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 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 1
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband? Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
MikeJustMike's thread about ""Don't Marry Modern Women" has been interesting.

I thought I'd ask the same type of question of modern men:

"A question to modern men, if marriage is so important to men, then why do modern men spend so little time focusing on becoming the best husband and father they can be ?...seems to me that they’re interested in everything this days, except being a father and a husband."

I wouldn't go as extreme as he did, because I do not assume that men in general "spend so little time focusing on becoming the best husband they can be."

But it did lead me to wonder if men place being the best husband they can be at the top of their priorities?
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 2
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 3:22:04 PM
I think men, women, people have lost what should be most prioritize and that is treating everyone and all aspect of life (most of all marriage) with the greatest of respect...

Never married.
...no one so far fit this bill.
Good husband needed!!!
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 3
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 3:37:12 PM
This again is similar to the other thread

Although external and social influences that put unfair and unmeetable expectations on women are perhaps easier to see, men dont escape the contradictive social pressures either theyre just different

Older ones are the rather immature almost chastisement that marriage = a prison sentence. Theres a lack of any decent insight into how to keep a relationship fresh and avoid compacency although that applies equally to both genders

More modern social influences that are more focused on family than the relationship is that where being a father is concerned from the media and the courts right down to social expectations and even common views amongst many women men/fathers are seen as totally irrelevant and wholly replaceable in a childs life. And it doesnt take long before those signals create a generation of men who grow up feeling exactly like that because its been the strongest and most frequent message they have seen

Again something that affects both genders equally is social mantras that make relationships seem like something you only do until it stops being a fairy tale or actually needs some effort then you exit it and look for another one

Which is hardly a good foundation for "making them work" as they DO need time, patience, compromise, understanding, self control and many other traits, perspectives and skillsets that seem to not be very common nowadays

But in a nutshell, the main reasons that niether men nor women are equiped to be effective and resilient partners nowadays in ever increasing numbers is because for many they never EVER see any role models doing that to learn from. Which will only increase the more people grow up in single parent households, when theyre older social pressures and value systems teach them the opposite skills sets to the ones that are needed and even if someone is lucky enough to come through all of that and STILL has a decent ethos and value system the odds of them meeting a partner who shares them is infinitesimally small anyway
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 4
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 4:00:36 PM
Agree with cyndarella

Strictly speaking more people than can manage it DO have fairly close sets of traits

But for some reason only seem able to apply them where friends or kids are concerned but not where a partner is concerned

Many put far too much importance on friends, social pursuits, their job, materialistic possessions and themselves and too little importance on their partner, their relationship, their kids home enviroment and their (partner and kids) future together

its as though many just bumble along putting loads of effort into keeping every aspect of their life working well EXCEPT the one aspect that should be at the top of the list

People often talk about the unconditional love they have for their kids. But shouldnt we have looked for that kind of mutual affection and devotion in a partner before having a child with them? Or more acurately shouldnt that feeling be for our "family" rather than just the byproduct of it if anyone can see the distinction there?

The mindsets and traits needed for this arent instinctual, and do need to be learnt, but with so many kids growing up in broken homes, or one parent homes to begin with in increasing numbers those states, expectations and repeating scenarios are the "norm" rather than the exception. And the media doesnt exactly try to reverse those patterns but instead adds further problems to the mix and amplifies the existing ones tenfold

I am not saying we need to go back to how it was 100 years ago as many modern social changes were desperately needed. But we do seem to have thrown out the baby with the bathwater on many levels. And certainly since the feminist ethos changing in the last quarter of the last century many quite important value systems were collectively demonised by the incessant portrayal of "marriage" as an all inclusive blob being portrayed as "oppressive" and negative with no effort at all to differentiate between its plus points and negatives

So although we had a worthwhile foundation, and a mass of social change that "could" have corrected the negative patterns that were present we seem to have replaced the positive patterns with new and additional negative ones instead
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 5
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 4:20:28 PM
Sweetness, That's my definition of "good", too. I even think that striving to do one's best pretty often results in success- another word that people could debate the definition of. Then to loop back, maybe striving is superlative.



