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 Free_to_be_me_again
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 1
I don't get it...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I met someone on here around the first of Feb. of this year. We dated just over 6 months. During that time he proposed. Then he went off the deep end and broke it (relationship) off about a month ago and came back on here.

I came back on here almost 3 weeks ago. I figured I'd get right back on another horse and close that chapter. He started PMing me right away. I blocked him. He then started calling me. I stopped answering his calls and am getting a new number. He sent me HIGHLY inappropriate and offensive e-mails. I switched accounts.

I don't get it - he wanted it over, yet he's still contacting me. This doesn't make any sense. I feel it's a game to him. Just when I think I can start breathing again, he will do something to knock me back.

Tonight I thought that enough time had gone by to where he finally got the picture that it's over so I unblocked him. Stupid move. Immediately he sent me a PM, followed by a phone call. I did answer it to see what he was going to say. Instead of ranting/raving/screaming at me this time, he said, "I just wanted to say thank you. You gave me a lot of good times and I just wanted to say thank you. Alright, bye." Wha...? What is he up to?

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? If so, how do you get it to stop?
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 2
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:13:52 PM
You followed him here?
You read his e-mails
You answered his call

You see where I'm going with this??

Stop answering any calls
Stop unblocking him and just block him forever
Stop any kind of contact

Any contact is contact
and you are just encouraging him to try harder

Maybe now that he got the last word in would leave you alone

Except he is here and he might see your thread
or is this WHY you started this thread??
To get your last word in?


 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 3
view profile
History
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:17:24 PM
Someone who acts in the way you describe has a screw loose, I would lose all contact and make sure he was no where around me. Really, who would do that? If he really doesn't stop, talk to an attorney. But you are adding to the problem, why on earth would you ever unblock him? What purpose would that serve. Me thinks there's a lot more to this.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
view profile
History
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:21:10 PM
Various possibilities.

Could be playing a part, pretending to be healed and grateful to lull you into putting up with him some more; could be the calm between rants; could be part of a standard issue "nice guy" routine, where he feigns "graceful resignation."

Could even be genuine, but given the history you've described, I'd put my money on following some sort of imaginary script in his head.

Put a PERMANENT block on him, and do what ever it takes to never be in touch at all ever again. Assuming your description of the nightmarish previous adventure is accurate, there is no way you can gain ANY value whatsoever from any sort of association with him.

I just don't get why you unblocked him. It's not like you have to pay rent on a block, or that you lose some other functionality because of it. Why oh why did you?
 sans_titre
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 5
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:21:11 PM
I have never experienced it because I would not put up with that type of behavior. He broke it off with you and you claim to be moving on yet you entertain him. Why did you unblock him. Why answer his calls. Why further any sort of contact with him. The real question you should be asking yourself is Why are you still allowing yourself to be open to such bs.
 KreweOf2
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 6
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:25:26 PM
Well you don't stop it by unblocking him and answering his phone calls!! Sheesh!! That doesn't take rocket science!!
 Spider_Woman
Joined: 7/18/2011
Msg: 7
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:27:50 PM
This is going to sound corny,
but yes. He finally stopped when I asked him to stop.

You're correct that it's a game. Not so different from the one children play called "haha, made you look."

I like it that you jumped right back in the saddle instead of starting to hate or fear horses.
 Hurricane_X
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 8
view profile
History
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:30:41 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Sans titre.....She unblocked him and answered his calls because she needed a vitamin B12 shot for her ego (or so it seems).

The best I can tell they've broken up only a month or so ago. So to block him for only a month??????????? C'mon!!!! A year of being blocked and he hits you up, OK then maybe I can see that but unblocking after only a month???? Again, C'mon!!!! And then to cuss her out over email??? Man, that's a call to your crazy cousin that just did a dime in the state pen and just don't give a dayummm.

Surely the OP has more self-respect that what this guy is giving her.

*I dunno*
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 9
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:30:41 PM
That behavior seem borderline stalking, I would also suggest that you ignore his e-mails and calls. If he keeps it up you might even think about calling the cops.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 10
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:39:43 PM
well OP I read your profile and it was full of drama...... there's your answer
 Free_to_be_me_again
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 11
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:51:07 PM
Thank you all for responding.

Forumfishie - I did not follow him here; I didn't know he was back on pof. I read his e-mails hoping to find some shred of SANITY (I put everything I had into that relationship), which never happened. I gave up. He obviously hasn't(?)
I will no longer read any e-mails from him (can't; that account has been closed and he will NOT get my new one). I won't tell you what it said - but no one should have to read anything like that, unless they're as perverted as he is. I am DONE with him - NO more contact. Period. I've already warned him (when we first split he called so much that I had to unplug my phone and I sent him an e-mail saying if he didn't stop, I was reporting him for harassment); now I plan to report him if he calls tomorrow...

Forumfishie - that's just my point. WHY is it encouraging him when I ignore him? WHY does he continue this behavior? NO - I wrote to see if anyone else has ever experienced this kind of nut job and if so, what they did to stop it.

Daynadaze and Igor - I honestly (stupidly, naively) thought he had moved on...

Spider Woman - I asked him to stop. I told him to stop. I SCREAMED at him to stop. To "STOP F***ING HARASSING ME!!!" NOTHING worked. I unplugged my phone for two days. I will be moving soon, which is why I haven't changed the number. I'm changing exchanges (I have a landline - got rid of the cell) and can't afford additional charges right now.

