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 AUTHOR
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 2
Std dating?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Personally, if I knew someone I was planning to meet from a dating site had a STD, it absolutely would put me off. Just as being separated would or having a criminal record would (that affects the work I do should it become a serious relationship).
This are all situations which complicate a potential new relationship and therefore why make a situation more complex then in need to be ?
I fully understand your point that someone I may meet and eventually consider becoming intimate with could have the same STD and not know about it but you asked the question and I gave my take on that situation.
 tjl503
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 5
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 6:27:35 PM
I applaud for you being honest and upfront about it in your profile. There are a lot of people who know they have it and don't give a shi* who they give it to. Unfortunately, because you have a std you have limited yourself to a specific group on here who will be interested. Most std free women will next your profile just by reading the std headline, the only women I see emailing you are the ones who have it as well and they are probably in the closet about it. You won't see it on their profile and they still date guys without telling them. They might mention it before sex comes along but they know in order to pull guys off here they leave it out of their profile. I think that the std sites that you joined will bring you way more luck then here. Maybe post on craigs list as well or check out the w4m ads in your area. A lot of women in the same situation as you are on there I noticed.
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 6
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 6:35:36 PM
I think the thing that scares me most about herpes is not knowing that you have it, or if the other person doesn't know. I think I'd be able to handle the actual disease myself, but probably wouldn't be able to live with it, knowing that I passed it on to someone else unknowingly.

I have always protected myself and to my knowledge, don't have anything. But I'm just curious OP, where did you find that research/stats? As far as I know, there is no specific test for herpes, without symptoms present, which is more frustrating.

I've had cold sores before, but my doctor tells me that it's an entirely different disease, and isn't considered an std, as you don't have to have sex to get one. He also tells me that oral sex is extremely low risk activity, and you can only pass on oral-to-genital herpes if a sore is present.

Furthermore, my doctor says that I'd definitely know if I had genital herpes, as a first outbreak is significantly painful. I have read differently on some websites, but I trust my doctor a lot more than random websites.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 6:50:49 PM
My honest opinion......for what it is worth.

No, I would not knowingly date a man with herpes.
Since I know that there is no way to completely protect myself from acquiring the STD from an infected lover as herpes can be spread even when there isn't a breakout.
And throw in the fact that I am realistic to know that the relationship may not last forever, I would then be in the same predictament as you are in now.

My suggestion is to find a woman that has the same problem as you, then she wouldn't have to worry about your relationship turning into a life altering event.
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 10
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 6:55:38 PM
I think it's good to educate people on these things, because a lot of these stds are passed around by people who are uneducated about it.

I hope this isn't too personal, but I was wondering if you could provide a little more information from your specific case, so other people can avoid going through the same thing.

Did your gf tell you that she had it?
Did you use protection?
what are the symptoms you had and the stages of herpes (meaning at what point do you know you have it and the specific occurence of symptoms)

I think this might help a great deal for people who don't have it. Again, if it's too personal, forget about it. But I was just curious.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 11
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:20:26 PM
I don't think you are wasting your time on this site but I do think it's going to be harder for you to find someone understanding enough to accept the fact that you have this STD. At least you are honest and up front which is awesome. People are afraid with good reason to be. I have read that 50% of men and women that are sexually active also have HPV and the majority do not even know they have it. Scary!

I wish you good luck in your quest. I am sure there is someone out there for you!
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 8:38:37 PM
OP, I looked at your profile. I think you spend too much text on HSV. I'd limit it to a single sentence stating you have HSV and you are ideally looking for a partner with the same. And I wouldn't lead with that. Lead with something that makes all users want to read your profile, and if they get turned off by the HSV part later on, then they do. However, you seem to not be taking that personally. Get a profile review in the forum of the same name.
Online dating is a numbers game, and you have basically cut your potential matches to less than 1/4th. Nothing wrong with that, but it does decrease the odds of you finding someone, so you've got to work harder, maybe look outside your nominal distance range. Maybe expand it to include nearby cities, particularly ones you like to visit.
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 14
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 8:44:28 PM
it's pretty scary to think that you can get it even using protection. But ive never heard of anyone getting a first outbreak after a year. Even some websites report that the typical time frame is 2 weeks after exposure. Is it possible that she could have lied to you about not having it, and just said she got the outbreak later, hoping you'd take her back? Or maybe she had an outbreak shortly after your encounter and just waited a year to tell you?
 tanni_169
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 16
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:44:19 PM
im very different than other woman and i dont care whos going to judge me. i believe u fall in love with who u do whether the have herpes, aids, cancer, whatever. i would defiently date a guy with herpes. my ex had hep c and we were careful and i am always tested regularly. u just have to be smart about what ur getting involved with and be educated on the matter so u dont get infected. thats just my views on things, and how i see it. i will now sit back and listen to the blasts that are to come my way. i dont believe ur wasting ur time at all. and thank u for being so honest cause theres alot of people on here who arent!
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Std dating?
Posted: 11/25/2011 11:03:04 PM

What is a profile review?