<div class='quote'> OP, in spite of the great divide, regardless of who is male and who is female, modern PEOPLE no longer prioritize marriage.
I agree. Even those who do aren't likely to name being a good husband or good wife as a top priority. People say they'd "like to have" a wife or husband more often than to be one.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 6
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 4:57:42 PM

Men go to work. They provide. The protect. They fix things. They're strong. That's being a good husband and father. What more do you expect?


I expect nothing other than fairness. Women too go to work. And provide. And protect. And fix things. And are strong. And a million and one other things. And the point is...?
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 7
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 5:27:00 PM
Why would anyone listen to mikejustmike in the first place? The guy is a woman hater!!
 Patrick45015
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 8
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 5:49:35 PM
This goes both for men and women. If the word change is mentioned people seem to have a melt down. I do agree you should not just try and make someone happy and become something for that person but there is a big huge but here if you are an complete A hole or have some bad quirks there is nothing at all wrong with self improvement. I don't think there is anyone who couldn't benefit from self improvement, myself included. A lot of people talk about eating better exercising things like that but when do people ever say I am working on being an A Hole a less percent of the time. Everyone is an A Hole at certain times, we can all work at making it less. Dare I mention change. It can be good to change. There is a quote I like from an ad in a guitar magazine its "never change, never adapt never improve and die naked cold and alone".

As I proof read this is I think it kinda sounds like I am trying to sell something or I am self righteous but I am neither. I definitely don't sit on a high horse
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:36:32 PM
Looking back on my life, I can't ever remember thinking one of my goals in life was to be "a good husband". Never. Ever.

I live by the golden rule, albeit with an "Walter" addition. ""Treat others as you would like to be treated, but, if those others decide to phuck with ya, phuck em back,,,,,,harder"".

Simple. Easy. And one rule that my parents taught and lived by. Not only did they do well, those that they raised are doing not so bad either. My father was a good man. With that, he was also a "good husband" and "a great father". But, being a "good man" was what he really was, everything else just followed.

Ask yourself,of ALLLLLLLLLLLL the things a man could be, would YOU put "being a good husband" at the TOP of the list???????

Answer honestly.

But, please think before you do.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 10
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:53:50 PM

NO ONE on this thread is after your mom's house, capiche?
Again, ironic. Definitions of what one "used to do" rather than what one is, seems to be prevalent.


One thing we tend to forget is that we view our parents and grandparents from the eyes of children. The perspective of my parents and their friends- in their late 70's to 90's- is not as idealized as ours is. Many report long spells of not liking each other. And none that I have talked to have reported that the idealized-as-traditional-women were so meek and receding as the stereotype appears to have become.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 11
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/16/2011 10:22:16 PM
Marriage... what a load of horse shit.

F*ck marriage.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 12
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 3:33:21 AM

Yes...in the case of divorce we often get 50/50, but we also get a much larger percentage of responsiblity for raising any children. Some discover there's not much advantage to getting 50% of nothing.



I think this is part of the main reason a lot of men wont entertain the idea of marriage

I do get tired of the "we get a much larger percentage of responsibility" as though its thrust upon them rather than sought. How many women would even entertain the idea of 50/50 shared custody? How many would even if they have a career be the non resident parent?

Social stigmas, social expectations, stereotypes etc etc all put far more pressure on women to have the kids and many, especially ones who dont work would be destitute if they didnt fight tooth and nail to hold onto them as they represent a revenue stream after a divorce and also make it far more likely they will get the house and effectively more than a 50/50 share in a settlement

It does get tiresome when you see women talk almost as though they deserve recompence because they "had his child" and then put it across as though they begrudgedly gave in and agreed to it. When its far more common that it was them who were the driving force behind a child and many men just lack an objecton to having one rather than specifically actually wanting one at a point in time and thats excluding the "accidental" unplanned ones

Then when it comes to custody the amount of women who on one hand will do their best to limit and restrict access whilst at the same time acting like a martyr for "having to do all the work" is just laughable

But certainly in the UK system, the less access a woman allows the more money the bloke has to cough up

So although I was lucky and got both the house and both kids I see a lot of men where not out of bitterness, but based on the actual outcome and facts of their seperation they, and therefore their kids see that divorce can simply equate to

"Meet someone, work for years to provide a home for your kids, split up then rarely see your kids whilst their mother and her new bloke live in the house youre probably still paying for"

Its hardly surprising that it doesnt make every man whoop with excitement at the prospect really

And from a lot of what I have seen the US system seems even more slanted in the mothers favour than the Uk one
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 13
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 4:18:22 AM
Older ones are the rather immature almost chastisement that marriage = a prison sentence.


