Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What's up with this?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 1
What's up with this?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I met a guy on here. He seemed to be a nice guy. His profile said single . My profile clearly states that I do not want to date guys that have been married. Yet, this guy has been married before! I can blame myself alittle because I never asked him if he had been married before, but I guess I believed everyone knows to check Divorced if they have been married. Lesson Learned. But the question is why do people on here put Single when they know that they have been married before? There is an option that says Divorced.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 2
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 11:25:55 AM
This topic has been posted a lot and it's a good rule of thumb to do a thread search prior to posting. ;)

Some people simply see being divorced as being single.

The major consensus in past threads has been that divorced people should state divorced on their profile, widowed people- widowed.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 3
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 11:28:43 AM
oh ok. thanks.. I didn't even realize this has been discussed before.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 11:31:13 AM
But the question is why do people on here put Single when they know that they have been married before?

You mean some people on here do things that could be misleading? I'm shocked!!

There is an option that says Divorced.

Well technically, a person who is divorced is single. If the option said, ``Single, Never Married,'' or just ``Never Married,'' then it would be clear. Personally, I think the ambiguity in a lot of the options to profile questions was intentional. My fiancee chose ``Single'' even though she was seperated (and had been for two years). That's how she saw herself, but she did tell me she was seperated when we met. Rather than expect people to use the options to answer those questions in the way you think those options should be used, take it upon yourself to find out the precise answers to the things you think really matter to you. If something is important, you shouldn't rely on the answers to a multiple choice test, especially when the choices are ambiguous.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 5
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 11:39:47 AM
I'm curious sweetlady just for no other than my interest piqued. Why would you not even consider someone divorced? You could be missing out on the man of your dreams? Is it for religious reasons?
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 6
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 11:48:07 AM
Yes, it is for religious beliefs. According to the Bible, God doesn't agree with divorce. Therefore whether someone gets divorced or not, He still believes they are married. Therefore, any divorced person that has a relationship with someone else and anyone that has a relationship with a divorced person is seen as an adulterer in God's eyes.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 7
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 11:58:23 AM
Your profile says you "prefer to date guys that have not been married and have more than one child".

You are perfectly right to date within your belief system and I respect you for that. I think that if you do not want to be deceived again that you should be exact and specific to your desires otherwise it can be misleading to the other party. I wish you much success!!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 8
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 12:02:11 PM
So I'm just wondering.
It's not okei to be legally married and then legally divorced,
but it is okei to have a child out of wedlock?

 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 9
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 12:11:01 PM
Thanks 3x Browneyes- Premarital sex is also a sin, so having a child out of wedlock would also be a sin I guess. But, I'm not God, so I won't judge a person that had a child out of wedlock. For, I am not without sin. But, I do try to live my life according to God's wishes. I will not marryy a man that has been divorced because if I did this, I am committing a sin myself-and this would also be a lifetime of sin. If I marry a man with a child, I would not be commiting a sin. I hope that makes sense :o)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 10
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 12:14:16 PM

Thanks 3x Browneyes- Premarital sex is also a sin, so having a child out of wedlock would also be a sin I guess. But, I'm not God, so I won't judge a person that had a child out of wedlock. For, I am not without sin. But, I do try to live my life according to God's wishes. I will not marryy a man that has been divorced because if I did this, I am committing a sin myself-and this would also be a lifetime of sin. If I marry a man with a child, I would not be commiting a sin. I hope that makes sense :o)


Not really, but it's religion so I expect this sort of thing.
You will judge someone for being making a mistake and getting married and then
divorced, but you won't judge someone for having premarital sex and having a child
out of wedlock. Just seems strange to me.

But I like that you can make, break and bend the rules as you see fit.
Religion is cool like that.

 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 11
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 12:24:33 PM

I met a guy on here. He seemed to be a nice guy. His profile said single . My profile clearly states that I do not want to date guys that have been married. Yet, this guy has been married before! I can blame myself alittle because I never asked him if he had been married before, but I guess I believed everyone knows to check Divorced if they have been married. Lesson Learned. But the question is why do people on here put Single when they know that they have been married before? There is an option that says Divorced.


Maybe they are not allowing themselves to be defined by a single happenstance in there life.

Maybe they consider themselves single because they have handled their baggage and moved on from the divorce.

Fact is they are single. As you say if you want to know their past ask them.


I will not marryy a man that has been divorced because if I did this, I am committing a sin myself-and this would also be a lifetime of sin. If I marry a man with a child, I would not be commiting a sin. I hope that makes sense :o)


So you think anyone that has been married and divorced is sinning if they remarry?

How does that fit in with God forgiving our sins and casting them into the sea of forgetfulness?

Sorry but the reason for him sending his son was to cover this type of quagmire.....w/o that we are all doomed any way. As we have all sinned and even Paul admitted he sinned everyday...years after his conversion.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 12
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 12:24:51 PM
They should have a label which says "virgin". I wonder if that would increase or decrease the messages recevied.

Back in the days before websites we had a newsgroup for singles. Most were not single (never married) and even after they were seeing someone they'd stick around on the newsgroup. The newsgroup Nazi's didn't bother to enforce any code of conduct. The Internet always was and probably always will be a free-for-all. Poster beware.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 13
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 12:39:40 PM
Browneyes-- I'm not judging those that have children out of wedlock nor am I judging those that have been divorced. I just choose not to commit sin and marry someone that has been married. It's true.. God does forgive sins, but I'm not in the habit of committing a sin just because I know that God will eventually forgive me for it.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 14
view profile
History
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 12:59:47 PM
I agree with the previous poster.

