Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I have never been told that!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 1
I have never been told that!Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I was on my 3rd date last night, it was my birthday and she wanted to take me out. We were to meet at a restaurant, where she'a a regular, and 3 of her [older] friends kind eying me up asked me to sit with them before they knew who I was there to see. She happened to walk in at that very moment. I was flattered, I declined, greeted my lady with a kiss, and we sat down at the bar. All 4 women and I talked and laughed about the coincidence, or awkward moment, for a minute, I was introduced to them, then the 3 friends moved over to a table of their own. the 2 of us sat there for 30 min or so , had drinks, enjoying dinner, laughed.......having a great time. All the time we are hand in hand, or some sort of touch. She was even caressing my arm while I was holding and reading the menu, so I feel like all is well. So I thought.....

Now, my outlook in life is to face things head on, and look for the positive, or bright side of things. nothing wrong with that, right? Well I guess that's not what some think!

she: you know, I hate feeling like I have to do something.
me: ok, what do you mean?
she: like I feel Like I have to call or text you every day.
me: you do? why is that? if you don't feel like it, then don't. I'm ok with it, just whatever works for you. Do I make you feel like you have to?
she: Yes, you do. I don't know why, but you do. You know, I'm a glass half full girl, but I'm not Susie sunshine! I have a lot on my plate and I have a busy life.
me: pardon? What do you mean? So you have a busy life, ok. We work around it. I like to bring 'sunshine' to whomever I'm with. I don't understand where this is coming from.

At this time, she is completely withdrawn, clammed up, whatever.

she: you're just too happy about everything!
me: Wow...ok. I don't think I have never been told that! (now speechless....at a loss for words....attempting to gather my thoughts and find the logic in the conversation we just had.)

Her tone, actions and body language are telling me that she doesn't want me there, so I ask for the check.

she: did you just ask for the check?
me: yes
she: why? what just happened here?
me: well, you just told me I'm too happy for you, you don't like the way I make you feel compelled to communicate with me, and your body language is telling me you don't want to be with me right now. You're kinda raining on my parade here. It's my birthday, I will always be an optimist and I like being happy. Sorry, that's not gonna change.
she: well, ok then. let me get the check, it's your birthday.
me: no, thank you, dinner is on me. Good-bye.

She now has a blank look on her face, or more of a stare. I walked by her friends, saying it was nice to meet them, I then exit the restaurant, trying to make some sense of this situation I just experienced. But since I can't, I called my buddy up and had some more drinks! Cheers!

I have absolutely no clue what happened! There is definitely no chapter in the book on this one.

Any thoughts?

 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 2
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:36:08 AM
Seems to me she was trying to pull you into her world of negativity and you weren't buying into it.

GOOD FOR YOU !

 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 3
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:37:57 AM
I'm just as confused as you are! I have been told by a friend that I was too happy. She would actually become annoyed with me because of this. That strained our so called friendship and we barely speak to each other now. My friend was a pessimistic person. She was always complaining and always had some life problem or drama. I on the other hand always look at the bright side of things so I just move on from any set backs quickly. It seems like you and her may have this same situation going on. I don't think your personalities will work togther for a long term relationship. I think you should be glad to find this out on the third date so that you can find someone that is a better match.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 4
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:44:11 AM
Dude,

Hate to rain in your parade. But I think she wanted to tone things down, and you completely misinterpreted where she was going and took it as a total rejection. Then you over reacted and took your toys and went home. It sounds to me that mister sunshine also comes with a highly tempestuously dark side.

I would say that you handled the situation rather poorly. That instead of finding what was it that would be a middle ground for her, you pretty much said, my way or the highway. Full blasting sunshine or nothing.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 5
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:48:18 AM
Dude,

Hate to rain in your parade. But I think she wanted to tone things down, and you completely misinterpreted where she was going and took it as a total rejection. Then you over reacted and took your toys and went home. It sounds to me that mister sunshine also comes with a highly tempestuously dark side.

I would say that you handled the situation rather poorly. That instead of finding what was it that would be a middle ground for her, you pretty much said, my way or the highway. Full blasting sunshine or nothing.


