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 sublime692
Joined: 7/14/2010
Msg: 1
Is she lying or am I overanalyzingPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
OK, Ill make it quick. I met a girl on here we emailed and texted for about a week. Met out for our first date, had a great time, and yes ended up sleeping together. We actually spent just about the whole weekend together going out and enjoying eachothers company. A week later she said she was going out with her gf and couldnt see me. Turns out she had another date from this site. When I saw her the next day, she had a small bite mark on her neck and said her gf did it. So we are now a couple but I keep having suspicions about that night and found a phone number, and called her on it, she said yes she did have date but her gf went along nothing happened lalalalala. Still doesnt seem right to me so I call the number, (i know thats wrong, but) he says yes they had a date, it was just the two of them, he walked her home and that was that. I tell her I called she gets mad, that I am bringing this up, so she says yes it was the two of them, the date was planned before we met and he seemed nice and didnt want to break it. Im like fine, its the lie that pissed me off and made me dig, she says the mark on her neck came when he tried to kiss her and she turned he bit her neck. She also says he didnt walk her home, I say why would he make up a walk home. I dont know, maybe me sleeping with her on first date has skewed my judgement a bit. But do u think he went up or should I believe her.....
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 2
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:14:19 AM
Are you serious? and stop with the B.S about you found the number of her friend? how does one find a number ? you didn't trust her , you snooped saw the number and then had the balls to call the number and interrogate the guy?

You have issues, she has issues and shouldn't of lied but then again you are not exclusive she is free to do what she wants

I guess that is the difference between confidence guys vs the self proclaimed nice guys, confidence guys would never be in a situation like that, definitely not snooped or even called the guy, it makes you LOOK bad.

Should you believe her? not the issue here, I would look at the big picture here, you guys met and slept together for a weekend and you think you're in a committed relationship after a week? okay then
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 3
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:21:31 AM

so she says yes it was the two of them, the date was planned before we met and he seemed nice and didnt want to break it.

You should have told her to meet him first.

I dont know, maybe me sleeping with her on first date has skewed my judgement a bit. But do u think he went up or should I believe her.....

No, where you went wrong was not getting everything about exclusivity straight in advance. You'll just have to live with whatever uncertainty you're stuck with or screw up your potential relationship. Either quit bringing it up or look for someone else.
 LGG62
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 4
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:22:10 AM
To be honest, it doesn't matter. So you slept with someone the first time you met them. That doesn't mean you are in a committed, monogamous relationship. She was still free to do whatever or whoever she wanted, as were you. Just because you spent the weekend together also does not mean you two were in a committed, monogamous relationship. So she had a date with another guy while also spending time with you, that's called dating, she did nothing wrong, and eventually chose to be with only you. Again, you were able to do the same thing, whether or not you chose to. She lied about the date to spare your feelings, sometimes people get hurt or competitive when they find out that the person they went out with once or twice (gasp!) might actually be seeing other people at the same time. A little hard on their egos. Your jealousies are coming at this time from a boyfriend place, not a one-of-a-few-guys-she-was-seeing place, which is what you were at the time. So your options are to move on from this unless she lies now that you two are committed, or drop her. Your choice.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 5
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:23:07 AM
You are a man in your 40's, act like one. Stop playing 007 and dump her lying ass not every fish is a keeper.
 HappyDip
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 6
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:24:11 AM

But do u think he went up or should I believe her.....

Who gives a shit.
You like being with her, you trust her, you accept her, you want to continue being with her...do it.
If not, don't.
What are you looking for, just so you can say to yourself "nanner nanner nanner I'm better than you, you lying fornicator, let's go get something to eat."
Are you looking for something where you can have "power" in the relationship? Like in ten years "you know honey, I don't want to go to your moms for christmas...and you'd understand that if you weren't a lying bytch that slept with some guy a week or so after meeting me."
Do you think there is some magic wand that's going to make everything all right?
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 7
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:25:33 AM
I wonder at what point did you two agree to be exclusive or have you done that yet. If it was after the date she had that you interrogated her about then you need to relax about this or find someone else. How would you have felt if this woman was snooping into your affairs when you first met. Just because you had sex with her on the first date does not mean that you are in an exclusive relationship.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 8
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:29:55 AM
Wow. This is a serious case of drama overload. Her lying to you would be enough for me to say Hasta La Vista baby! You do not want to be involved with somebody with that kind of chaos/drama. People like that tend to have poor boundaries, so you will always be suspicious of them. Trust is already compromised and best to go before it gets worse.
 Smilingeyes10
Joined: 5/3/2010
Msg: 9
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:30:02 AM
She lied, you snooped, I say give it up. IMO you have trust issues and I think you need to sort that out before you start dating. If after the first week, you are snooping into her stuff and then interrogating some guy she went out with I see major red flags.

