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 MissSharon0905
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 1
Porn websitesPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am a person who is very comfortable with her sexuality. I'm not easy, and I don't bed hop, but I do REALLY enjoy sex with one partner when I have a partner. But I've found I also enjoy participating in porn websites as an outlet for that pent up sexual tension when I don't have a partner.
So here in lies the question. I really do enjoy the site that I belong to, it is an adult site, and I've never felt the need to give it up. If you began dating a woman and then found out she belonged to a site like this would you stop seeing her for that reason? Or does it change her in your eyes?
In my day to day life, I'm very conservative. I don't dress provocatively, I don't flirt with a million guys lol, I don't even cuss to be honest. So unless I gave you this information willingly you would have no clue about this aspect of my life. Is this something that's better for me to just keep to myself? Or is this something that requires disclosure? And at what point is it appropriate to lay that kind of bomb on some one? Ideally I'd love to connect with a man who is not only okay with this, but would at some point like to participate in it with me. I know that's a long shot, but a girl can dream lol.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 2
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 2:24:18 PM
I think plenty of women feel this way...

until they find out their man like porn too...after they've been together for some years...

lol


then its a problem.



it might require some disclosure but not straight away too soon.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 3
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History
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 2:32:57 PM
I think she's saying she is ON the site participating... presumably as a web cam girl. Participating is far different from simply watching porn.

I usually take the honest approach, and prefer that from my partners. I'd rather know what I'm dealing with upfront instead of being thrown for a loop when the truth comes out.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 2:34:51 PM

If you began dating a woman and then found out she belonged to a site like this would you stop seeing her for that reason?

Are you kidding? I'd consider it a plus, just because I'd get the impression she wasn't timid or squeamish about sex.

Or is this something that requires disclosure?

It only requires disclosure if you want to meet guys who would like the fact that you would watch porn or that you expect to continue watching it when you're in a relationship.

And at what point is it appropriate to lay that kind of bomb on some one?

Whenever it comes up (pun intended). Seriously, I'd think the topic would arise fairly early.

I know that's a long shot, but a girl can dream lol.

I can't say whether it is or isn't, but I can't see why most guys would object.
 MissSharon0905
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 5
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 2:44:54 PM
You're right no 1 bby, it's because I participate. I'm not a cam girl, but I do submit pictures and I'm currently the 2nd highest rated girl of all time for a popular porn/social networking site. I really do enjoy my fans, and the interaction with the community there. I've actually found them to be a lot more open, kind, receptive and honest than what I've encountered here on the POF forum.
I was actually joking with them today that I suspect they all might be nicer because they've seen me naked, and the guys on here only see me from the neck up mostly lol. I think part of the reason I do enjoy being there though, is because of the openness and honesty I get there. The men around here have a tendency to be a little shady when it comes to their intentions, and on there, that part of everything is already so out in the open, it doesn't even come up as an issue.
But I am very worried about being judged by some one who doesn't participate in anything like that. Or jealousy issues for sure.
 Lawlush
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 6
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 2:51:06 PM
depends what kinda guys youre looking at attract.....

Men might not see it this way, but I see it as being desperate for validation (damn psych courses) and not a true expression of sexuality. (none of my business however, but maybe you should explore if this is truly sexual or maybe something deeper)

but again, depends what you're looking for, sounds like you're one hot tamale , you might need a guy with a wild sexual side. So ... kudos to you? I think if the guy is bothered by it, then in the long run , you'll feel sexually deprived.

If you are really actually doing it for yourself and not low self esteem, good for you. Find a guy who finds that erotic and a desirable quality in a life partner, sex is crucial in a relationship.

good luck to you!
 MisterTR
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 7
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 3:10:02 PM
conservative in day to day life. lol. the freaks usually are the quiet ones
 MissSharon0905
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 8
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 3:58:15 PM
@Lawlush, I can promise I don't do it for validation lol. But I can honestly see where you would have that question because I do see it an awful lot on the site I belong to. I do it for a few reasons, one being that it is a turn on for me knowing that men are getting off on my pictures. I don't know if that's the kind of talk that's allowed around here, so I'm trying to keep it as non descriptive as possible lol. Another reason is I enjoy the very adult conversations. Topics that I can't discuss with my every day friends with out them thinking I'm a freak lol. I'm close with my girlfriends, but I wouldn't discuss in depth our fetishes. We might mention them, but not deep graphic conversations, and I don't have a single friend that I know of who has the same fetishes as I do, or who might not thing they're a little strange or extreme. And the other reason is, I live in a spongebob covered PG rated world, and it's nice to have a place online to let my hair down and be a grown up. I can't even really do that on my facebook because I tend to keep it very PG rated as well because of family, church friends and younger people on my friend list.

