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 suze464646
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 1
Need opinion please!!!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So I have been seeing this guy for 3 months. We slept together quite a few times the first weekend we were together. The next weekend is was less but still a good amount. Since then the relationship itself has been a roller coaster and the sex has been sporadic and dwindling. He has so many reasons why he says no to sex, he is like a girl. If he feels bloated after eating, bad mood, argument, etc. Apparently he has never heard of make up sex.

So this past weekend when he got to my house Saturday night, I had on new bra and panties and was in the mood. It has been 3 weeks since we have done it. We were on our way out to go shopping and he says he w is not in the mood, wants to go shopping. Sunday he comes over to cook dinner. When he comes in the house he says he likes how my boobs look in this bra and touches them. I am thinking, ok, maybe today it will happen. I am turned on just by him touching them. This time he says he is focused on cooking, so not now.

A little but later, between garlic bread app and dinner, small argument happens. We make up and are kissing and I try again. When I am touching him he says, don't touch my fat (midsection, he is a little thick, but I like it) and I have to go cook. He is cooking and wants me out of his way so I decide to go upstairs and take care of myself because I am so frustrated at this point. He come upstairs, sees what I am doing, gets mad and walks right out front door. I call him and ask wth are you doing. He says I am rude and he doesn't want to talk to me. I say, I do not understand, if you don't want to have sex and I am not in the kitchen with you, why do you care if I do it myself and want to get this frustration out.

We have been arguing about this for 3 days now. He says he asked a couple of guys and they all agreed with him which I have a very hard time believing. Opinions please....
 MissStackhouse
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 2
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:16:08 AM
You two are not sexually compatble. For some reason, he has no interests in sex, gets mad at you when you masturbate and doesn't even want you touching him?

Ummm...why are you with this guy?
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 3
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:21:00 AM
Ya, I don't get it. Not only has the sex pattern quickly changed and STAYED there ( hint), you two argue. He goes to his friends to discuss it ( for validation) instead of with you. Who wants THAT? You have choices, OP.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:26:32 AM
Opinions please....

All I can do here is address the question based on my interest or disinterest in sex at any particular time. If a woman wants to distract me from what I'm doing with sex, then I need to be intrigued by something other than what I could predict. I mean, if I already know the sex is going to be predctable, I've already made a choice between two things based on knowing what sex will be like and how interested I am in what I'm doing now. Also, the more predictable my partner is, the more work it is for me to make it interesting for myself.

I have no idea whether that describes your sex life or not, but ask yourself this. If he took you up on the offer, do you pretty much know that it's going to be like the last time and the time before with only minor differences, most of which are left up to him to decide? I'm always ready to drop what I'm doing at the prospect of doing something new and exciting. I have to be in the right mood to do something predictable, especially if all a woman does is accomodate me.
 jd4real49
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 5
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:29:18 AM
Sounds to me like he's got you in the "friend zone". Move on.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 6
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:34:02 AM

he is like a girl


Lol, that was too funny :)

Your relationship seems to already be at a point where the excitement and anticipation of having it has dwindled.

Now it is up to you to change your focus of having sex to, strengthening and building on your relationship. You could also ask him what it is you could do to entice him to have sex.

His friends all agreed? With what? What did he tell them? Regardless, the answer will still be the same.
 suze464646
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 7
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:51:21 AM
It's not about being in the friend zone, I am definitely not, this I know for sure.

I am the more sexually driven one and he would be the more boring one, so it is not that. Sometimes I feel sex with him is just a means to an end for me as I find him very boring in the bedroom.

A friend just mentioned to me that it could be his blood pressure medication that is making his sex drive low. That's something to look into.

In any case, I was just curious to get opinions about this specific situation. I would think a girl masturbating would be a big turn on for a guy.

I am just afraid our sex drives will never match up and I am not sure I could deal with that for any long period of time. It is already frustrating the hell out of me. I definitely need sex more than once or twice a month.

I should have put this in a different forum I just realized as this is going to get locked at 21 replies.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 8
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 8:17:26 AM

been seeing this guy for 3 months...Since then the relationship


This is still well within the "Dating period", so not a relationship, even though you are sexually interactive.


He has so many reasons why he says no to sex, he is like a girl.


Yes, a lot of men in your age group and younger, are like girls.


It has been 3 weeks since we have done it.


Thats not acceptable, go find another guy who can keep up with your desires.


I am touching him he says, don't touch my fat (midsection,


Yes, it seems you have yourself a man-girl. A lot of militant feminist might go gaga over this guy, but he just seems to be too girly for a normal woman.


sees what I am doing, gets mad and walks right out front door


Yup, he was raised by his mom so he has turned out girly. Go find a man.


he asked a couple of guys and they all agreed with him which I have a very hard time believing.


