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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(      Home login  
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 chippyandchukka
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 1
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Guys... please please help me here.... I am only 7 months into a relationship. Found out he wacks off daily, at first it upset me in the way that i felt there must be something wrong with me :( and i don't do it for him sexually! But He explained all guys do this and its normal!! Well with my past two, ten year at least relationships.... we did not have the problems i am having now....
I researched this and feel much better knowing that yes it is quite normal for most men to do, and i am 100% ok with that! BUT i am finding now that we hardly have intimate love making anymore, which we did sooooo much of the first 3 months together :(
Please answer this, If u do this daily, can it affect the desire to want to be intimate with me??? :(
I am sooo sad it has come to this, because i love this man deeply, he is the perfect man in MOST ways, BUT seriously if this is what is more to come in our future, i am sorry but i do have needs and desires and this just does not fit my idea of being happily ever after with my prince charming
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 2
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newer relationship HELP he masterbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 12:44:00 PM
So he is masterbating and your not getting any sex....... he has a problem
if he does not think he does, the say see ya.... honestly!
that must be doing a number on your self worth
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 3
newer relationship HELP he masterbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 12:44:59 PM

But He explained all guys do this and its normal!


Normal within the confines of an otherwise mutually satisfying sexual relationship. I'll buy that. But "normally" only second best to a perfectly proximal, willing and able partner.

Time for "a talk"...and if unsuccessful..."the talk".

I think he's become lazy and it's just easier for him to "toss one off" than spend the time.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 4
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newer relationship HELP he masterbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 12:55:29 PM
Darlin,' Unfortunately the honeymoon stage is over. It doesn't have anything to with masturbating daily and there is nothing wrong with you. It has to do with him no longer trying to meet your needs after 7 months of a relationship. As the other posters have implied...it may be your boyfriend is no longer in love you.

Have you talked with him about about his lack of desire for you? Communication is important. Talk to him in a non-threatening way, you'll find your answer of whether to stay or run. Best of luck!

 chippyandchukka
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 5
newer relationship HELP he masterbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:00:11 PM
thankyou, seriously for ur opinion :) means alot to me... and yes my self worth is very bad right now :( but i also am trying to be understanding of his needs. I plan on giving it a bit more time, now that he knows how i feel, but if things dont start changing i just may have to let such a great thing go :( and that will be very hard!!
 chippyandchukka
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 6
newer relationship HELP he masterbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:06:09 PM
yes we talked!! and yes he does love me very much.... i am not being fooled. we have something very special. This problem is just very new to me. I have never been with a man who does not want sex 24/7 ... lol, thats fine, but a little more than once a month would be nice in such a new relationship....
He tells me he does it and assures me that ALL males do the same (if not they ARE LIEING) which i really don't believe at all. just like they piss, they jack off!!
 fotoman151
Joined: 2/20/2011
Msg: 7
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newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:06:59 PM
He may be wanting to masturbate on the days that you don't have sex, but he never knows when that's going to be. So he may delay masturbation, waiting to make love and if you are not in the mood or there's no time, he releases the sexual tension. So it may be a timing problem.

Men have 12 times the amount of free range testosterone in their bloodstream on average than women. Think about that when you criticize him for masturbating. Just because your labido is not as high, does not mean his is lower also.

However, you and he should talk about it so you can come to anagreement that gets the timing right so you can get your needs met.
 MiaCat74
Joined: 3/3/2011
Msg: 8
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:37:42 PM
Buy him a chastity belt?
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 9
newer relationship HELP he masterbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:39:30 PM

I have never been with a man who does not want sex 24/7 ... lol, thats fine, but a little more than once a month would be nice in such a new relationship....


Say this now ...
but later this is going to drive you nuts!
Your self esteem will REALLY plummet.

Sex is an important part of a relationship
And if he is in the other room jerking off
While you're craving intimacy
Life will be nothing but miserable.

Mark my words.

 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 2:46:18 PM
My own guess would be that the masturbating is unrelated, or only marginally related to the drop off in sex between you.

I would say that there is a problem between you. I have NO idea what it is, because you couldn't explain something subtle here (I would bet it's something subtle, otherwise YOU would have noticed it already yourself), well enough for us to figure it out.

When sex dropped off in my life, it was due to a large number of things, not just one. It had to do with life changes in ME, and in Her, with our psychological aging, to changes in our WORK schedules and duties, to changes in what was going on in the world at large, and on and on. Changes in life goals, from short term pleasure to long term planning played a big part, I think.

Anyway, there are too many possibilities to be sure of any, but I WOULD suggest you look for a few particular things that tripped us up:

1. "tiny tests." At some point, after we'd been together a while, she started expecting more than sex for the sake of sexual fun. She wanted "meaningful" sex. She wanted "reminder of when we were just dating" sex. Little things like that, had the effect of putting a TEST in front of me, a special action I had to perform to "earn" sex with her. That sort of thing puts ME off tremendously. She might have thought of it as "spicing things up," but to me, it meant that after a year of being together, that I was now back on the outside looking in, and had to start all over again, in a way.

2. Timing problems. This is where small work changes might have caused trouble. You USED to be available at one general time, but now you are available at a different time, and he isn't coordinated with that. He might even have a subconscious angry reaction to something like that, and without quite realizing it, be holding back out of resentment.

3. No initiation from your side. You might have become used to him starting things off every time, and after a while, he noticed that nothing happens unless HE starts it, and that makes him feel unappreciated, undesired.

