Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > men asking why and how you're single      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2
men asking why and how you're singlePage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I tell them I'm smart enough not to fall into the couple trap, or I haven't found a guy that makes me want to not be single, or I ask how they can tell I'm so great, or I ask them why they're single, or I ask them if they think single is a bad thing....etc.

Depends on my mood.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 8:52:23 AM
Perhaps some feel it's a way to compliment to ask that question. The best response would be to turn it around and ask them the same thing. People get nervous and don't know what to say, attempts at flattery gone wrong.

I've never asked anyone that question because it's as stupid as stupid can be. Lots of things people say and do are stupid, you noticed that yet? lol
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 5
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 8:53:46 AM
I usually just respond by shrugging my shoulders.

Asking someone why they're single has got to be one of the stupidest questions.

Duh! It's because they haven't found the one yet!
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 6
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:00:44 AM

Asking someone why they're single has got to be one of the stupidest questions.



Yup, attempted flattery gone wrong is correct.

Whoever does this needs to go back to their drawing board and come up with a new formula.

 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:03:28 AM
Holycow has it right, I think. It's usually a VERY old-fashioned, pre-women's lib-style compliment. Women older than I often say similarly to me "I don't know why someone hasn't snapped you up."

Feel grumpy if you like, but it's akin to being annoyed that someone says they find you attractive, usually.

Though I can appreciate that there are also some paranoid folks out there, who would ask it suspiciously, wondering why someone who SEEMS to be so nice, might not have a mate.

Are you perhaps secretly Bipolar?

Not the sex you claim?

Prone to taking compliments as being insults, and storming off, leaving the other person wondering what in the world set you off?
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 9
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:06:37 AM
Why is this a issue for you??? This really is a simple qustion for anyone to ask. I ask this same question to possible dates. I also have no problem sharing why I am still single. They would like to know if your a nut case or a golddigger...among other reason why a guy would not date you....this also works for men as well....Just be open and honest...that works well and best....
 apurfectmeow
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 10
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:25:13 AM
They ask and I answer but that doesnt mean they will like it~
I find "yeah both the men I loved are dead" doesnt work too well.
How do I tell a guy really? There is no nice way and it scares off most.
At least I have a sense of humor about it.

So if your answer isnt as complex I dont see why it would bother anyone or you.
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 11
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:25:38 AM
offended much huh? ....

I was once asked by a young, local teenage girl who sat next to me on a bus going to the north of Thailand "Why are you so fat?" ...... Mind you this was almost 10 years ago when I was 20 + lbs lighter than I am now ...... WTF right? ... I could have tore her head off right there ... luckily however I'd been living in these parts long enough to know she did not mean this in an offending way ... Believe it or not, this is something perhaps comparable to the western culture of saying something along the lines of "Oh you have really curly hair" ...... if that makes any sense.

My 2 cents about your question OP: C-H-I-L-L. There could be worse things said.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 12
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:34:02 AM
LOL...I get those lines too. I'll just end up saying "just havent met the right one yet". Really, I just think its a conversation and compliment starter. I really dont think they care that much about your answer.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 14
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 10:52:45 AM
carolinagrl,
the crowd here already indicated that it’s intended as a compliment. I am guilty of it myself but once I realized how it makes me feel I stopped saying that long time ago.

I do share your stance on it though. I don’t think you are being sensitive and to bring it up here to talk about is a great thing.

Let’s be honest, it’s a loaded question. If you say you haven’t found the right person you’ll get accused of being too picky. I could list a million different reasons and it wouldn’t change the fact that it would make me look like I’m doing something wrong. So the compliment does not sit well with me for these reasons.

I would just be honest and say you don’t know how to answer that question. I believe in transparency. I would allow the awkwardness of the question to exist and be noticeable, and not try to cover up or compensate for his lack of better choice of communication skills.
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 15
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 11:00:47 AM

I'll just end up saying "just havent met the right one yet".


My impulse to that line would be to ask, "Well, how many HAVE you met?" - but I realize that's not a good thing to say, because it infers that I suspect they have met too many, or not enough - and they would be right. Mostly on the 'not enough' end. When people tell me they have dated and seem to have fairly solid opinions on what 'all men' are like, it doesn't take too long to find out they have only been on a couple dates and it's more about their stubborn personality than anything.

---------------------------
Getting back to the original post - If a guy asks why you are single, I would take it as a sincere compliment - they want to know so they don't make the same mistake. Guys may not be aware of your level of comfort talking about your past, but they do want to be part of your future. Give them the benefit of a doubt unless they get really intense with their demands.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 16
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 11:16:35 AM
it's not about them, op, it's about you. because if you think a guy is really cute, when he says this, you'll think it's sweet and endearing. if you think he's only somewhat cute, it'll be a throwaway nothing. if you think he's marginal, you'll find it irritating.

these guys are the instruments of your enlightenment. they're leading you down the path of self-knowledge. be grateful and don't miss your opportunity.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 18
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 11:35:29 AM
I've heard it before and I just tell them the truth. Just haven't met anyone that I clicked with yet. It's nowhere near a turn off for me if a dude asks.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 20
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 1:08:04 PM
Sometimes it's intended as a misguided compliment, as Igor said. Other times it's a legitimate question. A man may wonder if there is a red flag hidden under all your wonderfulness.

