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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > why cant some men stand it when women cry?      Home login  
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 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 1
why cant some men stand it when women cry?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
i have found that when i cry over something i want to be held. he doesnt have to talk to me or anything. just hold me or sit by my side. but i have noticed that it makes many men very uncomfortable and they cant stand it to where they walk away.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 1:51:44 PM
he doesnt have to talk to me or anything. just hold me or sit by my side. but i have noticed that it makes many men very uncomfortable and they cant stand it to where they walk away

Okay, has that happened often?
Most men are confused in that situation.. What should they do?

Is she really that unhappy? Why? Was it something he did? Is she faking for attention or manipulation?
Should he comfort her like a child? Try to hold her and possibly be pushed away?

Experienced men have learned there is no right thing to do in that situation, having had some previous bad reactions to anything they did, so that is why many will just walk away for awhile...

Just what would YOU do if a man was crying like that in your presence?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 3
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 1:52:41 PM
Because men are assuming they're in trouble and can't figure out why. And men fear the tears will turn into outrage and arguing.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 4
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why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:00:29 PM
I don't really like it when guys touch me. Usually the reason why i'm crying is because i am mad and i can't hurt them like i want to lol.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 5
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why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:04:04 PM
I can't tell you the number of times I have held people..while they are crying..that just seems like the right thing to do. Not braggin, just sayin..

But, sometimes all you can do..is hold someone when they are crying..you still feel helpless, but it's all you can do sometimes.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 6
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why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:07:02 PM
You need to tell someone it is not necessarily some one's first instinct. I rarely cry when I am sad but when I do tear up I tend to not want anyone else around.
It's strange but I only cry at happy events like babies being born, graduations and weddings.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 7
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:10:17 PM
cuz when women are crying, we don't know how to fix it and make it all better...
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 8
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:12:18 PM
OMG . You better run if you make me cry.

I'm probably VERY ANGRY and want to hurt someone.

At least someone feelings..



Maybe men have met my type of crier..

I cry ..Shut up..get away.RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait it out.

Oh............. ..Does Brians Song or Steel magnolias count?

The only other time I cry is if someone or an animal is hurt or passes away.

Whats up with all the crying?
 pretzelman60
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 9
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:22:29 PM
I don't trust a woman's tears. Frequently(not always) tears are used as a tool, to gain control of a situation. If I am with a woman that I care about, if she asks me to hold her, I will. Otherwise I won't. I will speak kindly(se there's that word, again) and ask if there is anything I can do. But I will not touch unless asked to.

JMO
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 10
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why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:26:41 PM
For me it depends why and how often someone does it

Some women (and maybe men too) learn from a very early age that crying gets them attention or stops somebody chastising them so it becomes an almost involunatary response some of the time, but many can also turn on the waterworks at will to manipulate the situation

So the fact someone "is" crying to me really isnt that important, but WHY theyre crying is. And because of that sometimes and with some people I tend to find ot pretty tedious tbh

With others where its not so contrived and manipulative in nature its a different kettle of fish entirely
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 11
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why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:35:20 PM
"Most men are confused in that situation.."

I am a women, and I would get totally turned off unless a human or an animal has died, some is in severe pain, or they are so angry they are crying instead of lashing out.


What should they do?

I would be walking away (permanently) if crying was part of any kind of drama.

My female long term friends have never cried over the decades over insignificant things, neither have I. Drop the drama and tears won't be happening unless something horrible is happening.

I shake my head at the thought that women out there act like this. Hopefully, most men know this isn't normal, and is a sign that women who do this need help that they can't provide.

When I am frustrated and alone, I don't cry. I just use the energy to fix whatever it is that is bothering me. IMO, the only thing crying gets you is red eyes.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 12
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 2:41:05 PM
i cried for osolomo. and all he did was pat my shoulders and back or held me. arrrggggghhh. i cry because he hurt me. awwwwwwwwwwwwww god. i hate that i can't stop loving you.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 13
Why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 3:27:51 PM
I 'Can't stand it'..because it breaks my heart to see a Lady cry...
I'll hold her and kiss her and rock her to sleep, if necessary...

I'm glad I'm not 'Some' men..!!!
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 14
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Why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 3:40:15 PM
I guess asking if theye on their period probably isnt a good strategy when a woman is crying yeah?
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 15
Why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 4:03:39 PM
I don't like seeing females cry. Call me an Icy **stard for all I care but I can't stand it when a female crying. At first I used to feel sorry for them crying but in present times no way, if it's a disagreement we're in and she's crying no way am I feeling sorry about it, wise up.

However if it's not a disagreement and she just wants me to hold her while she's crying because of a shitty day or someone pissed her off, or whatever that's different ( whoever makes Peppermint cry gets a headbutt from yours truly :-p ).

Like one female friend told me, Ain't no one is worth your tears except the one the doesn't make you cry. I usually leave her be and let her get herself sorted out.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 16
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 4:30:47 PM
Many years ago, when our cat had to be put to sleep, I couldn't hold back the tears. Hubby pointed to a shelving unit still in the box, and said he was going to put it together, and would I give him a hand? Of course, I said 'Yes', and quickly learned something interesting. You can't stay emotional when you're trying to figure out how to assemble something (especially trying to understand the instructions).