Just go to the forum labelled "Profile Reviews" and start a new post requesting people review your profile.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Std dating?
Posted: 11/26/2011 7:25:28 AM
I admire your letting others know of your situation and letting them make the choice before getting involved. I was in this situation with someone who did not tell me for a few weeks, just prior to sexual activity and it was like having a bomb dropped on me. The thing is STD's are forever and most relationships aren't. I could not consent to a sexual relationship based on the new information, even with protection.
The good news for you is they are finding herpes virus controls some types of cancer ! so in years to come you may be one of those people seriously sought after ! :)
here is a link, its called herpes therapy.. http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/10/26/herpes-virus-could-kill-aggressive-breast-cancer/. Maybe it will provide some cancer immunity to you in the future as this is a whole new field of study with the viruses and not a lot is yet known.
I admire your honesty a great deal. Feel your best investments would be to find someone who also has the disease, and is as upfront about it as you are.
best to you.
 fenwick81
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 19
Std dating?
Posted: 11/26/2011 11:45:32 AM
Kudos to you for putting yourself out there! I am in the same boat as you however, I have chosen to keep it personal until I find someone worth telling. I chose to do this becuase so many of my friends, family, and co-workers on this site that I would really prefer to keep that piece private...ie between the person I am dating, my doctor, and myself.

I don't think you are wasting your time at all. Statistics show that woman are much more understanding and accepting of men with STDs.
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 22
Std dating?
Posted: 11/26/2011 12:38:20 PM
yeah I think the thing that worries me most about stds like herpes is giving it to someone else (like say if I'm one of those people who doesn't know that they have it). I wouldn't be able to live with that either. The worst thing is that I don't think there's even a specific test for herpes, unless you have symptoms.

I've been to the doctor myself, to get stuff checked out, and he always just looked at them, and said they were either boils or ingrown hairs, even after I explained my sexual history. But he just told me that I was worrying too much, and after looking at these bumps, he told me that herpes heals a lot differently and you'd know if you had it, because the pain would be intense.

That is weird though that your gf only got her first OB after a full year. I've read on several websites that it's typically two weeks after exposure.
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 24
Std dating?
Posted: 11/26/2011 1:21:11 PM
If those people you've talked to say they have never had an outbreak, and testing is only available when there is an outbreak, how are those people sure that they even have it?
 tanni_169
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 25
Std dating?
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:30:57 PM
i wasnt feelin sorry for anyone. i was stating a fact
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 28
Std dating?
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:05:32 PM
@Feline - thanks for the info. But this is one of the most confusing diseases out there and I've been hearing a bunch of different things from a bunch of different people. I think I'll stick to my doctor's words for now, because as a trained physician, I'd think he'd be able to spot herpes symptoms when he sees them and distinguish them from insect bites, ingrown hairs, boils, etc. If I spotted something on my genitals, I'd be a lot more worried. I have had ingrown hairs and boils though on my thighs, and sometimes I'm not so sure, so I do get them checked out. I will ask my doctor about testing, next time I go for an appointment though.

The most confusion about the disease is those people who have it, but never have symptoms. My question is how would they know if they have it, if they don't have any symptoms? Assuming these people are having protected sex like OP did, why would there even be any concern to get themselves tested without symptoms? It's a very tough thing to diagnose it sounds like.

I suppose one way is to have your partner say that he/she got it from you. But who's to say that that person didn't already have it? And if he/she didn't, unless you're in a serious relationship with the person and trust them, how are you to know they didn't get it from someone else?

Very confusing.
 journeygirl1961
Joined: 4/12/2010
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Std dating?
Posted: 11/30/2011 12:20:00 PM
I posted that i was positive and had more responses than ever,there are people on here that have it and just wont be honest about it and thats ok.But it just lets them know and feel more comfortable about contacting you.good luck
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 31
Std dating?
Posted: 11/30/2011 8:41:13 PM
@Klove - not sure who you're mouthing off to there, but not everyone who posts in this forum necessarily has an std. I myself don't have one (at least not that I know about), and merely just posted here, looking for information from people who are infected. It's great that you're comfortable with it, but you should understand that not everyone is going to react positively to this. After all, this is the Internet.

