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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Refusal to have unprotected sex.      Home login  
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 complete_moron
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 2
Refusal to have unprotected sex.Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It's a bit unrelated and I know I'm not answering your question, but you are on a single's site asking singles about this, while you are clearly in a relationship.
Are you asking here, because you kinda stuck around after getting into a relationship or you signed up even though you were already in a relationship?
 CraftyPeaches
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 3
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 9:40:35 PM
If she respected you she wouldn't have had a fit over this issue. It's obviously very important to you and is not a little thing (like what side of the bed you sleep on or squeezing the toothpaste from the middle). A potential new life hangs in the balance.

On the flip side of your particular "problem," I refuse to have unprotected sex with *anyone*. If the guy has that big a problem with it, tough shit - it's either protected sex or no sex. Besides, I was always taught that you should use at least two forms of birth control together. Kinda of a backup, y'know? So even if she was on the pill, condoms are *still* a good way to go.

Good luck, man.
 Onlyone85
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 5
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 9:54:21 PM

It's a bit unrelated and I know I'm not answering your question, but you are on a single's site asking singles about this, while you are clearly in a relationship.
Are you asking here, because you kinda stuck around after getting into a relationship or you signed up even though you were already in a relationship?


Hey Complete, his membership date is since '09 so I would assume he has been on here through the course of the relationship....

OP- I can see both of your points of view on this. I applaud you for being responsible and think she should respect this as you have good reasoning for it. But, I also understand that for her it is probably another way to be more intimate with you and so forth. It may even bring her more pleasure when you do. Perhaps there is a way to appease both of you. Condoms are actually only 85% effective in the aide against pregnancy and STD's, which is higher of course with the pill. But, perhaps since you already have the 97% effective rate (and you believe you do) you could do a spermicide. Using a spermacide would be added protection in addition to the pill and it is also 85% effective. So you are getting the same amount of assurance as what you are doing now. They have creams, gels and foams. They are easy to use and a low irritation/allergy rate. Then you are finishing inside her without giving up your added assurance.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 6
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 9:56:47 PM
So what is the problem Son, you want protected sex she doesn't, you don't trust her obviously , without trust there is no relationship, maybe she saw your profile on here portraying you're single and she' s testing before she kicks you to the curb.

Bottom line your relationships is on its last legs, if you give in and have sex and she gets pregnant , I say 20 to 1 says your relationship will end before the baby is born, you will feel trapped and resentful to her, and if you do the protection thing she will dump you after a while because what ever her reasons are , she will feel you don't trust her
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 10:00:07 PM
I insist on two layers of protection, and if a woman objects the relationship ends right there. A condom is a second layer of protection along with the pill, so you did the right thing in my opinion.
 complete_moron
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 9
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 10:03:38 PM
The reason I posted under relationships issues was because it relates to the effects on a relationship with someone I love that I met off a singles site. Hopefully, few of you will encoutner the same issue, but it would be nice if there was useful feedback for anyone else that does.

In retrospect it may have been better posted under sex related issues, but to be honest, I'm more concerned about losing a relationship with someone I love than than the sex itself.


Ok, now that's cleared up, I can say something perhaps to the real question.
Here is the thing, why don't you ask her specifically why she want that? I have met women who would only really enjoy sex if the guy goes into her and rubber turns her off. They are out there. There is also a trust issue here.

Are you sure you aren't having wrong thoughts about her, somehow being suspicious, while she isn't really trying to take advantage of you with this?

Of course it comes with a risk with no rubber, but you didn't say if she was on the pill or not. She probably trusts the pill and she had enough of the rubber deal.

Look, if you will use rubber forever, she better be prepared for it and get in peace with it, otherwise the whole thing is not gonna work out.
The reason she stormed out was because she thinks you don't trust her, that's simple.
You gotta make a decision to go either way, with rubber and convince her that this is it, or no rubber and take the risk.
There is a middle way too, if neither of you want kids, one of you should sacrifice a little, which is 'tying it away", because that works 100%. If she won't do it, then she is probably not ready to give up on more kids, if you won't do it- well I don't know that's really up to you.
If this is gonna lead into problems like it did already, and she can't be convinced, then I don't know what to say, only bad news.
That's all I got, that's how I see it.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 10
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 10:06:37 PM

Did I do the right thing?


Yes you did.

Sounds like a very odd way to test someones love and trust.
Smart people take precautions.
Unwanted pregnancies are not the way to start any relationship.

Do you think she may want a child
and this is her way of trapping you into it?

I can see no reason for a woman to suggest having sex without a condom.
There is no difference in feeling for the woman.
(Unless she is allergic to latex)
The issue of feeling is for the man
So if waring a condom is not an issue for you
Then there is an alterior motive on her part.

