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Show ALL Forums  > California  > Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?      Home login  
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 4forumsonly
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 2
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?Page 1 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
I will say this, when I am NOT interested in a man, I will INSIST on going dutch.
 4forumsonly
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 3
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/25/2011 11:29:54 PM
I don't understand how you would think that by a woman paying her share of her meal means, "If that is the case, weman are after for our wallets."....please clarify.
 4forumsonly
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 4
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/25/2011 11:54:15 PM
I never said an intimate meal is paid by the man only. I simply stated that when I know I am N O T interested in a man, I insist on paying for my share.

If a man expects a woman to continue to go dutch, he should communicate that when asking her out in order to alleviate any confusion or any awkward moments when the bill comes; simple as that.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 5
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 12:29:38 AM
When I do go on dates, I end up with a larg bill at the end of the night. It's like the ladies don't wont to pay a dime. What do you do in setuation where you forced to make that choice.

Although this is not the case for some, unfortunately we live in a society where often men are expected to pay the bill, especially when they ask a woman out. It's not fair and it sucks.

Knowing this you have 4 choices:
1. Move to a country where society's expectation of genders are equal.
2. Pay and don't complain.
3. Don't go out on dates.
4 Or communicate that you want to go dutch in case she is one of the women who assume you'll pay.
As women have the same choices.
 4forumsonly
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 6
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 1:00:16 AM
Another option is to be creative. Who says that you need to spend a fortune on a date to have a fabulous time?

You can take your date to the OC Great Park and ride the FREE hot air balloon. If you give it some thought, there are tons of excellent free venues to talk and get to know one another.

Some dates can be priceless without breaking the bank ;)
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 7
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 1:11:10 AM
He can choose number 4 or what 4forumsonly suggested which is in my opinion the best solution.

We're just people like you and him, we don't have the answers. We're just presenting the available options. In the end, he will have to choose what works best for him.
 4forumsonly
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 8
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 1:21:41 AM
^^^^ Thanks HappySingleSpirit!
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 10
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 9:38:20 AM
Don't see what's so funny about option#4 if you can't communicate with another human being then maybe you should not be dating.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 11
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 9:53:43 AM
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?

Best to better define your terms, and also make better informed choices of potential partners/dates..

A "first meet" is first time you set eyes on each other IRL, should be a simple short casual no-cost walk/talk at the park or such..

A "first date" is after you have already met face-to-face in person (not just webcam), and you both wish to know each other better..

Realistically, you have to be able to afford to buy dinner for both of you wherever you decide to go,
since if you do go dutch that kills most women's interest in you as some have openly admitted in these Forums..
So choose potential partners wisely, bring your wallet and pretend to enjoy paying for everything for each "first official date",
or resign yourself to always staying home alone with your pets watching the sports channel and eating cold pizza..
 SFGIANTSFAN_IN_SOCAL
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 12
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 12:59:26 PM
I don't know who you are dating, but I ALWAYS bring money on my dates. And, regardless of my interest, I offer to pay for my share of the meal. It's NEVER accepted, but I still offer. I don't expect a free meal and nor will I ever.

I don't know, maybe that's just me.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 13
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 1:22:42 PM
I have too much pride to expect that from anyone. Like the previous poster none of my dates ever accept it though.
 GregSJ
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 14
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 5:32:40 PM
For me... I rarely find enough time to go out. So I am happy to pay. I need more excuses to go out. Good company makes it all the better.
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 15
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/26/2011 5:43:28 PM
According to "Miss Manners," the person who asks the other out is the one who pays for the first date, unless there is some other agreement beforehand.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/29/2011 12:31:02 PM
my first inclination on this topic ... as I've shared repeatedly before when it's come up! is that we go "Dutch treat" for the initial meeting ... and that it should be something light, preferably an activity of some type ... such as antiquing ... some activity that would encourage discussion and sharing of ideas, getting to know each other ...