WTF are you talking about with that thought?


But in a nutshell, the main reasons that niether men nor women are equiped to be effective and resilient partners nowadays in ever increasing numbers is because for many they never EVER see any role models doing that to learn from.


This I agree with, or my granddaughter would think it is perfectly normal to drag home the drunkest biotch available from the bar to bang, and then move on to the next warm hole, the next night. She would think that is a perfectly normal relationship. NOT.

She would also think it is perfectly normal to take your child's electronic devices and pawn them to pay your cell phone bill. Sure, that's how you do it. NOT.

Not as long as I can influence her otherwise through actions and explanations to her questions.

And you know what..that is what is keeping me from a relationship. And I don't mind that at all. Many of the older woman in my age group, are done raising, influencing children..they've 'done their job'. Unfortunately, life has handed me an additional job, and I gladly take that job seriously.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 4:21:06 AM
I think that both this thread, and the opposite version one that triggered it, are trying to be ONE thing, but are remaining only another smaller thing.

They both are phrased as though they WANT to be an exploration of an APPARENT change in our society in how each sex behaves within and thinks about marriage. What they both immediately reduced to, was a debate about whether men or women get a more raw deal in marriage, and whether women's lib made women responsible for men misbehaving, or the sexual revolution made the men responsible for women misbehaving.

I have some broader questions or concerns, that I think might be more to the point.

First of all, I genuinely don't know that there HAS been a decline in how much a man or woman "works at being a good husband or wife." The reason I have doubts, is because I am VERY aware that there have been HUGE changes over time in what people have been willing to talk about publicly. That means that nothing that was written and said publicly BEFORE this shift in openness, has any reliable information in it. You can't directly compare, for example, what happened sexually within a Victorian marriage, with what happens now, because almost no one would TALK about what really happened back then.

I know that when I was growing up, we were being DRENCHED in a world of Leave it to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriette, I Love Lucy, westerns, and Lassie. I noticed two things that unsettled me back then: first, that where I lived, the countryside and housing looked NOTHING like any of the stories on TV. Second, that none of what happened bore any resemblance to what happened in my life. Everything in every TV story, and every childrens book for that matter, was good, and nice, and everyone it the stories had logical positive goals for what they did, even as they would screw up and do bad things.

As I reached the point where I was dealing with the opposite sex as potential mates, I found that there was NEVER a sense of honor, or of principle, or of "being a good this or that" behind ANYONE'S behavior. There was lots of TALK about that, sure, but the actual behavior was simple lust-hunger and "eating."

I grew up during the expansion of acceptable discussion of REAL human behavior, so I was also discovering that the entire fabled world that the airwaves and storybooks were filled with had ALWAYS been a wishful lie. Those who actually care to look carefully, will learn that the image of honorable shining knights of Medieval times never actually existed. It was pushed forward as a WISH by some authors of the time, to try to make it come to pass, but in reality, human behavior was ALWAYS a mix of greed, love, hate, fear, confusion, and all the rest.

It seems to me that at the heart of THESE discussions, the same thing is true. What's being talked about, often angrily, is the difference between what people think marriage SHOULD be, and what they've found that it IS. We don't actually have any documented proof that the desired version of life ever actually existed to begin with. After all, before divorce was allowed, people didn't have more wonderful fulfilling marriages than they do now, they just couldn't legally get out of them, so they covered everything up.

