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what's in her head?????Page 1 of 1    
Ok, we were married for 13 years, 2 beautiful daughters, ages 12 and 10. 2 1/2 years she left. Divorce final 5 months ago. My question is, through all this time she has ben dating, but she also wants to spend time with me, in all ways. I do truly love this lady. Why does she continue to want to be around me and want to be with me. But there are times also, that all she wants to do is argue. When our daughters see us getting along they are so much more content, than whe she goes off they are upset. I would do anything for this lady. Is she just playing me or does she still have feeling and confused about what she wants? Thank you for your time and response
 FlamingoKisses
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 2
what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:43:43 AM
New name same drama? Because you allow her to contact you that is why. There are a lot of people out there who want cake and ice cream at the same time. Why not just deal with the fact she technically has moved on, and stay away unless it has to deal with picking your kids up and leave it alone? If you think you are even able to meet a new woman right now and subject anyone to all this crap....re think it. She is not confused, she is a woman who knows how to manipulate you and you cave in !!! I know women who do this and it makes me want to puke in my own mouth. And what is worse is the men who fall for it.

Stop pulling this BS in front of your kids too. Get some counseling, raise your kids and move in the right direction.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:53:58 AM
One thing I've seen repeatedly, is that many of us suffer from perceiving a difference between the life we are living, and the one we imagined that we would or should be living.

Lots of people who love each other get divorces or cheat, because they look at their lives as they are, and panic because it doesn't match what they thought it SHOULD be. Not romantic enough, the spouse doesn't make enough money, or they make enough but don't spend enough time with them, and so forth.

Lots of panics like this can happen at particular milestones in life. People have affairs at thirty or forty, panicking about that AGE thing.

Maybe she divorced you because of something she envisioned about marriage that she was afraid she was missing because she was with you, even though she did love you. If that's the case, then it would fit that she didn't want to discard EVERYTHING she had with you, just the one thing (the marriage) that was keeping her from getting the "missing" item, what ever that might be.
what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:59:09 AM
I guess I should say I'm early fifties and she is mid forties.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 5
what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:01:09 AM
Give it up!!!
Your ranting and crying about this woman is getting OLD.

We can only guess she is comfy with you after all this time and knows she can use you.

Maybe she missed a youth and is having it now..We do not know!!!
Maybe she never felt free to be herself.

 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 6
how do we know what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:02:50 AM
how is it that you could be married to this woman for 13 years yet fastidiously avoid ASKING her about her behavior and motivations if you have questions about it.... go ask a bunch of strangers? what's next, pick the next misinformed answer you like the best and adjust your broken family life accordingly?

ferfooksake, we don't know what's in her head.


When our daughters see us getting along they are so much more content, than whe she goes off they are upset.

oh blah blah blah. it takes TWO people to have an argument in front of the kids, but i noticed how you have deftly made this all her fault. sickening.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 7
what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 5:33:04 AM

I do truly love this lady. Why does she continue to want to be around me and want to be with me.


Op,you really DO need to let this go.
You and your -ex are divorced now and she sees you because you have children together.
You are probably like a comfortable old shoe to her and if she was still in love with you,you wouldn't be divorced!
You are never going to be able to move forward with your own life if you continue to pine after her and what was.................
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 8
what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 6:13:59 AM

Maybe she missed a youth and is having it now..We do not know!!!
Maybe she never felt free to be herself.



And maybe now she can........true words for many who now can.

op, yes time to give it up, & she will thank you more so without, then when being together.

Freedom is just that, trust me...
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 9
what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 7:38:02 AM
Not the type of relationship I would like to be in.
Way to confusing.

If my partner wanted a divorce ... ok
But to then go through the formality
Be divorced and have him coming back ... NOPE
That ain't going to happen.

A divorce means it's the end.
It didn't work
So move on

She is really playing you for a fool

As for continually being around your daughters ...
Just think what you are teaching them.
Hope you have some savings so they can attend therapy classes later on in life.
Because they are going to need it.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 10
what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 8:14:21 AM
Good Lord, why do some people thrive with the drama scenario , What is the medical term for this type of behavior?

Look , nobody can tell you what's going on in her head, she obviously likes attention men give her including you, she likes to sample other men cooking, she doesn't appear she likes settling with one man, and you keep feeding her ego.

You have kids with her, you have to be somewhat civil, but that doesn't mean you have to cater to her every desire.

You want to know what's in her head, google therapist or a team of them and ask them let the professionals tell you what most of us are trying to tell you.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 8:36:47 AM
You do everything for her, she takes advantage of it. That's some game the two of you play and allow to go on. The problem is your children, what are the two of you teaching them about the value of people and how to treat others? They are being damaged, so what are you going to do about it?
 TheCoolGreenMoss
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 12
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what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 10:03:41 AM
Based on this and your previous Thread - I'm confused.

She's your ex wife - you have children in common - that usually means there will be contact between you two. Shes seeing other people (as you mention, and on POF too) so she's mostly moved on (I'm assuming).

You'll have to find a way to deal with it - or find some outside help (books, therapy, whatever makes you happy). Simply being still-in-love doesn't mean a lot and it certainly doesn't mean you'll be getting back together any time soon.
 Basiate
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 13
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what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 10:30:11 AM
It is time to put your own personal feelings for this woman to the side and do what is best for your kids.

Go get some counseling or mediation and work these issues out so that your kids do not have to consistently watch the two of you continue in this destructive behavior.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 14
what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 2:25:26 PM

Why does she continue to want to be around me and want to be with me.


Why ask why?
My guess is; She was in her early to mid 30s, and you gave her the children she wanted.


But there are times also, that all she wants to do is argue.


Every couple argues at times. Divorced or not.


When our daughters see us getting along they are so much more content, than whe she goes off they are upset.


Thats normal. Children always take emotional readings off their parents.


I would do anything for this lady.


This is probably a large part of your problem. You are too much of a doormat for that woman. She seduced you, you gave her children....almost back to back. Then the 3rd, maybe an oops.


Is she just playing me


My guess is she has been emotionally playing you from day one. Having a baby while infatuated can mess up long term plans.


or does she still have feeling and confused about what she wants?


She is the mother of your children, of course she has feelings. But what kind of feelings, I got no idea. But you do allow her to walk all over you and maybe even pull you around by your fireman.


Whats in her head?


I don't have a clue what is in her head.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 15
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what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/18/2011 3:42:09 PM

what's in her head?????

neurons and glia
 little bit dizzie
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 16
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what's in her head?????
Posted: 10/19/2011 5:33:50 AM
OP,
I'm sorry for you that this woman you obviously still love, but are divorced from is putting you thru, and can't even begin to tell you what is in her head, other then maybe the whole being single and dating thing isn't all she thought it was going to be so she comes back to what is comfortable, but I am more worried about the children.

Your a grown man who can stop what she is doing to do by only seeing her when it involves the children, but when the two of you are with each other as a man and woman, husband and wife, then you are confusing the kids and possibly giving them the hope that Mommy and Daddy are going to get back together. And that isn't fair to them.

So don't see her if front of the children except for when the kids are being dropped off at each others house, then keep it at that, just dropping off kids, discussing any issue about the children that needs to be discussed and end it at that. If the two of you want to "date" keep that away from the kids unless it comes to the time that the two of you decide divorce was a mistake and want a real relationship again. Other then that, put your childrens needs first.

Remember,they are at the age that what they see in relationships will influence what they will expect out of a relationship when they are old enough for one.
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