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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites lis      Home login  
 AUTHOR
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
This may not be the “perfect” forum for my question, but I didn’t notice a better one, so I hope there won’t be a problem.

Keeping in mind that the other person receives notification if I add someone to my favorites list, when would you say it be most appropriate to add someone?

If you are a woman, in your opinion, how would you react if you saw that a guy added you to his favorites list, at the same time that he sent his intro message, before you had the chance to turn on your computer and read his message?

Would you interpret this simply as heightened interest, and read his message and profile first? Would this cause you to be more interested yourself?

Could this, on the other hand, cause me to be seen as too pushy or aggressive, and you put your guard up instead? This one is my major fear.

Or, do you not pay attention to these notifications typically, and it makes no difference whatsoever?

Help! Please! I am not sure what to do. I will consider any advice from any woman who has an opinion on this topic.
 Sasyecats
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 2
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/16/2011 1:11:10 PM
I'm still not really sure what to think of favorites or even the meet me feature. Most the time I never hear from any of them. "I'd meet you, but your not worth being in my favorites"

I think I would be the most flattered that a man add me to his favorites after several messages back and forth that seemed to be going very well.
 Artemis34
Joined: 7/22/2011
Msg: 3
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/16/2011 1:19:00 PM
I'm with tiggher 100%
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/16/2011 2:04:33 PM
My suggestion is, that unless you want to draw attention to the fact that you are favoriting them (since they get a message, and the opportunity to delete themselves from your list when you do), then just BOOKMARK them instead. That way, YOU have full control over who you want to be able to quickly locate again, and you don't BOTHER them with any concerns about you until and unless you decide you want to actually contact them on purpose, and you don't burden them with extraneous email notifications.

Many, if not most people who are new here, do as I did when I first came on, and use the "favorite" button just to make a quick list of all the local folks who you MIGHT want to later weed through and pick a prospect from. They only learn later that it's akin to ringing someone's doorbell, and then running off.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 5
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/16/2011 2:34:24 PM
Everyone uses favorites differently. Most the forum regulars have each other on favorites so we know when we are online as we message each other all the time.

Most every other dating site has a way to send a "wink" or a "flirt" or something to let the other person know you have an interest in them and check out their profile.

We don't. So many use adding ya to favorites as a way to send a "wink" to let ya know they are interested. If ya like their profile also send, consider sending a 2 line message back just saying "hey I saw you added me to your fav's. Liked your profile also. Send me a message if you want to chat". I mean how hard was that and what can it hurt right?

You guys are making this way to hard.

Average guys on this site are getting a couple replies per HUNDRED messages and after awhile they honestly just quit trying. Many resort to just sending ya a wink by adding ya to favorites. Gals mostly still think that guys should initiate contact. And gals don't even reply with polite "thanks you I am not interested" (yes i KNOW why you don't) So they initiate shyly by just adding ya to favs. They wink at ya basicaly.

So that is what has evolved on this site and why.

Now imagine being at the grocery store and looking up and a nice looking guy winks at ya and smiles. Well thats what the guy adding ya to favs just did baby.

so what do you do? You can look away or walk away and say nothing at the store. And you lose the chance to meet this guy. He winked at you and showed interest. Up to you now to do SOMETHING.

Ya know what? All you had to probably do to get that guy to talk to you was smile and wink back at him. And he will come talk to ya. Works the same way here usually. If he adds ya and you like his profile add him to your favs also so he knows your interested...

GREAT you just smiled and winked back! See how easy that was. Glad to help remove another POF mystery for all the newbies here. Ya don't have to actually write the guy back if you don't want to.. just add him to your favs also. Thats all ya have to do. Any guys that are not responding to gals that add them to favs if you like their profile should be spanked. You guys all whine as no one answers ya. Well if she added ya to her favs she has already shown interest and your chances are FAR FAR better if you were to write her then just blindly picking a profile off here. Its a subtle way to show interest and see if the other person has any interest back. I have hundreds and hundreds of people on my favs over the years and I am also on hundreds of other peoples all around the world. It is just a wink if you don't know them, or in the forums a way to track friends also or anyone you want to easily track and send messages to also. I add people to my favs I see that I might be interested in to message at a later time also. I am really not in dating mode right now but will be soon and I will work my way through the local people I have on my favs when I am ready.

