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 bmt23
Joined: 9/8/2007
Msg: 1
Tell her I was a virgin?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Ok, so I met a girl and we hit it off. We get along great, have a lot of fun, everything's great. Definitely the best relationship I've had. We've been going out a bit over 3 months. A while ago we had sex, which was great. The issue is it was my first time, at 30. Why I never did it before I don't know, things just didn't work out somehow. Believe me, it wasn't for lack of trying! My question is I never told her I was a virgin before we had sex. She never asked about my history, I never asked about hers and it never came up otherwise, beyond of course making sure we were each clean. I did tell her I was fairly inexperienced but didn't go into details. She has had a few partners before. We have sex a lot and she says it's amazing. I have no reason to doubt her since she could easily find someone else. So at this point, should I tell her or just leave it alone? I'm worried if I tell her she'll think I was just trying to get laid or that now I'm going to want to run off and lay every girl I can. I still want to be honest with her though. So, what do you think? She's a great girl and I don't want to lose her.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 2
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:19:50 PM
Do not tell her. If I was that hot girl and you tell me that, I would think that something is wrong with you and would back off. No need to tell her. It's not a sin not to tell her. You got to lie, man. If she asks you, just tell her you had sex with 2 girls in your life. Because if you tell her that she is your first, I know you two will break up eventually just because of that. It's just weird having a bf who's 30 and you are his first. So do NOT tell her. If you ever break up with her, she is going to tell her friends that she is your first.

PS if you two ever get married then that's when you confess to her.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 3
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:26:19 PM
^^^^
I disagree

Do not lie.

Just do not discuss it until she asks.
Maybe she never will.
It is really not acceptable to be discussing your past relationships.
So let it go.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 4
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:42:28 PM
Why would the OP lie? Why would they break up because he was a virgin? Geez, what an immature look at things. The OP and his gal are having a great time, they get along, the sex is great and whether he or she was a virgin or not has absolutely nothing to do with this. Tell her when you get married???WTF.

OP, enjoy your relationship, I hope it lasts forever. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of and has no relevance on your relationship. Go forth and have a great life.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:47:28 PM
If you have sex alot and she thinks it is amazing.....
don't sweat it.
Tell her if you want.
Or not.

She won't think you just wanted to get laid.
and if she falls for you she'll feel special being your first.

However if it was me....
I'd save it a while longer.
See how the relationship progresses.
and maybe new years or valentines mention it then.

You are doing fine.
Don't make problems where there is none.
and enjoy.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 6
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Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:57:16 PM
Do not tell her unless she asks you directly.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 7
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Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:13:09 PM
Don't fix what aint broken OP.

She says it's amazing and you believe she is telling the truth...so it's a non-issue.

Did you spend these years as an adult virgin at least reading on sex topics and such? Curious.

Stop stressing and doubting over it man, it will start to show and things will become less amazing.


I'm worried if I tell her she'll think I was just trying to get laid or that now I'm going to want to run off and lay every girl I can.

Hehe. No she's not going to think that after 3+months of being together. Are YOU thinking that was the case?

Well, she might ponder the idea that you will want to go explore your sexuality with other women. Maybe you will. Hell you probably will eventually. If you want to be with her alone then it's your job to show her that :)


PS if you two ever get married then that's when you confess to her.

I hope you meant prior to marriage.
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 8
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:32:40 PM
OP I wanted to p/m you but your mail settings have a limit so I will just say here that if you feel more at ease to tell her, then by all means tell her. ... If she enjoys being with you now and really sees you for who you are -- it shouldn't be that huge of a deal.

I think the way ppl think these days has got it all going backwards. .. I mean what's the deal with touting the idea that a guy who has had hundreds of sex partners as a "good thing" when hello?? .. the more partners you've had the HIGHER your chances of being exposed to STD's (yes even with a condom) ......

If she makes a huge deal of it or If you are worried the fact that she may see you as "inexperienced" or that you have something "wrong" with you , then its her loss.

More partners does not necessarily = better lover or sexpert by any means. .... A person could have had 100 sex partners and keep doing the same thing and never get anywhere.

