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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 PrtyBrwnEyes
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 1
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Someone please tell me what the heck is going on here. I am honestly about to just hide/delete my account and never give my number out again. Stuff like this is scary - esp for women!

I received a reply from a guy last weekend and we bantered back a forth over email for a bit. In our first few exchanges of emails the communication was a little off but I tried to go back and forth a bit - step out of my box and give him the benefit of the doubt of getting to know him. We got in a little bit of a "discussion" over email about online dating and how it's not always easy to read someone's personality and how a tone can be easily miscontrued. He was close by so I figured what is the harm and I gave him my number. Maybe he was cool and we could meet up. I was not like drooling or dying by his profile by any means but sometimes a photo doesn't pain a true picture and I have been trying to not be so hung on my first impression of a photo and tell myself people deserve chances...hmmm. So I gave it a try even after I was hesitant.

He called on Sunday night and we talked for awhile or rather he listened to himself talk to me for a long time. I barely got a word in and he dominated the convo and everyday I said I did or liked he was better at or topped me in someway - ugh! Lots of red flags came up for me in the conversation and I was like hmmmm - I don't know about this one. Signs were there but it hadn't immediately gottento the point for me to be like ok i'm honestly not into this. I mean I wanted to give it at least the offline chance and not jump to conclusions or judgement. But we made no plans and he ended the convo saying he'd leave it up to me or whatever ...ok...

Monday comes and he called, I could not answer so I msgd him and in turn he text me back and I told him him I was busy and I'd catch up with him later. He sent a sarcastic relpy but I was thinking from our previous convo that this was just his personality. I said I would catch up with him so I did call him later in the night..keeping my word. The conversation started casual I told him I was tired and was going to go to bed soon...more smart remarks like well don't let me bother you blah blah and then he started talking to hear himself talk again and the convo was short...I said have a good night!

I had no plans of contacting him again and pretty much thought because of how these two conversations went this was not going to go anywhere. So he texts me this morning going off on me. I kindly replied that Iagreed with his comment of us not being compatible and that I didn't think it was good fit and I wished him luck in his search and to take care. He kept on messaging me throughout the day with snide comments and judgements of how someone should be when they are interested in getting to know someone and meeting someone that he believes if a woman is interested he should ahve her full attention on him and she shouldnt be talking to anyone else and he needs to be a priority and that i clearly missed that memo..... OK dude...well enough is enough and I finally in a polite way again said, no need to be mad, just move on. this is not going to work just STOP! Then came the derogatory comments and name calling. Yes, lets reiterate we spoke two times and had our first email exchange on last Friday - 3 days of being acquainted. This was not dragged out, no promises were made, nothing! I was like dude, think what you want about me if that makes you feel but just stop trying to get the last word and digs and just move on already! Let it go!

So finally I stopped replying and then he really was not happy that the argument had ended and I gave him no comments to feed from andhe kept on sending several text messages 10, 20, 30 minutes apart like he was sitting over there thinking why the ffff is she not answering. I came on POF and blocked him as I was getting stalker vibes and I guess that really ticked him off. So....he called me..of course his number by now was already programmed to go right to voicemail and what does he do...leaves me a voicemail 2 minutes long, calling me every name in the book. Flipping out on me, telling me I am this and I am that - names you certainly don't call women you don't know and have never met and have no attachment or history with. Saying that his messages early were telling me he wasnt not interested and I just turned around and said I wasn't cause he did (he never did and kept contacting me) It's like he was badgering me because I came right out and said we are not a good fit and it's not going to go any further and both of us will be fine never meeting each other - life will go on. But he continued in the voice message to tell me I was a POS and a loser a witch and I wouldn't know a good man anyway....oh yeah buddy you are fantastically great for me. Telling me it's my loss because im stupid and an idiot and he has an amazing body and big blah blah and Bitoches like me come a dime a dozen and I aint worth $hhhh .I'm not on his level and I don't deserve him and I'm disgusting because I date difference races of people. He is black and usually only dates white women and never asked me my dating history but said he was sickened that I would date a black man then go back to a white man and then to a black man and that I was a flip-flopping white piece of trash...OMG....um hello what does this have to do with me not meeting you...it's certainly not because you are black it's becuase you are crazy!!!! WTF is wrong with people! Is he really that off the charts because i'm not worshipping him? I'm totally blown here that people like this exist. Get some help. He has ISSUES!!! I wish I could publish the damn voicemail on youtube and link it to his POF page and tell every other woman locally to be-freakin-ware of this nut case!!!!!!

