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 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 1
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Trash my profile and win a weekend for twoPage 1 of 1    
I know I could use some newer pics, but I hardly ever get the ones people take of me having fun... like at public events where I'm in my Civil War outfit, but I doubt those would be winners on here!
Once in a while I get added to someone's Favorites, but they rarely actually write to me. That tells me, my page is getting attention, just the numbers aren't working for me.

I once had an outright rejection from a woman close by, where I grew up, telling me that since I've never been married or had kids, our goals and values could never be a match. That stung! It's why I have the reference to life under a rock. How much of a handicap can that be, anyway? I would imagine it's a Plus... no toxic exes and no kids that will "Always come FIRST."
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 2
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Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/13/2011 2:20:19 PM
Thank you!
What I've realized over time is that we have to give something to ourselves, too. It's right to have your kids be your First priority-- after yourself, of course-- but I want to be your first COMMITMENT. Lots of people lose sight of the difference, and the fact that YOU have to be your own #1, not your kids. If you cannot first meet your own needs, how can you meet someone else's? Kids can sense when their parents have lost their sense-of-self. Our mates do the same thing, and it's why we often lose interest in each other.
Whenever I read "My child(ren) will always come FIRST", I see a huge Red Flag: I will not be #2, not even #3 or #4 in her life, but more likely #6 or #7.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 3
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Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/13/2011 2:21:18 PM
Thanks-- I'll play with this one.
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 4
Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/13/2011 6:46:29 PM
I preferred to date never-before married men with no children when I was looking. However, some people without children come across as self-absorbed and inflexible. I didn't particularly get that sense from your profile, but your posts here are eye-opening. Do you seriously take someone literally who says her kids are always going to come first?

"A few extra pounds" could be 10 in your viewer's mind. This line stands alone in its offensiveness. Even if someone were perfect, this simply says you'd dump them in a heartbeat if they put on 'a few pounds'. Or - is 9 pounds too many? or 13?? or 22??

When someone says they don't want to tell all in a profile or there will be nothing to talk about at a meeting, this simply says they're lazy and lacking imagination. If you can't take 5 minutes to give some clues about who you are/what you enjoy/what you're looking for, why would anyone waste their time chasing you with questions? Even sillier, why meet someone with who(m) you have no idea what you have in common? That then becomes a game of interrogation and awkwardness. Silly. People with information have more to talk about as you' already have determined things you have in common.

You get added as a Favourite like a place-holder. You're a relatively attractive man, but there is a grand catalogue of attractive men here. Is there any reason you don't write to those women??
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 5
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Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/14/2011 6:46:44 PM
The "Average" American woman is typically 40 pounds overweight-- it's a known fact. When she describes herself here as "a few extra pounds", she's honestly saying that she's quite a bit more than forty pounds overweight. I've seen this in real life.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 6
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Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/14/2011 7:01:53 PM
Sunnygal, I know where you're coming from, but I'm speaking with a man's viewpoint, who wants someone in his life. When we read "My children will always come first", it's a snub, before we've begun! In fact, we're likely to think there is NO #2 or #3 in your life, only #1-- your kids. If that's the case, why are you on here? There's clearly no room in your life for a man.
Like you say, it's a line we all know, but sadly it's used to death.
If I had to critique someone's page who says this, I would tell her to find a more diplomatic way to describe her priorities, as you're struggling to do.
If I were a hiring boss, and saw that on your resume, you'd go in the Do Not Hire file.
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 7
Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/14/2011 7:23:08 PM

If that's the case, why are you on here? There's clearly no room in your life for a man.


Easy fix, don't write to women with kids. Now move along.

You may want to change your own setting from "Prefer not to Say" to "No" for the "Do you want kids question".

You may also want to consider changing the age range in your email restrictions to either none at all (unless you're flooded with incoming messages from wrinkled up old blue-haired walker-using knitting grannies the same age as you) or something like "over 40". 45 would be better.
 john_in_bh
Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 8
Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:36:57 PM

Easy fix, don't write to women with kids. Now move along.


YGF- the problemo with that is in the 40+ age range that would eliminate about 80% of the potential matches.


wrinkled up old blue-haired walker-using knitting grannies


When I go to the supermarket, those are the ONLY ones that ever hit on me.
 john_in_bh
Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 9
Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:40:15 PM

When we read "My children will always come first", it's a snub, before we've begun!


I hate to say this...I kinda agree. It's almost like the women that posts this in their profile assume we think they are a bad mother if the dare go out and date.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 10
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Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:12:45 PM
Maybe I need to move to the UK! Or Australia...
Yes, women here in the States are downright obese, it's frightful. The more they "diet", the worse they get. It's only got like this in the last twenty years. I joke about not knowing if I actually have erectile-dysfunction, or is it because there are so few attractive women to turn me on?

Regarding "My children will always come first", I have to add that, thankfully, most women here understand why it's a turn-off. They "get it"! They will often mention straight up that they only have their kids part time or whatever.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 11
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Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/29/2011 8:56:59 AM
Okay, made some changes, now what?
 john_in_bh
Joined: 12/25/2004
Msg: 12
Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:59:50 AM
^^^^
Has a point about being 57 and had only a two year relationship. I didnt catch that the first time I reviewed your profile. I don't think it's a total deal breaker if the girl likes everything else about you...but it's for sure not a plus.

You profile seems better now. Are you sending out initial emails? What is your reply rate percentage? Girls that are even halfway decent almost NEVER send out initial emails. They are too busy looking through their incomming mail.

I do understand the thing about dating women with young kids. It can get in the way of the relationship, but if you refuse to do that in the 40-55 age range that is going to eliminate about 70% of your prospects. With the M to F ratio being 2-3:1 (or more), coupled with the fact that you don't want to date "A Few Extra Pounders" your odds of finding somebody is about 0. Sorry to say.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 13
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Trash my profile and win a weekend for two
Posted: 11/29/2011 7:22:35 PM
John in bh-- I get about the same response rate you do: -0-!

People have this thing about too-high expectations, but dating fat chicks is one thing I won't budge on. IMO, maybe my expectations are not high enough...
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