ago. At first, post-divorce, I thought something was wrong with me. I wasn't broken-hearted as that marriage died a long, slow, death ~ so the heartbreak was had/healed while still married, yet I had NO interest in having anything to do with the opposite sex. And over the years since then? It just seems to be that way at times. After this many years of those periods, I'm actually beginning to wonder if my "relationships" that do form have 90-day-shelf-lifes because I actually prefer my time without the opposite sex more to time with. I dunno, but I just don't worry about it anymore. Seems to be one of my "norms."
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 11
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 3:05:50 PM
Its the desire to settle down and get married, have a family, unfortunately you weren't with a girl when it struck... or you'd have proposed and got married.

The disapointment that you meet so many women but none of them meet all your needs and desires rolled into one girl... it can really hit you like a ton of bricks.

Don't worry, it will pass with time and you'll find just the right one... or so I keep telling myself
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 12
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lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 3:07:53 PM
I have had no desire to date or be with someone for a few years now. It's really rather relaxing and puts me in a position to think about people without being zinged by hormones messing up my gauge of who I am thinking about. I'm not cold or anything, I'm just not being lead by my emotions. It's very freeing.

I do remember thinking people who said things like this must be damaged or lying or jealous, etc. oh how they must have laughed at me when I would argue with them! Really, it's nice not to be ruled by your sexual desires, but yet still have normal, healthy sexual desires. It's not that I don't get aroused, I can still be plenty happy with men and being with them, but I'm not being driven by the desire to, it's like my hormones or brain went into a nice, calm mode where I can enjoy contact but I don't feel driven to find contact. It's hard to explain unless you are there.
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 13
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 3:26:14 PM
I'm the same way right now. I'm not depressed or have major stresses - just the normal ones I can deal with. I went from a major sex drive to not caring (almost overnight) so thought something was wrong. But there isn't. I just have other priorities now.

I realize it's because I'm transitioning and for the better. I like this new me.

In the beginning the profiles were exciting but now I get bored with it. Seems to wind up the same way all the time so mine is hidden again. So I come in here and see what everyone is up to. Even hidden I receive messages and I'll meet but not going to be searching myself right now.

Later if you meet someone you are really "smitten" with, I'm betting your drive will be back in full force and sure mine will too if the right man comes along.

Enjoy your life. New doors are opening.
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 14
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 3:49:26 PM
after i broke up with an 11 year relationship last year i havent had the desire to have a relationship since. it totally does not phase me that i have no significant other. i like going out and dating ..things like that but to commit or be more involved than that-- i have no desire for it
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 15
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lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:07:35 PM
I think it's normal to go through this type of feeling...

I'm currently not interested in dating as well. I've recently been promoted at my job, and I'm in and out of the country. I'd rather focus on my career right now. I'm sure once I have a sense of balance of everything that's on my plate, I'll jump back into the dating pool!
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 16
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:13:21 PM
I go through phases on this. Sometimes I want a relationship.. enough to actually do something about it. So I go on dates, things don't work out.. then I'm exhausted and couldn't be bothered for a bit. Only to try again later, and the cycle begins anew..

What fun! lol..
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 17
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:19:36 PM
I find myself feeling the same way..lately. A lack of desire to put the energy into finding someone right now. The expectation...time to meet...the disappointments..hate having to say"not interested" to anyone or worse..said to Never bothered me before.
Everyone sounds the same on their profiles. It use to be fun and now I am too skeptical of believing most people. keep myself hidden..until I can put the effort in. I don't mind being by myself....maybe, just a phase..I hope. I do have other priorities right now and to mature a relationship is time consuming.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 18
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lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:23:19 PM
OP..prioritize, handle what you can, put on the back burner what you need to.

I've gone through a couple periods of that, dealing with family/family members, and the stress of that. You do what you need to do, then go back to looking.

I have always put others first, so that isn't hard for me. Ticks people off..close friends who want to see me with a girlfriend, have to do what you have to do.

As far as the sexual aspect goes. I have that desire, greatly, but take matters in hand, when necessary. Unfortunately my sex drive is definitely not low....Again, do what you have to do..but I don't go out, just to get laid..not my style.
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 19
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:25:51 PM
On POF and in Real Life, I sometimes see someone who I fancy. Then, after I have seduced them,(in my imagination) and brought them to their knees, I come to my senses and realize that I really don't have the energy to pursue such a thing.