Men get asked this too.
 carptopus
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 21
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 1:22:29 PM

how to handle it.

This is just one of those multilevel social lubricant questions.
It really doesn't matter how you answer it.
Because no matter how you answer it, then it tells them something.
And it allows them to not really have to share any information about themselves.

If you load the answer with snarkyness or any other negative emotion (anger, annoyance, frustration, no reply), you answer their question about what's "wrong" with you.
If you answer the question with levity then it depends on how secure or insecure they are.
On one hand you could be seen as bonding,both happy and having a good time, meaning you are interested in them as well.
On the other hand you could be keeping your distance from them.
If you don't answer the question at all, or are vague, or just come back with a question, that tells them something too.

It's basically a way to fish for information without having to commit to being a certain type of personality that might "scare" you off.
A lot of times (if not always) used when people are trying to date above their "league," or they are insecure so everyone is perceived to be out of their league.

It basically gives you multi points to focus an answer on, and what point you want to focus on, even every single one, as being the important part of the question (pedantic or implied sub text or meta message or compliment).
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 23
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 1:47:34 PM

I'm just wondering if anyone else here as this experiance and how to handle it.


Thank them for the compliment, and figure out where you will be eating and having some drinks while you discuss your life, and theirs with them?

Maybe?

That probably doesnt work if you dont care to share an hour or so with the person; or need the talk therapy.



P.s.
I don't know how to respond to that at all


I suppose that's why you see the obvious compliment as a turn off.


Usually I'm temtped to write back a snarky "you tell me why you have't managed to get someone and I'll let you know"


Alllrighty then.

Get your coat on, and lets go find us some hot toddies n chow.

 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 24
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 1:59:13 PM
Firstly I would suggest either

1. booking an appointment with a GP to have the chip removed from your shoulder

2. having your hormone levels checked as that can cause irrational crankiness too

or

3. looking up the meaning of the word "compliment" in the dictionary and then finding a good psychologist and learning how to accept them


I find it "odd" that YOU cant think of a reply to something so your one and only thought it to spew venom back at them

Been in a relationship or had a situation in earlier life where you felt the other person was intellectually superior and they just happened to be male by any chance?


Basically theyre paying you a compliment. But I would suggest that you go with your gut and send back a snarky comment to avoid them having to waste any further time chatting to you

 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 25
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 4:01:23 PM
Oh get over yourself!

Accept it for what it is, a compliment. Accept it with class and stop being a shrew or he will figure out quickly why you single.

Yeah I said it
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 26
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 5:42:09 PM
Why are you still single.... asked from someone on a dating board ?.....
maybe implies they are NOT single ?
looking for strange in all the wrong places.
 daimbramiged
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 27
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 5:55:16 PM
thats a question that is best answerd by simply avoiding to speak of the past and a man should NEVER speak bad about the past regardless of how tue it is its the past leave it there. a person cant live tomorrow when your mind is locked on yesterday. hope this was holpful.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 28
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 5:59:11 PM

"why are you still single you seem so great"


I get asked this question a lot. Not on here but on FB mainly. Usually when chatting with someone new...I often say that I'm picky. Most of the time they say good for you.

I don't see it as a put down nor a compliment...
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 29
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 6:43:38 PM

"why are you still single you seem so great"

Every girlfriend I ever had asked me that question on the first or second date.
Pretty much any woman I ever dated twice has asked me that question.

I always had the same answer: "I'm not looking for marriage. I have not found any woman I've wanted to marry."
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 30
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/25/2011 6:54:49 PM
Msg.#1:

Women asked that too, I told them I am not the marrying type.. If I were in your case I would reply to the guy," Perhaps I am waiting for you, who knows"..........
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 31
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/26/2011 7:30:07 AM
I've been asked that a lot but the qustion never bothered me. I tell them the truth,that I was busy working & raising my kids, & didn't have a lot of time for dating. I also haven't met the right one yet.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 33
view profile
History
men asking why and how you're single
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:05:34 AM
Maybe a more important question would be "how long have you been single"

After all, if someone has been single "by choice" for 10 or more years chances are theyre so stuck in their ways they will continue making that choice till theyre in a wooden box

And if they grew up in a home where their only parent was also "single by choice" theres perhaps a pattern forming which wouldnt make aiming for anything serious with that person particularly wise
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > men asking why and how you're single