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 livnlongboro
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 1
Ladies have you found the old adagePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
to be true. Where it says that the way a Man treats his mother will be how he treats you? Just curious. I know that I treated my Mom great and I feel I treated every woman I have ever dated with the upmost respect

 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 2
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 8:37:43 AM
Hard to say, as I would never date a man who treated his mother poorly. I've dated men who didn't have close relationships with their mom's but they were still decent to them when they had contact.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 3
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 8:43:11 AM
Most would never know since my Mother is dead........so, I guess they have to go on what they feel and know about me as we get closer.

If you want to know about how one treats a relationship and family......go to their job and watch how they treat their colleagues, and those that they have to deal with day to day...........that will show you their personality and style!!

cd................
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 8:53:43 AM
I think it is a good GENERAL rule...but of course there are examples of men who were not treated well by thier own mothers and still learned not to treat other woman badly as a result.

To me, a person needs to take responsibility for thier actions, regardless of what thier parents taught them at some point. This is part of growing up.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 5
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 8:56:13 AM
I think how they treat others is very important, but beware the person that thinks Mommy and Daddy walk on water because you will always be a 2nd class citizen. They will never cut the cord.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 6
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 9:30:48 AM
No, I haven't found that to be true at all. I think it's much better to observe how a person treats everyone, not just their mother or immediate family but all people in general.

Leaving the sordid details aside, one of the most damaged (and damaging to me) person I have known absolutely worshipped the ground his mother walked on and he treated her and his sisters with the utmost respect. However, he viewed most other women, specially western women, as useless whores.

Misogyny can take many forms...many assume that if a man loves and respects his mother and gets along fine with some women (ie: sisters, cousins, neighbors, co-workers, etc.) that he can't be a misogynist - not true - there are many men around the world who revere their mothers yet they treat their wives and daughters and women in general horribly.

So no, I don't put much weight behind that saying, I mean sure, being on good terms with one's parents and family is generally a good thing but not always - there are toxic parents and families out there and I certainly wouldn't hold it against somebody if at one point they had decided it was best for them to cut or limit contact with their parental and/or familial unit.

I admit I may be somewhat jaded ... I've seen too many things to believe in sugar plums and happy endings and if I had to choose one saying to stand behind it would be more along the lines of appearances can be deceiving.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 7
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 9:35:02 AM
~OP~ Nope, I've not found this to be true. One person I know was cowardly towards his over-bearing Mother and one other had NO relationship with his Mother whatsoever, yet both were very nice, kind, loving, appreciative and positive-in-action towards me. My exhusband's Mother was dead before I came along, but I have a feeling she was walked on by his father ~ and my ex had a gift for doing so to me (and yes, I allowed it, which made it possible to do.) Which told me, he was much more like his father than anyone else. He seemingly adored his Mother and missed her horribly, but I never saw them interact. As far as my son? He was taught chivalry by me, and he was that way with all the ladies no matter who or what age, stranger or family, etc. To say he treated others as he treated me, however, would be a far stretch. I was his Mom, he interacted with others on completely different levels than he interacted with me. I think this is one of those cliches that some put faith in, others ignore. Like others have stated, I tend to view how a person treats wait-staff, people at the DMV, how they treat strangers on the street, etc., when I wish to know if I'm seeing "the best foot forward" or the real person. JMO
 livnlongboro
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 8
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 9:39:22 AM
Thanks for the reply. I have seen some different viewpoints. I will admit I have not thought of some of the viewpoints but am glad I first post the question as thinking outside my box is a good thing and I appreciate the input
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 9
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 9:41:45 AM

So no, I don't put much weight behind that saying, I mean sure, being on good terms with one's parents and family is generally a good thing but not always - there are toxic parents and families out there and I certainly wouldn't hold it against somebody if at one point they had decided it was best for them to cut all contact with their parental and/or familial unit.


I agree with the above statement. Also, I too watch out for how anyone new that I meet acts towards strangers and those they are not immediatly trying to impress.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 10
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 9:53:52 AM
I don't particularly want to be treated like a man's mother, so I'd probably be more interested in how he treats and talks about other people, especially women.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 11
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:00:23 AM
I don't believe one bet of this is true! I've meet men and women who treat their parents better than their spouses, and then I've meet men and women who treat their spouses better than their parents.

That goes with the old saying, that if you want to know what your mate is going to look like when they get older, look at their mother or father! False!!!
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 12
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:05:03 AM
I think women judging a mans character by his relationship with his mom is a bunch of bullshit.

I haven't talked to my mother in almost 15 years, she ruined my fathers life, dragged him through the gutter, she has two other sons (my step brothers) who have spent most of their adult life in prison and she thinks they are her little angels wrongly accused... me I am a US Marine, I raised a good son into a good man who is now also a US Marine... and I am her "evil child" (her words on more then one occasion)

So... you want to judge my character on my relationship with my mother???

Go right ahead.

Just don't think for a second I want you as a friend because you're deluded.

I'd rather spend my life single and lonely then try to have a good relationship with my mother just so I could have a girlfriend/wife.

If thats you... don't email me.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:47:18 AM
No, and I don't think if you want to know how a woman will age, look at her mother. I mean does she look like her mother, act like her, live the same life??? I've known some really rotten men who loved their mothers and treated mom like a queen, while beating the crap out of their wives.

