Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do guys actually date single mothers?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 JessR0se
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 1
Do guys actually date single mothers?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I'm 22 and a single mom of a 2 year old. My son's dad left while I was pregnant. That's beside the point. It seems like most guys I meet want nothing to do with a girl who has a child. What are they afraid of? I can have the best connection with someone and the second I tell them about my son, they lose interest. Are they immature? Worried about my lack of freedom/spontaneity? Are they scared of a possible commitment to that child? I don't expect them to become instant Father. Anybody have opinions on this?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 2
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:06:07 PM
OP - guys do, but typically its gonna be older guys dating older single mothers...

mainly cuz he has kids of his own and most women in his age group at that point DO have kids...
he doesn't have as mnay options in his age group without that baggage

most guys in his early 20s don't want kids of any kind NOR marriage...



he has so many more options available to him without all your baggage...
 JessR0se
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 3
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:06:47 PM
I agree with you. Most guys 22yrs old and even 25 aren't looking for that. Thanks for the words of encouragement. You're swamp donkey comment made me laugh out loud.
 JessR0se
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 4
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:07:53 PM
You don't have to be so harsh. "All your baggage"
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 5
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:14:54 PM
No. None of them do. We have an invisible mark on us that reads "single mom. do not date"

You are only 22. Most men your age are sorting their wild oats, midway thru or finishing college, and or just having fun. They lack the understanding of dating someone who has a child. I dont blame them. Sorry. When I was 22, I was responsible, living on my own, but also hitting the bars with my friends and having fun. Im sure you can do those things once in a while, but, like I said, they are just at that age where they want to enjoy their time
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 6
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 3:32:45 PM

You should probably remove the picture of your child, its fine to mention you have a child


Ironic CDN....you have a picture of you and your godDAUGHTER on your profile..
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 7
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 4:10:12 PM
No, not the adult one. The one on your back looks ALOT younger. Not 18 at all. (your caption reads baby goddaughter)
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 4:51:51 PM

Are they scared of a possible commitment to that child?


Unfortunately there are so many legal issues that stack up against a guy that dates a single mom with kids that keeps so many from taking the risk. For example, in some states and most provinces the man could be legally obligated to pay child support for the child even though he isn't the biological father should your relationship go sideways after living together for a time. He just has to be "percieved" as a father figure to the child. That alone is a BIG deterrent in some cases for guys to date single moms.........

Think about it. How would you like to pay child support for a decade (or more) after you've dated someone with kids for only a year? Pretty big risk if you ask me.......

Some guys (like myself) also have a hard time always coming in second or third or forth in the family pecking order after the kids. It takes someone with a great deal of understanding and patience to accept the fact they may not ever be considered an "equal" in the family heirarchy. For that reason, I avoid single moms that say "my kids come first".

Not exactly what most single moms want to hear, I know, but it will explain why some men will avoid you......

Do keep trying, though. Note I said SOME men above. Not all are like this. I do believe there is someone for everyone out there, you just have to make an effort. As picky and opinionated as I am, I was able to find someone, although it did take a while......lol.....
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 9
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 7:17:14 PM

You don't have to be so harsh. "All your baggage"


Well, that's what most guys in their early 20s are gonna think...hnmmm young girl, not married already has a kid ?

I can do better than her.





A quick check of his posting history will show that he apparently feels a need to throw in a comment like the one above whenever possible. To consider a child baggage is beyond crass!



however you wanna slice and dice it - a woman in her early early 20s with a kid and married does have baggage.

that is akin to a woman in her mid- late 30s who has 3 kids from different daddies...
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 10
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 8:05:37 PM
whatever dude. i dont by it. at all.

