Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ForumQueen
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 1
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well, met a guy on here a couple of months ago. Things have been wonderful. We made the mistake of letting things get too serious in the beginning. After a couple of weeks he told me that he was fresh out of a relationship that had hurt him alot. He told me that he wasn't ready to be exclusive and would continue to date other people. We are very close, spend a lot of time together and when we aren't we are texting, emailing or talking on the phone. He sends me songs all the time, tells me he misses me throughout the day. He work out together about 4 days a week, I go to his church with him on Sundays. Yesterday he called and told me that he was busy that night. He said he would call me when he got home. We always talk before bed and in the moring unless we are together. He called me this morning, but it was later than usual. He told me that he needed to tell me something and didn't want to keep anything from me. Then he told me that he has met someone last night and ended up sleeping with them. He said he is really ashamed and he knew he didn't deserve me. After talking for a few minutes he asked me if there was any way I would consider still dating him. I told him not if he was sleeping with someone else and he said he has been seriously considering trying to be exclusive. So now what??? I BIG part of me thinks that I need to just get this man out of my life, however, I really care about him and I know he really cares about me too. I hate to walk away from something that could be so great once we get past the initial bumps in the road. Is there any way that it would be right to forgive this and continue working on this relationship?? Confused
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 2
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 11:59:50 AM
What? Didn't we tell you he was fooling around on a thread yesterday? Now you're confused 'cause you found out it's true. Yeah...confused is definitely a good description.

You are probably a very nice person. Go out & meet another nice person who wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you. I am very sorry, but this person does not want that with you.

Edit to add...so you're considering waiting around while he tries to "fix" himself? Be prepared for a lot more heartache. Men who are ready, willing & able to be in an exclusive relationship with you do NOT sleep with other women. He is not ready & may never want that with you. Your choice to stick around for more of the same, but I think you deserve more & I don't even know you!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 3
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:13:33 PM
OP - what do I think ?


I think there are plenty of dudes that would be proud to have you on their arm and they would be faithful.


why waste your time with this guy who is clearly playing games with you ?



he's totally screwing with you.


you can do better.
 ForumQueen
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 4
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:14:27 PM
The thing I really don't understand is why? I really believe this man is in love with me. I don't think he could be making up all the things he says and does with me. So I just don't understand why he would need to do this? Is he trying to prove something to himself? Everytime he starts to really feel strong emotions in this relationship it freaks him out. Even my roommate, who knows him and thinks we are great together says that he is just really fighting with himself about something. I don't want to waste any more time on this if it's just a train wreck waiting to happen, but I don't want to walk away and give up on the man I care so much for either! Help! I know the points of view will vary but I want to be able to ponder them all.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 5
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:18:23 PM
I told him not if he was sleeping with someone else and he said he has been seriously considering trying to be exclusive.

Now I'm seriously considering trying to be exclusive with you, too.. Let me have all the fun I want, and I will try to be exclusive the rest of the time..

So now what??? I BIG part of me thinks that I need to just get this man out of my life, however, I really care about him and I know he really cares about me too

Soo, express your feelings to him and ACT on them? Or let him decide for you what...


I really believe this man is in love with me. I don't think he could be making up all the things he says and does with me. So I just don't understand why he would need to do this? Is he trying to prove something

He's got good Nicholas Cage style "inner conflicted" game, and it apparently works on some..
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 6
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:19:58 PM

The thing I really don't understand is why? I really believe this man is in love with me



why ?

because he is in love with himself...not you.


I don't think he could be making up all the things he says and does with me.


right - and he just screwed another girl last night (thing he did to you)
and just told you about it (thing he said to you)

now, how can YOU justify that ?

or more importantly - why would YOU?


he did it cause he could.


I mean, I cannot really see your face in your pic, but for a woman your age - you've got a hot body in a red hot dress.

So I assume this guy might be a pretty hot dude himself ?

and you gave it up to him wayyy too soon and then tried to make a relationship out of it ?
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 7
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 12:35:33 PM
Is this thesame guy you wrote about in the thread you started yesterday? The one who talks to you about all his other dates?
What do you mean he was seriously trying to be exclusive? Either you are or you are not exclusive. That is like being kinda pregnant.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:01:07 PM
Confused

OMG what an understatement.


I have loved someone before but not sure if I've ever been "in love". To me the butterfly feeling is infatuation. I don't see how you could possibly be "in love" with someone unless they had been in your life for a long time.