I think a better indication is how they treat everyone, from the waitress to the garbage man to the guy on the road who made an error in judgment. How do they talk about their exes, how do they father their kids, how do they handle responsibility?
 sashazee
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 14
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:57:51 AM
I don't think the adage is necessarily true. I do agree that a good indicator would be how any person, men and women alike, treat workers in the service industry, i.e. wait staff, drycleaner, hotel staff, etc. Personally, I find that men who were raised with sisters have a better insight into women.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 15
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 2:30:09 PM
No. If you've ever dated a momma's boy, you would know this not to be true.

Family dynamics can be complicated. It's best to take every guy with an open mind and see how you relate to each other.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 16
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 5:40:34 PM
Yes and no. I look to see how a man treats /talks about women in general. If they are "she's a dumb b****" or "I'd like to jump that" or is rude or neglectful to their mothers, sisters, daughters, then it is a good indicator of how he will treat his wife or girlfriend. And if he talks bad about his ex (who is usually the mother of his children), then that man's wife divorced him for a good reason.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 17
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 6:18:40 PM
To a degree. I like to see someone who has a relationship with his folks, both of them,,, . By doing so, there will be respect as well as friendship/ an adult relationship with them. I like a close-knit family who will treat any lt newcomer as family, as mine does.

He's a guy who treats everyone with sincere respect and just a good guy all around.

I think it takes a great woman to raise a guy like this, and yes, an adult should determine how they want to live their life, but it's the basic foundation that he had growing up that instilled and supported those positive traits.

The obvious positive in this is that he will understand and will want the dynamics of a good, healthy relationship.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 18
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 6:24:44 PM
I think that the single biggest influence on the way a guy treats women comes from his
mom . Dad's are a close second of course .

Of course this sets up an irony where women complain about men while it is women who were men's biggest influence . ( mom )

I do treat my mom with respect because she is a seriously good woman and also just because she is mom .


"The mark of a man (or woman) is determined by how they treat someone whom they stand to gain nothing from."


Good one ...
Then we men have no gauge . lol
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 19
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 6:51:47 PM
@ Cedar: Seriously dude, you have a clean slate in every post and they always come across with negativity, especially towards women. Even a post about moms. JMO

The gauge he refers to is a self-gauge.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 20
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 6:59:51 PM
@ Cedar: Seriously dude, you have a clean slate in every post and they always come across with negativity, especially towards women. Even a post about moms. JMO

yeah , I like to vent a bit on the forums . Maybe negative but truthful .
I'm not so negative towards women , just certain political type of outspoken women who seem to congregate on the forums , so they tend to bring out my negativity .

Which part was not truthful ? Are moms not a huge influence on men's attitude towards women ? I mean for the vast majority of men who were raised from birth by a woman
( mom ) .

* addition *

I don't believe that. It's usually the "how your dad treats your mom" scenario. (in my opinion)


For sure, that's a good part of it , but I think it is more influential on how guys treat women as to how you see your mom treat your dad and how she treats her son ( you ) . The first and primary woman that a guy relates to is his mom .
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 21
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 7:03:34 PM
children respond to their parents.

they respond to their parents based on the boundaries and limits and expectations the parents places upon them and ""enforces/allows""


I believe its more how the parent treats the child...

and how the parent is with the child- the child will naturally seek this out in adult life with members of the opposite sex.

good or bad
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 22
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Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 7:05:35 PM

Where it says that the way a Man treats his mother will be how he treats you


I don't believe that. It's usually the "how your dad treats your mom" scenario. (in my opinion)
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/22/2011 7:34:46 PM
@Cedar: Each person has to live his or her own truth.


For sure, that's a good part of it , but I think it is more influential on how guys treat women as to how you see your mom treat your dad and how she treats her son ( you ) . The first and primary woman that a guy relates to is his mom .


Psychologists will share that the child will learn (positive) behavior ( in regard to relationships) from their first opposite gender, positive role model. If someone's ( a girl in the case of this thread) dad isn't a positive role model, and,,,say, their grandad is ( which was my case), it may allow for a different scenario. It's not always the parent who was the best or worst influence.

I think you're sharing the same thing that most women are about men, it's just the flip side- from a male perspective in regard to your mother, whereas we are relating it to the men we date and how they may have been influence by their moms.

We all relate to our own experiences, which is what we openly share in the forums.
My own experience in my marriage was that my ex treated women just as his dad treated his mother.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 24
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/23/2011 7:24:38 AM

so they tend to bring out my negativity


As we age we should realise WE are all accuntable for how we see the world...blaming others for bringing out a negative character trait is very childish. You either are negative or you are not. If you are not a negative person, then you wont be 'made' to act negatively...especially by a benign post on a forum where this has no real affect on your day to day life. just my opinion tho.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 25
Ladies have you found the old adage
Posted: 9/23/2011 11:51:32 AM

I don't particularly want to be treated like a man's mother, so I'd probably be more interested in how he treats and talks about other people, especially women.


If you've ever dated a momma's boy, you would know this not to be true.


"The mark of a man (or woman) is determined by how they treat someone whom they stand to gain nothing from."


It's usually the "how your dad treats your mom" scenario. (in my opinion)

Wow... Those cover my opinion... all of them rolled into one.
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