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Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 5
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Being a LonerPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
With so much going on in the world, I think the general population is unaware of how many loner types their actually are. I consider myself one as well. Early in life, I was a loner because I had no idea how to make friends. Of course, I had a very difficult childhood and this affected my ability to do so.

As I got older, that all changed. I made a number of friends, (or so I thought they were friends)... They all turned out to screw me over, one by one in a number of different ways in varying degrees. Then when I started having major success, they all tried to come back into my life, but by then I had decided that I did'nt really want a lot of people hanging around in my life. I had learned that it was just complicating things. Truthfully, I have been much happier ever since.

I used to take for granted just having random conversations with people on the street or in random places that I go. I learned to appreciate those conversations and it's enriched my life a lot. I also learned that most people do not make good close friends, so its better to keep most at arms length.

I think the best thing a loner can do is first seek experiences and allow those to enrich your life, then whatever happens from there happens. If a friendship comes out of it great, if not, still great because you've just gained an experience from interacting with a new individual.
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 14
Being a Loner
Posted: 7/23/2005 10:48:26 AM
The Peace; That's what it's all about. Little to no Drama !!!! Think of it as being a great mathematician; The formular being: Me-BS= A Life of Peace., LOL !!! But seriously; Dr. Rae Andre` wrote a book for us Loners who are concerned about being loners and the Book is called, " Positive Solitude ". It's a great book to read if you think yourself odd for being a loner. The first thing I think is helpful is to know why it is that you like being alone. If you're a loner but don't have the answer as to why you enjoy it; then I think there maybe a reason for concern. The key is to get to know yourself. You don't necessarily have to change, but it would be interesting for you to quietly explore yourself. You actually may have a good reason for being a loner, but you've forgotten why you are one. I know exactly why I enjoy a life of solitude.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 17
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Being a Loner
Posted: 7/23/2005 12:42:39 PM
Barrie, I too am a person who enjoys my own company. I am sociable and do intermingle with others but whether or not I have someone around is really not important to me. I guess it is just a matter of being comfortable with yourself. The other thing I find is that I don't relate with others on the same terms as most people do with each other. We're living in a world where people relate on a scale of "what music do you like", "what's your favorite team" etc.
There is NOTHING at that level that interests me. Talk to me about world politics, paleogeology, world history, vanished cultures, aerospace technology, stuff like that but keep that other crap to yourself. I'd rather have NO company that bad company.
What to do about it is exactly what you're doing now. This has been a "target-rich environment" for me and I have made a number of new contacts through here,or more correctly, a number of new contacts have been made with me, one of whom I have met and others whom I will eventually also (as soon as the restraining orders expire)
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 19
Being a Loner
Posted: 7/23/2005 1:09:02 PM

what do you do to make new connections?

Allow yourself to care for others and MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK..'

allow OTHERS to care....

for you.

in truth; we're never "alone" dude. (my thoughts anyways)
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 26
Being a Loner
Posted: 2/16/2006 9:59:06 AM
being a loner, to me, is preferring one's own company over that of friends or strangers .. not that i don't have friends, or don't like my friends, but somehow, don't need my friends to be around everyday, just so long as i know they are there somewhere ..

having friends and being liked by others is validating, and so i venture out every once in a while to reconnect with friends and strangers, but it has been a while since i felt part of a community .. when i do connect, i find i enjoy being generous with my attention ..

i think deep down, i want to be less of a loner, but feel i have to deal with some of my imperfections before presenting myself whole to the world .. i believe this is also my barrier to having a relationship, or maybe it is just an excuse ..

and to answer your question, to make new connections and friends: smile, introduce yourself, and be helpful
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 38
All a bunch of Loners
Posted: 3/11/2006 9:28:46 PM
I'm very much so a loner ... probably about 2 steps away from outright antisocial. I just don't like people very much, in general.

I have plenty of aquaintances, very few friends .. of my own choosing. My actual friends are people that have been in my life for a long period of time, the shortest being 3 years, the longest being 15. In total, there are 5 of them. These are the people I trust completely, and will probably be friends with right up until we wander around at each others funerals.

For me, I'm happy with being a loner. I'm comfortable with my own company and don't need people around all of the time .. and won't settle for spending time with someone I don't trust or admire, as I do my friends.
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 39
Being a Loner
Posted: 3/11/2006 9:31:08 PM
I like my time alone.... I like peace and quiet

Sometimes out in the world I am exposed to so many people and
have so much going on... its exhausting and I am usually really ready for
time alone and peace and quite.

Some may see that as a loner.... I really dont care. Not here on earth
to please everyone.
Joined: 4/5/2005
Msg: 47
Being a Loner
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:22:10 PM
Same here DragonN
That is why I think I am a loner.
Love to be in peace !
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 48
Being a Loner
Posted: 3/12/2006 5:33:06 PM
You said you have no proublem talking to strangers. Let me guess you are in a ruteen, go the same places, around the same time. Normaly see the same people. Just keep talking to them, and before you know it you will have freinds. Nothing wrong with being a loner, most people once married, and raising a family, end up that way, for awile. When they need more, they pull out of it. Eaither toghter, are one cheats later. As long as they are on the same page they remain fine.
I could be wrong. Wouldn't be the first time.
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 58
Being a Loner
Posted: 3/19/2006 10:58:51 PM
I wouldn't classify a loner as an introvert .. specifically. I'm extroverted, within my own circle. I love to communicate, which is why I spend so much time on forums, debates, etc. With my friends, I'm very outgoing, very social .. but overall, I'm a loner. I prefer to do things on my own. I'm comfortable with my own company, and am quite happy to sit at home reading my book, or painting, or sketching .. without people around. But I'm far from introverted, closed or offish.

