Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Men and their intentions...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Plus-SizeAndProud
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 1
Men and their intentions...Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I've been "best friends" with a guy who I met on this website for over two years and counting.

We're not dating, but for some reason, he does things that are odd -- at least to me.

He will text or call me, asking, "Where are you?" but say it in a joking kind of tone.

I have also gotten random text messages from him just announcing what he's eating.

He once put his hand on my thigh while we were watching a movie in a theatre.

I ask him why he does these things, and he says, "Why not?"

Honestly, I'm young, so I'm probably a bit naive.

This man, on the other hand, is quickly approaching 40.

Can any men offer their perspective?

I understand that you don't know my friend or our history, but I'd like to know why, in your opinion, would a guy act the way that I described.

 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 10:27:00 PM
but I'd like to know why, in your opinion, would a guy act the way that I described.

Because, you are there.. Likely he doesn't have a real girlfriend, so he acts like you are one..
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 3
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 10:35:23 PM
Okay...I don't know why on Earth you'd call a guy twice your age your "best friend". What happened to your OTHER friends? You know the ones you went to school with, grew up with, the ones you go to movies with or talk about "stuff" with. How is it that some dude your father's age is your "best friend"?

IF this guy is ONLY A FRIEND and you are NOT DATING, what's wrong with texts that are random and pointless? That's what FRIENDS do -- they don't need an excuse to say "Hi" to you or call you or text you --- they are FRIENDS --- and as FRIENDS, you share your live events and emotions as they come. It shouldn't be odd to get a message from a FRIEND any time of the day or night that is just silly.

IF this guy is ONLY A FRIEND, his hand should not be on your thigh at the movies.
This is what's called a RED FLAG. A red flag means that whatever impression you had of this person is WRONG -- and you need to STOP CONTACT long enough to consider the implications of your new realization.

The reason men touch women is because they want to do MUCH MORE THAN JUST TOUCH. If you are OK with this, call him up, get together, and do all the touching you want. If you are NOT OK with this, you need to either call him and EXPLAIN that touching you is OFF LIMITS, or you need to lose his number and never contact him again.

IF YOU SAY NOTHING - IF YOU DO NOTHING = HE WILL TOUCH YOU AGAIN. AND AGAIN. IT WILL CONTINUE. IT WILL ESCALATE UNTIL YOU STOP IT.

So...there is only one question to answer: "Do you want this man to touch you?"
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 10:41:19 PM
He's see's you as a sexual interest. He may have true interest as a friend but I don't see it that way. He's hoping to gain your trust and get sexual with you and hang around while there's no talk of a relationship ( just added that one for your benefit).
I don't get sexual with my friends in any way. They're friends. They don't put their hand on my thigh and they don't ask where I am unless it's in context to meeting up or just in a very casual way. He sounds like he's trying to play head games and trying to be a bit controlling but he sucks at it. He also sucks at the trying to bee a friend but really interested in sex thing. JMO
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 5
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 10:47:52 PM

Why at 23 are you dating someone my age? I hate to say it but ya creepy... Your only gunna have strange guys with that age difference.


Ouch! Well, all I can say is some women OP's age LIKE guys our age! don't give the tired cliches of; after your money/daddy issues etc...sure, that covers SOME, but not all...just as some of the guys our age ARE creepy for pursuing younger women...not all of use pursue or LOOK for it...we just don't always pass when it's there...

OP...It sounds like this guy is just being "THE FRIEND" which means not really a friend...he has an agenda.
 JD4Real29
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 6
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 10:48:59 PM
If I was your mom and you told me this I"d tell you to stay away from him and lose his number. Major creep factor.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 7
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 11:10:17 PM
He does all these things...CAUSE HE CAN!

You allow it, if the first time he said, "Where are you?" you had said "None of your business" you would have set a boundary with him. You didn't so now he is just seeing where all he can go...how far he can push things.

My kids send me random text messages about where they are eating...and what...he might be trying to see if you would like that type of food.

Yes you are being naive, you are hoping for something either way...a bit of self honesty might help you to see what is going on...he knows you are confused about being with him as more than friends; so he will keep doing things just to see what he can get by with...this does not mean he wants a relationship...he is seeing if you would all him to have ownership over you...with you getting nothing back out of it other than used ><

As far as the age difference; some of you people are way off base, people have the right to be attracted to who they are attracted to. If she likes him, who he is what difference does his age make.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 8
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 11:20:34 PM

As far as the age difference; some of you people are way off base, people have the right to be attracted to who they are attracted to. If she likes him, who he is what difference does his age make.


I agree, of course I have no choice but to...my last GF just turned 23...
I have no children though...if I did I may not have been able to go there!

AS for the being in different places...that's true...that does play a part...in fact THAT is probably WHY I wound up dating her. I'm starting over and she was just starting. The women MY age were the ones who were so concerned by how much I made and what I drive...the younger ones are more concerned about how they're treated. Boys their age are two pump chumps... they get their nut and run off to play video games or chase down another skirt.
 Plus-SizeAndProud
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 9
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 11:25:32 PM
LOL!

I've found the older men to be more mature myself.

I dated a guy who was my age and he was immature and foolish.

I don't give a rat's ass about how much my friend makes -- I like him as a person because he makes me laugh and we get along well.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 10
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 11:36:50 PM

I like him as a person because he makes me laugh and we get along well.

Translation: He doesn't push me away. I have something to do/somewhere to go on weekends.

Hmm....but you got weirded out when he TOUCH YOU....even though you met him on a DATING SITE.

