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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?      Home login  
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 distinct_purpose
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 2
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Get over it as you get older it only gets worse......
 distinct_purpose
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 4
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 11:10:09 AM

I'm looking for responses from the perspective of people who do this! Not just to commiserate with other people frustrated by this behavior...


Good luck with that, not many will come to a dating site and admit to why they ask for numbers and don't call, kind of shooting themselves in foot if they do.

I think it probably comes about because at the time they are in the moment, it seems like the right thing to do, once alone and they have time to think about it they decide that it isn't for them. Don't take it personally they do it to a lot of people.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 6
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 11:35:49 AM
He had fun and asked for the number...then reality hit them in the face...the shrieking kids and wife wont leave the room long enough for him to call.

Or he sobered up and had second thoughts about you.

Or one of his friends bet him he couldnt get your number.

Really...who knows, every person who has taken a number and not called it probably have thier own pesonal reason for doing it and you will never know which one applies at any given time.

Be grateful you found out how fickle they are before you invested any time into them is all I say.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 7
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 11:39:11 AM
I've wondered the same thing, OP ... maybe they're just trying to prove to themselves they got game ...

I did what another poster suggested -- He was originally trying to get my friend's number, so I knew he wasn't that interested in me. But nonetheless, when he couldn't get hers, he asked for mine and I turned the tables on him and asked for his. For the record, I wasn't interested in him ... I was just playing the game -- so shoot me. He said two or three times "you're gonna call, right?" I said sure, I'll call you later.

I called him later than night and told him my name and ...

... wait for it ...

... he said "WHO?" (and that's exactly what I expected he'd say).
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 8
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Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 11:52:41 AM

@tiggher I have done the asking out and chasing with guys before. I just feel like if I need to do that to maintain contact, it means they're probably not that into me


Similarly when you dont seem to want their number they probably assume that means youre not that into them either

This kind of confusion is pretty common when kiddies play at being grown ups, but after watching the forums on here its amazing how many never seem to grow out of it
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 9
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 12:16:51 PM

I would say that a majority of men who've asked for my number in my life have never called, and this year it's reached ridiculous proportions (like 4 to 1). I try and be friendly. When they suggest hanging out sometime and ask for my number I say "that would be fun."

Once a customer leaves the store, consider the sale to be lost. How often do you think that guys get girls' numbers and the number turns out to fake or she has to wash her hair that day?


I wonder, do guys often just ask for numbers as an exercise, like to prove to themselves they can get a number, even if they're not particularly interested? I find this frustrating!

I'm sure that isn't exclusively the domain of males. I had a (female) friend who used to like to go out to shoot pool or something with me and then go try to get phone numbers and frustrate guys. She'd have driven me crazy had I ever tried to date her. I had always thought that was female thing.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 10
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 12:28:32 PM
Gotta luv this thread! So I guess it's "let's talk phone numbers" time!

Why ask?

Because it gives some an ego boost, maybe as others said the wife or GF was in the way and prevented the call, maybe what he wrote it down on disappeared, maybe sans the couple of drinks, he thought better of it, maybe he BS'd you at the ol watering hole and knew you would find the truth.

I could probably go on for an hour or so, let's call it confessions or discussions with guys I knew who asked for numbers. Every body is a dating warrior out there meeting people. Especially in "those places", ya know, the ones with the bottles in them. 2 drinks and the warriors are ready to do battle!

Or we could go off on a different tangent, asking women for their number on here, is like trying to hack the pentagon. They have rules...no phone until the second tuesday of the month,unless it's an odd month then it's the third thursday!

So in the end what do we have? You give it, they don't use it, we want it, they won't give it.

As I've been saying a lot lately, ain't dating a b1tch!

edit to add: how about the girls that give guys the weather number, or the talking sex line, or the joke of the day number, or the local church or.....
 jmy2x
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 11
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 12:38:13 PM
There were a couple of times when I got a number but never called. It happened when I would be exchanging several messages with someone over the course of an evening but was still undecided about taking things offline. In each case I wanted to go do other things (like go to bed), and we were at a point in the conversation where it was time to make a move or risk letting things fizzle out. I would then ask for a number so I could decide the next day if it was a contact I wanted to pursue further.

There were also a couple of times when a girl would give me her number and then disappear.

It's the nature of online dating, although it sounds like you've had a particularly bad streak lately.

Edit to add: This has also happened in real life when I've met a girl at a party or bar. The night's wrapping up, but I'm not sure whether or not she's someone I want to see again. Sometimes you'd like to see someone again in the abstract, but arranging a date when you have a bunch of other things going on that week is a hassle. Getting a number allows me to postpone having to decide that I don't want to see her again...if I don't get the number, I know I'll never see her again.
 ricanfreaknphenom
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 12
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 3:42:13 PM
Its just a nice way of saying not interested I was just being nice
At the time... If they switch it around on me Ill just say Im switching cell phone carriers lol
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 13
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Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 3:51:54 PM
If I ask any woman for her number, I do intend on calling her.

It's rare I'll ask a woman for her number and even rarer a woman for a women to give me her number, let alone her real number.

So, if I ask for the number ... I'm planning on calling her.
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 14
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 4:41:27 PM
I collect numbers for practice sometimes.
 TimeFlies24
Joined: 10/9/2011
Msg: 15
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 5:06:09 PM
Alot of men take numbers to boost their ego. Many times they are not even available to date.

I think they must hold on to the number until they are available to date or something. I can remember back in the days when I used to give guys my number, they would call like months later and say "hey it's bob.. don't u remember me from club speed" LOL I just dont know what goes through guys' heads sometimes.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 5:10:40 PM
I save all my numbers and put them in a big black book and then sell them to the lowest bidder on E-bay. If I'm really energetic, I hit Craigs List too!!!! So far, I've got 1, then a 2, plus a 3, there was 4 around here somewhere,,,oh there it is!!! Whew, almost lost it. Now,,,,,where the hell is that 5 again?????
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 17
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/9/2011 6:33:11 PM
I've wondered the same thing, OP ... maybe they're just trying to prove to themselves they got game ...