I have difficulty finding a man who can walk that fine line between having a wild crazy sex life, but also being able to be respectful of me. I tend to run into a lot of men who have a bit of a Madonna/Whore complex. Where they have trouble imagining a woman who is able to be a wife can also be the woman who turns them on in bed. I tend to be the one who turns them on in bed, but they neglect to realize I also have a lot to offer as a companion.

I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a very sexual person. There's nothing I can do to change that with out repressing myself and I can only see that leading to a lot of resentment towards my partner if it becomes necessary. I have a very healthy and open attitude about my sexuality, now I just need to find a man who loves that about me but also appreciates that I can cook, clean, take care of the kids and fit in with the family.

My main reason for posting this question though is really just to get an honest consensus about a man's thought process when they discover something like this about a potential date.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 9
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 4:15:03 PM
I had an exotic dancer as a girlfriend once. She submitted some pics to magazines back in the day. I was annoyed that she lied to me about it and hid her behavior instead of sharing.

So your situation wouldn't drive me away....In fact, you'd probably be annoyed from me asking for videos or wanting a fee membership, or asking you to perform in person like you do on the site.

A deal killer? No. Potential for conflict? Sure....anything can be. I'd say you should speak up pretty early if you're dating a guy -- especially before meeting his friends. No guy wants egg on his face finding his buds have already seen the goods before he knew they were on display.
 MissSharon0905
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 10
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 4:20:36 PM
"No guy wants egg on his face finding his buds have already seen the goods before he knew they were on display."

Haha wow I had never even thought about that. But it is a really valid point. That one gives me some food for thought. I think that's where I worry about jealousy coming into play. And I worry that some one would get the idea that I'm promiscuous, or unfaithful based on my involvement with this site. I've actually never cheated in a relationship, and I can honestly understand a man being bothered by the fact that my everything is out there for his friends to see. Hmmm... dang, I was feeling pretty confident in my position of not quitting the site until I thought about that. I've only been a member for less than a year now, and I haven't dated any one seriously in that time. So it hasn't come up as of yet.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 11
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 4:29:49 PM

Haha wow I had never even thought about that. But it is a really valid point. That one gives me some food for thought. I think that's where I worry about jealousy coming into play.

That depends on the guy. I had a girlfriend who was in a playboy pictorial, and that didn't bother me in the least. I'm not really sure why a guy would be bothered by other guys having seen her naked in photos. Those are only photos.
 Billion_Dollar_Man
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 12
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 4:37:19 PM
Finally, an under cover freak! Every man says they want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets and here she is in the flesh. Continue doing your thing and if the man you end up with is secure in his manhood, he won't mind. Don't disclose it to me, just leave your computer on so that I can discover it for myself. Makes for good role playing. You naughty naughty girl.
 MissSharon0905
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 13
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 5:22:21 PM
A very big part of me wants to say, "just keep doing what makes you happy and they can just deal with it if they don't like it". But another part of me does realize that's a very selfish way of thinking. I guess that's why I am so conflicted about this. Every one wants to always believe that they can find that person who's "perfect" for them with out ever having to change any part of themselves. And while that's a very lovely idea, it's not very realistic at all. Every relationship requires adjustment and compromise from both sides. I'm just trying to decide if this is something I am willing to, or even should have to compromise about myself, and if so... how much?
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 14
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Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 5:44:37 PM

You're right no 1 bby, it's because I participate. I'm not a cam girl, but I do submit pictures and I'm currently the 2nd highest rated girl of all time for a popular porn/social networking site. I really do enjoy my fans, and the interaction with the community there. I've actually found them to be a lot more open, kind, receptive and honest than what I've encountered here on the POF forum.

That's because the forums are populated by more conservative vanilla types.. ime anyway.

I think part of the reason I do enjoy being there though, is because of the openness and honesty I get there. The men around here have a tendency to be a little shady when it comes to their intentions, and on there, that part of everything is already so out in the open, it doesn't even come up as an issue.

