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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Approaching in public      Home login  
Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 2
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Approaching in publicPage 1 of 1    
Just be yourself and be genuine.

Approach her with a smile and tell her you couldn't help but notice her and wanted to come over to say hi. Then ask how she is doing.

Take clues from her behavior. If she shies away from you or only gives you a half smile, chances are she doesn't want to talk to you. But if she gives you a nice smile back and responds to your question, or leans towards you a little, maybe brushes her hair off her shoulder on the side you are on (so she can see you better), then just keep talking.

Ask her a question about the place you are at. Compliment her on something. Ask if she had or is having a good day. Tell her about something (INTERESTING) that you did that day.

Good luck to you!
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 3
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Approaching in public
Posted: 11/13/2011 6:37:37 PM
Cold approaches in public are the most difficult, so it's no wonder your gut feeling reacts badly. Have you read any of David Deangelo's articles on here? If not, get them direct from, he has really great insights. See also There are PUA bootcamps where you spend entire weekends doing nothing but cold approaches; and are a couple; pricey, but worth more than wasted money on "dates" that go nowhere.
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 4
Approaching in public
Posted: 11/14/2011 3:48:52 AM
OP Jmar has some good advice.

Being single again after a few years married as well as starting over in LA which is way different than MN the first few passes were not spectacular. After taking some time to adjust confidence was back and actually increased. The whole process reminded me that confidence is completely, totally and absolutely number 1.

I know built and ripped guys with no confidence and more or less fit but not ripped guys with confidence who do much better. I know a guy with a six figure Ferrari and I have only $30k into my car and I got a number he didn't because confidence trumps all.

When it comes to approaching in public develop a confident and somewhat cavalier attitude towards it. If she is not interested what did you lose a few minutes of time? In fact you did not really waste the time because you got some practice in and hopefully reflect on what you did right and what you did wrong. Don't dwell on it.. Instead immediately get back to approaching someone else. Keep doing this and eventually you will build confidence and a bit of ability to break the ice.
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Approaching in public
Posted: 11/14/2011 8:20:15 AM
I agree 100% with what Cowboy said. Those words are gold. Print them off, and tape them to your refrigerator door. Work on this, every day. Talk to the people around you, on the elevator, at the bus stop, where ever you are. It will not come easily, and it will not come fast. But if you keep working on it, you will eventually get there. In the meantime, yes, this (online) is going to work much better for you than real life.
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 6
Approaching in public
Posted: 11/14/2011 2:09:53 PM
OP... this is a bit OT but Go to the review forums and get one done. With the holidays approaching things are picking up on here you might want to take the taking a break off your headline. Don't announce the break and still take a bit of one just back off on emails you send. It is still a good plan B for those making primary efforts IRL.

Back on topic. I think you guys may be over estimating his shyness level. I don't think it happens in all social situations. Just with women he is interested in. Being from MN I know quite a few friends who grew up on dairy farms in MN and Wisconsin. When it comes to being friendly, social and making friends it is easy for them all. However many get stage fright only when making an introduction to women they really don't want to be just friends with.
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 7
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Approaching in public
Posted: 11/14/2011 10:48:17 PM
Excuse me, but how much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm _____, how are you doing this fine evening?

Cheesy, I know. My point is to not take it so seriously. This was my problem foe a long time. Not the cheesy lines, but the seriousness. Don't worry about being cool, just be yourself. Be natural, polite, and friendly.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
Approaching in public
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:51:37 PM

I've tried the online thing with less than stellar results but that's not what my question is about. I'd honestly prefer to meet someone in person, in public and not through a dating profile. My biggest problem is approaching women in person since I'm a bit shy.

You're not the only one. Most are unless/until they are used to it.

Ladies, any suggestions of some good things a guy could say when approaching you? I'd rather come off as actually being interested in chatting as opposed to being a guy with cheesy lines.

Doesn't matter - if your goal is to date or get a phone number and she can sense it, you'll trigger a wall.

The best thing you can do is learn to talk to someone without a goal. So talk to everyone. If the only people you approach are women you have interest in, you will have huge stakes riding on the reaction you get. You'll be more nervous, and come off as less comfortable.

The thing that women usually respond to is a person who's talking to them with no perceived close or bottom line. If she doesn't feel like a person wants something from her, she'll actually take in the presence of who that person is - and the ironic thing about it is she may end up liking that person. If she feels like a person does want something from her - she'll be all about avoiding a sales pitch and won't retain much about the conversation or the person talking to her.

Starting tomorrow, talk to almost everyone you come in contact with - men or women and get used to approaching people and just making conversation. Expect some of these conversations to be awkward and expect some people to give you the cold shoulder. Get used to it and learn not to take it personally. After you do this a while, talking to someone that's response actually matters will be less nerve wracking. Eventually you won't care how it turns out, and then you'll start getting somewhere.
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 9
Approaching in public
Posted: 11/15/2011 10:09:07 PM
I'm actually pretty shy myself. I do find it difficult to act open towards a guy so he gets a hint.
If I'm really desperate I just start babbling small talk or ask them the time.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 10
Approaching in public
Posted: 11/16/2011 6:26:39 AM
Practice chatting up the ladies...even the ones you would never ask out.

Chat up the cashiers, the waitresses, the people canvassing in your neighborhood, the bank tellers truly is a matter of practicing. One day it will hit you that chatting is just chatting and there is no reason to be shy about it. But that wont happen unless you just do it.
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