sadly, when I've tried to put this into action in real life ... it has never flown ... the men involved have generally acted offended ... they have said variations on, "well, I can CERTAINLY afford to treat a lovely lady to dinner!" .... come on! I'm NOT attacking your ability to pay for a meal ... I'm just trying to determine whether we want to spend any more time with each other ...

this should be EASY ... well, easier anyway!

the men my age who I've met and dated have also (except one) INSISTED on PAYING ... this goes against everything I feel ... I don't LIKE to feel obliged to someone ... especially for a mediocre meal I could have better prepared at home!

one man actually kept repeating that he was nobody's meal ticket ... even though I'd explained that I prefer to pay my own way! I thought he must have been kidding because, otherwise, why would someone say that?!

maybe 30% of the time ... the man wants the first meet to not only be a MEAL at a restaurant that HE picks out and pays for ... but also a ROMANTIC and expensive meal! this astounds me ... but I'm apparently not the romantic that a lot of men my age are ... so ... if the man wants something romantic, I sure don't want to squash that dream ... and ... a couple of times, it was fabulous! the men were charming, delightful and I think the candle light really helped ...

it would be my PREFERENCE, though, to get to know the guy BEFORE the romance begins ... just me ... expressing my opinon! (LAFFING! it's the only opinion I have!)

 JBael
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 18
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/29/2011 8:29:36 PM
Anyone who goes on a date and orders stuff they don't have the ability or willingness to pay for should be made to feel just as low and foolish as their behavior...especially if she's hot enough to be used to getting away with 'ish like that.
 DCA34
Joined: 9/25/2011
Msg: 20
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/1/2011 1:55:50 PM
Why does it matter? Stop taking your dates to places that cost a lot of money and you wont have anything to worry about. A girl i met on POF, and ended up becoming very intimate with for quite some time, asked me to take her on a HIKE for our first date. Didn't cost me much more then the gas ride up the hill. And when we got there she liked me enough not to throw me off. So stick to casual... shoot i might just invite the next girl i take with me to help me pick out my halloween costume and chat with her while i do it and be silly the whole time. If you're worried about money... seriously stop dating. i'm not trying to be mean... but that's part of the dating world. You spend a few dollars, you be a gentlemen and that's that. dont expect anything from it just because you laid down a few bucks and thats that.
 GregSJ
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 21
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/2/2011 7:08:41 PM
The most interesting man in the world says:

"When you pay for just yourself, at the end of the night you usually get what you pay for."

Haha, I saw that commercial last night and couldn't help but think of this thread. Sad huh?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 22
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/3/2011 10:34:03 PM
I insist on the first THREE times that I meet with someone that they are free. Park, beach boardwalk, even meeting to walk the dogs downtown, a drive sometimes the third time.....this allows for the greatest amount of communication and also puts each person at ease. people tend to be more themselves in a relaxed, no stress environment.

This should be codified as rule number three in "Guys Guide to Official Dates"..

Apparently it has been working for you.. Local social groups also provide that relaxed environment with little stress and common interest activities..
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 23
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/4/2011 4:20:51 AM
I am always prepared to pay the full amount on a first date. If it is a first meeting such as a chat over coffee umm why is it even an issue if you being the guy has to pay.

If it is a more elaborate or formal style of date and I pay sometimes they like it when a guy covers the first real date. Sometimes they insist on going dutch. Other times they insist on going dutch the second date. If by the third or fourth date they are not paying any part my next date will be with someone else.

So for me. Yes the guy should be prepared to pay the full amount on the first date and the first date should be something appropriate for a first date and not an anniversary.

If she insists on going dutch even after you are getting the tab let her. If she already has agreed to a second date and wants to go dutch on the first let her. She enjoys your company and wants to show that is really what she is after.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 24
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/4/2011 1:28:29 PM
^^^^^Talk about shooting yourself in the foot! I can't imagine who'd want to buy her a drink--or share a laugh with her. NO where would be fun, if someone with that attitude were along.