How the hell do I move on from this to even consider "talking" offline with someone let alone meeting them. Had I met this whacko and rejected himfor real in person I could be in a dumpster in several trash bags!!!! I was skeptical before and now I'm just down right ..I dunno...I have no words!

Comments, feedback, sympathy....anyone? I would like for this never to happen to another person for sure. And at this point I don't if he will continue to be psychotic and keep leaving messages or what!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 2
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 8:14:13 PM
Delete.
Block.
Move on.

Don't be polite to psychos.
Just block and ignore em.

Save your charm for the sane and worthy.

good luck.
 PrtyBrwnEyes
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 3
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 8:28:16 PM
I so wish I went with my initial gut with this one. I probably won't delete but I will very real with anyone moving forward. If you don't have the patience to go at my pace, you've got to go! And a red flag is just that...you waved it and I'm not blind so benefits of the doubt need to go out the window on red flags!

I am not worried about POF per se - he is blocked, deleted etc and getting the silent treatment. I just don't want to have to change my phone number because of his issues.

All who have read this - please cross your fingers for me that he just goes away and finds someone else quickly. There are women out there who will unfortunately buy into his manipulation and need for things to be all about him and ...not me.. he got the wrong one!!! WOW!
 PrtyBrwnEyes
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 4
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 8:30:17 PM
Facebook is too personal so I definitely don't let strangers get into that world. I will just stick to emails and POF im for now!

Thanks for reading and replying!
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 5
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 8:35:19 PM
Been there and heard that....

If I get a bad vibe from someone, I ended right there. I don't over think it, I don't give second chances. I would never, ever engage with someone that was snarky with me or try to tell me what to do, if they do they get the boot. Don't let these losers upset you, don't let them keep you from doing the things you want, don't give them power over you. You only need to vigilant for the signs and there are always signs.

So have fun and don't let these cowardly bullies waste your time.
 munchkin111
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 6
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 9:30:53 PM
I can definetly sympathise, as I've dealt with a whack job from here too, and it isn't nice.

Hard as it is, just continue ignoring him, or, if you feel like you need to, see if your phone company can block his number so he can't continue contacting you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do hun. xx
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 7
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 10:14:05 PM
And to think this man is trying to find someone to be with! Issues, issues, issues with this person. I'm glad you did what you felt was right, you honestly would have been a miserable wreck with this guy.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 10:40:02 PM
Dear OP,
it's a painful experience. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I have been there, done that and also know that everyone is not the same.

A lot of people here (mainly men) don't like me saying this but I find phones and texting completely useless in getting to know someone. Phones cause more damage than any good. What works for me really well is meeting the person right away in person after a few emails (3-5 e-mails).

I only give out my number after meeting a few times when all goes really well and I am 100 % comfortable. When you click with someone and you meet a few times without exchanging numbers you will get to know the person in ways you couldn't otherwise.

If you really click chemistry wise, you'll see how understanding and patient he is when he agrees to see you again even though numbers haven't been exchanged. Phone won't matter because you are being together in person.

You get to see if he is flaky or not. I really miss the old times when people actually did what they said they would do without having to make calls and ask "are we still on?" or "I'll be late" or "I can't come."

Just chalk it up as a learning experience and trust your gut. You did nothing wrong.
 pureblisscatch4u
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 9
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 10:51:54 PM
This sounds just like my stalker I had from Houston last year. He did the exact same thing and said the same crap, only I was scared because we actually did meet one time. I thought it was him at first, only he's a short white guy. I'm still paying for the app to block his number on my phone. It happens to most women who are single these days.
OP, you can go to 800notes.com and post his number and how psycho he is. My stalker has several pages of complaints from various women he's stalked, and their boyfriends. You can search his number there as well.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/22/2011 11:34:05 PM
OP, there are crazy jerks and losers everywhere. It is up to you to protect yourself. If you feel hesitant then do not give out your number. You asked what do you have to lose by going out with him before you spend some time talking to him? Well now you know.

Forget all this give him the beifit of the doubt stuff. If you ain't interested then move on. You tried to force something with a pyscho and it bit you. You knew that this was a mistake but wanted to give him the benifit of the doubt.

I am sorry OP but you orchestrated this.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 11
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/23/2011 5:25:06 AM
as soon as you got the bad vibe- you should have ended the communication. people like that are everywhere- but you shouldn't keep talking to them once they expose themselves.