Now that people DO have the option to walk away instead, they do that more. But does that mean wives or husbands are really worse at playing their roles than before, or just that we are more honest, and therefore more aware of just how far the reality has always been from the dream?
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 15
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 4:44:02 AM

"Meet someone, work for years to provide a home for your kids, split up then rarely see your kids whilst their mother and her new bloke live in the house youre probably still paying for"

oh mikewm...you know this is not the norm. By your standards I can say I know a lot of women for whom marriage/divorce can simply equate to:

"Meet someone, work for years both outside the home & do nearly everything inside the home, get cheated on, abandoned both physically and financially, father shows up randomly to see the now teenaged child & has no idea why they won't have anything to do with him."

I understand there are women who ask for their child's father to pay for every lesson, pair of shoes, etc. By the same token there are loads of mothers who get NOTHING & would be happy for 1 evening out with friends or enough $ to buy school supplies for their child. I am happy for my child support, even though I rarely get it, but does anyone really think I'm out partying on $450/month? I'm paying bills (health insurance, school expenses, clothing, etc).

Relying on childbirth to support yourself is like using playing the lottery as your retirement plan. You are going to be broke & frustrated.

OT...being a good husband (or wife) has nothing to do with $. Be there. Be pleasant. I'm not sure why this is so difficult.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 16
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 4:47:43 AM
As I reached the point where I was dealing with the opposite sex as potential mates, I found that there was NEVER a sense of honor, or of principle, or of "being a good this or that" behind ANYONE'S behavior. There was lots of TALK about that, sure, but the actual behavior was simple lust-hunger and "eating."

I grew up during the expansion of acceptable discussion of REAL human behavior, so I was also discovering that the entire fabled world that the airwaves and storybooks were filled with had ALWAYS been a wishful lie. Those who actually care to look carefully, will learn that the image of honorable shining knights of Medieval times never actually existed. It was pushed forward as a WISH by some authors of the time, to try to make it come to pass, but in reality, human behavior was ALWAYS a mix of greed, love, hate, fear, confusion, and all the rest.


One flaw there igor..YOUR experiences are NOT indicative of how the whole world grew up. And YOUR REAL human behavior you discussed, was probably not the same as the rest of the worlds. For every Knight deed you discount, I can counter with a verified one. But, now you want the entire world to discount that? Really?

You are proclaiming that what you saw, read was..lies? Hmm..
I don't think so. Not in the least.

I lived on a dairy farm, in the city, in the suburb..and I saw the same programs as you.
Never did I think that this was how the entire world (that I knew at the time) was exactly. Oh, I envisioned that, I'm sure (that was a long time ago), and I do remember discovering on my own, and through the same discussions that took place that you have spoke of..that there was a basic message being put forth, but there were different ways of getting that message across. But the message was still put forth.

Are you saying that since the world wasn't exactly how you saw it on TV-read about in books, you discounted the messages that were attempting to be portrayed, and you became disillusioned? Seems like someone gave up when the going got tough. Pity.

Seems like you are a very unhappy person, and it started in your childhood.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 6:59:09 AM
Ping: I wasn't saying any of the things you think I said. None of them. Sorry to have been confusing, but no point in wasting everyone else's time with it. I was suggesting alternate ways to think about the subject. Nothing more or less.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 18
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 7:31:25 AM
I think that , by and large , men have not made being a good husband a priority since feminism has taken hold of society.
There really is a reaction to every action and the reaction to feminism is that men are just as messed up as women are , where both sexes do not really know their roles anymore .

I've always thought that , in some ways , the greatest losers to feminism is not men but women . Men may suffer discrimination in various ways , but women are not even allowed to be women anymore under feminism and now they have to work like common joe lunch buckets who are childless and or single mothers trying to slog out some kind of living .

Men have to suffer all of those annoying "dumb guy/ smart woman " commercials , but women have to pretend that liberation is all that and a bag of chips when deep down women have never been more miserable .

Ok , I changed my mind , both women and men are equally victims of feminism .

I would not get hitched , why should I ? I'm liberated and independent and I don't need a woman . I just might want a woman now and then and there are legions of single women available . But I am afraid it is quantity and not quality .
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 19
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 7:38:15 AM
Every 10 years is modern, pretty much, we always have new modern people, there's really nothing 'new' about it or them, people are people. People always been the same, the year just changes. There have always been good people/bad people, etc. I do not know why we keep getting these days or modern or whatever to say that all the sudden people changed, they never have. The times change, what's popular changes, the cultures change but people have always been the same. Always.

