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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?      Home login  
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 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 1
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I bumped into a girl I used to talk to. She gave me her number then she called me last night. She tells me that she didn't pursue me before because she thought all I wanted was sex, which isn't true. But all she does in our phone conversations, in our texting, is bring up sex. Sexual references, innuendos, talking about explicit stuff.

So, she doesn't want sex but all she talks about is how much she loves having sex.

This has happened with more than one girl. What is going on? Do they just want sex even though they claim they don't? Are they using me for entertainment?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 2
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 3:09:07 PM
Maybe she changed her mind. Tell her to put up or shut up and see how that goes over.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 3:45:23 PM
I've run into a few versions of that sort of behavior.

Most of the time, I THINK that what's going on, is that the person is deeply afraid of being used and dropped, and hasn't figured out how to set their own boundaries properly.

They have a past habit of trying to BUY affection and loyalty from lovers, by "giving them sex," sooner than they actually wanted to. They in turn, were often dropped by the person who they were trying to 'buy,' because that person came to realize that the sex felt empty and meaningless (because it was), due to the frightened person not really enjoying themselves.

She is probably trying to "buy" your continued interest, while she follows a countdown that she doesn't understand, waiting for the "right " amount of time to finally have sex, hoping that THIS formulaic approach to mating will work better than the PREVIOUS "have sex right away" formulaic approach.

If the same thing happens often, it is likely because of your age group, more than anything else. Early twenties is when lots of people begin the pre-thirties panic, and decide that letting things happen without thinking or planning wont work, so they start buying into "secret plans to land the right mate."

In other words, she's SORT OF playing you. In a totally-lacking-in-confidence-or-a-sense-of-real-self kind of way.
 lovelikewinter
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 4
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Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 4:00:42 PM
getanet is right. A lot of women expect you to realize they just want sex, yet simultaneously don't wish to say it.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 5
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Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 4:07:19 PM
Some women have no self confidence and think the only thing they have to offer a man is their sexuality. So they "play" sexy/naughty trying to intrigue you.
They don't want to be used just for sex........yet they haven't figured outhow to be of interest to a man without the sexual aspect.
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 6
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:22:09 PM
See Coyotefeller, I was thinking the same thing. I met another girl several months back who was also around my age. She was sitting next to me while we were out having a drink and was text messaging me dirty messages. (Atleast older women just come and out and say it) and yet when I leaned in after the date to give her a kiss (a kiss would pale in comparison to what she texted) she leaned away and said she "wasn't easy like that". So...she texts me WHILE WE ARE ON OUR DATE that she wants to do ect ect ect....but she won't let me kiss her? Then she started claiming she's been with "90 guys" which of course is a lie and also a turn-off (I don't want a complete skank) and then she says she doesn't want to move too fast....

I don't understand it.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 7
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:24:10 PM
1. lighten up and live a little. Sex talk can be a lot fun. Enjoy it for what it is.
2. If she's the one that keeps bringing it up then turn the tables on her. Reminder of what she once thought of you, point out that she's the one the one that keeps bringing it up, then simply tell her that when she's ready to stop talking and do something about you're game.
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 8
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/26/2011 6:35:48 AM
What does "hook" mean?
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 9
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/26/2011 8:08:39 AM
Talking about sex is a good thing. Talking about it with the opposite sex is even better. Witness the popularity of the sex forum. We can glean insights and share our own with people who won’t necessarily ever become our lovers.

She may or may not have something more in mind and the possible motives are sundry. She may be getting something out of it without your knowledge and consent, a.k.a. using you, teasing you, trying to get a rise out of you, flirting, etc. She may not even know why she’s doing it.

Or she may coming on to you or thinking about doing so, and checking out your attitudes toward sex and possible interest in sex with her.

If you get your fill of the sex-talk and want some action, you could ask her if she’s interested in checking out the sexual chemistry between you. If she’s not, I’d keep looking elsewhere. As of now, I’d be looking anyway.

ps: "hook" could mean wanting you for sex. Or just wanting your attention, etc.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 10
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Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/26/2011 8:22:33 AM
She is playing you....

if you are into games give them cold indifference....

when they ask why you don't play along....