Getting a number is more like finding out where the field that try outs are being played on is located. They didnt even get to "game". IN fact; they got invited to suit up and play IN the game....but hid in their dorm room and shut off all communications.

It makes no sense to me either OP.

Are you getting any new telemarketing calls by chance?
 ricanfreaknphenom
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 19
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/10/2011 4:30:41 AM
Some women cant take a hint that were not interested- so we ask for their numbers and
Never call them. Just maybe theyll get it then and not stalk us lol
 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 20
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Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/10/2011 5:02:40 AM
In my case, I'd ask for your (cell) number if we're going to meet. However, I would only call if I needed to (like if I was running late, or if something came up and I couldn't make it). I have a social anxiety disorder, relating to phone calls, and find them extremely uncomfortable. And I'd give you mine, but ask you to not call unless it's necessary.

I don't expect that would be the case with most of them men you're referring to though. I would recommend, if you don't feel comfortable giving them your number, just tell them so...or ask for theirs instead, and call them.

BTW, when they suggest hanging out sometime, and ask for your number...that means they want to add you to their list of women to call if they're free one night and need/want a date/hook-up, or if they want a date for an event or something. (Well, generally, anyway. If *I* say that, it means I'm not interested in dating you, but would be interested in friendship, or more specifically, doing an activity we both enjoy.)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 21
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Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/10/2011 12:39:44 PM

jmy2x said:
There were a couple of times when I got a number but never called. It happened when I would be exchanging several messages with someone over the course of an evening but was still undecided about taking things offline. In each case I wanted to go do other things (like go to bed), and we were at a point in the conversation where it was time to make a move or risk letting things fizzle out. I would then ask for a number so I could decide the next day if it was a contact I wanted to pursue further.


Many times, if you don't get the number "right now", you will never again have that opportunity, so you ask for it just to keep your options open.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 22
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/10/2011 1:52:15 PM

Ask for THEIR number...contact them instead...


That's what I do...give them my number...if they call they call, if not...oh well.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but....
The reasons they don't call could be anyone's guess.
Maybe they're in a rocky relationship and wanted to check their options
Maybe they called another girl and wanted to pursue her instead (or first).
Maybe they like you but don't want to get into anything (relationship) so they don't follow up.
Maybe they decided you're ok, but "ok" doesn't motivate them to call.
Maybe they were planning to call you on Thursday but got busy and then the weekend went by and now it's too late.
Maybe "let's hang out" is the new "let's do lunch", which everyone knows was code for "goodbye forever".

True, true true...and it can also be a great way to politely escape!
"Oh, yeah...that's great! Hey let me get your number and we'll continue later...I have to go do anything else right now! Ciao!"
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 23
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Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/10/2011 6:07:13 PM
Just because someone asks for your number doesn't mean they're serious about you. I wouldn't give out my number so easily to anyone that asks. Use your judgement and give it out sparingly.
 babsa
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 24
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/10/2011 8:19:41 PM
That is presumptious, i did not get the feeling that she was just handing her number out willy nilly. Anyways, most guys flirt and hit on women all the time regardless of whether they would actually pursue them romantically. I was at a bar with my cousin-in-law and he was constantly hitting on women - my guess is, is that even if guys are married they still want to know they can pull a number from a girl. Call it boosting ego or practicing, it is the same as a woman dressing up with her friends and going to a bar. Just because men are commonly more active in the dating scene than women, that does not mean they should be any more guilty of sending the wrong signals.
 Ratsrule
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 25
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Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/11/2011 10:54:06 AM
^^^ Hmm I'd be pissed if I caught my SO asking for numbers though- it does imply some level of intent if only because you have to have been flirting for a while in order to get the number surely.

OP some people are cowards and some are just douches. Both men and women. I don't get why someone would ask for a number and not call, but then I wouldn't give a fake number to someone that wanted to call me. either you're interested or you are not. Try not to worry about it as they really arent worth the time.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 26
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Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/11/2011 11:34:29 AM

That is presumptious, i did not get the feeling that she was just handing her number out willy nilly.

babsa, I didn't get the impression she was either. Why would I? I don't even know her. I think you are reading into my comment and making up things I never said. Many people ask for numbers and as we can see over and over again, often they are not serious, so why not be more selective who you give your number to? We have no control over who calls us and who doesn't but we have control over who we give out our number to.
 cmt31
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 27
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/11/2011 2:45:06 PM
I've NEVER ask for a girl's number, gotten it, and not called. Not once.

Some guys like to collect as many numbers as possible to feed their ego. I guess it could be worse, some guys measure their ego by how many women they sleep with. Getting a number and not calling is the lesser of the two evils.
 babsa
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 28
Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/11/2011 4:56:03 PM
My use of "Willy nilly" was a hyperbole. When you suggest that she be more stringent on who she gives her number to, it is portrayed that you believe her criteria is lacking. It seems that my prior post was lost to you, because you are still suggesting she be more selective in who she gives her number to.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 29
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Why ask for a number if you're not going to call?
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:48:45 PM
I am suggesting she be more selective in giving out her number because she started a thread about a concern she had regarding men not calling her after asking for her number.

It is a practical suggestion based on what I would do in her situation. It is not a reflection on her or your personality or lacking of judgement. Not sure why you are being so defensive.

If you have a better wording for my point of view I am open to learning from you, but if you are suggesting my point of view is criticizing than I am okay agreeing with you on disagreeing.
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