Are you kidding me?!
If he told "Guys" he walked out on a woman masturbating, he would have been laughed at for days , for being so damn girly. Then to top it some guy would have easily told him he was stupid. I would have.

Go find your self a man. Dump him. He is wasting your time, and is no fun.
 TheCoolGreenMoss
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 9
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History
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 8:20:56 AM
I would think a girl masturbating would be a big turn on for a guy.

I would say - for some/many it would be - time to join in... woo hoo.. (cue dancing banana)

I'm sure he's a nice guy and all but it would seem he's simply not compatible with you (sexually and/or otherwise) or he's got insecurity issues (hence the getting mad part.) Either way - may be time to bait the hook again..

** Obviously sex isn't the only thing in a relationship but having equal (or near equal) sex drive is important - important to me and am sure to most. Not matching can definitely lead to problems/frustrations. Too revealing..?
 MissStackhouse
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 10
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 8:40:52 AM
Is it possible that he can be...you know..."in the closet"?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 11
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History
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 8:50:30 AM
You two sound like you have been married for 10+ years.....and welcome to the world of many men with their wives or significant other............

We all have moods and not always in the same place, but when your significant other needs your touch, and companionship........I say that open communication should occur enough to understand that and take care of each other appropriately...........

Now, you marching up to your bedroom while he is cooking to use your dildo, is not a cool choice or way of showing how much you would enjoy him doing you. I think it would have been better to help him cook, and every time you two past each other in the kitchen, touch him is such a way, that he will know what you want, and you will make him hard enough to want it too..............

cd..............
 Dadstime1229
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 12
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 9:12:37 AM
Hummmmm.....The first thing is [as much as I love it] you don't jump in the bed the first weekend you are with someone. If he will not wait a couple months it's just sex. If that is all you want is a f.... buddy then go for it. If he is not having sex after he has blanked your brians out the first couple of weeks he does not like it or he has a herpie breakout or something.
What I have found is if you want to know if there is chemistry real fast. Go off on a short trip a couple days and sleep together, while you are there or by the time you get home you will know if this one is a keeper or just something you might want to have sex with once a week.

This may not be what you want to hear....sorry. I would dump his a.... and move on
 fourletterfame
Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 13
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 9:25:13 AM
I don't think you really need an opinion, so much as you need a justification for your feelings. While I will say that the latter should not be necessary for a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants, I'll give you the vindication you desire.

You have obviously found someone with whom you are deeply incompatible. These issues you raised here, would likely have been more effective had they been directed at the man in question, however, if you're looking for an excuse to dump him. You needn't look further than your original post.

The site is called plenty of fish for a reason, regardless of how long it may take you to replace this man with someone who fits the bill in your eyes, in the long run I believe the right decision by simply telling him that you aren't interested in seeing him anymore.

If you aren't getting what you need now, cutting your losses now isn't going to change much, at least you'll have the opportunity to pursue someone new, and hopefully, more compatible with your needs and desires.

You're an adult, adults have the right to pick, choose and extricate bad choices at will, I recommend you exercise the latter.
 clayart
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 14
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 10:48:09 AM
Next time you see him check his back for a switch marked, "SEX". Make sure it is in the, "ON" possition.

You're not happy, he's not happy and it sounds like it's getting worse in only 3 months. Time to grab your pole and go fishin'. Not his pole, you already tried that and you ain't catchin' nothin'.

It's not you, it's him.
 earthboundangel67
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 15
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:18:08 AM
you said you need opinions....he is not that into you....move on! you do not seem compatible with each other from what you have said....plenty of fish in the sea!
 4everRadiant
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 16
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:32:30 AM
An opinion:
You're simply not compatible, on multiple levels. Well beyond frustration, you honestly sound miserable. It sounds like a relatively volatile relationship, and you barely know one another.

Almost from the start, you said you've been on a roller coaster ride.
The relationship is so young; there are already way too many problems. I have no sense things will change for the better.

If you think you could be content remaining on an emotional and physical roller coaster ride, stay.

If you wouldn't be content with that, you can leave. There is a compatible man out there for you. This man is not the one, based on the dynamics you've shared.

All the best.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 17
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History
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:56:51 AM

Blood pressure medication AWAYS does ruin a man's ability to perform sex. I do think that is the real problem here.
He does seem too much like a girl. As everyone's advice here seems to be, go find yourself a real man, who is not on medications.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 18
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 12:06:46 PM
You want opinions you and him are not sexually compatible .....kick him to the curb and move on , by the way its bull shit about him talking to his buddies about this, unless his buddies are a member of the Duffus dumb ass club, there is no way any normal man would advice his friend to walk out when he sees his girlfriend pleasing her self.