If you like their honesty, why would you even consider not telling a new or potential partner about your site?

But I am very worried about being judged by some one who doesn't participate in anything like that. Or jealousy issues for sure.

You may very well come across a few that will have an issue with you being on a site like that. If that's the case, it's usually a clear indication you aren't compatible. NEXT!! You can't control anyone else's actions and reactions. You aren't responsible for them either. Be happy in your life and live it the way you want fully and completely. That ability will take you far in life, as well as attract the kind of person you want into your life.

Sorry for the web cam girl assumption.. I've been baking for 3 days and I think the powdered sugar has gotten to my brain. I keep forgetting there are other venues out there for those with exhibitionist tendancies... hehe.. I know a few of those too.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 15
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 6:00:49 PM

Sorry for the web cam girl assumption.. I've been baking for 3 days and I think the powdered sugar has gotten to my brain.


I TOLD you to quit snorting that stuff...geez.

OP, I second everything that no_1_bby said. It's always better to be who you are, doing what you do, and be upfront about it.
 MissSharon0905
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 16
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 6:01:31 PM
It is an actual person in my life right now. It's still pretty brand new, and I honestly don't know enough about that part of him yet to know if he'd be offended or upset by it or not. But it is a fear I have. We've only been on three dates so far, so we're still getting to know each other. So far in every other aspect we've hit it off really well.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 17
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Posted: 9/28/2011 6:07:56 PM

I TOLD you to quit snorting that stuff...geez.

You know I never listen when people tell me what to do.. that's why I prefer to GIVE the orders, not GET them.


But it is a fear I have.

I think that's normal for everyone in the beginning. As soon as you can.. tell him. Or show him.
 Edddyy
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 18
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 6:08:10 PM
I think it all comes down to trust. Not too many women and men want their partners doing porn on websites and then expecting them to be committed to them. Especially if it wasn't upfront. A lot of guys may get the wrong idea if they know and just be out for a piece of tail and nothing more. Always put yourself in someone elses's shoes. Would you be comfortable with a man you met who was doing this and supposedly being committed to you? Would you stop doing the website if you found someone who wanted a serious exclusive relationship? Would there be a chance of you making the porn site more of a priority then your partner? Would you hold it over his head if you got into a fight, to get back/punish him if he got you mad? There is a chance his/your friends, family, employers could see those photos and cause world war three. It was on the news not too long ago where an employer fired an employee for seeing his facbook page. With all the digital technology today there are very few places to hide.
 Edddyy
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 19
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 6:37:55 PM
Question Kaylie. It seems you were put off by what a guy was into and it was a deal breaker but you just said Too bad so sad for him about what he wasn't into. Well it does work both ways. He was not into what you were into and you should respect that just as you were not into what he was into without the too bad so sad, etc...Just saying.
 cjcgirl
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 20
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 7:55:30 PM
Makes for good role playing. You naughty naughty girl.

No, I don't agree that she is a naughty girl because she is comfortable in her own skin. I really don't know why it's so acceptable for a man to love sex but not for a woman. Open your eyes men there are a lot of woman (me included!!) that LOVE sex but that doesn't mean we are naughty girls in the manor that you mean it. We can and are moms, wives, CEO's, and so on. So we will continue to look for a man that can handle us and all that we do. I say you go girl and don't worry about what anyone else thinks, make yourself happy first!
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 21
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:01:25 PM
I find it an exciting prospect. Not everyone will however. If things start heading towards the intimate side, one might assume there would be a conversation at some point about likes, dislikes, wants, needs, desires, fantasies and the like. Seems logical to me that that would be the time to bring it up.
I think it would not be too difficult to find a man that would be okay with it and want to participate.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 22
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 9:04:36 PM
I would also have no trouble with it at all...in fact, I'd welcome it!

Why would you want to be with someone whom would not accept this? It's better to know upfront.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 23
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 10:52:01 PM
Okay, let's ruin this thread by taking the same scenario and applying it to a Man instead of a woman. Say this Man has his goods on display on the same site but doesn't want to tell his new date for fear she'll think he's a freak or accuse him of being gay.

What say the lords of POF to this? Double-standard? Do we pat the guy on the back and say "Hey, dude, just be your freaky self and if she can't cope, it's her loss!" ?? Do we all dog pile on the guy for having a "secret perversion" and accuse him of wanting to sext his date at some unexpected time? Do we pray for the woman to dump him quick for fear that some night he'll tie her up with 99 cent pantyhose and do some noodle dance in front of her?

