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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?      Home login  
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 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 2
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

im having a dilemma ! suggestions?
I told this guy ~I love him and he told me he doesnt - and that he was in the same situation before - and she stopped talking to him. now he's stopped messaging me - am i being punished for his previous relationship history.


Cant say if he is 'punishing' you, but if I were him Id back way off as well...he doesnt love you and you love him. He is being cruel to be kind, by not leading you on. I commend him for that. You should let him be-if you love him you want him happy, even if that is without you in his daily life.

You need to accept that he doesnt love you, and find a way to move on.
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 4
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:22:24 PM
I guess he's now cautious because of what he experienced in the past. If you are not bothered by the fact that he doesn't feel the same way for you, then let him know.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 6
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:23:54 PM
Throw bananas at their car from afar......why?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 7
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:30:16 PM

...we used to message each other 40 times a day


WTF? 40 times a day? That's totally insane. You smothered him to death. He wants breathing room now. How did you either one of you find time to function as normal human beings on a daily basis if your whole world revolved around a digital screen?
 Sweven
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 8
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:31:54 PM
Ah, now. Haven't you ever been on his side of this scenario? It can make things feel a LITTLE AWKWARD.

Do you mean you message him and he does not answer?

Or do you mean, he doesn't initiate, and you don't either, while you cringe, wait to see what he does next, and try to interpret that. If the second -- then he could accuse you of punishing him for not loving you back.

As to stepping back -- you really should know for yourself whether or not you can, but since you asked -- no, usually, you can't.

So here is what you do:
1) you move on with your life and by now, you surely know how (work being a good coping/distracting technique).
2) you congratulate yourself for being bold enough to go for it like that. It took guts, I imagine.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 9
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:40:47 PM
OP you need to walk away, walk away from someone who does not love you and find another. Cut off all contact and love yourself
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 10
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:41:13 PM
How long have you known this guy?
 mytime227
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 12
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:48:37 PM
Well, to be honest, sounds like it's time to move on. If he's not being honest with you about not loving you, he'll be back once you back off and he see's that your ready to move on.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 13
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:53:35 PM

I told this guy ~I love him and he told me he doesnt -


Did he say that he doesn't, he could at some point or that he probably never will?

That's my first question.

Second question is...can you take a step back? And I'm not talking about overtly stepping back...I'm talking about actually putting it in perspective. Not just pretending to in order to buy you some time with him.

He could be sitting on the fence yet. If it's sh1t or get off the pot for him...it sounds like he's off the pot. And probably for all the right reasons.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 17
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:58:44 PM
He doesn't love you. He told you that to your face.

He's not punishing you, he just doesn't love you.

Find someone who does have the capacity to 'love you' without having 'punishment' be a part of it.

I don't see the dilemma.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 18
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 4:03:43 PM
OP...Have you met this man in real life and dated??
Maybe sounds like a silly question but you never stated that.

Ooops....I see you have said you have seen each other!
 OzzGirl22
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 19
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 4:08:33 PM
This happened to me. He wanted to stay friends but it was just too painful.
I had to completely cut him out of my life in order to move on.

Unless there is a chance he can love you back you will need to move on.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 20
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 4:23:35 PM
I actually just walked away from a "friend" after explaining my feelings for her and she explaining that she wasn't ready or something along those lines. She then questioned me within a week why I hadn't contacted her??????


As simple as it gets,,,,,do you really have to ask??????
 Sweetlady950
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 22
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 4:39:42 PM
OP- Thiis a difficult one.. Usually in all relationships someone has to love first... then the other catches up. It' s just a matter of if he will catch up. Give it some time. It's not always easy for everyone to express their love nor do they know what to do with those emotions. In the meantime, do as you have and keep urself busy with work.
 Margolyn
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 24
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 5:02:31 PM
MOVE ON....AND GET OVER IT, HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN INTIMACY NOW, MAYBE HE WILL CATCH UP LATER....GET BUSY LIVING AGAIN
 InTheGroove
Joined: 11/23/2010
Msg: 25
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 5:09:36 PM

we used to message each other 40 times a day
I think this trumps anything else in this thread. I mean that's.... excessive?
 BBurlington
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 27
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 5:43:13 PM
This is a tough one. As you are dating he does have feeling for you. I commend him on answering truthfully even though it could mean making the situation awkward. If you are happy with the relationship and it is still moving in the right direction than this could just be an issue with him needing more time.

At this point in time I would not rush to a decision. When feelings are too close to the surface you can sometimes say/do things you wouldn't normally. Just have a good conversation, see if your on the same wavelength. If he does have feeling and it just takes him longer to drop the L bomb then I think this is totally understandable. On the flip side you get the impression that he is not overly serious about the relationship then I would bite the bullet and walk away. It sucks, it hurts, but if you continue to communicate it will take 10 times longer to get over it and you will still have the same end result. Good luck!
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 28
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what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 5:43:20 PM

he asked me if its possible for me to take step back - is that possible?!


I really don't think it is.

The feelings are there. Taking a step back in this situation is really just going to amount to you having to unnaturally suppress your feelings around him. This will be painful. Don't do it hoping he will 'come around'.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 29
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 5:56:14 PM
He's just NOT that into you ...... and he's told you as much...........it's going to take a little time but move on............
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 30
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 6:42:05 PM
I can see that truthfuly - its just really hard to move on when we used to message each other 40 times a day. ! now nothing !
Maybe he can't see himself loving a woman who has nothing better to do with her time than to message him 40 times a day. I would rather strangle myself with a celibate rope that put up with that.

When you meet the next guy you might want to cut back on the messages and find ANYTHING else to amuse yourself.

This relationship is over. You can't put the "I love you" genie back in the bottle once it's been released.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 31
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 6:45:41 PM

walking away is always the easy answer I think - for now.


Actually, it isn't all that "easy" if you actually love him. I know it wasn't/isn't easy for me with the woman I gave as an example. I like her a lot(notice I didn't say "liked"????) but, because of her feelings(or lack of) I had to make a choice. Making choices, if you actually make them, are usually not "easy". Better in the long wrong, but not in anyway "easy".
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 32
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 10:37:09 PM

he was in the same situation before - and she stopped talking to him.
Crazy how patterns like this seem to repeat themselves..

Take care of yourself Op, he may not love you, but you can ;)
 xHD1200x
Joined: 11/11/2010
Msg: 33
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 10:42:31 PM
You need to find a new bag, i mean if he dont love you, then its time to move on, you are better for having learned that he is a bad person.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 34
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/12/2011 10:44:19 PM
^^ C'mon, he's not a bad person just because he admitted he doesn't have the same feelings.

If anything that makes him a saint in comparison to a dude who would lie and continue to use her for his own gratification.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 35
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/13/2011 12:55:06 AM

You need to find a new bag, i mean if he dont love you, then its time to move on, you are better for having learned that he is a bad person.


^^ Yeah,and get some matching shoes,too
+ I agree with shakti that it doesn't mean he's a bad person just coz he doesn't feel the same
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