"Hi, my name is John, I like coffee, baseball & torturing small animals. " CLICK/DELETE/ BLOCK

"Hi my name is Suzy, I love Starbucks...so what type of animals do you torture? Do you watch DEXTER?" Ok a bit of exaggeration, but I tried to make a point.

It's one thing if you are a Democrat & they are a Republican. But we know sociopathic behaviors, do we think if we work on them it will just go away BECAUSE WE WANT IT TO??? AFTER ALL WE NEED TO FULFILL OUR CINDERELLA FANTASY!
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 12
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History
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/23/2011 2:46:51 PM

Comments, feedback, sympathy....anyone? I would like for this never to happen to another person for sure. And at this point I don't if he will continue to be psychotic and keep leaving messages or what!


You met a wacko..what can anyone say?

It happens, just about to everyone, sooner or later.

It simply happens. You can't predict when they go off on you sometimes.

Block, forget, move on.
 Watermanmax
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 13
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/23/2011 8:04:15 PM
you are not alone!!!!! Last nigth i emailed someone - nice chat in chat - then had a chat on the phone. I was agressive, judgemental etc etc........Wha...!

But its all good she has promised to discuss me with her therapist and then tell me what my problem is... sorta kinda speechless... blocked....happy now.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 14
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/23/2011 10:24:44 PM
I'm a psycho magnet here.

I get " I am in love with you" in first
emails.

God man.

I have some really creepy strories. That's why
I really hesitate to even answer emails.

I had one guy I had to shut down that was stresssing
me out so bad-I was losing my hair.

I don't give out my phone number anymore until
I'm either absolutely sure or they are law enforcement.

I'm so done here.

I totally feel your pain.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 15
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/24/2011 8:09:49 AM

RockabillyPaGirl : Get yourself a cheap PREPAID cell for your online dating prospects.


I think that's a bit over the top. It's easy enough to block someone however it's always possible for them to find out where you live once they've got your number via paid "background check services".

People are weird, people can be stalkerish.. but is it really THAT bad that you have to go to such extreme lengths to protect yourself from a person who you've never actually met? Most of these real life stalker problems that go so far as violence are usually (if not always?) the result of a relationship gone bad.. most often the dumpee (who has some serious problems to begin with but then they fall apart under the stress of the breakup) can't accept that it's over and they have a meltdown and start shooting up their ex's workplace or something.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 16
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/24/2011 8:52:27 AM

Get yourself a cheap PREPAID cell for your online dating prospects. NEVER give out your personal number just for cases such as these.


I actually have another cell number for a small business
I started. I hate giving out my number unless I'm
absolutely sure now.

I think this is a very good solution. I'm majorly
paranoid to give my number.

I hate when someone talks to you and is instantly
in love with you. It scared the shit out of me.

Only a few people who I actually still see here know where
I live. I don't even want anyone knowing where
I live.

Like I said- unless I'm absolutely sure or he is in law
enforcement do I take the chance. That is few
and far between.

I learned my lesson.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 17
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/24/2011 11:15:42 AM
Well OP, you learned a good lesson. When your gut tells you it wont work, listen to it right away.

A stranger who rubs you the wrong way is not entitled to second chances...and lets face it-you dont know who you are really dealing with so block, delete and move on as fast as you can. To do otherwise is unwise and can end up being unsafe if it goes on too long.

Just know that most men in here are not like this-but the few nuttters make everyone look bad.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 18
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/24/2011 11:35:15 AM
You had a tingling feeling that he wasn't quite right very early on. You have to learn to listen to it.

Any red flags - ANYTHING - end all contact, especially when it's this early on.

There are a lot of nuts out there. Don't engage with them. Ignore them. Block them.