Yes, that could be one way to look at it. It's possible. However, when you 'look' into someones eyes, they usually tell the true story, and I understand you can't 'see' what I saw, being on a forum. I had to go with my instinct. Thanks for the input.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:49:30 AM
I agree with the poster above me. Um...not you OP. the other guy.
Sounded like you two were talking. She was trying to communicate with you and express certain things.
She was attempting to explain certain aspect, or a particular aspect of her personality and it sounds like you got a bit pissy since it was your birthday.
Granted, her timing could have been better, but that blank look inplies that she was hurt and confused by your over reaction.
Her look also implied that she liked you.
 ChrisD1957
Joined: 12/20/2010
Msg: 7
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:50:38 AM
You reacted differently than I would have, though I am not sure your assessnent was incorrect. I probably would have asked her to explain a bit more as to what she meant and what her solution to the situation was. The text and or daily contact seemed like a high mainentance issue. She was telling you not to expect to hear from her all the time. She told you that you are a happy person and she tends to be a bit moody.

She did this for one of two reasons. One is that she was telling you it wasnt going to to work. The other possible reason, which considering her reaction to you leaving, is what I think she was doing was to throw out difference between you two so that you can determine if they could be worked out and compromised.

If she was telling you it wasnt going to work or you feel the differences were a deal breaker then leaving, though abrupt, was probably the best solution. If she was trying to discuss and resolve only you know if that was possible or worth it.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 8
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:51:18 AM
Outmind, How is it he that has the dark side? It was his birthday and she asked to take him out to celebrate. Instead of having a celebration, she brings up this topic and ruins the evening. It seems like she's the one with the issues. It's good that he got out of there so that he could enjoy the rest of his b'day with friends. That was not the time or place to bring that up.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 9
view profile
History
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:52:36 AM
Hmmm, OP, you're asking for thoughts, but as soon as you hear something that you don't agree with, you get all pissy and tell the poster that he can't possibly know anything because he wasn't there.

So, why don't you just tell us what you want us to say?

Interestingly, that sounds a lot like what you did on that date, too. You heard something you didn't like, got all pissy, and left.

Seems as if you're not all that positive and sunshiny, after all. Actually, seems more like some hidden anger issues lurking around there.
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:55:54 AM
I'd say you did the right thing and you're better off finding someone who shares the same disposition. Optimist + pessimist = stormy seas.
 Drestin.Red
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 11
view profile
History
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:56:23 AM
She's a drama queen trying to create a soap opera & got upset because you weren't playing your part. Well good for you! Now move on because you just don't need this silly game she is attempting to play. Bet money that she set her girlfriends up to see if she could trust you.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:56:59 AM
she brings up this topic and ruins the evening.


I'm sorry sweet lady, but it was the OP who ruined his own evening.

VVVV

she: did you just ask for the check?
me: yes
she: why? what just happened here?
me: well, you just told me I'm too happy for you, you don't like the way I make you feel compelled to communicate with me, and your body language is telling me you don't want to be with me right now. You're kinda raining on my parade here.


She was obviously confused and startled by his reaction, or OVER REACTION if you ask me.

She was trying to point out some personality differences, that's all.
Cripes...

It was THE OP who was the drama queen.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 13
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:57:24 AM
^^^

It was THE OP who was the drama queen.

That's why I posted here, I wanted feedback. And if that's your opinion, then ok.



Yes, that could be one way to look at it. It's possible. However, when you 'look' into someones eyes, they usually tell the true story, and I understand you can't 'see' what I saw, being on a forum. I had to go with my instinct. Thanks for the input.


^^^^This is getting pissy? Sorry, didn't see it that way.

edit: @ whiskyrivers




she: like I feel Like I have to call or text you every day.
me: you do? why is that? if you don't feel like it, then don't. I'm ok with it, just whatever works for you.


I did let her know that.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 14
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:01:29 AM
Op,ive been told many times im always happy and what am i "on"?

Buuuut,in your case,she was either itching for a fight,you over-reacted and/or a combination of both?

You went out for more drinks with your mates and she probably joined her 3 friends for more drinks and a good laugh over what happened!
So,sounds like it just wasn't meant to be
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 15
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:01:55 AM
IMO...You over reacted. When people first start dating...a person has a tendency to get wrapped up in it. I think she may have been trying to feel you out on certain things.
How you would react or your thoughts on "not being in touch everyday".....and how busy she is etc.. with your answers putting it back on her to explain...of course, her body language would change. For goodness sake...It's called getting to know each other.
Yep...your dark side came through! Quick to temper....never good.
She dodged a bullet!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 16
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:03:48 AM
OP - some girls (guys too I am sure) HATE NOT being the center of attention.

you know the ones where its someone else's birthday and they can never truly be happy for the other person, cuz its not THEIR b-day ?

so when they get older - they gotta act all stuffy and stinky and try to rain on the b-day person's day.


its weird.


they are weird.


this girl bugs me just for general efffect.


i'd be dusting my boots off
 ChrisD1957
Joined: 12/20/2010
Msg: 17
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:07:55 AM
and I understand you can't 'see' what I saw, being on a forum


That is exactly right. A situation like this is so affected by the tone and body language that it is really tough to tell what she was getting at without being there. I do agree that her timing was terrible. These issues could have waited until after your birthday.