Seems you're not getting along as well as he'd like if you're cringing at his touch.
 chinadol6977
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 11:41:31 PM
If you found him on a dating site,he figured that 2 years later he should be in some sort of physical relationship with you...If you're best friends you tend to get weird messages,that are random..What history are you leaving out? If you've ever had sex with him of any kind,then you already know why he behaves in this manner..
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/12/2011 11:45:54 PM
If you are wanting that kind of attention from him, at least do it with your eyes open to the fact that most likely he is just is interested in easy sex, and not actually interested in any sort of lasting real relationship that involves respect and real affection. No matter how much he makes it seem like he is after more than sex. And the fact that he is even making these moves on you means that the friendship that you two have is not really that deep, as he's willing to forego that for a little fooling around.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 13
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 2:13:47 AM

I've found the older men to be more mature myself.

I dated a guy who was my age and he was immature and foolish.

I don't give a rat's ass about how much my friend makes -- I like him as a person because he makes me laugh and we get along well.


I think you like the attention and the fact you are with an older guy. Makes you feel more mature and grown up.

Of course he's trying to sleep with you. Again this is what it is.

And my dog makes me laugh too; doesn't mean I'm going to date him.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 14
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:15:26 AM

And my dog makes me laugh too; doesn't mean I'm going to date him.

hilarious!

OP...you know what this guy wants. You're young, but hopefully not dumb. He was on here looking for a date. He found you. You did not push him away even though he sends weird, random texts & seems kinda odd. You don't have to dump him as a friend, but I'd start distancing myself unless you want a romantic/sexual relationship with him. Next thing you know you'll be that girl who dated the old guy....haha.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:19:39 AM
OP... I'm unsure as to why people do many things. I received an email from a friend once where he announced that he needed to burp. Five minutes later I received a .wmv file proving that he had indeed burped.

I chalk it up to boredom... and personal amusement.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:27:19 AM

I've found the older men to be more mature myself.

I dated a guy who was my age and he was immature and foolish.


Right. The OTHER guys were immature.

OP, there is nothing MORE immature than a guy making lots of "micro passes" at a girl and pretending he isn't. That's what THAT guy is doing, and if you weren't experiencing the egotism of youth, and telling yourself how much more mature YOU are than your peers, you would see it easily.

I've seen this SO often, a young woman who has reached the point where she can see through the stumbling beginner antics of the guys around her, but still thinks that the older guys "have it together" because they have a much smoother "game." Thing of it is, the "game" is still the same. The older guys aren't smarter or better than your peers, they just have the patter better memorized. Stop blinding yourself to the obvious nonsense.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 4:33:55 AM
One of the many reasons I don't text is so I'm not bothered with random text messages like you describe.

And let's face it. Unless he's gay, he puts his hand on your thigh because he really wants to put it somewhere else in the immediate area. Guys don't do that with their "best friend".
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 18
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:07:48 AM

OP, there is nothing MORE immature than a guy making lots of "micro passes" at a girl and pretending he isn't.


Gotta agree 100%....I think this guy is shady....NOT because he's interested but because he's trying to be sly instead of being forthright!

On the other hand, a lot of my female coworkers are very touchy and like when I am as well...but neither of us mean anything by it...it will go nowhere.

It's up to you to correctly read this guy...or better yet ASK him...you know...COMMUNICATE!

...But then, HE should be sophisticated enough by not to be initiating the communication.
 Gpietro
Joined: 10/28/2010
Msg: 19
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:10:51 AM
I need to put my 2 cents here ....


why is it creepy to be in a dating relationship with a younger person ... if both parties agree ?

as long as the younger person is an adult then who are we to judge .
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 20
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:10:23 AM
Hmmmm....a 40 year old man being "BFF's" with a girl half his age. Yeah, the words "social misfit" come to mind.

And I don't have any "BBF's" that put their letch hands on my thighs at the movies. Clearly, the guy isn't fit for adult relationships or he'd BE in one. Instead he's spending his time with a girl half his age and acting like a pre-pubescent horny teenage boy.

Ick factor: +12.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:12:51 AM
I don't get everyone bashing and razzing about the age difference... when I was in my early 20's, most people guessed my age at mid 30's since I was more mature than most girls my age. I actually had more in common with people in their late 30's than I did with people my own age...

It's not a big deal folks...
 voschi
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 22
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:44:11 AM
hes just keeping you around to feed his ego...

if you are actively seeking a relationship this aint it...its emotionally abusive on his part to keep sending you mixed signals of interests. if he was truly interested you wouldnt be here asking strangers for advice to justify sticking around this man as a potential relationship partner.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 23
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:52:35 AM
Ha...character lines! I prefer "Botox Challenged".
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 8:23:46 AM
You two met on a dating site, then you say "We're not dating." Newsflash: Guys do not go on dating sites to find a platonic buddy. What was your purpose for going on a dating site? The only shocking part is he waited over two years to make a gesture by touching you. For most guys, if there's no touching by date two, the woman is history.

When you two first met, did you tell him you had no intention of being in a romantic/physical relationship? There are a lot of gaps in your story. It's too bad we're not hearing his side of the story.
 forbiddenfish
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 25
Men and their intentions...
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:42:17 AM
Can a man and a woman especially older guy and younger girl who met online be a BFF? Okay, maybe if they both connect each other via messenger, chat logs, forums and so on as long as they keep it only on here I think they can be (online)BFF but if the two wanted to meet face to face I think the friendship is now open to something more. There are two reasons for me to I accept an invitation to go out with a guy I met online - 1, I'm interested in getting to know more of him maybe to move it to the next level. 2, When I'm so bloody bored and very lonely, I just want to get my mojo back (very rare).

I agree with 99% of the posters here so there is no need to repeat what they have posted again.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Men and their intentions...