Whether or not you get married, stay married, have a good relationship, whatever, is us to you and what you want and how you behave and who you choose to be with. There's no big mystery about people.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 20
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 8:11:29 AM

And as for the question (why do modern men spend so little time focusing on becoming the best husband and father they can be?)--Men go to work. They provide. The protect. They fix things. They're strong. That's being a good husband and father. What more do you expect?
AND....this is EXACTLY why I will never marry again!



I expect nothing other than fairness. Women too go to work. And provide. And protect. And fix things. And are strong. And a million and one other things. And the point is...?
I certainly agree. Women do go to work, and provide, and protect...and fix....and SOME have even been the MAJOR WAGE earner...fixer, protector...for 20-30 years...and STILL get no respect, no consideration.

When I divorced (after 25 years) we split everything 50/50...even though he never contributed anywhere near 50%. Maybe I was just brainwashed into believing that that's the way it SHOULD be....I dunno. I know however, that I'd NEVER do that again...voluntarily. HELL...I even paid alimony for 2 years...VOLUNTARILY...because I felt bad that he was struggling to get by.


Now, 14 yrs later....a lot older and a little wiser, I've come to realize that nobody ever appreciates what someone else does for them...and will always envision some twist of reality in which they "earned" or "deserved" everything...but usually MORE than they ever got out of a relationship.

LOL! My ex thinks that he "earned" everything because he "LET" me work....which is not to far from the truth if you look at things in 1970s terms. Us "working women" were selfish, inconsiderate mates...and horrible Mothers....who were "allowed" to work....just as long as....a home cooked dinner was on the table at 6pm, the kids homework was done, they were bathed, laundry and ironing finished and put away, the house was clean...and we were in our pretty little skirts....looking fresh as a proverbial daisy.

I find all of that as unrealistic as it is for a man to come home, rush in to shower, and then...go out dancing 1/2 the night.

Back on track.....marriage is a joke! Probably because....people are jokes. Nobody appreciates the other person....or thinks about a SINCERE......"THANK YOU for everything you do FOR ME"! You can't just "cancel out" each other's contributions and expect that the appreciation was "understood". It doesn't work that way.

As for "Modern Men priortizing being a "good husband"???? Sheesssshhhh, most of the "Good Husbands" I've ever seen (women tell me that they're "good husbands").... I'd thow them under the bus! Just sayin.....people...what makes someone a "good spouse" for ONE person.....does NOT make them "good" for another person.

Please don't try to force your PERSONAL definition of a "good husband" or a "good wife" down everyone elses throat.
 forumjunkie942
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 21
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 6:11:27 PM
I think the initial question is poorly constructed. It presupposes most men who do get married have no desire or incentive to be a "good husband" without ever defining what "good" means and also treats the question in absolute terms.

Generally speaking, my observation is most men who cannot earn or sustain a successful career and not seen as "go getters" are often chastised on this board and in real life about dating. So in basic terms, in how people behave, I think "good" for men in terms of fatherhood and husband material does come down to, in large part, to earning potential and earning power and career success.

IMHO, the problem isn't that "good husband" isn't defined, it's that I believe most women, their definition of that will change on a whim at any given time without any logic or reason or basis in actual behavior.

"He's not home for dinner at 5pm, he's a bad husband!"

"He's home all the time! Why doesn't he get out from underfoot? Plus we need a new roof, he should be out there making more money!"

What did Chris Rock say? That no matter what a man does, his woman will always be upset at him for something.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 22
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 6:24:16 PM

IMHO, the problem isn't that "good husband" isn't defined, it's that I believe most women, their definition of that will change on a whim at any given time without any logic or reason or basis in actual behavior.

This might shock some, but I totally agree with you. There are a couple of married women on my Facebook that just can't seem to be happy regardless of what their husbands try to do to please them.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 23
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Posted: 9/17/2011 10:53:07 PM

Bottom line no matter what... NO OTHER PERSON IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ANOTHER PERSONS HAPPINESS!!! It's real easy to understand...


