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 BigEddd
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 1
Aggressive WomenPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Do you think women are more aggressive now then they have been in the past? Do you think that we being in California makes for more aggressive women then say in a mid west state? Please give your opinions...
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 2
Aggressive Women
Posted: 11/12/2011 3:49:01 PM
Speaking of game playing... Steve know if anyone plays hockey for fun out here in So-cal? Where I grew up every winter every neighborhood park soccer or football field was turned into hockey rinks. Out here I can't find a recreational hockey game at all.

I tried to post a new thread "anyone play hockey in so-cal" . Did not work. I did just get out of the POF penalty box so perhaps new threads are on hold still..

Back on topic

Aggressive is one end of the spectrum... Shy and playing hard to get is on the other..

I am not crazy about either end. Confident enough to make it known that she is interested without coming off as over aggressive is perfect to me. I know how to chase but I have learned to spend more time looking for the right one that wants you to chase as opposed to just going after all that interest you and hoping for the best.
 john_in_bh
Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 3
Aggressive Women
Posted: 11/12/2011 6:46:32 PM
California women are not more agressive than anywhere else. 90% of women not only want the man to pursue them, they will never make the initial contact. Why? cuz not only do they want you to pursue them they also don't want to be rejected and have their self confidence destroyed like they do to us guys.

OT: Patrick- why were you thrown in the penalty box? I have not seen you post anything that breaks the rules. I swear, if you f a r t wrong around here the moderators will hang you.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 4
Aggressive Women
Posted: 11/12/2011 9:18:17 PM
I seem to be having a few make first contact. I do think CA ladies IRL are more outgoing and less passive aggressive than many other areas.

I had a thread and somone hijacked it with his send an email about her photo bs-omercial. I called him a name the l word Jim Carey makes the L shaped hand sign for...
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 6
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Posted: 11/17/2011 11:50:37 AM

A five second smile his way, the door is open, the next move is his. If he is not interested, he does not return the look.


I'm sure women's ability to show men that they're interested varies a lot. And the ability of the man involved to recognize whatever she does as a sign of interest also varies a lot.
She may think she opened the door when she really didn't. Pretty hard for a woman to know if the guy noticed but wasn't interested, or if he just didn't notice because she was too subtle, because he was preoccupied at the moment, etc.


he simply gave her what he thinks she wanted.


If he gives her anything, I guess she was willing. And if so, why should he think that was *not* what she wanted? I don't know why he should assume she wanted a long-lasting relationship, or if she did, why he couldn't also be interested in that. I'm not so sure a girl is automatically setting herself up for disappointment by showing a guy she's interested in getting to know him. I don't think there has to be any hard and fast rule about this--depends on the people and the situation.
 SeaSparkler
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 7
Aggressive Women
Posted: 11/23/2011 11:37:19 PM
I am with DeNegotiator on this one. And I am sure that, generally speaking, there is a generational rift here. A gal in her 20's is being given very different messages these days about the okay-ness of being assertive than I was given in my 20's (I am in my 40's now). I was raised to neverevereverever be assertive with a guy, not because it was slutty but because it was unattractive, unfeminine and emasculating. I do email guys on this site but it's really difficult for me to do, and not just for fear of rejection. I have a very light touch in my approach to men, and am a good flirt, but it is really hard to initiate.

Over and over I heard: when a guy is assertive, he's assertive. When a woman is assertive, she is aggressive. It seems what's assertive to one person is aggressive to another.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 8
Aggressive Women
Posted: 11/28/2011 4:04:45 AM
"No one's ever complained about a woman admitting she wants someone/something and acts accordingly." - CYT323

Exactly. I like people (including women) who can have desires and express them in words and who are grown up enough to know that "You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you get what you need." [- The Stones]

It repels me when a woman just hints and waits for me to guess what she wants. I am busy living my own life and don't have time to psych out any shrinking violets.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 9
Aggressive Women
Posted: 11/28/2011 4:09:35 AM
Please lose the unpleasant word "aggressive." I think the good quality that you guys are all thinking about is being ASSERTIVE, which is very cool.
 john_in_bh
Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 10
Aggressive Women
Posted: 11/28/2011 12:16:05 PM

Men say they want women to be successful and independent financially and yet, in my experience, men don't want the personality that comes with a successful woman.


I agree with this. However, its VERY rare that a woman who is worth anything and is financially well off would "downgrade" and go with a man below her in that department. Women that are pretty and well to do are a very rare breed, and they know it.

Women say they don't like aggressive, yet growing up my friends that were aggressive got all the girls, while I sat in the corner alone like an idiot.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 11
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Aggressive Women
Posted: 12/4/2011 11:29:19 AM
I've seen women of a certain age on the prowl and their behavior can be extremely aggressive and overly-sexual. It reeks of desperation and "horny old broad".