I doubt that most women think much of ones like this charmer. The more like her you run across, the more tempting it becomes to see them as typical. The same temptation's at work when women see rude, obnoxious stuff from men. It's a shame.
 ladydee99
Joined: 7/10/2010
Msg: 25
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/4/2011 8:54:15 PM
Yes, you should pay on the first date, especially if you are the one doing the asking. With that said, you have the choice of the type of date/meet you are comfortable paying for. Going for a coffee or an ice cream is a perfectly acceptable first date....and even second date. It will also let you know if the relationship is worth pursuing. Most women are more than happy to share expenses later in the dating process. A first date is a wonderful opportunity to show that you are a gentleman and understand proper etiquette and it doesn't have to cost you a lot of cash.
 shezabritelite
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 26
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:45:55 PM
Make the first date at a park or somewhere where you can take a walk or just sit. Bring a cooler with water.

If it's a first meet, buy no more than a cup of coffee, a jamba juice or a snack.

If it's a first date, plan the date for somewhere you can afford, and don't stay there spending money on drinks all night if you can't afford it.

Don't take her somewhere expensive until you've been on a few dates and she's receptive to your attention (holds your hand maybe?).

my 2 cents. And yes, you should pay. But she shouldn't expect a night on the town first time out.
 little bit dizzie
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 27
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/8/2011 6:46:51 AM
Agreeing with most of the suggestions already made I just wanted to add one that I didn't read .While trying to take into consideration that some men are insulted or embarrassed by a woman trying to pay, (I'm talking after 1-3 dates here, in which if the man was one who asked and planned date) I've never met a man who didn't appreciate a good ole home made meal by the woman, this being done only if she is comfortable enough to have him into her home. And also is comfortable enough with the man to know that he isn't automatically going to think "score", and that she is inviting him over for more then anything more then a quite dinner at home, if she's not comfortable with having him in her home,then fix a nice picnic lunch. There really are some of us women who relize that a man has the same or even more expenses then we do, ( child support, alimony, buying out his 1/2 of the house , ect.) and aren't interested in what's in his wallet. Personally, for alot of us women, it's not the QUANITY of money he spends ON us, but the QUALITY of time he spends WITH us.

But to answer OP question, first meet, like others have said, should be something either free or inexpensive enough that money shouldn't be an issue, first real date, If he was one who asked, then yes, I do believe he should pay for first date, just pick someplace in his comfort zone money wise. Believe it or not, there are some of us women who aren't impressed by how expensive of a date you take us on. If we've "clicked" I'd much rather have several inexpensive dates then one expensive one. Save the expensive ones for a special occasion. Give me something to look forward to. Just like I'm not going to wear my best dress and heels on a first date...
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 28
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/8/2011 9:54:28 AM

NotTueday, well said. Thank you for being unbiased and looking at things from a mans point of view. You pretty much hit the nail right on the head. Women with integrity are a huge turn on.

Being unbiased means looking at things from a human point of view, not the man's or woman's. I totally agree with "Women with integrity are a huge turn on." More than that, I usually lose a certain degree of respect for females who want to be taken care of by their boyfriends, or who expect men to pay for them. You have no idea how much it rubs me the wrong way.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 29
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/8/2011 11:54:22 AM
I insist on the first meet being at a local Starbucks, burger joint, or somewhere simple where I order my own and he does his own. A walk is nice too but I made the mistake of meeting up at a park and it was the longest two hours of my life. So I really prefer a quick meet and if we do well, then plan the longer date.

Later if we click and date more, the person asking the other to go somewhere specific can pick up the tab. If I ask to go to the museum or movies, I get the tickets. If he ask, he gets the tickets. Once in awhile we just treat because.

It should never be totally up to the guy. Now to contradict a bit. If the man expects sex then yes, pay because making her pay for her meal/date and forking out is pretty selfish.

Before you meet you should have an idea about his/her sexual expectations so you can't later say you paid out and never got.

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