But after reading your profile, I do have some questions for you, if you don't mind answering:

I've made several visits to my doctor in the last year or so, thinking that I had something, when it turned out that I was just being paranoid. But from what he tells me, the first outbreak of genital herpes is very painful, and you should know if you're infected with it. So my question is, since you say that you've never had an outbreak, how did you actually find out that you had it? And how long have you been living with it?

Because I understand that you can't be tested for it unless you do have an outbreak
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 32
Std dating?
Posted: 12/1/2011 1:46:01 PM
@Feline - Just curious, have you ever actually taken the blood test yourself? Or is this just hearsay? Because I specifically asked my doctor (who has treated herpes patients) about this, and he tells me you can only be tested if sores are present. Now obviously I trust a trained professional who has treated the disease before a lot more than some random person on a website who I've never actually met.

But if what you're saying is true, then once again I ask: why would someone who has had protected sex and never any symptoms even bother getting themselves tested? I mean it's not something that average people would even think about unless they have symptoms, is it?

Why did you decide to get tested? And have you ever had symptoms of herpes?
 tjl503
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 35
Std dating?
Posted: 12/4/2011 10:15:08 PM
Fuc*, my balls itch from reading this thread. Paranoid, I'm triple wrapping my shi* from now on.
 wonderwmn36
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 39
Std dating?
Posted: 12/5/2011 12:23:28 AM
im sorry to hear about your unfortunate events, however you seem like a person who has done research and knows their shit. I have a best friend who has gone through the same ordeal and it is completely unfair to spread it knowingly. I do believe by putting yourself out there and being honest is the best way to go.. thay say that honesty is the best ploicy. Good luck my fella! Im sure you will find somebody that can overcome that obstacle when the time comes. Im just glad that you would tell somebody beforehand. That has to say alot abot your charcter, There needs to be more people out there like you. That way the disease wouldnt get spread as much.
 not dolly
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 40
Std dating?
Posted: 12/5/2011 12:49:21 AM
@Phil:
I am most likely the oldest broad on this thread but wanted to tell you that I thought society had evolved over the last 20 years; apparently not. If you've got it then be honest. My opinion would be to wait until you know that there is a potential relationship. I know you kiddos jump fairly quick but good Lord, be careful.

A friend of mine never knew why his brother committed suicide in 1980. A friend of his eventually became a friend of mine and knew why. This kid at age 27 took his life because he found out he had the Herpes and was sure that his g/f that he was in love with would surely leave him. In 1980 it might as well have been AIDS. Sad, people judge so quickly and Boo to the press- Sensationalism sells rags as in newspapers. When the disease was discovered the news was all over it!

Stay cool, and again, I'd wait to know there is something before sharing.
 not dolly
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 41
Std dating?
Posted: 12/5/2011 1:12:09 AM
Wow, I can really clear a thread, can't I? It was not my intention to be a buzz killer... sorry.
 Johnnycycle
Joined: 8/20/2010
Msg: 42
Std dating?
Posted: 12/5/2011 4:51:39 AM
Buzzkill or not it points out that ignorance and insensitive behavior can have fatal consequences. Sadly a human condition that shamed us. I find it terrible that folks tend to rail people for their issues totally ignoring the fact that they themselves have issues that in some ways eclipse the issues to the people they are rialing against.
Either way there are a lot of haters and trolls that will jump at ant any chance to spread thier hate. Just try not to feed them.

We all have our issues, how we handle them is the true measure of our quality.
Dealing with them head on, not hiding them being honest about them and learning how to deal with them shows a true measure of ones character.

Those that admit and stand by their guns should be commended.
As well as respected, the O.P. brings alot to the table for any relationship, despite the challenges of his condition over time will be over come.
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 44
Std dating?
Posted: 12/18/2011 9:57:31 PM
@klove - your scenario is hard to believe. What kind of test did you have? It may be possible that you have HSV2 orally, but not in the genital area. Because if you are having unprotected sex with your ex, and your profile says you have kids as well, either he has it and just lied to you about it, or you may just have it orally, because if he doesn't have it and you do, it would be next to impossible for him not to get it wouldn't it? I've never heard of this scenario happening. Genital Herpes is highly contagious
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