Also - check with your telephone company. Many allow you to screen out a number. You can simply block him from your land-line and I think they get a message along the lines of 'Not accepting your calls at this time'. I have done this in the past with persistent cold callers.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 19
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/24/2011 2:05:38 PM
8 years ago I BRIEFLY dated someone from real life who turned out to be nutsy-koo-koo...he made scenes in public @ the end...I got away thank goodness...today I saw him when I was leaving a restaurant w/ my 2 sons- he saw me... I ran to the car, literally, w/ my doggie bag practically flying out of my hands....so nut jobs aren't just on the net, they're everywhere
 curvesweetblonde99
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 20
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/24/2011 2:44:20 PM
Oh wow, that's just nuts!!! I had my share of lunatics but the best one was this one guy I talked to when I came home a little tipsy (and I rarely drink, so a glass of red wine will put me under the table) and chatted with this cute guy via email and then gave him my phone number. We chatted that night and he seemed alright, kinda pushy, but he had a cute little mexican accent (which I admit I am a sucker for) so I just kept blabbing away, oblivious to all the red flags. Then in the morning I looked at his profile again and saw he was super cute, but wasn't really my type (and I told him so) but he kept calling, and calling and caalllllllllllling me like an obsessive freak, his voice mails getting more and more insulting and abusive each time. So I blocked him on pof and figured that was that. WElllllll, the next day he SHOWS UP at my work, makes a huge scene, yelling at me and my coworkers who tried to throw him out. When they were dragging him out he was yelling and (I think) crying that he loves me and a bunch of other creepy weird nonsense. I was terrified!!!! At first I had no idea how the hell he knew where I worked, but apparently I told him the first time we talked (another reason why you should never go on pof when tipsy). Eventually, he gave up and stopped calling/texting me - after I changed my phone number and told him the next time he showed up at my work I was calling the cops. Now I never give my number out. I let them give me their number and I call them after blocking my number. And I never drink and dial anymore either. Lesson learned!!
 lisboeta
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/24/2011 3:05:57 PM
Guys like that should be shamed!! Theres too many crazies out there. friendship and trust are lost theses days because of donkeys like these freaks. They are abusive and mental . If POF had a score chart you would be able to give THEM a BIG ZERO and everyone else would be wary of THEM.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 22
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/24/2011 5:32:37 PM
Unfortunately, you don't know they are
psycho until you engage with them.

Then all he'll breaks loose.

No thank you. I will go back under my
rock where my polka dot curtains don't
scare me.

There are ways around it like the cell phone thing
but seriously- it starts out innocent. Just an
innocent email. It leads to the phone. Then the
innapropriate text.

I remember my mom needed something. I had to break
a meet with someone. Jesus man, you would have
thought I was dating this guy. The passive aggressive
bullshit he was spewing was amazing.

It actually scared the shit out of me.

I just never answered him after I told him to
fcck off.

Finally it stopped but I don't know- scary shit.
 Magina314
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 23
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/27/2011 2:09:59 PM
Conspiracy Theory:

It's internet trolling, nobody actually has these types of repulsive personalities. They are just doing it to get a rise out of you. When they see you posting your experience on the forums, they are entertained.

Kinda like how viruses are transmitted over the internet. The guys who create the viruses, also create the anti-virus software to remove it.
 lisboeta
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 11/28/2011 6:04:43 PM
Totally agree! the least one can do is look out for our sisters. Also you can report him. There is a feature that allows you to do that on his profile page. Any men that is abusive should be flagged.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 25
view profile
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Completely psycho after only a few emails/converstions
Posted: 12/1/2011 9:07:24 PM

Sorry OP this must be really tough for you.

you DIDNT orchestrate this at all! ^^^

this was a nutjob psycho who thankfully who never had the misfortune to meet!


Sorry but yes she did. She repeatedly gets a bad vibe or decides that this guy is not the one for her and should have ended the process. But instead she keeps moving forward even though she see's that this is not working out. and then surprise, she was giving the benifit of the doubt to a jerk.
When you gamble on a person that has shown themselves to be unfit, it's just that. A gamble. One that she lost this time.

But in her own post she says over and over that this was a poor idea...

our first few exchanges of emails the communication was a little off but I tried to go back and forth a bit - step out of my box and give him the benefit of the doubt of getting to know him.

[quoteI have been trying to not be so hung on my first impression of a photo and tell myself people deserve chances...hmmm. So I gave it a try even after I was hesitant.


or rather he listened to himself talk to me for a long time. I barely got a word in and he dominated the convo and everyday I said I did or liked he was better at or topped me in someway - ugh! Lots of red flags came up for me in the conversation and I was like hmmmm - I don't know about this one.



I mean I wanted to give it at least the offline chance and not jump to conclusions or judgement. But we made no plans and he ended the convo saying he'd leave it up to me or whatever ...ok...



He sent a sarcastic relpy but I was thinking from our previous convo that this was just his personality. .


...more smart remarks like well don't let me bother you blah blah and then he started talking to hear himself talk again and the convo was short...I said have a good night!

... and on and on and on. At what point does one take responsibility for the situation and simply understand that this guy has shown her repeatedly who he is and she should believe him? At what point does one stop replying to a stranger trying to provoke a fight/argument?
She orchesrated this unfortunately and hopefully has learned a lesson.

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