I just think it's a mistake to automatically equate "loner" with the two classifications of extroverted and introverted ... it's not the same thing at all.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 59
Being a Loner
Posted: 3/20/2006 3:50:11 AM
I think you need to get out of Barrie. I had the misfortune of living there.. I think Toronto's smog might have something to do about it..:) Seriously though, make little steps each day.. Like mabye go to starbucks one morning, and sit on the patio, share a table.. mabye initiate a conversation. Try this at a bar one night.. Hehe, If I remember Barrie,, there is this little bar called memories ( I think its on Dunlop?) anyways, they have kareoke nights.. that might be a place to meet some people.. anyways, old habits die hard.. just make little steps everyday to be a more sociable person, and next thing you know.. you will be surrounded by beautiful women down at muscle beach..
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 66
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Get out to places where other loners go.
Posted: 11/8/2006 2:22:19 PM

Where do loners go?

Anywhere they damn well please because they don't have to worry about someone telling them to go otherwise ... like the in-laws house
Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 67
Get out to places where other loners go.
Posted: 11/8/2006 2:29:25 PM
I am a bit of a loner myself, but it was more by choice.....I never had any problems with making friends, but I only(and still do) have one true far as getting tired of it...I do sometimes, but when I weigh the cons and pros, I usually stick with it.

I do have a few more friends now, but I dont trust them, and as far as relationships go....most seem to disrupt my life in a way I don't care for, lol.

So I am ok with just having friends for now, till I am ready for trying relationships again.
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 71
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Being a Loner
Posted: 1/1/2012 11:35:36 AM
I am who I am, people dont like me or get lost.

There's a lot of a**holes in the world with that exact philosophy.
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 72
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/1/2012 11:41:23 AM

My question is... what do you do to make new connections? I seem to have forgotten or perhaps I've never known how to be a friend.

people who tell you to leave the computer have no clue what its like to not be great at meeting people.

Try craigs platonic section, i met a few cool people.

Its a tough situation as an adult to make new friends. we are set in our ways, and we are expecting judgment, and we are judgmental.

we cant help but view everything they say and do as having some other motive or meaning.
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 75
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/1/2012 2:18:49 PM
I used to be a follower, but that got on my nerves...once i grew a set, some people who I thought were my friends didn't like it. So yea, now I am more of a loner, but I am developing new friendship strategies
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 76
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/1/2012 2:19:49 PM
The more people I meet, the happier I am one of those that is VERY comfortable in his own skin. But, hey, I'm 50 and I've got a few years of understanding behind me. I've rarely felt "alone" or even thinking of myself as a "loser" if I don't like or enjoy the majority. Why?????

Have you seen the way that most people act nowadays????? There's your answer.
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 77
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:47:57 PM
^^^^Hey Walt: Good call. That is a great answer. Probably why we are on POF. I'm 52 ; you can count my friends on one hand. But damn it, I can depend on them. I do appreciate alone time a lot. My family is gone. Obviously; I'm divorced. My daughter and I are close. We don't like or enjoy the majority because we can see through the BS. I would still like to find that special lady to be a loner with.
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 80
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/4/2012 9:00:27 PM
Heck with it, im boiling beets and greens, alone, does that make mme a loner???
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 81
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/4/2012 9:01:19 PM
and a fine set you have love.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 82
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/5/2012 4:31:38 AM

Its a fine line to walk between introvert, loner, sociopath, phsycopath; quiet guy that pays all of his bills, guy in a clock tower with a full magazine or 3.....

Ever hear of guy named Einstein??????

"" The man who goes alone can start today,but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.""
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 84
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/5/2012 10:23:37 AM
I am a loner also.

As a teen.. i would have ONE best friend.. who meant the WORLD to me.. otherwise.. i kept my head down.. and ignored most.

Now that i am older.. i have friends.. but i keep most at arms length. I do not trust people.

BUT>. on the flip side.. i am great at doing things alone.. i can go anywhere i want.. and i am not afraid people are looking at me..

My loner attitude inhibits me in the dating arena for sure
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 85
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/5/2012 10:55:01 AM
I've kinda always been a loner.

But, I tend to fool people. I can be very extroverted and outgoing when I want to be.. so people assume that is just how I am. But at the end of the day, I honestly prefer to go home alone.

Even in a relationship I need a certain amount of personal/psychological space.. and not everyone can understand or deal with that.

I am very choosy about who I let 'in'.. but when I do? It's all in. Guess that's why I'm so choosy!

I'm obviously pretty biased, but I like loners.. I feel safe and somewhat understood around them.
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 86
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Being a Loner
Posted: 1/5/2012 10:56:00 AM
It can be a lot of fun, when you happen to be someplace by yourself, to strike up little chats with people. I do it when I'm gassing up the car, in line at the market, any place there's a cashier, at the gym, you name it. It doesn't have to be profound--how do you like that Lexus?, you guys busy today?, how'd your workout go?, is that book something I should read?, and so on. And there's usually a chance to joke with them a little. What I notice is how often people like someone showing an interest in them, even if it's not really that much. I like it, and they do too.
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 88
Being a Loner
Posted: 1/5/2012 1:41:38 PM
No worries, Im the same way, Im friendly with everyone and I have alot of people im friendly with, I know alot of people but I cant say I really have any friends. So far in life im content with what I do have, I dont know If I really need anything more then what I have. If you are lonley and want to make friends though, you just have to push yourself and go that extra mile, its like dating I think.
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