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 AUTHOR
 RWick
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 1
Hard to get. Does it work?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
A girl I had a few random sexual encounters with, but ended up being one of my closest friends, recently told me that I need to start playing hard to get. She said "When it comes to girls you like, you're like a bloodhound on a scent that pulls at the leash". I hadn't really thought about it much until she said something. My question is how do you let a girl know you are interested AND act like you dont give two sh1ts whether she likes you at the same time? I am eager to hear some of your thoughts on this topic because I am definitely in the dark here.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 2
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 8:25:15 PM
Why don't you try a more balanced approach?

Is there nothing between the two extremes of being a bloodhound pulling on a leash vs. playing hard to get?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 8:27:17 PM

My question is how do you let a girl know you are interested AND act like you dont give two sh1ts whether she likes you at the same time? I am eager to hear some of your thoughts on this topic because I am definitely in the dark here.

Don't act. Genuinely realize that although you like someone, you still have a life. Show interest, and remember the world doesn't stop. Make sure that you are true to yourself and you don't continue along with someone who's not reciprocating.

It's not acting like you don't care, and it's not about not caring. It's about being open to someone, and letting them know you're interested - and at the same time letting them know if they aren't interested back, you're fine with that and able to move on.

Bonus tip: don't ever worship someone who hasn't earned it. Make sure you get to know her and learn she's worth the attention before you pour a ton of attention on her. In other words, give her attention for being great, don't do it so she'll think you are.
 bds1976
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 4
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 8:31:43 PM
Do you like it when a girl (plays) hard to get?
 Mr.Messages
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 5
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 8:40:21 PM

My question is how do you let a girl know you are interested AND act like you dont give two sh1ts whether she likes you at the same time?


You have to be a mixture of "bad boy" and nice guy = Not a pushover yet not an A-hole. Self confident not****. Cool and calm. Relaxed yet fun. Not clingy yet not aloof. Not pushy. Nor worried if they don't call you back instantly or if they miss a time to get back to you..If they see by your actions you aren't dependant on them for making plans and living life or in need of their approval interest in you will tend to build..Be your BEST self.

Next time you see someone you like and are interested in..If you have a cool place you can think of let them know you're going to be there and that you should exchange numbers and could meet up there. This way you've let them know you are going there and if they want they can meet you there..(if not you are going anyway..right?)

You need to live your life for yourself first and have that person as a part of your life...not the whole of it. Not needing someone to "complete" you. Just be a part of your world and you part of theirs..till you possibly grow and become one. Simple.
 Mr.Messages
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 6
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 8:42:11 PM

Don't act. Genuinely realize that although you like someone, you still have a life. Show interest, and remember the world doesn't stop. Make sure that you are true to yourself and you don't continue along with someone who's not reciprocating.

It's not acting like you don't care, and it's not about not caring. It's about being open to someone, and letting them know you're interested - and at the same time letting them know if they aren't interested back, you're fine with that and able to move on.

Bonus tip: don't ever worship someone who hasn't earned it. Make sure you get to know her and learn she's worth the attention before you pour a ton of attention on her. In other words, give her attention for being great, don't do it so she'll think you are.


^^^^This^^^^
 RWick
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 7
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 8:44:19 PM
Thanks for the feedback. I wasn't aware that my approach was off balance. I know what I want when I see it so I just go after it. Dont get me wrong, I dont do the whole creepy stalker routine. I will definitely try to appear less eager in the future after reading your inputs.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 8
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 9:17:17 PM
Playing hard to get is not cool. Playing games never is. Perhaps you just need to be not quite so available and accomodating.
 RWick
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 9
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 9:27:03 PM
haha no doubt. Nothing is ever easy. If dating were easy I doubt it would hold my interest for very long. Hell hard to get goes against my nature. I tried bein a "jerk" once. The guilt was unbearable. I apologised soon after. lol
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 10
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 9:51:36 PM
Listen to this:


Playing hard to get is not cool. Playing games never is. Perhaps you just need to be not quite so available and accomodating.


x2

OP, if you want to attract girls who also "play games" in return -- by all means play hard to get. ....... You will ultimately attract what you reflect.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 11
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 10:20:31 PM

A girl I had a few random sexual encounters with, but ended up being one of my closest friends
I swear "random" must be the new buzz word for kids these days, because none of them seems to know what the word means.

If you had sex with this woman a few times, there was nothing "random" about it. You picked her - she picked you - both of you decided to get naked and do the deed. There is a solid chain of decision-making which results in the same action AGAIN and AGAIN.

THAT IS NOT RANDOM.

Perhaps you meant your first encounter with her was UN-planned. Okay, but if you do it AGAIN, that's not UN-planned, that is a PLAN. You KNOW what's she like in bed, you KNOW if you want to do it again, that is a PLAN~!!

How can we give you advice when you give us a crock from the first sentence? Seriously, I doubt every word of your post because of that first sentence. It's no wonder you're in the dark - SPEAK CLEARLY.
 D_Ocean
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 12
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/20/2011 11:43:13 PM
You don't need to play hard to get. In fact, don't play any games.

But you also don't want to show all your cards at once. You need to create interest. Women get hit-on by dozens of guys in any given week, and you need to differentiate yourself from the other guys.

