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 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 1
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile TermsPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Online dating profiles contain many common statements that have some subtext to them, for some it may not be so clear what they mean. This thread is to used as a common glossary of terms - and their sometimes not-so-subtle meanings...

Let's keep this to lines of quotable text only - there are several obvious lies and jokes in people's main statistics and photographs, but finding subtext in their sentences is a lot more fun!

The POFICTIONARY is like Wikipedia - it is open to evaluation and modification by it's readers. Please feel welcome to add your own insightful translations, just make sure you define your source as a Man's or Woman's profile - otherwise the confused people in here will just get more confused.

Note: This started as a differently-named thread, but one poster in the previous thread coined the name 'Pofictionary', and so thus it has been re-born under it's aptly-named title.

Some Examples:
From Women's Profiles:
"...big fan of Chemistry" = You better be damn hot
"...enjoy the simple things" = Won't work for the basic things
"Looking for a real man" = Tired of getting dumped
"Are there any good guys left?" = where are the rich men who are truly single?

"Looking for a man who likes to have fun, but treats me with respect"
= You may have to hold my hair while I puke after drinking too much
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 2
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/24/2011 8:51:57 AM
Also, gleaned from the previous thread: Could be either sex:
"Not a big Fan of Drama" = My Ex calling every 15 minutes is enough for me
"Can You Keep Up?" = I can spend money faster than the U.S. Gov't
"I need someone I can count on to be there when needed." = Got Bail?
"I have mostly guy friends." = Men are easier to manipulate, and women won't put up with my crap
-----------------------------------------------
Profile: "I am not looking for a one night stand or to hookup for sex."
From a Gal = Been there. Done That. Didn't like It.
From a Guy = Dude, I did TOO put in my profile. You owe me five bucks.

Continues = "Let me repeat, I am not looking to hook up."
From a Gal = You mentioned it twice. Yes, you ARE looking - but have standards.
From a Guy = You mentioned it twice, Moron. You have no class.

Lastly = "and for the last time, I am NOT in here looking for sex."
From a Gal = It's a guy running a phony profile
From a Guy = As required to be placed by Statute 118.37 of the Sex Offender Code
------------------------------------------------

More Ladies' Profiles:
"Looking for someone to make me laugh" = My life sucks.
"Must love dogs" = Four-legged birth control
"Live, Laugh, Love" = I'm bipolar.
"I'm looking for someone real" = Tired of replacing batteries every week
 sashazee
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 3
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/24/2011 9:43:31 AM
LOL...very clever. I only fell into one of the categories (the no-"hook up" zone) and will edit my profile. Here's one I see waaayyyyyyyy too often:

"Looking for My Soulmate"
Immediate turn-off only because it is a worn and unrealistic cliche'. I'm not big on cliches' and unfortunately I've seen too many profiles riddled with your POFICTIONARY terms.
So...back to ....
"Looking for My Soulmate" = Someone who finds me perfect in every way and will BE perfect in every way and NEVER get on my nerves for any reason whatsoever.

Good luck with THAT!
 sactowndude
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 4
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/24/2011 10:43:03 AM
Women's profiles:
"Just looking" = I want a tall rich guy, if you are average I won't give you the time of day
"Want an open minded guy" = I'm a nympho and have many boyfriends
"Looking for Mr.Right" = I'm picky
"Must be spontaneous" = I get bored easily
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 5
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/24/2011 7:46:50 PM
^^^ I see must be spontaneous = I'm ADD, ADHD
 sactowndude
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 6
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/24/2011 8:00:34 PM
ver 2.0:
"Want an open minded guy" = I swing both ways
 sashazee
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 7
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/25/2011 10:02:46 AM
"Looking for a good hearted woman" = I just got dumped
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 8
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/30/2011 12:20:41 AM
____gal/guy4you = no one wil have me.
"look no further"= controlling psycho.
"best family and friends in the world"= as opposed to y'all who are friendless losers raised by wolves/grew up in a shantytown.
"wants a gal who knows what they want"= I'm a bottom!

"I'm not the best looking guy on here" = pity fu ck wanted.
BUT = I'm also boring and will suck the joy out of you.
I'm really nice". = I am devoid of a personality and will imitate your gestures.

"My kids HAVE a father" = we have a lien on his wages.

"there is NO baby daddy drama" = we can't locate him, as he's on the lam, eluding back support.