Sometimes the movies in my mind are better than reality. I'm not ruling out a relationship, but to be fair to my potential love interest, I try not to promise or even intimate more than I am able to give at this time.
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 20
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lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:29:36 PM
I had an almost 8 year period when I just didn't have the Ump to pursue or maintain a relationship (deep apathy). I was under a great deal of stress and concluded that it would not be a good move to include a significant other in my situation at the time.

I worked hard to resolve what needed to be resolved and removed those things I found unnecessary. I think it's normal to take a moment (a day to a matter of years), to yourself. Too many seek fulfillment in relationships and engage others' at the worst possible time...I didn't want someone to save me from myself, instead I developed the skills to work through what I needed to. Now I have a good skill set that allows me to be mature, open & ready for a partner, versus needy and dependent.

I learned that I was completely rational, my lustful urges came back (with a vengeance -lol), and now I am better equipped to engage in a relationship without all of the distractions....I enjoy my own company and have a really decent life that I now feel is something I can share with a partner...and Yeah...few profiles appeal to me but I think it's just a matter of finding the right fish to hook.
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 21
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:35:40 PM
Yes, I've been there and I think it's pretty common.
For the record, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel either. There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship and being a little burned out of all the primping, posing, game playing, pleasing, and entertaining that one goes thru in the dating world. Sometimes you want to be left alone. I feel like that all the time.
lol...sad part is that when you feel this way, and don't have a desire or need to be in a relationship, that is when women usually come out of the wood work and are most interested in you.
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 22
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lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:47:09 PM
i'm right there with everyone else for some of the same reasons. even when i meet someone who has all the right stuff (or most of them anyway), i find myself not wanting to put in the effort? it just feels like too much work i guess.

just honor you body and mind and stay with it. time changes everything almost all the time.

Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 23
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 4:54:05 PM
Yep, and during the calender year, on more than one occasion. I've got one period coming up actually. I'll be up north standing in some beautiful waters tossing feathers at some very big fish for two weeks, with no roads(and people) within miles of me. I promise ya then that a relationship will be the last thing on my mind.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
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lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 6:00:59 PM
First you have to recognize that what you are going through is very normal and ok. Enjoy your freedom to be happy with you and your family and friends. Your body, gut, mind are all telling you to take a break.
Look at this as a marvelous opportunity to appreciate you.
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 25
lack of desire for a relationship
Posted: 9/10/2011 8:56:56 PM
Ok, some people mentioning health issues, but I got none. I sleep well and my days go well. Sure I do have my typical problems that most people have ~ bills to pay, working related annoyances etc etc..

I have to say I have actually far less things that could bother me, than ever before, so it's not like I'm stressed and I neither feel exhausted or any of those.
To tell you the truth, I've been searching for someone for 2-3 years and there were disappointing dates, and relationships that didn't go anywhere beyond a month or even less. These don't bother me though. I don't have a heart ache after anyone, I don't feel like I'm missing out of anything.

So sometimes I get someone asking me "how's my wife" or my girlfriend etc.. and suddenly it hits me in a shocking way, that I am not married and don't have a girlfriend, but instead of going into explanations (and of course some start to look at me funny if I say I don't have one, I'm guessing they think I'm gay) I just lie and tell them that "my girlfriend is ok".

But later on I keep thinking about it and I start searching for reasons why I don't have one, but I can't really pinpoint an exact reason, only just a bunch of little reasons so lately I just start to feel a bit worried about myself how I'm not normal or something.. but still I just find enough stuff to occupy my time with and I am usually working on either a hobby (working on my motorcycle) or reading news and discussing stuff with people on facebook, completely unrelated to relationships (history, science etc) , and pretty much stuff that most people find boring.
A couple of months ago I was going out to a bar, but it was just boring or kinda same what I have seen over the years when I was 20 something years old so I left after like an hour.
Other times I go out with my friend and his wife and I notice they keep pushing the issue and I start to feel frustrated when even his wife is telling me "how pretty the waitress is, don't you think" ", that I start to feel uncomfortable and I just want to leave.
I'm not saying that I don't find women attractive, sure I do, but I don't feel like getting to know them. At most maybe a friend and that's it. Not long ago I fired a couple of women off my facebook list, because of the same reason, they were hitting on me and I had no desire to date them at all, only to be friends.
See what I'm saying, it's not like I don't have the opportunity or the chance, I do and sometimes I think I'm gonna regret this, but I just don't bump into anyone who is able raise my interest and the rest I just can't date them, because they are women and I'm a guy.
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