ForumQueen
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 1 (view)


He says hes scared he is gonna get hurt?
Posted: 8/31/2011 405 PM
Met a guy, had an amazing date which turned into us seeing each other every day for several weeks. Going on amazing dates. We are having so much fun, he says he's never felt like this before, he's chosen an "our song", calls all throughout the day, we talk for hours, etc. About a week ago he started acting weird and proceeded to tell me that he wants to slow things down because he is scared that I will hurt him. He continues to say how attractive he thinks I am and he is worried that I will date someone else. He has started spending less time together, now more like 4 times a week rather than everyday. I've told him he can trust me but he says he just doesn't know me. He says he wants to get to know me better, and has no idea of us stopping seeing each other. When we are together he will say so many awesome things about how he feels, etc. I am confused. He talks like he is already in love, but then says how he wants to slow things down. Is he telling me the truth? How should I react? Is this just an excuse? Need some advice.


After reading your post I am Confused!

Need Advice...careful what you write, we all get to see.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 9
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:17:55 PM

I don't want to waste any more time on this if it's just a train wreck waiting to happen


It's now a train wreck in progress.

This guy is not ready to be exclusive. He may try, but the same thing will happen again if you condone the behavior by accepting it as a one-time incident.

My advice: let him go find himself. And don't sequester yourself. Who knows where either of you will be in a few months time?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:28:42 PM
And here I didn't think I could'nt add any more reasons to my book "Why Walts is single" but, here we are, on a Sunday afternoon, and I've been given reason # 643.

Some of these guys out there are soooooooooo goooooood at what they do, they can tell another about their sexual conquests(with a little shame thrown in for good measure), and still able to get others to join into the game. Of course, this guy is probably also defined as a "player" by some.

I used worry and wonder myself "why"?????? But, I've basically given up on understanding the human brain and what is/isn't thinking anymore. Silly,silly,silly.
 Roxie7890
Joined: 7/27/2011
Msg: 11
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:32:47 PM

We made the mistake of letting things get too serious in the beginning.




No, "WE" didn't... YOU did. You keep telling us over and over and over that he has been upfront and honest with you all along. Obviously you are some place he is not.

Don't Man Bash. Don't point fingers. Don't accuse. Don't be confused. Accept it for what it is. When men date women they are attracted to, things happen and sometimes one of those "things" is sex.

I think he's not ready to be serious or committed, and I don't see a thing wrong with that. Thankfully, to his credit, he's been upfront with you all along. I feel sorry for him personally. He's obviously trying to work out some things and honestly you should leave him alone. I think you're mind set causes HIM confusion...
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 12
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:43:00 PM

Everytime he starts to really feel strong emotions in this relationship it freaks him out.

For some reason you have compassion for that nonsense. He knows it, and is exploiting it.

Seriously, smarten up. You deserve better; anyone does.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:20:41 PM
^^^maffers! What beautiful blues you have!

Oh. Umm,,,, sorry. I was looking at maffers.

Op- ummm. What are ya looking for?
He is an idiot. Even I as a women can see your a hot
mess. You can do better and let's be truthful- he is
probably a sucky lay.

Just let him go before he gives you a parting gift
in your pooter.

Guys an ***hole. You are acting insecure.
Why- I don't know.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 14
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:24:44 PM
This guy went out and slept with someone else.

And you're OK with that?

You are willing to wait until he gets this out of his system?


Come on!
Get some self respect.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 15
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:30:20 PM
I agree with Landra - why the indecent haste to tell you all about it?
Does he enjoy hurting you? He's a sadist, hon. You've met an emotional sadist.
Stick around and there will be plenty more ways and times he can and will hurt you.
Remember: pain does not equal love.
 bds1976
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 16
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:37:56 PM
My take is this:

1) He's been spending a lot of time with you and told you he wasn't ready for commitment. Nothing wrong with that.

2) He hooked up randomly with someone, told you about it and said he doesn't deserve you.

3) He asked if you would still consider dating him and that he was THINKING about TRYING to be exclusive.

Personally, without the typical "He's a jerk, run away" type answer, it sounds to me like he is either trying you out to see what he can/can not get away with before he decides you're ok to be with in a "serious" relationship. He could very well have some issues he is dealing with from his last relationship and is scared to commit again. Either way, you're not in a good zone at this point.