If she met you, slept with you, spent the weekend with you and then proceeded to date other guys I would say she is not that into you...

You are not going to forget what ever it is you think she did, so move along.
 sublime692
Joined: 7/14/2010
Msg: 10
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:38:50 AM
Actually it was a month and a half into the relationship that I found out about the lie....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:41:32 AM
I think she is better off with the guy she went on the date with. At least the other guy didn't find your phone number on her cell and call you up to get details about sex with her. I'm really surprised she didn't dump you on the spot when you told her you snooped on her phone. She seems really insecure since she put away her red flags. You're basically telling her you don't trust her and she's still sticking around? Drama-part 1. Need to get popcorn for parts 2 and 3.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 12
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:43:20 AM
Did you have the exclusivity talk?

If not ... then how can you assume that you will be the only one?
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 13
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 9:45:11 AM

Actually it was a month and a half into the relationship that I found out about the lie...
nothing like adding the ingredients after the dinner is cooked? good Lord.

A month in a half now okay? so what is the problem even though you snooped, she's lying and meeting guys, kick her to the curb and move on and find someone who is content on dating ONE man.

Simple eh?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:05:47 AM
Nothing else really matters...the fact you two did the deed night one...where you met, whether or not you two had an exclusive discussion-none of that.

She lied to you. This is what matters. If you enjoy dating women who lie, then keep doing that.

She was still single when she went out with the other guy and nothing she physcially did with him is the issue. The issue is that she lied to you.

She didnt have to give you any gory details, but she shouldnt have said she was going out with a gf when she wasnt either. She should have just copped up to the fact that she had made plans to meet another man before she met you and she felt obligated to follow through. She didnt even have to tell you anything about that night...she could have just said she had plans that she didnt feel comfortable discussing with you-yet she CHOSE to lie. To me, this indcates that this is how she prefers to deal with 'sticky' situations. She lies when backed into a corner.

You have been shown a glimpse of her character, proceed with caution.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 15
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:08:54 AM
Actually it was a month and a half into the relationship that I found out about the lie.
Well nobody can accuse you of being insecure. Is it any wonder this girl lied to you? What she did or who she did it with BEFORE becoming exclusive with you is none of your damn business. Stop snooping around into this woman's personal affairs. She is with you now that should be enough. And that is enough for the vast majority of men in this world. It's only not enough for those with egos as fragile as a egg shell.





A month in a half now okay? so what is the problem even though you snooped, she's lying and meeting guys, kick her to the curb and move on and find someone who is content on dating ONE man.
Good lord he never said she was meeting men a month and a half after. He said that's when he went snooping and found out about her having lied.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 16
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:12:17 AM

Actually it was a month and a half into the relationship that I found out about the lie....


You know...she shouldn't have lied. But she also shouldn't have had to feel the need to. You had one date at the time. It was none of your business and that's what she should have told you.

Guys don't ask women things like that. Especially after one date. I won't ask...I don't want to know. Her social life is NONE of my business when we are not in a relationship or exclusive. It's BARELY any of my business when we are.

I am really surprised she's putting up with your BS...to date. She has to be at her limit.

DON'T PUSH IT FOCKER
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 17
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:13:20 AM
I cant see where he lied

As I read it he saw her the day after and she lied, some time passed and something was still niggling him so then he snooped and the lie was outed


I'm actually a bit surprised to see some people saying he shouldnt have snooped really though, especially as it turned out he was right, not snooping it and just dismissing it as his own silliness could have meant he could end up having an LTR with a chronic liar. So how is that "better"?