I think this may need some serious discussion.
If you can't work this out with her,
Then you may need to bring in a third party (counselor)

Do NOT budge on your end.
You don't need another child.
 LargoMaNonTroppo
Joined: 6/23/2011
Msg: 12
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 10:18:03 PM
Here's my take on it. Anything someone is uncomfortable with regarding sex should be respected by the other person. If you aren't comfortable without a condom, your girlfriend should respect that, and the time for discussing it isnt when you are having sex. Your reasons dont even matter. Your feelings do.

I just dont think this is something someone should be pouting about. Now possibly the two of you wont be compatible. If it's that important to her then she may have to find someone else- but she doesnt have the right to demand anything from you.

Personally, given your history, I think she is being insensitive.
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 13
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 10:35:53 PM
She should respect your wishes. Until we come up with a full proof birth control method for men that isnt' permanent you have every right to do as you did. If I were a man I would not let a woman try to just say "trust me", i'm on the pill.
It is YOUR life, love has nothing to do with risking an unwanted pregnancy. She is wrong and using emotional blackmail in my opionion. That is NOT love on her part.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 16
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 11:26:31 PM

So what is the problem Son, you want protected sex she doesn't, you don't trust her obviously , without trust there is no relationship, maybe she saw your profile on here portraying you're single and she' s testing before she kicks you to the curb.


Not so sure CDN... reality is, as he said in his post, BC pills are *not* 100% effective... is it that he doesn't trust *her*, or that he doesn't trust BC pills? While even condoms are not 100% effective (potential for breakage, someone mentioned 85%?), the combination of both would increase that say 97% effective rate for the pill to probably 99.99%, and if you don't want/aren't ready for kids together, one would think the better the odds against it would be a plus.

Honestly OP, her 'storming out' sounds a bit immature - but if you want to try to 'salvage' it I would suggest if you talk you focus on you not being ready for kids, and trusting her, but not trusting that BC is 100%.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 17
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 11:33:52 PM
OP - Two things stood out in your story.
(1) You have a valid reason for not risking pregnancy, expecially via the same circumstances; You explained this very clearly and succintly

(2) She didn't just ask for sex, she asked you to come INSIDE her. Not ON her, or in her mouth, or anyplace else. No woman in her right mind is going to ask a guy to come inside her just to test the birth control == a woman who asks this is hoping the birth control fails or isn't using it.

I understand women may allow a man to ejaculate inside because they are confident of their protection or not worried about an unplanned pregnancy -- but ALLOWING something is not the same as specifically ASKING for it happen. Asking means she wants something out of it. That something is a baby.

I also understand that women can get a special thrill from the raw contact or expect a deeper emotional bond. If she only wants a "thrill" from a warm squirt -- heat up a tablespoon of milk and sugar and use an eye-dropper to deliver it. If she keeps on about the 'emotional bond' of internal cumshots - give her a load up the ass - and stand ready to wipe any excess.

In all cases, account for your used condoms to be sure she isn't straining them and saving up a load to inject herself when your back is turned.

Is there a new child counseling service you can attend to scare her straight? One that loans you one of those robot-dolls that cries day and night? Maybe she needs to know what it's like.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 18
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/24/2011 11:55:36 PM
Dang someone put out catnip from the tone of some of these answers...the man said he loved her and then you paint her as a wicked woman trying to steal his seed; or he says 1 month ago they got back together and now shame on him for still having a profile...wtf!

OP, some women do indeed love the feel inside when a man cums...it isn't something you can describe to a man (and no it doesnt feel the same in the ass). You have your reasons for not wanting to do it and I think you realized that communicating that BEFORE you are in bed together would have taken alot of the anger / anxiety out of the situation. Her requesting your cum means she trust you not to have some type of disease, that she wants to be exclusive with you, she wants a deeper intimacy with you.

You not wanting to hurt her feelings and now both of you got your panties in a wad; call her tomorrow and explain what you said here but in a loving (you did say you love her) manner. Explain that until the two of you are ready for a child in case it happens you just can't enjoy sex without protection and then reassure her that you are up for the deeper intimacy etc (if you are).

Good luck.
 kiwicoffee
Joined: 4/18/2011
Msg: 20
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 12:07:58 AM
I absolutely think you did the right thing if you didn't want to risk getting her pregnant. And like any sexual act you shouldn't do it if you don't feel a hundred percent comfortable.

A partner should never try to pressure you into it.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 21
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 12:12:53 AM
why didn't u just pull out and unload on her ?


heck I have had a girl batter her pie with my icing once...


you can never be too careful...
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 12:46:55 AM
Well...not gonna lie the pill is good enough for me. Maybe that is reckless?

Coming inside is a very intimate thing. I think her desire for you coming inside is just to share a very intimate thing. IMO...

