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 AUTHOR
 Juslookin01182
Joined: 11/18/2011
Msg: 1
Too ForwardPage 1 of 1    
So been awhile since I've been in the dating game and I feel like I'm back in high-school trying to figure things out!! lol

My problem is this: do guys like to do the chasing or do they like assertive women? I've always been assertive, in fact that's how I ended up with the majority of my men (relationship wise). If I want something, I go for it, I'm head strong and determined. But as I've gotten older, it appears that men don't really like this and would in fact rather he be the one going after me. When I say "assertive", I don't mean clingy or calling 50 times a day, just being upfront about what I want, what I'm after, etc. I feel so out of my league right now!! My confidence is slowly ebbing when I meet a guy now because in the back of my mind I'm asking myself (should I have said that? should I have asked that?).

So, any advice from the men (and the ladies, of course) would be much appreciated because the last few guys I have met have ended pretty much with them blowing me off and me wondering "where did I screw up?" Thanks so much!!
 Juslookin01182
Joined: 11/18/2011
Msg: 2
Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 6:16:21 PM
Ugh, I just wish there was a way to tell!!! I feel like I'm walking on egg shells!!
 wayfarer4you
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 3
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History
Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 6:28:31 PM
Op,
Just be yourself is the bottom line. If a guy cant handle you the way you are then why change to fit a man who cant handle. You!!!??
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 4
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Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 7:10:58 PM
I think most men appreciate assertive women. Some like aggressive women, others prefer shy and passive women, but a woman who is willing to start a conversation and maybe even keep it moving when it slows is a woman most men will find attractive.

Beyond that, it all depends on you and the guy in question -- your common interests, how much you both enjoy the conversation (some guy, like some women, aren't that talkative), physical attraction, and eventually "chemistry".

My advice: if you find someone here, or in the real world, that you would like to get to know, make the first move. He might not be interested, or even be in a relationship you couldn't possibly have known about, but that's true in any case. And keep in mind that some men are themselves a little shy or insecure when it comes to making the first move; they'll welcome you taking the initiative.
 halfnhalf79
Joined: 5/18/2010
Msg: 5
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Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 7:19:43 PM
POF is like a buffet.

People are eyeing up several "meals" at once.

Sometimes you won't get a second look.

Sometimes you will end up on the plate but not get eaten.

Sometimes you will get tasted and spit out.

Maybe, with some luck, you will end up being somebody's entree.

What does this mean? I don't know. Did anything i just said make any sense at all? Probably not. Did i impress myself with this culinary metaphor? Absolutely.
 Juslookin01182
Joined: 11/18/2011
Msg: 6
Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 7:22:32 PM
Although I wasn't sure how I felt being compared to food, I will say that the culinary metaphor was win.
 Juslookin01182
Joined: 11/18/2011
Msg: 7
Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 7:30:41 PM
On a serious note, I do appreciate the feedback from everyone!! The consensus appears to be that I don't need to change how I am, and I do agree with that but at the same time, I really can't understand why I am having so much trouble per se! Have you ever just ran into dead-end after dead-end and ask yourself how you ended up back down that road? That's sort of the predicament I'm in now.
 halfnhalf79
Joined: 5/18/2010
Msg: 8
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Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 7:42:30 PM
POF is like a GPS.

Sometimes people know where they are going and just need a liitle guidance.

Sometimes they are completely lost and run into "dead end after dead end".

Sometimes the GPS (POF) is to blame and that's why they end up "back down that road".

Sometimes they have a poor signal and will just have to find their own way.

Maybe, with some luck, in 400 feet you will turn left and arrive at your destination.

I can do this all night!
 Juslookin01182
Joined: 11/18/2011
Msg: 9
Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 8:00:04 PM
POF is like a hamburger.

Sometimes the meat isn't cooked all the way.
Sometimes the meat is overcooked.
Sometimes the meat is just right.

I thought that was pretty good for my first time?
 halfnhalf79
Joined: 5/18/2010
Msg: 10
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Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 8:09:07 PM
Using metaphors is like having sex.

Everyone can do it.

It's usually not that good the first time but gets better the more you try.

Sometimes you do it with someone on POF whom you don't even know.

And sometimes it's over really quickly and you are embarrassed because that's not how it usually goes...

Maybe, with some luck, you will be awesome at "having sex".
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 8:13:11 PM
Actually, OP, this is a fairly common question here.

What I always suggest for consideration, is that you realize that there is a difference between "assertive," and "demanding;" just as there's a difference between being "loving and available," and being "clingy."

If you DO have a concern to address, it would likely be in HOW you express yourself, not the FACT that you want to. From what little I know about them, most women DO want to hear from a prospective guy, that he finds them to be attractive. What most of them do NOT want, however, is a guy who expresses that by way of gross, crude, loud, and impersonally pornographic means (I said MOST of them).

In all my own life, and in all of my observations, I've seen no indication that "guys in general want to do the pursuing, and will turn away when the woman pursues them." That's always seemed to be a total myth, probably made up by FATHERS who wanted their DAUGHTERS to be 50% less likely to hop into bed with every guy in town.

So work on your delivery, and stick with the honesty of your message. If the guy says no, it is most likely because he isn't interested, and not because he thought "Oh gee, had she only waited a couple of more minutes, I would have chased her down the street, begging for her favors, but now she's ruined my chase fun, by letting me know she likes me."
 Juslookin01182
Joined: 11/18/2011
Msg: 12
Too Forward
Posted: 11/24/2011 9:47:48 PM
Your response made me LOL, Unclezus!! I'm glad that most people don't think the situation lies entirely with me, just not having much luck as one poster said. Appreciate all the support and comments!!
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