I also dont get where he has "trust issues" tbh. He obviously picked up something that didnt feel right when she recounted the night out with a "gf" thats what I would normally call intuition or a gut feeling, not "trust issues". If the person you suspect of being dishonest IS infact lying them thats called being astute or having good instinct NOT trust issues

And when faced with someone youre pretty sure is lying, as this example shows snooping is often the only way to actually get the truth

I suspect had this been a pretty woman quite a few of the posts would have been using words like gut instincts, intuition, astute et al. But as its a bloke ripping into him would be the first response that springs to mind lol


Personally I'd have kicked her to the curb as soon as the lie came out. But not actually because of the initial lie, because of the fact that when challenged on it she offered more lies and watered down accounts which is the trademark of someone who is a practiced liar rather than someone who made a single error in judgement and I would guess theres a very good chance you still dont actually know the truth about what she was doing when she got the mark because lets face it, an off target kiss? Yeah right haha sure it is

As someone else said theres other people out there who in the same situation would have been honest from the outset so I'd suggest finding one of those as I suspect youre going to regret plodding on with this particular woman eventually, most probably the day after you find a hickey on the inside of her thigh after a night out with a "gf"
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 18
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:15:26 AM
Okay dude, you are in your 40s and should have at least an inkling on what to do. With that said, only you know what the time line was, what was actually going on, how you feel about her and the situation, about how you both behaved -rolling eyes here-, and what you want or, for that matter, don't want.

Don't go asking a bunch of strangers to make that decision for you. Toss a coin on whether to go or stay, and which ever hoped for outcome that comes into your head before that coin hits the ground is what you should do.

Over analyzing ALWAYS muddles the waters.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 19
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:15:52 AM

Good lord he never said she was meeting men a month and a half after. He said that's when he went snooping and found out about her having lied.
Before you break my balls try reading what he said, he caught meeting a guy, whether its a GUY or GUYS, she's meeting others or another guy, does it really friggen matter I say tomato, he says Tommatto
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 20
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:18:48 AM
OMG, the OP is 12 and trying to figure out Dating 101. For crying out loud OP, you're 42.

You met her, slept with her, she had a date a week later, she decided she likes you best and you are a silly insecure, jealous man who won't leave it alone.

If I was the gal in this story, I'd be walking away from the OP because if this kind of crap is going on within this short period of time - what is the rest of her life going to be like....she can't talk to men at work, she can't talk to me at a restaurant, she can't talk to her mechanic or the Maytag Repairman. And you'll be checking her phone history and computer history and going through her purse and checking with friends and having a private detective follow her. This has drama written all over it.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 21
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:19:02 AM
She lied about the date, then she lied more when you called her on it, then she got angry when you found out the truth. I'd say your distrust of her is warranted, regardless of what did or didn't happen on that date.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 22
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:20:30 AM
Let's say the OP is right and she slept with this guy(Just like she slept with him)on this date. And that's how she got the hickey on her neck. So what? How is any of that relevant to where they are now?.

She had ONE date with the OP at this point. How is anything she is doing with another man any of his business?
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 23
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:25:38 AM
So what? didn't he say this was a month in a half into the relationship, unless he adds more to the story, they went to Boston Pizza and the number fell out of her pocket with her lipstick blah blah blah.

I think the OP needs to clarify, first post its one date, weekend sex blah blah blah, now its a month in a half, so I really dont know
 Blu_Angie
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 24
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:31:43 AM
Isn't it obvious she sleeps around??? Hope you used condoms and washed yourself off well.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 25
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:32:20 AM
So you had sex the first time you met someone and you are shocked that she would do this with others (as I'm sure you have too) and somehow because you had sex with her you think she's been branded yours because that's what you wanted. She on the other hand didn't see things the same way you did and while it was her business to keep dating others, you did some PI work and found out she lies. So now you want what, you want her to pay you some dues or something? She was still seeing others, you just met, having sex is not a commitment to be exclusive and you know she will lie if you try to push her into a corner. What's new? Sounds like a pretty normal situation between two people who know nothing about each other, nothing, and yet call it a relationship because they screwed the first night.

Do I think she screwed him too, most likely, you already know you and her both have sex on the first dates. What I'm wondering is why are you upset, you had sex with a complete stranger and yet because you didn't get lucky the next weekend, you feel one upped? Let it go and learn that you can't trust someone you don't know from a lamp post or let it fester until you decide you are a pure king of virtue and she's the whore of dating sites then dump her after you build your ego on her worthless back. In reality, she did nothing to you, she didn't even know you, just spent a weekend in bed with you and had the nerve to live her life as usual. What's your issue with that? Or do you really feel superior that she lied to you about something that was none of your business in the first place?
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