From most of the comments here, it seems like it's really other females that are usually the hardest on women who choose to "take the initiative". But who's to say what's "overly sexual" or "desperate", and anyway who cares (or why)? For all the complaining that men might think "less of them" for being more assertive, IMHO, a lot of women actually prefer and feel more in control with the traditional "rules". Which would also help explain why they'd come down so hard on the ones who decide to "break" them.
 john_in_bh
Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 12
Aggressive Women
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:17:38 PM

When in actuality they are looking for an ATM machine combined with a magic mirror that keeps telling them that they are the fairest of them all.


There is a simple solution to that. All you have to do is get one of those label makers and print "no cash available" and paste it on your forehead.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 13
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:34:39 AM
Sugardaddie.com, WealthyMen.com, "How to Snare a Millionaire", "How to Marry the Rich", "Meet and Marry the Rich", etc..... hmmm, must be quite a demand for those "bonus" guys these days!

"A Sugardaddie is a successful man who is looking for a woman to spoil and share his great lifestyle with. A Sugarbabe is a beautiful female in search of a financially secure, worldly man who can offer new and exciting experiences ."

Of course no doubt sugarbabes are also looking for "more than just money in a relationship"! Or as a friend puts it, "they're looking for someone who'll treat them in the manner they'd like to become accustomed to..."!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 14
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Posted: 12/13/2011 8:55:45 AM

I just resent the hell out of it. I've never been a feminist (even in my youth) and at times, have highly resented that I've not had a man around.


I can't quite understand resenting the fact you don't have a man around. If your resentment's aimed at one particular guy who walked away from you, I'd think you'd be glad to be rid of him. And if it's aimed at guys you haven't met, I don't see what they could have done to deserve it.

Not trying to criticize--just to understand. It's what you said about feminists that caught my eye. I've had women tell me they resented feminists for making it harder for women to find lasting relationships. Their reasoning was that feminism had made it easier for men to get regular sex without having to provide for a woman or even commit to her. You too, or no?
 john_in_bh
Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 15
Aggressive Women
Posted: 12/13/2011 9:36:21 AM

And for the most part (I'd say 75%) men aren't looking for relationships even when they say they are for the simple reason that they can get the milk for free.


Just a thought...so in other words what you are saying is that men do and should in fact have to "pay" to have the privilege of having a relationship with a women? Perhaps what has evolved is that many men realized that they are being used like ATM's and crafted a way to avoid that. Until the day where women make the exact same amount of income as men, there will always be some sort of price for female companionship. It's the way it is now (although getting less) the way it was and the way it will be (at least in my lifetime)

Yesterday I had found out about a dating site where men agree to pay the cute girls cash just to have the honor of having a date with her (of course that is in ADDITION to dinner and other related costs). What's funny is that what the creators of the site did was simply utilize the unequal male to female ratios on dating sites and exploit the fact that men (in general) make more money than women. And of course the tradition that most men are suckers.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 16
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Posted: 12/13/2011 9:47:52 AM
Yeah, "get the milk for free"?! Geez, what an antiquated expression and don't that say it all how some women view sex and men.... as though they have no interest in either, except as a "business proposition"?!!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 17
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Posted: 12/13/2011 11:54:06 AM

And for the most part (I'd say 75%) men aren't looking for relationships even when they say they are for the simple reason that they can get the milk for free.


Just having a one squeeze after the other may be exciting, but I'm not so sure your percentage is accurate. Most of us recognize there's more to life than sex, no matter how good it is.

It seems to me women have the same chance men have to show they're wonderful enough to want to be involved with. It's not like any man who wants a long-term relationship with a woman he really goes for can have one whenever he wants.

A lot of women say how much they crave a lasting relationship with a man. But I wonder if many of them realize how often their fears make them scrutinize every man they encounter so carefully that almost none of them measure up. It's not much fun for a man to feel he's got to be just perfect to qualify as Mr. Right.
 john_in_bh
Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 18
Aggressive Women
Posted: 12/13/2011 12:54:45 PM

It's not much fun for a man to feel he's got to be just perfect to qualify as Mr. Right.


I must echo matchlights sentiment on this. I feel this has gotten to be much more of a problem since the advent of online dating. The shear number of emails 70% of the women get on this site makes them have very unrealistic expectations. With such a constant clip of attention, it would be hard to think Mr. Perfect is not going to come along "soon". The funny part is that these girls that expect a millionaire handsome man with a body of a god with no baggage are on here for years without finding him.

These guys that they crave so much are on here, but since they also have too many choices and know they can "play the field" they will continue without making a financial commitment because they know they can use any girl they want by just shooting out an email.

It's a vicious cycle, and it just continues.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 19
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Posted: 12/13/2011 1:06:08 PM
Like it or not, that's how it's seen by BOTH sexes. There are a lot of male victims on here, apparently. I make equal or more than most men and have never expected a free ride. My last boyfriend left me for a married woman he now supports (gave her a car, a job, etc) and married her before the ink was dry on her divorce. His biggest complaint about me? I was too strong. Too independent. Didn't rely on him enough. What the heck do you guys even want?