according to your first post about the pictures, you are saying that by taking it down, it brings attention back to you, and not about your child...this has nothing to do with the "age of a child", but, however ya wanna spin it for your validation!
 JessR0se
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 11
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 8:38:28 PM
Not all single mothers are struggling. I may not have his father in our life but we're doing damn well. I am one semester away from being a High School English Teacher, I have worked my butt off my whole life to be financially stable and I am proud to say I'm doing okay. I'm not looking for a guy to be a father figure right away. And I can't belive you included that the girl might be pregnant because she was purposely careless with birth control. The reason I got pregnant is just as much his fault as mine. Just because I am a single woman with a beautiful 2 yr old child does not mean I'm struggling. I may not be able to go out and have as much freedom as other women, but maybe that makes me a little more mature and responsible. I have a good head on my shoulders and I'm sorry but my son is defintely not "baggage". He's wonderful and any guy would be lucky to meet him. Thanks for the ones who have been encouraging but there are way too many who stereotype single moms.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/20/2011 9:40:32 PM
I don't disagree with you icequeen, but... since it's a man who has NO choice as to whether or not to be held financially responsible for a child they may not want, isn't the burden to be borne by the individual to whom it is most important not to be held responsibole for a child? Getting pregnant, or getting someone else pregnant is gender specific, for sure, but bearing the responsibiity is not . The burden falls upon the one who has the most interest in prevention. We all know the reality whether or not we agree on the fairness of the situation. In short, it takess two to tango, and I am reasonably certain that for every woman who intentionally gets pregnant there exists a man who convinces a woman that she is "safe" having sex with him. A control issue, most likely, but control issues are not solely relegated to those of the female persuasion. Bottom line: man or woman, if you don't want a child, it is up to you, and you alone, to ensure that you do not produce one!

For the op, sure there are men who date single mothers, less so young men who willingly date young single mothers with anything other than the intent to get laid. Fact of life; deal with it & move on, but be sure to tread carefully.
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 3:23:56 AM

It seems like most guys I meet want nothing to do with a girl who has a child. What are they afraid of?

"They" are not afraid, just not interested in an "instant family". Normally, the guy meets a girl; they court and then they get married. During the first year, they go out often and enjoy themselves (bars, movies, etc) and then (maybe a year or so later) they have children.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 14
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 1:21:45 PM
lovely double standard you created cdn.
you put a picture of your goddaughter up because you are proud. she has a picture of her chld because she is proud. but, however ya wanna roll wit it to better suit your "its ok i can but she shouldnt" theory ... yes

"hey kettle, guess what? youre black!"

yes, plenty of men date single mothers. its a choice. if they dont, who cares. dont wasite your time on the ones who wont, and concentrate on those who will

 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 15
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 3:25:39 PM

so don't put words in my mouth

so sue me, kid


Do you have any more helpful tips perhaps like how to melt cheddar cheese in the oven?

yes. put it in the microwave, that way it just bubbles and doesnt burn

Young men are just in a different place in their lives. I totally get if they prefer to not date single mothers. Luckily Ive never been a young single mom, but, whether you are young or older, either way, no skin off my back and on to the next!
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 16
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 3:40:18 PM

LOL Your cute river


right back atcha. Wait. You arent a young single dad are ya? If so, thats not in my dating criteria.... (jk)
 wackowench
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 5:07:24 PM
how rude are you.......i met someone when had 3 kids and then got married and had another baby.....so theres hope out there for everyone....not all men are like you.....
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 8:41:51 PM

Men, young and old need a certain degree of nurturing and attention. All good mothers devote their time and affection to their children leaving little left for men. Unless a man has a child or has dated a mother in the past, he will be unable to grasp how different dating a single mother is.

My advice to you is to not really worry about it.


....this is very good advice. I've often said that if your kids come first, you really shouldn't be dating, and its nice to see ladies come out and say this up front. Its saves alot of time and grief in the dating process for both people.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:41:44 PM

Im sure your kids would appreciate knowing that any stray bimbo


Actually, no. My GF is anything but a bimbo, and my son and I are happy to be an EQUAL part of her and her kids lives. Just as they are an EQUAL part of mine.

