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 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 1
Ladies - Security or "Winging It"?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Had a coffee date last weekend and was astonished when the fella was telling me how all his possessions could be packed up in two suitcases! He'd decided that the perfect life was going back and forth to a tropical place. I asked if he'd dated many women as he had not been on POF very long. He stated, "oh yes", but found the few women he dated said that security was the most important thing in a relationship. He took that to mean they wanted lots of 'stuff'. I stated that I thought that most women want the feeling of security in a relationship as opposed to flying all over the globe at a moment's notice. Women like to 'nest' and surround themselves with their 'things' that make them feel good. He said he didn't need that, his life was free-wheeling and picking up and flying off when the urge hit him. I told him I doubted most women would or could live that kind of life.

So, what about it ladies? Do you prefer security in a relationship or a 'fly-by-the seat of your pants' kind of thing?
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 2
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Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/15/2011 9:21:02 PM
security in a relationship would compute to knowing it was a solid relationship, working together, staying together, committed. but now flying all over and spending time at different places would work fine for me within the secure relationship.

i would like a small place to come back to once in a while though. just to rest and refuel.
and keep all my stuff stashed.

kaylee
 ShellLadySD
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 3
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/15/2011 9:40:07 PM
I think we'll need to define security in order to answer your question.

Physical security? knowing there is a financial safety net such as investments, healthcare benefits, etc.

Emotional security? Trusting oneself, and one's partner that the couple is determined to move forward together, looking out for each other's best interests.

Material security? A place? things? this could mean much different things to different people.

I can fly by the seat of my pants on the last one, and to a degree on the first one, if I have confidence in the second one.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 4
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 4:50:18 AM
I agree, it needs definition... I think to majority most important is emotional security. There are certainly gals who live a life like a gypsy :)
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 5
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 5:00:50 AM

I think to majority most important is emotional security

I agree and I think the majority of men would feel the same.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 6
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 5:10:54 AM
most single ladies are going to have CAREERS or at least a JOB and probably also a MORTGAGE or at least RENT. who can afford to jeopardize that to fly off to borneo with some guy on a moment's notice? although women will will often make allusions to this crap in their profile:

"LOVE TO TRAVEL!!" "SPONTANEOUS!!!" "READY FOR ADVENTURE!!!".

bitch please, i saw the way you dress and the background of your profile pics. your idea of travel and adventure is getting on the bus to go to the mega-mall in bumfuk minnesota for a weekend of nonstop shop til you drop.

i've got my own security, so i'm not interested in hitching my wagon to some guy's security train. on the other hand, i have to work for a living so i'm not about to take up an international vagabond lifestyle. must be nice to be independently wealthy and have no responsibilities, though. "ho hum, nothing to do but travel the world and find a woman who will put up with my lifestyle." i am sure there are many, many women who would go for the "independently wealthy" but when they bump up against "all my stuff in 2 suitcases" they are like, freaking OUT.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 7
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 5:15:16 AM
^^I wouldn't mind the independently wealthy, but no responsibilities would get a bit boring, I think.
(bumfuk minnesota )
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 8
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Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 5:46:55 AM
I think you have to have the experience of cleaning out your parents last and final residence to get a true perspective on the stuff you own and accumulate through life. There really is only about 1 suitcase full of stuff that is useful and actually needed. The rest, you will have a hard time giving away.....

As to responsibilities, you can always get more of those....people make them up when they get bored.....
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 9
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Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:29:57 AM
I thought bumfuk was in Texas.......
 Caringheart2011
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 10
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 11:10:01 AM
^^^^^
I was thinking Egypt :)
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 11
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 11:42:57 AM

He said he didn't need that, his life was free-wheeling and picking up and flying off when the urge hit him. I told him I doubted most women would or could live that kind of life.
So, what about it ladies? Do you prefer security in a relationship or a 'fly-by-the seat of your pants' kind of thing?


Well I prefer to sleep in my own bed.. Although if I had a second home down south then might be traveling south in winter time like my neighbors do.. Not sure if this provides security in any relationship though.. I think it depends on the two people involved how secure that relationship is.

nativerock
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 12
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 4:08:10 PM
I much prefer home, community, and time with family and a partner to travelling at this point. I travelled for a long time, and got pretty bored of it. Sightseeing doesn't interest me very much any more and there are only a couple of places I would still like to visit, but I'd want to stay a while in each. I'd happily consider living in a foreign country for a while, several years, but that would be living within a new community and culture- nesting in a new tree- and becoming a member of a different community. That's different from winging it, vacationing, and being down to two suitcases so that I could take flight on the spur of the moment.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 13
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 4:24:30 PM
Bumfuk minnesota. Being a native of that beautiful state, I don't particularly appreciate the reference.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/16/2011 4:36:15 PM
I've discovered it takes me quite a while to gear up to leaving spontaneously ... if by "spontaneously" or "winging it," he meant NOT having his mail forwarded ... NOT paying someone to care for the lawns, pool, house, etc. ...

it takes a lot of planning for me to "wing it spontaneously" ... to just leave whimsically ... lots of planning! apparently, I'm not a "moment's notice" kinda person!

not only can my "stuff" NOT fit into 2 suitcases ... when I "spontaneously" flew to Seattle to visit family, I shipped ahead FOUR BOXES of stuff! to take my dog with me on the plane, I had to schedule her with the airlines about a month in advance ... I had to get her a $185 Health Certificate that's only good for 10 days ... so ... when I decide to come home, I'll have to do that again ...

yeah ... I'm thinking "winging it spontaneously" isn't really in my vocabulary ... so guessing I wouldn't be his type either ...