Growing up I traded time between the family farm, the big city (Miami and D.C.), but lived mostly in the suburbs. I'm a child of the 50's and 60's and in many respects I do not recognize much of modern society. We've heard it all before - a throw away society, not only of things but of people as well. Our attention span is so short that writing letters by hand is obsolete; courtship is so out dated that having sex within the first couple of dates is de rigueur predicated on the notion that immediate sexual compatibility is necessary for any long lasting relationship.

And yet this thread, and it's sire, question why men and women have such difficulty establishing long lasting satisfying relationships in which men and women are supportive of each other and for each other.

My answer, outside of certain groups the lessons necessary to learn those skills are rarely taught and when raised are as often as not dismissed as archaic.

My son's mom's parents died married, mine are still married after 55 years, there are many old married couples in my church whose time together rivals that. And yet on the other hand a large percentage of those my age are on their 2nd marriage or seriously struggling in their 1st.

We don't know any better and too many paths we travel take us away from the safety of the stability we need.

I cited the above poster because after hearing the above for so many years I think I know why I disagree: we are and can be responsible for another's happiness. Not for everyone - 'though I believe the converse, "we should not be the cause of another's unhappiness," holds more water; but in those close intimate relationships we need and should foster we are responsible for another's happiness. Take marriage: ladies, you know men crave and need physical intimacy (it winds our stem, really) so being proactive in that arena does create happiness in your man; guys, women crave and need emotional intimacy to the same extent, we should do likewise. Do we want our partners going outside the union to get what is being denied within it? We are responsible.

Parents, giving your children your undivided attention when they are with you gives the child a sense of importance and creates in them happiness. I wish I had a dollar for every time I've seen parent's blithely yakking away on a cell phone while their child is sitting right their next to them in their vehicle. They're missing some the best time for making contact they will ever have.

The same holds true for our friends, our families, and even those we bump into along the road of life. Think about how many folk greet or smile to each other in our large metro areas. What a blessing such a transient bit of joyfulness that could be (well, once you get past the shock and paranoia of the moment).

What we are not responsible for is another's contentment. While I can bring you some measure of happiness I cannot do anything about your relative level of contentment (or satisfaction). We've all know 'em - men or women who seemingly have everything and yet they are not content.

Well, enough of this screed. I guess the the cited statement just worked something loose.

TK
[Can I be content if I desire to be better; if I strive to improve]
 HappyDip
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 24
Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/17/2011 11:33:01 PM

if men place being the best husband they can be at the top of their priorities?

Sort of.
Men are taught and told tons of things to get them to make themselves seem more attractive as mates.
Although usually without any real socializing into why they should actually mate or pair up.
IME not really taught what to do for yourself, so much as do something in order to get something out of it, to get a perception of quality.

Or basically men are generally told the "right" path, or socialized, to try and be the best human being they can be...while still bombarded with, and expected to live down to, rampant stereotypes of being dogs only interested in one thing, and basically rampant, torpid, sex fiends that think about sex constantly.

So basically "Be the best human being you can. You do that by getting a job, be confident, find a career, don't victimize women, be what they want and you will find a good woman, and then be the best husband you can be, until you cheat...we know you want to, we see you looking."

And in some cases "you will only be a good man if you find a good woman to make you a good man...we know men are bad and you need to be leashed. So be as bad as you can be, we expect it, and then when you find the right one, she will make you not bad, and then you will be good. But you can't be good without being bad."

Or maybe that's just based on what's in the forums...
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 25
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Modern Men Prioritizing being a Good Husband?
Posted: 9/18/2011 4:35:10 AM
SC67

This particular thread is asking about mens views and why so many men DONT like the idea of marriage. And that is many mens experience and the reason THEY are put off doing it again

It niether claims to be all encompassing, nor that there arent women in the reverse of it, but that would be something for the OTHER thread about why WOMEN wouldnt want marriage rather than this one

If the thread had been asking why PEOPLE dont do marriage I'd have written that to reflect BOTH genders equally, but as its not it was written to answer the specific questions being posed which relate solely to mens reasons
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