Get it now?
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 20
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/22/2011 9:38:49 AM

m sorry to say river girl, but it works both way when it comes to datint parents with kids. i have my boys ever weekend, but if i wanted to go out my parents would have them for me.


huh? you obviously didnt get my sarcasm to dad2stay, or you havent looked at my profile. I am also a single mother to a 9 yr old, and have been a single mom for about 8 yrs. I usually only date single fathers anyway. Good to hear you have him every weekend. I have mine 24/7 :) If I want to go out with my friends or a date, my parents are more than willing and would love to watch her. I dont abuse it and go out much anyway. Id rather have a nice night in with her and play wii
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 21
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/22/2011 9:42:56 AM
Im 36, and what I was mainly talking about was when I was in my early 20s, going out and having my fun, I didnt really come in contact with single fathers. Alot of it was due in part to the age range I dated. Same ages as me, and they didnt have kids. I support dating single mom's ( } but, I am certainly not going to be sitting back and wondering why they wont date me. Simply because I really just dont care. There are tons of fish in the sea that will. So why bother sweatin' the small stuff!?
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 22
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/22/2011 2:30:03 PM
For once, I can somewhat agree with cdn. But, in my world, as a SINGLE PARENT, who is a WOMAN, see it in SINGLE fathers as the ones who put up a SHIELD. Im sure SOME single mothers have too. Hey, its a part of life. When I left my ex husband, I was bitter for a few years. I chose not to date for a few years as well. I took a "hiatus" if you will. During that time, I cleared my head, focused on my job, family, etc. When I came "back", I started anew. I see nothing wrong with taking a time out. No parent should hide behind their children for fear they could find love. Im sure SOME that do, are simply just too raw in their beginning stages of being newly single again. It happens.

I do have to say though, what a colorful in depth detail he has portrayed. This leads me to believe that SOME, keyword for those who like to break balls, I said SOME middle aged men with no kids, tend to have been scarred as a direct result of dating a single mom who was more middle aged with probably a teen. Perhaps SOME single men have come across a woman that was set in her ways.

Now, for myself, in her mid (ok, approaching late 30's) can balance a perfectly stable relationship and have. My dating life is separate from my child. A relationship I was in, the single father had a son my daughters age, and we often did alot of things together as a blended family, as well as being able to spend alone adult time.

PS...I am sorry it didnt work out with the lady that didnt let you in and clung to hers like wreckage of a sunken relationship/marriage. If it was an example, well, I applaud you for such a colorful rendition of what SOME single parents, and SOME single men and SOME single women have experienced.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 23
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/22/2011 2:50:00 PM
I dont like popcorn. Never heard of possum balls. Skunk sauce? Is that like fish sauce? That REAKS. But, eh, I dunno, maybe SOME like it.

Im grateful I can balance. Maybe SOME cant just yet, because its still too painful. But Im sure that SOME will eventually come around.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/22/2011 3:19:12 PM

Years past, the hubby silent in all of this, he loves his children to death, but resents his wife and as soon as the kids are out of the house he's gone too, and found love else where and the wife is wondering WTF did I do? I cared for my kids, and she " thought " things were fine with hubby only to find out he didn't have the balls to tell her that she neglected him during the kids growing up and he resented her and decided to leave, and you hear the wife now well ex wife is pissed at him and men in general and says the hubby is a jerk and jealous because he was in second place behind the kids.

Now the parents that balanced parenthood and love tends to have a higher success rate



Nicely written, Ice. Agreed completely on this!! As I look back on my failed marriage, this was one of our issues, although it was me that put her second in the relationship and she left........I learned from that lesson!!

The above is one reason why I insist on equality (and with that comes balance) in the dating relationship with single parents........

Great post, Ice.

 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 25
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/22/2011 3:37:03 PM
This thread definitely seems to have a lot of ummmm nature in its content , seems like Ice is trying to freeze River while River is trying to break ice's flow .

Anyway OP as others have said in this thread most guys your age are not mature enough and willing to take on the added responsibility . It will take more patience on your part to find the right guy who can handle that . Chances are he will be older and/or possibly have a child of his own .

Good luck with your search and enjoy your time with your children.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do guys actually date single mothers?