Don't tell her your whole life story the first time you meet her. But at the same time don't act aloof and cold. Just be yourself and make sure you talk to her just enough to appear mysterious; so that way she would want to see you again.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 13
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 12:13:18 AM
Yes, please, play hard to get, by all means
because that's something I've never seen


Except those "players" and their "negging" BS
I have the nerdiest guys throwing some lame Mistery lines at me lately

I had a guy today telling me "those are some ugly shoes"

I looked down with a sad face and said, "really, you think so?"

I could see his pocket protector get foggy with his hand sweat

he said "yes they are" with a little triumphant smile

I said, well just for that ,now you don't get to borrow them to wear them when you go out with your BF
to that Star Trek convention next week
 EcCeNtRiCtY1979
Joined: 4/7/2011
Msg: 14
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 1:13:35 AM
Forum fishie that was great and sounds like something I would conjure up lmao
 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 15
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 4:53:02 AM
She's not telling you to play hard-to-get. She's telling you to back off or move more slowly. Hard-to-get is a game. Don't bother with it. Just be you, but turn down the volume at times. You should have no problem in the future.
 MissStackhouse
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 16
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 5:29:51 AM
You don't have to "play" anything. No one likes being "played" and 9 times out of 10, the hard-to-get thing doesn't work.

Maybe you just need to dial it back a bit when you meet someone you're interested in. I know it's exciting when you meet someone you want to spend time with, but no one likes a Stage 5 Clinger.

So yeah - let her know you're interested, just don't be creepy about it
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 17
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 6:46:02 AM
Aint NO Deal..LOL.. Why do you always do that? You are funny. I have to give you that. You don't know what he meant by random encounters. Maybe he means that they randomly selected the days that they slept together. Hmm.. Yeah that's it.. :o)
 RWick
Joined: 4/14/2011
Msg: 18
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 7:33:15 AM
^either way it was irrelevant. I wasnt sure how to describe my relationship with her since were not actually dating, nor are we fvckbuddies. So Aintnodeal, how bout next time you feel like trolling you atleast try to stay on topic? Now kindly take your shopping cart and get back under your bridge please. Thank you for the serious feedback you all.
 Dorkvader27
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 19
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 9:11:03 AM
There is a fine line between hard to get and games. Even Hard to Get is sort of gamish and most of the time it just turns into a back and forth game that leads to one or the other getting fed up and walking away.

That said you don't want to come on to STRONG which is more then likely what you are doing. You don't want to be there are their beck and call. Meaning she calls wanting to hang out that night and you hang out with her. (you can do that but ya gotta be careful with it). Instead of hanging out with her tell her you already have plans and suggest another date 2 or 3 days later. Understanding?

You show interest in the begining by intiating conversations with her every now and then how ever let her intiate them too. You show interest by flirting and some physical interactions (don't smack her but or any bone headed thing like that). Like others have said you want to be some place in the middle. Blood hound = clingon and to hard to get = games.

Like others posted you want to have a life out side of her. Nothing wrong with her texting to have a conversation and you being busy. Just text her later.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 20
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 9:28:24 AM
Playing hard to get is a silly game that any self rspecting woman should refuse to play. What you need to do is stop chasing the women who play hard to get. There's a difference between playing hard to get and honestly not being interested in women who want you to chase them, although superficially, those two things might appear to be similar in that you aren't catering to the whims of another person.
 Mr.Messages
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 21
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 1:30:48 PM

Playing hard to get is a silly game that any self rspecting woman should refuse to play. What you need to do is stop chasing the women who play hard to get. There's a difference between playing hard to get and honestly not being interested in women who want you to chase them, although superficially, those two things might appear to be similar in that you aren't catering to the whims of another person.


Women who play hard to get....want to get it hard.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 22
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 1:33:23 PM
Agreed on the balanced approach.

Here's the thing: The types of people who respond to those sorts of approaches are not balanced individuals who are looking for mutual interest. They're people who enjoy the chase, which means that 1) they typically disrespect boundaries generally, and 2) they're likely to get bored without continued challenge. Think about the types of people you'd like to attract, and then consider what sort of approach those people are likely to respond to. I'm hoping it isn't this one; and if it is, best of luck, because you'll need it.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 23
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 2:26:57 PM
^either way it was irrelevant.
If it was irrelevant, it shouldn't have been in your post.


I wasnt sure how to describe my relationship with her since were not actually dating, nor are we fvckbuddies.
How about saying "We are not dating. I met her a few times in different places. Every time I meet her I phuck her."

Geez, why make it difficult. Again, that description is not a RANDOM encounter. Your biggest problem is communication. You're not "hard to get" since she can score on you with little effort --- you're "hard to understand" since you can't seem to get it in your head that she's using YOU as a FB.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 24
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 2:59:55 PM
If someone doesn't show interest, as far as I am concerned there is no reason to continue.
As far as whether or not you are coming on too strong, listen,watch and learn the cues of the other person the more you push someone the more they are going to get defensive.
This is what being attentive will get you, the knowledge of when to move forward or when to slow down.
 Dorkvader27
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 25
Hard to get. Does it work?
Posted: 9/21/2011 6:18:20 PM
RWick got it figured out.

Nice display of low self esteem and no self confidence.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Hard to get. Does it work?