"security in a relationship" would, to me ... mean more along the lines of trusting the person with whom I was in the relationship ... don't see what "security" would have to do with staying home versus traveling ...
 sweetfunfitgirl
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 15
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/18/2011 10:18:52 AM
I think that you have to have security to be the way he is. He must not have any debt or obligations or small children to raise or a boss to a report to. He must be independently wealthy and not need a steady reliable income. Sounds like the perfect situation.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/18/2011 10:47:05 AM
Maybe he's just pointing out that anyone of us could die tomorrow????? Ask yourselves why you "need" somewhere to go to actually feel "secure", instead of say, looking at yourself and feeling that "security"????

To the OP, "most" women I do meet/know, love that "security" of which you speak and have given to your friend as "advice". But, knowing the "type" of person that the man of which you speak, you're wasting your breath on him. He won't/doesn't care. He's living the life that he wants to,with or without a "woman" by his side. He's not living his life to attract those that don't like his lifestyle or can't understand it. Yet, he's still inviting, and leaving the door open for those that do.

Many people have a problem with the type of person this man is being. Again, I'm pretty sure he doesn't care.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 17
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/18/2011 11:50:38 AM

...his life was free-wheeling and picking up and flying off when the urge hit him. I told him I doubted most women would or could live that kind of life.

As far as belongings/Nest goes.. true, there are few who can (or want to) live that kind of life, just going back and forth from here to there and wherever.
Some can. Some can't. whatever


But what I picked up on in the opening post was this : "his life was free-wheeling and picking up and flying off when the urge hit HIM".
Hit him. So what it would amount to is the woman would be following HIS whim to go?
Now that touches on emotional security. I kinda think most women wouldn't handle being that much the underling, following the man hither and yon at his whim.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 18
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:25:30 PM
I'm pretty sure that Walts is right on in his comment, about the man in question not really caring . He did state to me that he is looking for a partner to share his lifestyle. I have not contacted him again and I noticed in my mailbox that he has actually closed his account on POF.

Most women do have a career or at least a job they can't leave, they have to pay rent and car insurance, buy food etc in order to survive. I would think most men also have this to consider. When I read a profile of a man wanting someone to go sailing 6 months out of the year, or travel to Europe I think, "how nice that would be"....but then reality hits and it hits hard!

For me, having a place to live, and having friends and family close by are my security. Being able to pick up and leave suggests a lifestyle I'm not privy to and never will be. Unless of course that lottery ticket finally pays off!
 Kevjohns
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 19
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:27:45 PM
What could be better than later in life shedding our chains and shackles and sailing around the world or going to Europe for six months.?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 20
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:06:30 PM

Most women do have a career or at least a job they can't leave, they have to pay rent and car insurance, buy food etc in order to survive. I would think most men also have this to consider.


I agree, until you put the word "can't" in there.

You can leave if you make the choice to.

You don't have to pay rent or car insurance to "survive".

Food, yeah, ya gotta eat,,,,but not as much as we actually do. Take a look around and tell me we,as a society couldn't go without a meal or two.(maybe even three?????)

It's all about choices, when and why we decide to make them. A lot of people have bought into the thought they need a million zillion dollars to "survive",when in fact we could "survive" without at least half of the things that we have right now, and label them as "must haves". Take a look around your own abode,and go thru your "stuff" and ask yourself do you "really" NEED all that "stuff",,,,or is just that you have become dependant on that "stuff".
 foffeefifo
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 21
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/19/2011 12:48:42 AM
i care way less about stuff now. i moved last year to take care of a sick relative and really had nothing of my stuff around me, stuff i had kept for like 30 years, stuff i thought meant something to me....and being away from it i now realize who the heck cares about it, i'm not suffering without it, the quality of my life has not changed without all my stuff.

i don't know that i'd like to be with someone who is such a free spirit he just picks up and flies away at the drop of a hat..... there is something to be said for a consistent presence in somebody's day....and i think i'd feel like the veritable "port in any storm" is some guy kept popping back into my life every 6 months or so, just to take off again whenever the hell he felt like it.

i really have huge freedom now that i am older i can do pretty much what i feel like when i feel like doing it and most of the guys i have met haven't felt comfortable with my "hey, stay or go, black or white, it's all good" kinda mind set now. Guess I don't need so much order in my life, now that i don't have to cook meals for the family, do for others, work nine to five, i can just take every day as it comes and let it play out
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 22
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/19/2011 6:48:33 AM
I have one friend who lives his life pretty much this way. His lifestyle is financed from a trust fund. He doesn't want any obligations and tends to run from responsibility.

I prefer having a place to return to after a trip. Otherwise, I'd just feel homeless.

I'm sure there are people that love being free of things, but he'd be more likely to find someone on the same page as him at his tropical destination than in an urban community.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 23
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Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/19/2011 8:24:57 AM
bumfuk minnesota for a weekend

bumfuk minnesota, that's my hometown!
I'm flattered you've read my profile...
 JD4Real29
Joined: 3/28/2011
Msg: 24
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/19/2011 9:20:42 AM
I also agree that "stuff" is overrated.

I had to get rid of all kinds of "stuff" when I sold my 1700 sq ft double car garage house. I gave my sons a lot my "stuff" like collectibles and other crap they wanted. I moved into a 550 sq ft apartment and still feel like I have too much "stuff" some days. I also gave up my dogs to my parents.

I love my lack of responsibilities. For the first time in my life I can pretty well do what I want when I want. My work schedule allows plenty of time for travel.

I'd love to find a man in a similar situation. But along with that I want emotional security and commitment.
 Strider19607
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 25
Ladies - Security or Winging It?
Posted: 9/19/2011 9:37:49 AM
Gave up the dogs ? .... Heartless , my dog is more loyal than any woman I've ever known ( except my Mom ) LOL
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