"I like to think I'm intelligent, = I'm an idiot and this is the proof.

"a kind, giving, caring person" = I lie as the day is long, for fun and profit.

"reasonably attractive" = 2 bagger.

"above average looks" = resembles a mythological creature--elf/unicorn cross.

"Looking for someone beautiful inside and out" = looking for someone out of my league and compliant.

"I like to cuddle and watch dvds" = I haven't been touched in so long-run!

"First date--I adore long walks in the park" = nobody will discover your body for weeks.

"After our date we'll have a good night kiss " = I also have planned spontaneous sex on date 3, but I'll email, text, or tweet you on that.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 9
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/30/2011 6:01:38 AM

"First date--I adore long walks in the park" = nobody will discover your body for weeks.


Joren Van der Sloot, is that you?
 dsljim
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 10
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/30/2011 11:35:52 AM
Women's profile: A Little extra? Like if she sat on the other end of a teeter totter,I'd go a LITTLE farther into outer space.
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 11
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/2/2011 9:56:42 AM
"believes in love and the power of a mutually agreed upon relationship"
= I'm already armed with a prenuptial agreement - and I'm not afraid to use it.
 Patrick2428
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 12
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:06:36 AM
"a few extra pounds" What exactly is your definition of "a few"
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 13
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:21:20 PM
A few extra pounds = I'm fat and thats why there is only a head shot.



Um....kinda like you??
 Villies
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 14
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/12/2011 11:32:40 PM

A few extra pounds = I'm fat and thats why there is only a head shot.



Um....kinda like you??


Ouch.

I personally am horridly bored by the constant clichés : « Simple girl, love, live, movie, laugh, la-la-land. Ask me and find out! »
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 15
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/13/2011 10:09:43 AM
Well he was making fun of fat people sayin they only had a head shot because they were fat.
And i simply noticed that all he had was head shot on his profile....
 SingleGuy81
Joined: 10/6/2010
Msg: 16
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/13/2011 12:59:16 PM

Well he was making fun of fat people sayin they only had a head shot because they were fat.
And i simply noticed that all he had was head shot on his profile....


Ok? Whats your point. He is right, 99% of the time, if you say you're "a few extra pounds" you either just have head shots, or no picture at all.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 17
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/13/2011 1:09:03 PM
My point is he is calling other people with only head shots, fat. He has only a head shot....That's my damn point!! And also I don't see a pic on your profile.
 SingleGuy81
Joined: 10/6/2010
Msg: 18
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/13/2011 1:15:21 PM

My point is he is calling other people with only head shots, fat. He has only a head shot....That's my damn point!! And also I don't see a pic on your profile.


No, hes not. What he is saying is, if you put "a few extra pounds" as your body type then generally all you have is head shots. Hes not saying that everyone that just has head shots is fat.
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 19
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/13/2011 2:23:14 PM
Now, people - this is a HUMOR thread. We are supposed to Poke fun at ourselves and others, not STAB.

GUYS Profiles:
"The Swordfish" = Compensating, especially if accompanied by a photo of a large bike, car or boat
'Carpe Diem' = Wants you to seize something of his, but probably not 'the day'
Looking for a...
Flirty - Spontaneous - Lively - Exciting (damn near any adjective) Woman = a girl who puts out
Looking for a...
Caring - Funny - Silly - Intelligent (damn near any boring adjective) Woman = a girl who puts out - but I'm not picky about size or shape
 NameNowTaken
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 20
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/13/2011 5:20:50 PM
Ooo, I like this game. Let me try a few I've found.

Women's profile...
- "Im a girly girl" = spoil me or GTFO
- "...someone I can really click with" = you decide, I complain
- "I know exactly what I want" = I'm too picky
- "Looking for a spark!" = no second thoughts...EVER
- "someone who I can take care of and who can take care of me" = the latter more so than the former
- "looking for a really nice guy who is an all around manly man" = like I said, I'm too picky
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 21
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:18:00 PM
body type.... average isnt
and why the hell is BBW a choice for men? Where is short and stumpy ?
Coming down from 285 to 225 , I know I got more to go, but the BMI from my height is 149 ! I ain't seen that since wrestling... I think I would have to cut off a leg to get there again.
 lovelikewinter
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 22
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/15/2011 3:19:43 PM
Man's profile: you need to be smart, down to earth, and have a good personality
translation= you better be thin with huge tits and cheaper than the dollar store.

man's profile: looking for a good southern girl.
translation= you better take shots like a gangsta
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 23
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/21/2011 2:25:24 AM
"Laid back" = Underachiever/pothead.
"Easy going" = High strung, underachieving pothead.
"Sarcastic" = Can dish it, can't take it.