Good Luck winking (rolls eyes)

Cowboy
 rosebuddnc56
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 6
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Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/16/2011 4:46:06 PM
If they add me before I have corresponded with them, I delete it. One guy added me 6x in one week. I am not sure how to block him, but seems he would get a clue. (he then sent me a note and said "how soon can I see your tattoos in person) My response is "how about never" lol
 sans_titre
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 7
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:06:59 PM
I rarely look at my favorites list and I never add anyone to mine. The meet me feature is annoying and pointless. I don't recieve any email notifications on either because I don't factor them in.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 8
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:44:41 PM
I have had people add me to their favorites list and not even sent a message before or after. I think they must like my pictures or perhaps something I have written in my profile that they agree with.
I think if someone adds you to their favorites list it means they have some interest in you....even if they don't contact you...maybe they are shy, insecure, bored or whatever....I'm not sure. If someone adds me and does not contact me I delete myself off of their list within a few days. It's my way of saying...don't add me if you're not going to follow through. As far as the meet me feature goes.....it blows.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/17/2011 7:14:07 AM
Thanks for that very thorough run down, Cowboy. Even as an OLD GUY here, I hadn't thought of the stuff you mentioned, especially using the fav'ing like a wink.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 10
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/17/2011 9:49:11 AM

If they add me before I have corresponded with them, I delete it.
Why ? Whats the big deal? He winked at ya.
One guy added me 6x in one week.
So leave it alone and he would of added himself ONCE. Big friggin deal. It hurts nothing.
I am not sure how to block him, but seems he would get a clue. (he then sent me a note and said "how soon can I see your tattoos in person) My response is "how about never" lol
(long sigh...) And the CORRECT response is to BLOCK him which you can only do off an email. That blocks him from adding to your favs and also to communicate with you.

There is no harm 99 percent of the time from just letting them add ya. If they harrass ya BLOCK THEM

Cowboy
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/17/2011 12:23:31 PM
Oh cool! That explains one of the behaviors I've seen a couple of guys post here. They say that a woman wrote to them, then blocked them when they answered. I'll bet that the woman knew THAT trick, and was stopping them from favoriting her again. Learn something new and useful every few minutes here.
 LadyZee42
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 12
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/17/2011 12:52:09 PM
I get this notification all the time.. They don't even send me any messages they just add me to there favorite... But I dont really care if it make him happy by adding me to his favorite be my guess......:) I guess I'm just a nice person because If I dont want them to add me on there favorite all I do is click remove and I'm gone ha ha ha...
 Caringheart2011
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 13
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/17/2011 1:16:42 PM
Idon't really matter. I have few that I never send a message yet, I have to read the profile first, and get what they are after. If I like it, I send a message , if I don't , I delete.Tthen I also have friends, and we can tell when one of us is on so we can chat.

Rules ?
Who care what one want or not, that is POF, not Miss Manners.
If few don't like to be on my favorites, one OP told us , all they have to do is "delete."
 Sully8545
Joined: 12/12/2009
Msg: 14
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/17/2011 1:42:34 PM
IMO, if your a guy and your interested in a woman, just write her a note. The whole favorite thing makes no sense to me for a guy. I can understand a woman using it, because some don't like to initiate the first message and it's her way of showing interest, but guys, come on have a shred of confidence and just write.
 ladyfish42
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 15
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Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 9/17/2011 2:00:36 PM
Since there is no 'smile' or 'flirt' feature in this site I view the Favourites feature as being used in this way. I add a man if I think he sounds interesting to me.