If you believe everyone regards relationships as basically some sort of "business proposition", then what kind of "better offer" did your ex get, especially that he'd be so willing to take care of her? And there is always the matter of "customer satisfaction" with whatever we're "buy"!

More seriously, the trouble with looking at relationships that way, is folks start defining themselves by some "commodity" they think they have to offer... sex, independence, looks, money, security, whatever. And as the old saying goes, "to the man (or woman) with only a hammer, everything starts to look like a "nail".

BTW, I agree with John, that approaching online dating like "grocery shopping" ain't helping things either!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 20
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Posted: 12/13/2011 1:11:53 PM
"…some women view sex and men.... as though they have no interest in either, except as a "business proposition"?!!"


Like it or not, that's how it's seen by BOTH sexes.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 21
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Posted: 12/13/2011 2:34:59 PM
Maybe you should see that movie "Friends With Benefits". What was done to Mila Kunis' character in that movie by a guy she was dating has happened to me and every single one of my girlfriends MORE THAN ONCE. It's the reason I don't have casual sex anymore.


I couldn't sit through the whole movie. About all I remember is that the sex scenes weren't convincing. What did this guy do to her that was so awful?

I hear "casual sex" and "just sex" used a lot, but I could only be casual or dismissive about an encounter if it wasn't very good. If it's passionate, it IS something special, and I'm anything but blase about it.

It's supposed to be men who have sex without affection. But I've met a couple women--briefly--who cared about me only for the orgasms I could give them. It wasn't much fun to feel I was being used.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 22
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Posted: 12/14/2011 6:49:00 AM
"No. That is not what I was quoting. Don't be obtuse.

Go back and reread.

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" = Why have a relationship with someone when they can just give you sex with no strings attached.

Sorry, I don't do mind-reading what someone "meant". And geez, seems we quickly get kinda cranky whenever feeling "misunderstood" (or else having to "backpeddle"...LOL)!

Which reminds me, how the folks who often pride themselves on being "aggressive, independent, strong, yada-yada".... usually aren't referring to being on the "receiving end".
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 23
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Posted: 12/14/2011 9:33:20 AM

Women feel that at least 80% of the time if not more.


I'll take your word for that. But it's not always because they weren't satisfied. Some women have all sorts of fun at the time, and still say they feel used. Go figure.

<div class="quote">they are good listeners, they are supportive, they are encouraging, they are fun to be with, they make you smile, they make you feel good about yourself, they love, they care, they understand, ..... they make you look good

I'm sure that describes many women. I'm also sure more than a few are just the opposite. For them, the virtues you name are just things which get in the way of what they want.

I've had coffee dates with lots of girls who were no fun at all to be with. If I'd suddenly dropped dead, they would have thought it was rude of me and been irked that they had to pay for my drink. In most cases I kept smiling and being the gentleman until I could gracefully break things off--but it was in spite of the way they acted, and not because of it.

Good listeners? Most guys know better than to put the focus on themselves when they're dating. WE are the ones who had better be the good listeners, if we want to see the girl again. Attentive, solicitous--charming.

As confident and strong as we are and must be, in every situation, why would we ever need a woman to offer support or encouragement? We have our pride, after all, and we know anything but the slightest occasional sign of weakness is more likely to cause a woman to disrespect us than to "understand."

I know the right woman could make me happier, and vice versa, or I wouldn't bother doing all this. Love is fulfilling. But I don't look to any woman to make me feel good about myself, and I don't ever want to.
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 24
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Posted: 12/14/2011 9:39:57 AM
It seems most of you men don't like women we are all a bunch of good for nothing useless golddiggers

And of course all you men on this thread are perfect in everyway most women are just too stupid to realize if right?
 free2beme42
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 25
Aggressive Women
Posted: 12/14/2011 10:30:33 AM
Wow. And you don't sound bitter at all. lol
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 26
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Posted: 12/14/2011 11:14:22 AM

Wow. And you don't sound bitter at all. lol


Not sure if you meant me, but I'm not bitter. I'm not a sap, though, either. I was having some fun with the sunny, rosy list of female virtues in #60. As I said, I've met some women who are just the opposite.

One of them stood in her kitchen, red-faced with rage, screaming every vile name she could think of in my face. She was mad because I refused to admit I'd been offended by some trivial thing she'd done earlier. I hadn't said a word about it, but she was convinced I'd acted put out--I guess I must have blinked wrong, or moved my head an inch, or smiled. Whatever she imagined it was, it was something her ex used to do.

But the truth was, she hadn't offended me. I probably should have lied (but I'm sure she somehow would have nailed me for that too). I went out in the yard to collect my thoughts, and a few minutes later, just as I was about to get my things and leave, she came out, apologized tearfully, and started playing around. She was very exciting, but sometimes the game's not worth the candle.
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