tell them ... "you don't mess with teasers only with pleasers...."
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 11
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/26/2011 8:42:45 AM
My experience with women that talk sex online has been that they really do not want to meet. Perhaps I do not have the technique quite there like Abelian has indicated sometimes.
 No_6
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 12
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/26/2011 11:58:39 PM
Maybe fantasy is better than reality for her.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 13
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Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/27/2011 12:15:39 AM
That is alot like me. I want sex. But I do do NOT want superfiscal, one night sex. I talk alot about sex, because I want to get my purr choices understood before sex becomes an issue. I want to get to know someone first, before considering sex, unless someone is really attractive, which is no one in my area and/or who has the right horoscope and SANE possibilibly of being with me.
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 14
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/27/2011 4:32:13 AM
Understandable. Nothing is worse and more awkward IMO than just random sex. That being said, some of the best times I've had with a girl have been with girls I was not in a relationship with, but some of the worst sex I had was with a girl whom I had a relationship with.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 15
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Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/27/2011 5:48:46 AM
Maybe this is about testing to see if you're the sort of guy who's just going to go straight for a fling-type relationship or whether she can trust you to be more than that? Can she talk sex with you and not have you jump to the immediate conclusion it's an invitation? Can you be trusted to be a gentleman or are you waiting for the first opportunity to leap on her? I don't know if this is the case or not, but I can't see any sensible reason for this behaviour and I don't agree with the guys that she's just teasing you or playing games.

You don't want to be just friends with this woman so I think I'd let her know that you like her, want to be with her but you're not going to bother her if she's not interested. Suggest you keep in touch and go out for a date some time if she'd like to. Then just stay in touch occasionally so you are not rushing into things like other guys might. She'll realise that, unlike some others, you have the self control to wait until she trusts you. You are also making it clear that you are interested in more than friendship. Having the confidence to do that can be attractive in itself.
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 16
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 10/27/2011 10:22:52 AM
This is exactly why I prefer dating older women. No complicated scenarios or games.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 17
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Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 11/12/2011 11:54:04 AM
Look at it this way, at least she likes to talk about sex,the sad fact,
is at least half the population, is closed minded about sex, and communication in general, thats why I believe so many people devorce , cheat, and so on......
communication, acceptance, and not being judgemental , in other words being open, with your partner is a great start
 ridddder82
Joined: 7/19/2011
Msg: 18
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 11/14/2011 6:39:29 AM
Everyone is right it is a game, and is not just reserved for young verses old. I dated a woman who did this all the time, it was like this big duality with her. She turned her head on the first date, and didn't kiss like all good catholic girls do. We dated for several months, and the theme was reoccurring talk the talk but not the walk. It was fun while it lasted, she was ultimately too immature so I had to move on.

Recently I met another woman, who is closer to my age, again the same theme she didn't want it to be about just sex, and yet her mind kept going back to that point. We talked for several weeks; we went from just friends to meeting. We met at my house, which is something I rarely do, but wanted to see if she would actually drive all that way to meet me for a change. We talked, gave her a tour of the place, watched a movie, and she asked if she could spend the night since it was a long drive home. I obliged out of courtesy, got ready the spare bedroom, only to find her molesting me half through the night. This time I refused her, told her I wasn't ready at this point in our relationship. She went back to her bed, I assumed to sleep, and when I got up she was gone. Of the few times I have seen her online, she doesn't talk to me, and if she does it is for a minute if that.

So my advice is if you like her, see how it plays out, let her play her game, and go from there. However, if you don't like games, and that is not your thing move on. I was not a psychology major, and I don't need to figure out women who do this, only know it happens a lot to me online. I don't know what the difference is between meeting someone online verses, in RL yet there is a major difference in mindset.

Games, well games are games, and women play games especially the ones who make a point to tell you they do not. Lastly, while this is a fun game, just know they like to be the ones calling all the shots, they like sex talk, or sex play on their terms, and expect you to be the man in everything that follows. As long as you do not initiate it, it is game on.

Have fun....
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 19
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 11/16/2011 11:38:35 AM
I'm seeing a lot of this. A girl leaves you her number. You contact her. She begins saying explicit, dirty sexual things, telling you how bad she wants you, sending you naughty pictures...but then when you go out on a date, she turns away from your kiss.

If it is a way of "testing" a guy, it's a flawed strategy. You can have the tamest dog in the world, but if you hold a piece of bacon infront of it, it's still gonna go crazy.
 justin5502
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 20
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 11/16/2011 2:26:30 PM
Red hair doesn't help. I'm ugly, so don't feel as though i'm a total douche.
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 21
Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 11/17/2011 10:15:20 AM
Thank you. I guess it kinda hurts when it's a fact that a girl will be with any old Tom,****or Harry but then refuses to even kiss you after she shows interest. It hits your self-esteem.
 ackman1465
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 22
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Doesn't want sex, but only talks about sex?
Posted: 11/17/2011 12:37:18 PM
Some women think that talking abou it constitutes "oral sex".....
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