"Likes the simple things" = Just filed for bankruptcy.
"Life is short" = Instant gratifying, resident pessimist.

"I'm not photogenic" = Next you'll say your scale and clothing tags are lying to you... It starts with YOU, my friend.

"My friends say..." = Libel and defamation laws are still in place, just sayin'.
"I've been told.." = Hearsay is a great testimonial. Hear tell what else, you have a yacht, was once an astrophysicist...

"Looking for a fun girl" = Having nothing to do with amusement parks, in malespeak "fun" = laffs = from chortles to the obscene, in a few seconds flat.

Kissy face = "I think I'm hot, 200 lbs, warts and all."
Ducklips = "Oh, look cheekbones. Finally!"

Camera self shot = "Yes, I have a nose, eyes, penis, what do you biitches want?A personality?Bah!"

"I don't sweat the small stuff" = I sweat everything.
"I have no baggage" = Early-onset Alzheimer's.

Old version of "geeky" = Asymmetrical, sideshow, genetically ungifted. Asperger's.
Gen Y version -"geeky" = Not a total airhead. Sometimes a techie.

"Bit of a nerd" = A dash of geeky, without the stigma, a splash of nerd cachet, without the commitment.

"Treats a lady as she deserves to be treated" = Uh, who decides how deserving she is...shriek.
"Chivalry isn't dead" = Does bribery work?

"Wants a girl with a good head on her shoulders" = Decaputees and Jack O' lanterns need not apply!
"I believe the glass is half full" = Prosaic view of life, will erode brain on contact.

The Barracuda = Don't answer this ad.
The Bottom feeder = Pity party.
The Clam = Asexual.

"I don't play around or cheat" = Valiantly fighting the sodium amobarbital, one verb at a time.
"Shy but warms up" = Touted as much better than all over you and clams up, but reasearch shows subjects dropped out prior to study's completion.

"Friends first" = Friend zone, possible benefits, mebbe, can't say.
Title - "Less is more" = Don't reply to this ad.
Title - "Still waters run deep" = Undiagnosed autism spectrum, illiterate, mineral deficiency.

"Co-conspirator, partner in crime" = Plead "nolo contendre " to bludgeoning with outworn phrases. No contest!
 RobertinStages
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 24
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/21/2011 3:26:56 AM
THESE ARE FUNNY!!! I'll take a stab at "looking for a long term relationship" = "I have no libido so you better fall in love with my other qualities"
 TIME 2
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 25
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/21/2011 6:10:07 AM
women’s profiles :

Statement : I’m happy with my life and really don’t need anyone, but would like someone special to share my life with .
Translation: I’m sick and tired of cutting the lawn and shoveling the driveway etc.
Statement: I’m as comfortable in a pair of jeans as I am in an evening gown .
Translation: You’re going to see me mostly in jeans, but don’t be cheap and take me out on the town.
Statement: Game players need not respond to my profile
Translation: I’m getting sick and tired of going out with the good looking men, giving up the candy and then they’re gone!!!
Statement: Serial daters need not apply!
Translation: I’m on a mission and my shelf life is dwindling.
Statement : If you’re going to email me … make it creative and not just a “Hi there”
Translation: I would like you to waste a lot more time on me, before I read and delete your letter.
Statement : I will not settle for less than I deserve
Translation : I’ve just gotten out of a bad relationship … so look out !!!
Statement : I exercise 4 to 5 times a week
Translation : I’m single , have no children and I’m still hoping to meet someone at the gym
Statement: I like to eat healthy
Translation : Don’t expect to bring your sorry ass over to my place with a six pack and a pizza on a Friday night
Statement: Must not be looking for an intimate encounter... even though your pics show large amounts of cleavage and or you're sprawled out over your bed.
Translation: Nothing in life is free.
Statement: People tell me I look 10 years younger than I am.
Translation: I've lived a pampered life and have had little to no stress in it.
Statement: I'm more attracted to men younger than I.
Translation: My husband/boyfriend left me for a younger woman.
Statement: I'm very attractive,intelligent and successful and you should be also.
Translation: I'm a malignant narcissist looking for same
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