It's really then up to the other person to respond, either by adding you as a Favourite as well, or even emailing. It is a low risk, not very aggressive way of showing some interest.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 16
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/2/2011 7:37:54 AM
Maybe I misinterpreted it, but the Fav-list is a personal reference, isn't it??
The person ~Being Fav'd~ can't delete themselves _from_ the 'Fav-er's list...
(Y?/N?, *cowboy*...)
Most often, I write to someone I'm interested in....then add them to my list...Hoping that I might even get a chance to I-M them in a more direct conversation in the future
(When they are also online...And even the I-M can be filtered-out, to prevent that, too!)
Occasionally, I'll do a specific search, (Say...for 'Tall women') and generate a short list of 5 or 6 from that, so I can write them later...
I don't intend to make a 'Collection' or a 'Harem' as some women have suggested...
I use it merely as a reference of 'Potentials' to write to at a later date...
(Knowing that it'll take a L O T of writing just to get a 1 in 50 response-rate!)
FOR a later date..!
There are a lot of very attractive women, here...and it seems that a Majority of them are too conceited to reply to a Gentlemans polite ~note of admiration~..!!
 mamamugg
Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 17
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Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/2/2011 7:59:57 AM
I have also used the fav' list as a way to compare two different profiles...side by side...
...hence: knowing its one person with two different profiles!
I did this just a day or so ago...
...I knew the pics looked very similar...right down to the wedding ring...
...immediately the free profile man un-fav'd himself, LOL!

Maybe he was conducting an experiment, pay account verses free account...
...while shaking her head, shes saying nooo!
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 18
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/2/2011 11:03:40 AM
Anytime you see a profile that you like.wink:

If a woman "faves" me (even before emailing or IM'ing me), I take that to mean that she liked my profile, not as an insult or stalking behavior. :rolleyes

As others have said, there is no "wink" or "flirt" feature on this site to help break the ice, so "faving" is a simple ice-breaking and low-key way to catch someone's eye, assuming of course that they bother to look to see if anyone has "faved" them (some sites alert you when someone has "faved" you)

 devonbrown1
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 19
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Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/2/2011 11:36:42 AM
I would say after you have talked to the person for a while. Adding them to your favorites list is a little premature if you only have their profile to go on.

But I have a feeling it could be interpreted 100 different ways by 100 different people. Some may see it as your favorite profiles, not your favorite people. Others may use it as simply a memory tool to help them remember who they wanted to get to know better. And others may use it as a way to simply flag "hot" pictures they want to spend a little more time perusing, as icky as that may be. Some may care about it. Some may not even open the notifications.

I just say choose how you want to see it and stand by that choice. Don't worry what others think. If someone disqualifies you because you don't view the "Favorites" feature the same way, do you really want to date that person?

Good luck.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 20
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/2/2011 1:02:46 PM
I think, the instant you feel a stirring in your mid-region at the sight/thought of that person.. !
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 21
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/2/2011 8:23:24 PM
Right after your Paid Membership is acknowledged....
 Humptynumpty
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 22
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Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/4/2011 2:34:52 AM
#3 Is that before or after you've threatened to marry em ??
 Blaze_Gamer
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 23
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/4/2011 7:09:54 AM
Well you can add people to your favorites list anytime you want. I know if I am going to get a long with a user just by looking at their profile I add them to the list. I go by my gut feeling but you don't have to do it my way I am just saying you can add someone to that list any time.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 24
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 11/4/2011 7:59:40 AM

Now imagine being at the grocery store and looking up and a nice looking guy winks at ya and smiles. Well thats what the guy adding ya to favs just did baby.

so what do you do? You can look away or walk away and say nothing at the store. And you lose the chance to meet this guy. He winked at you and showed interest. Up to you now to do SOMETHING.

Ya know what? All you had to probably do to get that guy to talk to you was smile and wink back at him. And he will come talk to ya. Works the same way here usually. If he adds ya and you like his profile add him to your favs also so he knows your interested...



If only it were this simple, but I don't think most women see it this way, unfortunately.

So then, why doesn't POF come up with a " wink " system like other dating sites ?
 king20c
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 25
Help! When is it most appropriate to add someone to my favorites list?
Posted: 2/25/2012 7:44:53 PM

I have had people add me to their favorites list and not even sent a message before or after. I think they must like my pictures or perhaps something I have written in my profile that they agree with.
I think if someone adds you to their favorites list it means they have some interest in you....even if they don't contact you...maybe they are shy, insecure, bored or whatever....I'm not sure. If someone adds me and does not contact me I delete myself off of their list within a few days. It's my way of saying...don't add me if you're not going to follow through. As far as the meet me feature goes.....it blows.


thats how i use it.

I also use it as sort of a bookmark. sometimes you come across a profile that you like but for whatever reason you dont want to/ cant talk chat with them right away
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