Most guys would of had their pants off so fast you would of caught a cold.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 19
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Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 12:23:40 PM
Forgive me OP, but you state that he bores you in the bedroom? If I was with a man who did that to me, I sure as heck wouldn't be pressuring him for more boring sex? See what I am sayin hun? Time to move along hun
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 20
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 12:27:43 PM
He has issues if he doesn't want to have sex with you but wants to keep the relationship going....which it sounds like you don't know that for sure just yet. I would have put a boot in his ass before too long as he doesn't know what being spontaneous is all about. Think about this relationship before you go any further with it.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 21
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History
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:01:51 PM

I had on new bra and panties
Fifteen years into a relationship and if I wore new lingerie for my s/o, nothing happened aside from sex. There's definitely something wrong if he chose to cook dinner over mauling you in those circumstances.

The last thing I would do would be to enter a relationship with mediocre sex. It's just not worth the time and effort.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 22
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Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:12:26 PM

A friend just mentioned to me that it could be his blood pressure medication that is making his sex drive low.


Everybody is ignoring this and simply saying you aren't sexually compatible. Time for a biology lesson folks. Blood pressure medication could have a HUGE impact on his arousal level. If he can't get a strong erection, that will frustrate him and ruin his libido even more. Tell him he needs to speak to his doctor.
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 23
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:52:57 PM
Blood pressure medication AWAYS does ruin a man's ability to perform sex.

This is true almost all of the time although there are many types of blood pressure medications depending on the severity of the condition, some do not have an affect on performance, I am not making an excuse for the guy just stateing a fact.

I do think that is the real problem here.

There is a definate problem here but unless we know the severity of the medical issue in question it is unfair to blame the medication.

He does seem too much like a girl. As everyone's advice here seems to be, go find yourself a real man, who is not on medications.

To much like a girl is unfair because of no interest, again I am not making excuses for him. As to finding a real man who is not on medications, real men are men regardless if taking medication or not.
 tallnwitty
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 24
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 2:04:13 PM
Well If he isn't inspired by all that attention you showed him, give him the boot. Just let him know...sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ;)
 suze464646
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 25
Need opinion please!!!
Posted: 10/27/2011 2:37:39 PM
OK, I was trying to avoid the relationship advice part of it which is why I only mentioned this specific incident. If you want a little background on it, here you go. I did not meet him on here or just meet him. I knew him years ago and we go to the same gym. We started dating 3 months ago. I honestly think he has a lot of issues which I have spoken to him about very openly. Family troubles, self esteem issues and I think fantasy issues. Meaning, I think he has this ideal relationship/woman built up in his mind and no one could ever live up to it. He gets so upset upset about the smallest things and blows them way out of proportion. Walks out, hangs up and then ignores for days. It is extremely childish. I know what the relationship issues are and know I need out. I have only talked to him once since Sunday and am trying to detangle myself emotionally from this mess.

The problem is not him being into me, he is here every weekend, spending time, bringing me little things he thinks I will like, etc. I am the only girl he has brought around his friends in the 3 years he has been single and dating. The fact that he cares deeply for me is very apparent. That is not the problem. I think lack of emotional maturity is a big part of the problem, even his own friends seem to think that. They we were witness to one of his outbursts on me one night and I have become friends with them as well so we have talked.

Back on topic. The reason I asked for opinions on this particular situation is that I found it hard to believe that I could be wrong for wanting to take care of the sexual frustration that I was feeling for days. It was enough already. I can only be turned down so many times for sex. This has been an on and off issue for most of the 3 months. He makes it a point to tell me it is not me. Which is great in theory but it still hurts every time. He is seriously like a chick, every mood or emotion he has dictates EVERYTHING with him, especially sex.

I say the sex is boring because he seems to think as soon as he gets hard it is time to f*c*. No foreplay, no fun stuff. Except for on Saturdays when he is drinking, then he wants to mess around but can't get it up so he wants to go down on me when he is drunk. What a mess huh. I have tried to talk to him about this as well but I swear it goes in one ear and out the other.

c_deacon .... He wanted to cook alone that night. Wanted complete control in the kitchen without my "input" And trust me, I have spoken to him about it and had been telling him, dirty texting him and teasing him for 4 days at that point. I am one of the most open and honest people you will come across. There was not much more I could do. The last time we went through this, the more I pushed or tried to tease him, the madder he got because I wasn't "respecting" his choice not to do it that weekend. How else could I handle this?
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