One of the possibilities is fixable and the other is not.

It sounds to me like he isn't just a game player. I don't know too many players that go to Church especially with people they are playing.

I would be leaning towards him not being ready to commit and dealing with his internal issues from previous relationships except for the "thinking about trying to be" statement if that was really how he worded it. That statement scares me. To me it sounds like trying to be exclusive is new territory for him.

I would seriously have a long talk with him. It very well could be just a mistake that he made and if he is as great as it sounds from your post, it is worth a shot to fix this before it gets broken but at the same time keep your eyes open. If you can help him settle his internal issues with his last relationship you just might walk away with a great guy or at least a good friend. But don't be blinded by love either.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 17
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:47:59 PM

It sounds to me like he isn't just a game player. I don't know too many players that go to Church especially with people they are playing.

Hate to break it to you, but going to church doesn't make you a "good" guy or woman. It doesn't make you honest or trustworthy. It just means you go to church.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 18
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:49:47 PM
Don't bother with any talk with this guy,kick his ass to the curb now....you're an attractive woman,no need to put up with this nonsense,he might stop for a short time...this will happen again.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:50:15 PM
If you don't want to walk away then don't, you can always be the woman that totally understands him and looks the other way when he slips up.
Stop making excuses, he told you he was not ready for a relationship, he told you he was going to date other people, then he told you he had sex with a stranger. Your roommate is as full of shit as he is, he really does not care about anything other than his naughty bits right now.
Men don't fight their emotions, they are either in it or not.
 euphoriaholic
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 20
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:54:39 PM
"he's scared that you will hurt him"? lol that's a good one, so he wants you to be faithful while he goes out and screws around on ya? Run, baby, run he's just playing games with you. You deserve better, much better.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 3:34:17 PM

The thing I really don't understand is why? I really believe this man is in love with me. I don't think he could be making up all the things he says and does with me.


You may never know, so please stop, I am sure you're blaming yourself by now.

Here's my suggestion;

1. You weren't "exclusive", so he messed around on you. It was going to happen, sooner or later, lucky for you it was sooner.
2. Now he wants you, for what..primary? How do you know? Trust is sorta shot here, huh.
3. Split apart for a while, see how each of you handle the being apart and cooling down period.

If he doesn't come back, then you know you met a player..and remember;
'Players only love you when their playing'..
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 3:36:20 PM
I am confused too.

What did he do wrong? You two were not in an exclusive relationship. You had the kind of feelings for him that made you want to be, but that doesn't make it so.

He sounds fairly unstable to me. Like there is a goooood reason he is not ready to be in an exclusive. "Fresh out of a relationship that hurt him a lot". That's a key phrase to look for in the future.
 HappyDip
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 23
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 3:45:14 PM

The thing I really don't understand is why?

Really?
You need to change your screen name then...you really have never come across anyone that sabotages their relationship for stupid reasons? Especially in the forums?

Do you think "love" is some sort of magic arrow that changes a person and a history of learned behavior or something? (assuming simply for the sake of argument what you assume to be true, i.e. his feelings for you, is true)

Other than that, I don't really see the problem...as he said he doesn't want to be exclusive.
Seems more like he may enjoy drama and emotional ejaculation.
Build up your relationship greater than it really is, then tear it down.
Emotional roller coaster crap more than train wreck.
Train wrecks stop and can't be reused. Roller coasters always go up, and down, and around, stop for a little bit, then start again.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 24
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 3:51:35 PM
if a guy is sleeping with you and someone else there is nothing confusing about it. he's keeping his options open, and you are one of the options. if i were you i'd move on. sure, it's tough, but you will just end up feeling used and humiliated in the end. i don't know about you, but i am not interested in sharing my guy with another woman. ugh.
 bds1976
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 25
Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?
Posted: 9/18/2011 4:05:17 PM
No wonder I am absolutely done dating. One mistake and everyone here wants her to dump this guy on his ass and never talk to him again. Is time and emotion not worth spending a few more moments to figure out constructively?

One little hint at being a "player" and RUN!

What the hell ever happened to two adults (who aren't in a committed relationship) sitting down and talking about their feelings and coming to a consensus on what they both think should happen? Whatever happened to taking the time to help a friend whom you care about through their problems whether there is that golden relationship at the end of the road or not?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ok! Now he's slept with someone but is asking for forgiveness...?