However


Did I do the right thing?


It's your moral principle man. Stick to your convictions. If you don't see eye to eye then it's a moral incompatibility. One knock against the relationship.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 23
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 12:49:50 AM

AND - Lately, you disappoint me over and over again.


I suppose that uniquely qualifies me to answer the OP's post. ...or you have hacked my voicemail and found the "Dear John" message from my last Ex...

In either case, I must apologize -- at times I forgot that I'm writing to an audience of One. You may find my Twitter posts more entertaining. The powers that Tweet saw fit to mute me before asking me to speak.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 1:35:01 AM

I can see no reason for a woman to suggest having sex without a condom.
There is no difference in feeling for the woman.
(Unless she is allergic to latex)
The issue of feeling is for the man
So if waring a condom is not an issue for you
Then there is an alterior motive on her part.

Yep, I totally agree with this. There is no difference in pleasure for her, at least not enough to cause an issue over and walk out on someone. Something else was going on, here.

Yes OP - you did the right thing, not that you needed a reason for something like this as it's pretty much common sense - but the reasons you gave are totally understandable.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 1:35:05 AM
If I understand correctly, this translates as:

SHE wants him to ejaculate inside her without protection other than the one that FAILED him spectacularly before, resulting in an unexpected pregnancy.

We don't actually know WHY she did so, nor why she "stormed out."

OP, I can certainly say that you made a LOGICAL decision to say no, but whether it was the "right decision" or not is another question entirely. It was apparently NOT RIGHT from her perspective, and has resulted in a big problem in your relationship.

You already know that you made your decision the only way that you could, given that you KNOW you do not want to risk another child right now. At this point, I would say that you next have to ACCEPT the fact that this might not allow you to keep this relationship. It's a matter of consequences that are not separately under your control (i.e. her reaction).

Therefore, if you used the phrase "right decision" to mean, SHOULD you be able to overrule HER choices because of your very logical point of view, the answer is NO. If all you are asking is, were you being rational, the answer is YES.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 26
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 1:41:16 AM
Op,id really like to know WHY your girlfriend wanted you to ejaculate inside her.

Did you ask her WHY? What did she say?

Ive always believed its more an emotional thing because your bodyheat is the same,so,its not like she could really feel it...................?
Though others' opinions may vary on that....?
Anyway,id really like to know HER reason behind it but i really think you did the right thing if you dont want to risk having another child.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 28
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 2:20:53 AM
hell I am snipped - and she is still riding latex until I trust her 100%......
and even then , that has come to bite me in the azz.
it is the bowl of dip at the buffet
how do you know nobody double dipped.... doesnt have a case of pink eye or Hep C, put a dorito in there, or worse - added onions !
I dont go near the festering cauldron of germs at the buffet - I am not excited about dabblin in a swimming hole with every other swinging donkey conk she has f-d.
you want truly 'safe' sex - get an apple pie.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 29
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 3:06:05 AM
No smart man would trust a woman who said that to him.

Get rid of her. When a woman does not have her own birth control, she is begging to get pregnant. Never trust a woman to use her own birth control. Always wear a condom when you're not prepared for an accident.

The decision to OVER RULE her "Get me pregant" idea, was good.

And you did the right thing.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 3:14:12 AM

Never trust a woman to use her own birth control


Essentially you just said you can never trust a women.

Or to be super technical... you can never trust a pre-menopausal women... heh

How do you reconcile that with the hallmark concept of 'trust is everything'?

Never enter a relationship because you can't trust them?
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 31
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 3:51:19 AM
Get rid of her. When a woman does not have her own birth control, she is begging to get pregnant. Never trust a woman to use her own birth control. Always wear a condom when you're not prepared for an accident.

The decision to OVER RULE her "Get me pregant" idea, was good.

And you did the right thing.


Actually you need to take it a step further. Put bleach, drain cleaner or whatever is handy into every used condom to kill all the sperm left in it. Girls have been known to dig through the trash for a used condom to stuff the contents up themselves to get pregnant against a guy's wishes. Take no chances.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 4:01:00 AM
^^^

When a woman does not have her own birth control

He said


She's on the pill

read the op?


Girls have been known to dig through the trash for a used condom to stuff the contents up themselves to get pregnant against a guy's wishes

.............

In your neighborhood bro maybe.
Nice outlook on women.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 5:42:13 AM
I completely understand getting caught up in the moment, but honestly that type of insistence would have made me bolt. It is no different than being with a man that refuses to wear a condom. Scary and selfish. You need to protect yourself from disease and unwanted pregnancy until YOU decide you want children with a partner you love.
I would not give her the time of day again, because she is seriously considering that getting pregnant would not be such a bad idea whether you want it or not.
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