I also believe, like another poster said, that she may have been setting you up by having her friends there. When do people go out with someone relatively new without telling their friends about it? They really didnt know she was meeting you there?
 ForumInterlude
Joined: 7/18/2010
Msg: 18
view profile
History
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:12:15 AM
All 4 women and I talked and laughed about the coincidence, or awkward moment, for a minute, I was introduced to them

It was a setup test, and judging by your reaction, you failed in her girlfriends eyes-

They communicated that to her by sign language, and then she began to backpedal from you. You perceived that, got huffy picked up your marbles and left too soon-
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 19
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:12:38 AM
Any thoughts?

You handled that perfectly. There's nothing I could add that could possibly have improved on that.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 20
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:14:00 AM
OP-she brought up the fact that she doesnt like to feel obligated to communicate with you...on your birthday night dinner.

Is there really anything else that can be said?

If the conversation flowed exactly as you posted it, then Im in your camp. I would be confused as well in your shoes. And one thing I have learned is confusion is the start of a roller coaster ride relationship. In the early days of dating, it shouldnt be this confusing.

If you really like her you could call her and ask for clarification, but at a high level it doesnt look like the two of you are a good match. A night out to celebrate a birthday should be fun.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 21
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:17:15 AM

I have absolutely no clue what happened!


Let me spell it out for ya. She wanted to simply tone things back a little. She was trying to be nice. Still liked seeing you and you were headed for an ok evening until you over reacted and blew it. You described these as "great dates" and sound thrilled. She wasn't OK. You were just a nice guy to go out with an she just wasnt all that into you. You were a guy to go out with and get a call or two a week from. Not a guy she wants texting all the time or calling all the time. She thought YOU were high maintenance basically. She was not looking or wanting for all that from you and was trying to let ya know before you got in any deeper. Not sure what else she could of done besides wait for another night not your birthday to tell ya unless she felt maybe you were hoping for a "special" birthday present after dinner and decided to lay it out right then. And without hearing her side of the story we will just never know the whole truth here as we are getting but one side of the story.

Sorry I think you way way over reacted to the conversation and should of just rode with it and accepted what she was telling you. She felt pressured and you were coming on to fast and she was not ready for a relationship or any of the other trappings with the daily texts and phone calls.

I would of toned it back and tried to keep seeing her if she was that good a gal.

You just read the situation wrong and chose the wrong course of action IMO anyway.

In short... you blew it big time my friend. You blew up and took your toys and went home because the game was not going the way you wanted. She dodged the bullet on this one.

Cowboy
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 22
view profile
History
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:20:12 AM
I'm going to take a different angle on this. She may be fighting some issues with emotional intimacy. She can't handle closeness and is doing a form of self sabotage. If you're the opposite of what she has dated in her past, you may have created conflict in her mind and it may have scared her. Definitely an issue from her past. If she sees you as too good to be true, the more intense that fear can be. She seemed to indicate she somehow was not deserving of your company due to her lower self esteem. Just a possibility. Won't know unless you talk to her.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 23
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:20:38 AM
She was obviously confused and startled by his reaction, or OVER REACTION if you ask me.


If she was confused it's only because she's used to guys switching into doormat mode by playing into her BS

" Oh golly, gee, I'm sorry, what can I do to be more like you want me to be Princess ? "


Sounds more like he saved "his own" evening by not being the object of someone else's clumsy attempts at manipulation.


BINGO !

Anyone who disagrees probably hasn't experienced this before.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 24
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:23:12 AM
^^^^Ok. Thanks for the post, Cowboy.

I would like you to picture one thing: I was smiling, or grinning the ENTIRE time while speaking with her, even when I left, and my tone was still cheerful. Don't let me lead you to believe I changed demeanor, started frowning and got all pissy with her when I was asking why she felt that way, because I did not. I was trying to keep the conversation upbeat.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 25
I have never been told that!
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:30:36 AM

If she was confused it's only because she's used to guys switching into doormat mode by playing into her BS

Exactly!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I have never been told that!