Hurricane - I want NO contact from him - and if he tries ONE more time to call (my son got the call tonight), I will seek a No Contact order... He didn't "cuss me out" via e-mail; he repulsed me in what he said ("I'm laying here in bed naked wanna suck it").
 Free_to_be_me_again
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 12
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:51:45 PM
What do you mean, 3x?
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 13
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 7:55:54 PM
I'll go with the drama-seeking theory. OP, your block him/change emails/unblock/answer the phone sequence and the first part of your profile are all big messages to him saying you want his attention...

IMHO, you need to give yourself some more alone time.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 14
view profile
History
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 8:13:15 PM

Tonight I thought that enough time had gone by to where he finally got the picture that it's over so I unblocked him. Stupid move. Immediately he sent me a PM, followed by a phone call. I did answer it to see what he was going to say.


Why would he have gotten the impression that it was over when it was not over for you. Apparently. You would not have unblocked him if you were. You would not have answered the phone call just to see what he has to say if it was over for you. My advice is you finally get that picture.


Instead of ranting/raving/screaming at me this time, he said,


Which he will do again.


"I just wanted to say thank you. You gave me a lot of good times and I just wanted to say thank you. Alright, bye." Wha...? What is he up to?


It's called manipulation. Head games.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 15
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 8:21:47 PM
Why did your relationship end?
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 16
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 8:23:27 PM
Your ranting and raging all over the place... Your profile starts off the same way.. Take a hard look at yourself and reread what your postingÓźČ
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 17
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/12/2011 9:01:04 PM
Geez, why date now? Can't you take a break? 3 weeks? He sounds like a moron and a stalker, possibly dangerous. Be very careful. The end is when they really go off the rails. I think a proposal at 6 months on both sides, is pretty hasty these days with online freakazoids. Give it a year before you'll know anything real about the person and ltr, unless he's a psycho like this one. If you feel he's possibly violent you might file a police report about phone stalking, there are stalker laws you should look up fyi.
He seems narcissistic, pulling the power play or rejecting than calling you back like a dog he owns. The "thank you" is more manipulative garbage to use you and discard you at will. He doesn't respect women, thinks they can be traded and are interchangeable, so you'll do in a pinch, but he has no regard for you or you feelings.
Think carefully to avoid narcissists(or whatever his dsm type is) like this in the future.
 Free_to_be_me_again
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 18
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:58:44 AM
Bee and 3x - That "drama" you say in my profile - the EDIT part was not directed toward him, but toward others who sent/send me those type messages and automatically get blocked.

What I normally do is if someone starts coming on to me and it's not wanted, I will put them on block. Then after a week or so I will take that block off and they're gone - never to bother me anymore. It has worked for everyone - except the nut job I mentioned. (I'm OCD and tend to get rid of things too quickly.)

SweetLady - he seemed normal, 'til about the week before we split. I started seeing a faraway look in his eyes - they looked empty, hollow. He was a stranger. He closed down, wouldn't talk to me about what was bothering him. Then it was his birthday. I took him to a restaurant to celebrate and things went great - until about halfway through the meal. Then he started mumbling and talking off the wall. He started accusing me of things and had me crying in the restaurant. It went from there. I think he went off the deep end from too much pressure from his job and some other issues. From then on he was a different person.

Pasmal - in the online dating world, some things happen quicker than that. I went on a date with a guy - the first night he said he loved me and wanted to marry me!!! I dropped him like a hot potato!! My sister just met someone (not online) and less than two months later they were engaged. When I married, we were engaged for 18 months - we divorced. It's not the amount of time, but the ability to read clearly...

One more thing - we met online, then we met in person. Then we were together every weekend for six months and some days in-between those weekends. We talked on the phone constantly during the weekdays/weeknights. I thought I knew him pretty well - NOT!!! You can think you know a person, but at any time someone can snap and you find out you don't. It could be six months, six years, twenty years... Took my mom almost 50 years to find out how her husband is...
 worknovertime
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 19
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:08:58 AM
I seen that before!!

That is CLASSIC bi-polar.

He will break up, then weeks, months later want to "just be friends"..then work his way back in again...then break up again...

You made the right choice to get off this roller coaster now.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 20
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/13/2011 3:45:08 AM

how do you get it to stop?

Once I block, I do not unblock.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 21
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:46:03 AM
Free - the drama starts with the first word, two paragraphs before the "edit". But this isn't the profile review section.

Bottom line - the block/unblock/phone drama stuff come across as signals you aren't done with him yet. Maybe you think you are, but to some of us it's pretty obvious you are not. 3 weeks is a pretty short window to have worked through an intense relationship and be ready to look for a long-term keeper. It may not be fun being alone, but it's also not fair to yourself or another person to not really be ready. It's just a recipe for continuing drama - different face, same story.

Avoid him. If you must date so soon, chose a venue where he's not also involved to meet people. Or be prepared for more of the same. It always takes two...the giver and the receiver.

Just saying...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 22
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:02:56 AM

Once I block, I do not unblock.



THIS!
 Wrenchturner
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 23
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:07:52 AM
You started out on the right foot but then made a mistake in allowing contact again. Just go back to doing what you were doing and cut off all contact. He is obviously unstable and even if he is being nice right now more drama will follow if you try to stay in touch with him.
 knowingme2
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 24
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:08:16 AM
whatever,if its over its over
why do some women keep em on tap,argh why not though
lol
bye is bye,have a g/f that said bye but its not bye,derrrrrr,and not bye 4 u,come on,love him and be used or move on!
 voschi
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 25
I don't get it...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:46:13 AM
split personality comes to mind...
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