Needless to say, I thanked him profusely for his wisdom in choosing that method of helping me become objective and back on track. But then, that WOULD be his obvious solution -- he was a teacher.
 ladysthe1
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 17
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Why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 4:46:52 PM
mikewm...sure, if you wanna see her make YOU cry.
 Sweven
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 18
fool to cry
Posted: 10/15/2011 4:52:47 PM
Not disagreeeing with anything said before me but sometimes I also think people who walk away are showing support by giving us what they would want (and therefore think we want) -- a moment of privacy to pull it together / regain composure.

v Ooh. Good one !!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 19
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 5:13:00 PM
what is the point to it ?
does crying fix it ? nope
does it make it better? nope
cheaper - well maybe if you are crying to get out of a ticket.
we have been told all our lives that it is a sign of weakness and boys don't so why would you be surprised when we don't also burst into hysterical tears ?
 ChillinChill
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 20
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 5:14:23 PM
Perhaps the men that can not stand it have been involved with woman that use the waterworks to manipulate them and try to get their way. I've known woman that say that they "turn on the tears" and their s/o just cave in. They are bad actresses that soon become transparent.
I personally do not want to be around anyone if I feel like I need to cry. I need to withdraw and go through the feelings then regroup before I'm with a man. I do not find much comfort in having a crying jag in any ones arms because more often than not I do not want to explain the tears. I just want to excercise the feelings and get past it.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 21
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 5:23:04 PM
Glenoran1, loved your story.


moraima: When I am frustrated and alone, I don't cry. I just use the energy to fix whatever it is that is bothering me.


Good stuff.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 5:28:29 PM
I'm a woman and I don't know what to do when another woman cries. I mean there are times when I want held and other times when I want left alone and other times when I'm crying because I'm so mad. Who knows? You have to ask the person, men just don't want to deal with whatever it is for the most part because so many women cry about everything to get attention or win, so you can hardly blame them for not knowing what to do. It's your life, speak up, say what you expect. I don't mean we should have to beg or show a grown man how to feel, but really, do you want to be held, do you want to talk, do you want to be alone...tell a guy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 23
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 5:30:05 PM
I'm not a guy but I was raised with the idea that crying is something you go off and do and then get past it and on with your day. I don't know what to do when my girlfriends cry either, makes me want to get up and leave or hope they stop crying soon, honestly. I don't have that nurturing comforting reaction most women have, it just wasn't something I was taught.

I tend to want qualify it...is it that you broke a nail or you don't have a date this weekend? To me that's not serious enough to cry about and also have it affect everyone else around you. Lost your job? Health scare? Death happened? OK...now I get it. I do try and distract with working through it to make someone feel less helpless, but I won't berate it if I don't feel it's trivial.

Most women are conditioned that crying is acceptable and anger isn't ladylike - for men, it's the opposite, crying is taboo and anger is more acceptable - but I tend to have been more programmed to the men's side. I get that crying is therapeutic and all, but I don't get why it has to be public and I tend to dismiss it as it's not going to solve anything. I don't like it when people cry around me and I don't like crying around others.

It's interesting losing my mom a month ago and the random (public) crying that's been happening both before she went when she got sick again, and now after she's gone. I get that I have to do it to properly grieve, but I don't want to do it around others. I'm this mess that cries in places suddenly - hate it. If I could just figure out how to contain it to certain times and places, life would be a little easier.

OT - it's not a man's fault they react the way they do to women (or anyone) crying, it's programming, social conditioning. It's uncomfortable no matter how you slice it if you were raised to suppress it out in the open. Perhaps find family or friends to cry with that react differently so that you get whatever it is you need during those times.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 24
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why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 5:47:53 PM
" it's not a man's fault they react the way they do to women (or anyone) crying, it's programming, social conditioning. It's uncomfortable no matter how you slice it if you were raised to suppress it out in the open."

I would like to add that many women realized when they became an adult that crying served no purpose. I think a lot of women simple came to realize as they became adults how pointless cry was.

A long time ago, I belonged to a business association. The women who was president was speaking at a meeting to the local government voicing the concerns that the business association had. She didn't like the response she was getting from some of the men she was speaking to. She stood there crying. I was never so shamed of a women who was supposed to be representing a professional association in my life. I can only imagine how the men on both sides of this presentation felt. Needless to say, she didn't last too long as president.

If some people get want they want when they cry, then they will continue this behaviour, and expect to get their own way.

IMO it is nothing but manipulation.

Grieving imo, is a completely different thing, than crying because they have had a bad day etc.
 xHD1200x
Joined: 11/11/2010
Msg: 25
why cant some men stand it when women cry?
Posted: 10/15/2011 6:10:22 PM
omg, where are you from? like if one of my friends or gf's cry be it during a movie or a breakup, im there so much,.. i dont even care if they ruin my $120 shirt, just im there for them,.. so who are these azzhole who would not hold their woman, or hold thier frind when they crying,... crying is a serious emotion,... and im there for them no matter what!
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