You can't blame this guy. As you did not say being married before was an absolute disqualification. You said it was a preference.


I prefer not to date guys that have been married


I see you changed it from 'Divorced' to 'Single'. I think that's good. I also think when you are divorced you are single, as long as all the ties have been cut (well except kids and family cat).
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 15
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:01:45 PM
There are people whose belief system holds divorce to be wrong/sinful. They are completely entitled to hold that belief-and I think that is something that the people who say "just check single",(rather than the specific category one actually IS)-are overlooking.
Christs' death on the Cross does not mean that we are all permitted to go out and sin/transgress/misbehave at will because forgiveness is there for the asking. One is supposed to do ones' best to not intentionally sin, or facilitate intentional sin.

I do not happen to share the "divorce is sin" principle. As it was said "better to marry than to burn", I see divorce as "better to divorce than to murder,or BE murdered."

But those who believe divorce to be a sin, and a relationship with a divorced person to be unacceptable,are entitled to hold that belief. So therefore people who choose to designate themselves as "single"-when they in fact have an ex-spouse(s) or a deceased spouse,may be serving their own purpose at the expense of people who hold those distinctions to be important.
If you have been married and the marriage ended in divorce, you are "divorced", not single. If you had a spouse who is now passed away, you are "widowed", not single. If your marriage is in the process of dissolution, or you have obtained a legal separation, you are separated-not single. Anyway this is how I see it.
If your marriage was ended by annullment-as I understand it-you would be entitled to designate yourself as single-because annullment means the marriage never legally existed.
If you have had one or more cohabitation arrangements, yes, technically you can designate yourself as single. However, I have noticed that scrupulously honest individuals who have had a failed cohabitation LTR will often categorize themselves as divorced-even though "technically" they could call themselves "single".

I guess that's what it boils down to...honesty.
Cindy O
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 16
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:02:04 PM
OP: doesnt it say in the Bible that if there is adultery that you can divorce?
so wouldnt that person be free to remarry?
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 17
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:03:35 PM
Ok.. Maybe I will take you guys' advice into account and change the word prefer. I thought saying I prefer to date men that have not been married was clear enough. But, yes it's all left up to interpretation.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 18
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:10:32 PM
When my daughter put me on this site she labeled me a single.
At the time I was not divorced.

So it is up to a persons interpretation.
I like the idea of the categories being changed to include, never married.

As for this ...


Yes, it is for religious beliefs. According to the Bible, God doesn't agree with divorce. Therefore whether someone gets divorced or not, He still believes they are married. Therefore, any divorced person that has a relationship with someone else and anyone that has a relationship with a divorced person is seen as an adulterer in God's eyes.


Wow!
God help you.
That's all I have to say.



 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 19
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:11:52 PM
Kailaina- Yes it does say that if a person's spouse commits adultery then that person is granted a divorce and can remarry. But, then that comes down to what a person tells you happened in their marriage and one never truly knows the truth, so I'd rather just not take my chances.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 20
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:14:21 PM
Morning Face- I have never started a post regarding divorced people so I don't know where you are getting your information from. Anyway, yes I do think that you should put divorce no matter how long it has been. But if you don't, then you don't. I have now learned my lesson and will ask.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 21
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:14:32 PM

I'm not God, so I won't judge a person that had a child out of wedlock.


But you'll judge a person whose been divorced and damn them to hell and won't date them...........things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm........

I also think your misinterpreting what the bible says about divorce.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 22
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:15:07 PM
Sweetlady the feeling of deception is not a good one. Your a beautiful girl that will find what she is looking for. A preference is "just that" a preference a right to choose and not an exact. I think you will be much happier by defining more clearly what specifically your needs are and allieviate any disappointments by both parties....

and I am sorry to have asked the question and put you in the position of having to defend yourself!!! Take care...
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 23
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:24:34 PM

But you'll judge a person whose been divorced and damn them to hell and won't date them...........things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm........

I also think your misinterpreting what the bible says about divorce.


Exactly my thoughts.

The apostle Paul murdered Christians before he met Christ on that faithful day yet Christ used this murder to write 52% of the new testament. And be a example of how to live a Christian life.

Trying to keep the laws is impossible. The grace and mercy of Christ is the only hope of Christians.


what about us people who didn't have a choice in the divorce? Where the spouse just blindsided us and we didn't agree with the divorce, asked to go to counselling, try to work things outetc, but the spouse refused. So am I damned too because I'm divorced when I didn't have a choice in it?


Yeah there is much gray area here it is not all clean cut black and white.

Yet some just heap you in a pile labeled divorced and write you off. Funny I don't remember Jesus writing off anyone....Not even the prostitute that was brought to him to be stoned.

To me it is much more Christian to handle people on a case by case basis and leave the labels for the religious.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 24
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:31:41 PM
Thanks 3x! I took your advice and changed my profile to state that I do not date men that have been married , etc. No problem about you asking the question either :o) I don't take these things personaly.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 25
view profile
History
What's up with this?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:33:32 PM

Ok.. Maybe I will take you guys' advice into account and change the word prefer. I thought saying I prefer to date men that have not been married was clear enough. But, yes it's all left up to interpretation.


No it's not up to interpretation, and you should take the advice because we are correct. You are not. I really don't mean this to sound mean, it's just you're not being honest to these men. You have this absolute deal breaker and it is not worded as such on your profile. It's that simple. The word preference is not clear enough.

As it stands this is what your profile is saying: I am mostly interested in dating men that have never been married, but I am open to dating one that has been. That's what preference means.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What's up with this?