How does this play out? It seems OP already has a round of thumbs-up for doing her "flashdance" routine. Is it okay for her to sext her new date before he knows her hobby?

Are we really going to draw a hard line between the two scenarios?

 MissSharon0905
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 24
Porn websites
Posted: 9/28/2011 10:59:08 PM
LoL I have noticed a LOT of double standards around here. I really do feel badly for the poor guys on this site. But in this case, no. I don't think I'd be upset or bothered by it. I've never been the type of woman to have that crazy jealousy. I've always thought, "you do your thing, and I do mine, and if by chance we meet, it is beautiful".
I've watched porn with ex's, I've gone to strip clubs with them, I've participated in a threesome... hell I was even in a poly relationship for almost a year lol. I just don't have those traditional possessive jealousy hang ups that a lot of women seem to have. So if I find out he's on a porn site, I might want to even pose for pictures with him. My definition of faithful, is equal to honest. (P.S. I just answered my own question in my head as I typed out that last sentence so this has been a productive post for me)
If my partner and I are each aware of and approve of one anothers' actions then that's good enough for me. It's when things are hidden and lied about that it becomes an issue.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 25
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Posted: 9/29/2011 7:53:53 AM

I think it all comes down to trust. Not too many women and men want their partners doing porn on websites and then expecting them to be committed to them. Especially if it wasn't upfront. A lot of guys may get the wrong idea if they know and just be out for a piece of tail and nothing more. Always put yourself in someone elses's shoes.

I've had a headache for 3 days now.. what you said isn't making sense to me. I'm interpretting this to mean that her having pictures (at this point I'm guessing they are of her, and only her, taking when she doesn't have a partner and when she's horny) on a website automatically means she's not capable of being monogamous. Please tell me I'm missing your point because those things aren't mutually exclusive in my mind. Kind of like being bi doesn't mean you're shagging any and everyone that comes long and not able to only be with one person.


Would you be comfortable with a man you met who was doing this and supposedly being committed to you?

Again.. you can post pictures of yourself and be in a committed relationship. It's not an either/or situation.

Would you stop doing the website if you found someone who wanted a serious exclusive relationship?

See above.

Would there be a chance of you making the porn site more of a priority then your partner?

While there is always a chance, most people will respond "no" to this.

Would you hold it over his head if you got into a fight, to get back/punish him if he got you mad?

BWAHAHAHAA!!! Sorry.. I don't fight like that.

There is a chance his/your friends, family, employers could see those photos and cause world war three. It was on the news not too long ago where an employer fired an employee for seeing his facbook page. With all the digital technology today there are very few places to hide.

I work for a company that made us sign that we wouldn't post disparaging remarks along with "trade secrets" on our FB pages, if we had them. Honestly.. what I do is not that significant that they should have to worry. I get frustrated by their lack of support and knowledge of things they should be telling me, instead of the other way around.. but there's no point ****ing about it online. Doesn't change anything. Also.. my "professional/work" email is not the same one I use for forums and online.


Okay, let's ruin this thread by taking the same scenario and applying it to a Man instead of a woman. Say this Man has his goods on display on the same site but doesn't want to tell his new date for fear she'll think he's a freak or accuse him of being gay.

Why would that ruin this thread? I'd be fine with my partner posting pics of himself online. I have pics of him and his ex that he's sent me.. obviously I'm ok with that.

What say the lords of POF to this? Double-standard? Do we pat the guy on the back and say "Hey, dude, just be your freaky self and if she can't cope, it's her loss!" ?? Do we all dog pile on the guy for having a "secret perversion" and accuse him of wanting to sext his date at some unexpected time? Do we pray for the woman to dump him quick for fear that some night he'll tie her up with 99 cent pantyhose and do some noodle dance in front of her?

How does this play out? It seems OP already has a round of thumbs-up for doing her "flashdance" routine. Is it okay for her to sext her new date before he knows her hobby?

You know.. this is really ridiculous. Yes.. there are double standards that exist because people keep perpetuating them. I don't think I have them, have a strong reaction to most of them, usually fight to abolish them.


Are we really going to draw a hard line between the two scenarios?

F*ck no. I won't.. will you?
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