If you are unsure .. then perhaps wait a bit to see how the relationship goes ... I think you'll know when the right time comes to tell her.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:45:09 PM
If the sex is as good as you say, then realize that is not as big of a deal as you think it is. However, if it makes you feel better, just leave it alone for a while. Build a foundation with this woman, but when it comes up, eventually, just be natural and tell her.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 10
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History
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:50:33 PM

I mean what's the deal with touting the idea that a guy who has had hundreds of sex partners as a "good thing"


There is Pro's and Con's to having 'had' multiple sex partners. I find it kinda silly that you seem to be alluding there is no pros...

The more partners you have had means more sex and relationship experience. At least more then the virgin on both accounts. Not saying the virgin can't outperform his first time the 100 partner guy as you described it...but I don't think it's generally the case.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:52:12 PM
If she asks, tell her but if she's fine with what you've said before, I'm guessing she's not looking for any confessionals from you. Let it be.
 sunnyflower1974
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 12
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:06:11 PM
if you guys have an amazing sex and relationship, and she didn't ask you ,why should you bring that up?
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 13
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:18:02 PM
… we hit it off. We get along great, have a lot of fun, everything's great. Definitely the best relationship I've had. We've been going out a bit over 3 months.

We have sex a lot and she says it's amazing.

I'm worried if I tell her [I was a virgin] she'll think I was just trying to get laid or that now I'm going to want to run off and lay every girl I can.

Of all the sexual “they’ll-think-this-means-that” second guessings I’ve heard (and there’s some doozies floatin’ around), this one’s a complete head scratcher!

Granted, for some young people sex is a new discovery they want to try out with a variety of partners. But you discovered it within a relationship, you like each other, it’s working, and you took some time to get to know each other.

Neither of you is going to cast that aside now. Enjoy it. Tell her if she asks. If she feels uniquely appreciated for who she is aside from the sex, I don’t think finding out you were a virgin is suddenly going to arouse fear and suspicion.

You both wanted to get laid. It’s a good thing. And now you have a nice relationship. Enjoy!
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 14
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:35:18 PM
May I ask why you didn't tell her before the two of you became intimate? Is it because you thought it would ruin your chances?

I'm not sure I understand your reasoning for not telling her now, the fear that she will think you just wanted sex doesn't sound all that valid.. like you've stuck around after 'the deed', so why would she think that?

I still want to be honest with her though.
That is an important feeling..

I have to admit, I would probably feel a little 'betrayed' (for lack of a better word) that you didn't tell me sooner.. that you led me to believe something that was not true. I realize you didn't outright lie, but the omission was there.

In short, I would want to know. And unless she's really immature and not interested in a serious relationship with you, I highly doubt the information will be received negatively.

October:
Do not tell her. If I was that hot girl and you tell me that, I would think that something is wrong with you and would back off. No need to tell her. It's not a sin not to tell her. You got to lie, man. If she asks you, just tell her you had sex with 2 girls in your life. Because if you tell her that she is your first, I know you two will break up eventually just because of that. It's just weird having a bf who's 30 and you are his first. So do NOT tell her. If you ever break up with her, she is going to tell her friends that she is your first.
Some women have no issues dating a virgin who is in his thirties, so I disagree with your narrow viewpoint here.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 15
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Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:55:02 PM

I have to admit, I would probably feel a little 'betrayed' (for lack of a better word) that you didn't tell me sooner.. that you led me to believe something that was not true.
........
I highly doubt the information will be received negatively.


Well at this point if the girl views it as you do it will be received negatively as she will feel betrayed. Right?


In short, I would want to know.

Lots of mixed opinion on this that I have read in threads.
Some say past relationships are none of anyone's business until something more serious has been established. I mean if he is obligated to be up front about his lack of sex can he hold her to the same by asking for the details of all her past sexual encounters?

Some women say they would not have sex with a virgin (maybe more reason to be honest).

It's a difficult position he was in either way. I agree he did lie..a white lie I suppose.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 16
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:06:43 PM
I don't understand why you think you might lose her if you told her.

We only get ONE person to be our first. And...very few that we were theirs. In my case...it was a mutual first and quite honestly and with hind sight...we were both awful at it the first time. It would be cool if she still looks back on it with the fond regard in which I do.

Why not give that to her? I might understand the hesitance before...but why not tell her now?