Past that sort of thinking, a serious relationship investigator would have to look in to find out what is going on. After all, it could simply be that you are over each other.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 11
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you can change the situation
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:08:37 PM
OP this is a very bad sign.....
RUN FORREST RUN !!!!!
 granolamartha
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 12
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:12:42 PM
Now there's an interesting idea (last poster, can't remember the name), maybe he would like to jack off with you there. There is no reason it can't become part of your lovemaking if you are both open to it. It's hard to say what the problem is here. He may just have death grip syndrome (hats off to Dan Savage for coining the term), that is he's so used to the firm grip of his own hand while beating off that intercourse doesn't do it for him. He may be distancing himself. He may feel inadequate. He may be sexually bored. The thing is that you won't know unless you talk with him. What is great sex about finally? For me it's about mutual satisfaction and emotional intimacy. You can get that with a lover in lots of different ways as long as you are both willing to communicate and try new things.
 GizmoGR
Joined: 9/26/2011
Msg: 13
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:23:05 PM
I haven't read all of these answers so someone may have already said this:
I'm wondering if the problem is his self confidence.
He may be satisfying himself because he may not feel he is satisfying you and the libido is still high for him.
I mean, he may feel you are not happy with his sex style so he doesn't want to bother trying it with you..not because of how you look, etc, but because--masturbation is just easier.
He definitely then may not want to bring up the question "are you satisfied?" because no one wants the possibility to hear they aren't doing it top notch.

Just to consider:)
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 14
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newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:26:13 PM
One thing to masturbate........quite another to be so selfish as to ignore your partner's needs.

Talk to him again......this time with the straight up facts that there are 2 of you in this relationship and 1 of you is not satisfied......
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 15
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newer relationship HELP he masterbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:48:55 PM

Time for "a talk"...and if unsuccessful..."the talk".


Eh..I'd go with; "a talk" ...and if unsuccessful..."the walk".
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 16
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newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:55:18 PM
It doesn't sound right to me. He is keeping himself to himself, literally! Perhaps he's lost interest in sex with you. Perhaps he's gay and he wanted the rest of the relationship but the sex is no longer of interest unless he can indulge his fantasies. Personally, I'd be very offended if my guy did this and I'd be thinking of walking.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 17
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 5:29:24 PM
I had a good friend whose husband would masturbate beside her in bed nightly. He would wait until he thought she was sleeping.. but she knew. And was quite distraught about it. Eventually she decided to reach over and try to insinuate herself into things- he would actually push her away and finish on his own!!

Maybe I'm a bit biased by that story, but I would be very concerned!

And yeah, this will affect your self esteem. It's hard to come back from too.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 18
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newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 6:12:12 PM
OP kind of a duplicate thread...

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14737634.aspx

Shakti in that example I think masturbation was a problem, and I can understand that women's frustration (to say the least)!

If two people have different sex drive then they could have a healthy sex life together but one of them still masturbates on the side. I have a high sex drive so I have been in that situation myself.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 19
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 6:46:39 PM

Eh..I'd go with; "a talk" ...and if unsuccessful..."the walk".


"The talk" is simply due notice of "the walk".


: I had a good friend whose husband would masturbate beside her in bed nightly. He would wait until he thought she was sleeping.. but she knew. And was quite distraught about it. Eventually she decided to reach over and try to insinuate herself into things- he would actually push her away and finish on his own!!


A peek into OP's probable future?

"Is it possible that there are no coincidences? " ~ Signs
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 20
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/14/2011 11:39:28 PM
I would say he is no longer in love with you. You are perhaps too familiar and around too much....No man prefers masturbating to a real woman he desires.
He may love you but he no longer really fancies you...
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 21
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newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/15/2011 4:58:07 AM
Maybe he's just done, but as I was trying to figure out how to say earlier, I think that the masturbation isn't the CAUSE of the problem, it's an additional SYMPTOM of it.

Either your relationship is really over, and you are in a holding pattern, or he's going through something either to do directly WITH you, or something that he can't connect with you about for some reason. Anyway you look at it, the problem is a big one, and wont be fixed by "tricks."
 chippyandchukka
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 22
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/15/2011 6:58:20 PM
Igor: Your opinions are just nonscence!! u r halarius...... and i thank you for the great laughs... poor girl who ends up with you!!!! such a blamer!!!LMAO!!!!
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 23
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/16/2011 3:38:49 AM
Igor: Your opinions are just nonscence!! u r halarius...... and i thank you for the great laughs... poor girl who ends up with you!!!! such a blamer!!!LMAO!!!!

While I have read all the posts and all have some very good insight they all have the same theme. IGOR has definately hit the mark, however everyone is handleing it as they see it and do not want to face it head on and pretend it is something not as serious in respect to the actual problem. There for we go for the easy way out. KAYLI, you are very right in your post as in all your posts. A problem like this needs to be looked at from a outside third set of ears or eyes if someone really cares on both sides, since it sounds far removed from the basic standard every day reasons. If he does not care well then it is really over. Also we do not have every bit of information needed to really render what is going on here. Just my take on it.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 24
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:17:15 AM
Obviously things are not as great as you say they are...If you want sex and he won't provide...then tell him to beat it! ...On second thought, tell him to take off!
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 25
newer relationship HELP he masturbates daily and now no sex :(
Posted: 10/18/2011 6:21:24 AM
Life is too short to not be content sexually with your partner. I am afraid that his behavior and the fact that he's into just satisfying only himself will spead into other parts of the relationship. With enough time people usually end up showing their true personality. Your getting a good look at who this guy really is and how you will be treated. Get out now!
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