If you have any kind of relationship with this gal...you should be able to tell her...and she should appreciate it in every way. If you lose her BECAUSE of it...you never really had her.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 17
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:11:17 PM
Zach:
Well at this point if the girl views it as you do it will be received negatively as she will feel betrayed. Right?
He would explain himself and I would hear him out, I'm just saying that I would have preferred to know before 'the deed' was done.

Lots of mixed opinion on this that I have read in threads.
Some say past relationships are none of anyone's business until something more serious has been established.
How is sex with a virgin not 'serious'?

That's a pretty big deal in someone's life and everyone knows it. Hence his silence on the matter..

I mean if he is obligated to be up front about his lack of sex can he hold her to the same by asking for the details of all her past sexual encounters?
It isn't the same thing.

She went in with no knowledge that she was his first. He went in knowing that he was not hers.

Some women say they would not have sex with a virgin
That's why I asked the Op why he wasn't more upfront about it. I'm guessing that's why he didn't tell her.

And I can see why he would feel that way.. but I personally don't see how waiting a long time to tell her would be doing him any favours. Jmo 'n all.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 18
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:19:46 PM
And that is why he should just NOT tell her at all. If ever she asks, just tell her DOES IT MATTER? if she says it does matter, SAY 2 only in my entire life. End of discussion.
 clayart
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 19
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:53:04 PM
If things are as good as you say they are I would not tell her now. Enjoy your time together and let your relationship grow. If she asks, you must tell the truth. If you decide to tell her now you better be ready for a long conversation. I think she will have trouble believing she was your first at age 30 and it will cause a problem. I must admit, it is very hard for me to believe your story. Every man remembers his first time. If it was really your first time------------- she already knows and she is still with you so it's not a problem.

Do your best to make this work. Trust me, you don't want to be single at 50 - 51 very soon.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 20
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/25/2011 12:16:08 AM

If things are as good as you say they are I would not tell her now. Enjoy your time together and let your relationship grow. If she asks, you must tell the truth. If you decide to tell her now you better be ready for a long conversation. I think she will have trouble believing she was your first at age 30 and it will cause a problem. I must admit, it is very hard for me to believe your story. Every man remembers his first time. If it was really your first time------------- she already knows and she is still with you so it's not a problem.


Please help me with this logic. "Don't tell her because she already knows"?????????????

I guess that would show that you are now wishing to be honest with her and compliment your physical intimacy with a little emotional intimacy. What would he possibly gain by doing that? **rolls eyes**
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 21
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Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/25/2011 1:31:30 AM

She never asked about my history, I never asked about hers and it never came up otherwise, beyond of course making sure we were each clean. I did tell her I was fairly inexperienced but didn't go into details.


You told her that you were inexperienced and I assume you took an STD test to show that you were "clean"? So, haven't you already in a sense lied to her? Or maybe "lie" is a strong word. How about you created an elaborate sham? I advocate being honest with her, but be prepared that she may be upset.
 totheruins
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 22
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/25/2011 5:12:09 AM
the second post telling you to blatantly lie because its an embarrasment and any girl would think a 30 yr old virgin is weird and she will break up with you is the most shallow ridicoulous post ive ever seen.
If the sex is amazing as you say and its happening frequently and this girl actually likes you she would not hold it againt you one bit that you were a virgin, she might even think highly of it and I dont see the big deal in telling her
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 23
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/25/2011 5:30:11 AM
Op,tell her 20 years from now..................

"If it aint broke,dont fix it."

If all's going well,why rock the boat?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 24
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/25/2011 5:51:43 AM
Tell her in a few years--then, you have both have a good laugh about it.
 bmt23
Joined: 9/8/2007
Msg: 25
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/25/2011 7:27:40 AM
Thanks for all the responses. I don't know why I didn't tell her before we had sex. I wasn't trying to lie to her, I was working up to tell her since I have told some girls in the past, when I was a few years younger, and not had very good reactions. When the night came that we did the deed everything happened so fast that the thought just didn't cross my mind. Heat of the moment I guess.
As for the fellow asking what I did while not having sex, yes I did read and try to learn what I could. I have had some sexual experiences mind you, just not intercourse, don't ask me why.
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