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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > no pic: worth the risk?      Home login  
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 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 1
no pic: worth the risk?Page 1 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
Have you met/dated people who had no pic on their profile? If so, did they provide one before you met? And, finally, if you have contacted/been contacted by people without a pic, would you say they were on average better looking than those with pics? This was suggested in another forum about women who don't post pics and I wonder if it holds true in our age group and for men as well.
 justme6361265
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 2
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:06:24 PM
NO picture................no meeting!!!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 3
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:17:16 PM
No picture, no reply.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 4
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no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:28:26 PM
Interesting question. I am interested in the answers myself.

I have been approached by women with no pics, and after encouragement, had them send me pics. In most cases I was not interested in meeting after seeing a pic. And I am by no means picky. But on a couple of occassions, the pictures were actually nice. The problem is, if they were too shy to post a picture, and wouldn't send one without a lot of encouragement, they were also too shy to actually meet.

So basically, if they don't have a picture, best not to waste your time.
 antoinette01
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 5
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:33:30 PM
I receive emails and chats from men who have no pictures until I realized I could correct that by not allowing men without pictures to email or chat with me. When confronted and asked some men have been very cordial in sending me pictures while others have questioned me for having the nerve to ask then accuse me of being shallow. It's too easy to post a picture or to have someone who knows how do it for them and suspicions arise when there is no picture yet they become persistent about meeting. I always want to say "My gosh, how would you feel is someone was to treat your daughter, sister or mother in that regard?".
Safety is always the way to go in any situation as it's a meeting to see if you want to continue getting to know someone not a marriage proposal.
 Funroseyposey
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 6
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:37:03 PM
One guy had a private pic, and showed it to me, then quickly removed it. In my opinion, red flag. Two other guys I have actually met from POF with no pics were very nice looking men, BUT, both were married men. They didn't tell me they were married, I evently figured it out for myself.
 antoinette01
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 7
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:41:42 PM
BUT, both were married men. They didn't tell me they were married, I evently figured it out for myself.
Sometimes I suspect that, but I don't like to accuse anyone. I've sorta found that even after they send me a pic they sort of back away, you know like the cat is out of the bag so to speak. That's all right with me. I figure if someone wants to get to know me and has respect for me, he'll want to get to know me on honest terms.
 sactowndude
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 8
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:45:44 PM
No pic...no contact, I have that as a requirement in my profile. It's not so much as a "is she attractive" thing as it's just good to see who I'm responding to. It's only fair since I have a photo.

What I find ironic is when a woman doesn't have a photo in her profile but says she will send one if I ask, even better when she requires a man to have it.




Live dangersously ... go out and meet someone without a pic! You never know.. you might be pleasantly suprised!


How would I find you in a crowd?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 9
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History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 8:06:55 PM

sevlepo:
Live dangersously ... go out and meet someone without a pic! You never know.. you might be pleasantly suprised!


I guess it depends on how many options you have. If you are in a rural area, with limited options, it might be worth your while to take that chance. Living as I do in the 3rd largest metropolitan area in the USA, there are more profiles with pictures than any man could ever get around to looking at. And I mean just looking at the profile, not actually meeting the woman behind the profile.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 10
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no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 8:19:42 PM
I immediately question the motives of anyone who can't manage to get a photograph on a dating site. People who won't put up a picture usually have dark issues, and a million excuses not to, and it always boils down to they're looking to cheat on someone. In addition, many of them are looking for cheap anonymous thrills via chat and sexting, and have no intention of ever meeting anyone outside of cyberland. The way I see it - if you can see my picture, I'm entitled to see yours.

And if that person claims they're so very, very, very awesome looking that if they put up a picture the stampede of admirers will trample them flat, I question why they even need to be on a dating site in the first place, considering admirers must flock about them every time they set foot in public..therefore too much attention in cyberland must be the least of their problems. Personally, I prefer someone average looking so I don't have to fend off their fan club and compete with such a crowd all day, every day.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 11
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:01:24 PM
Every person I have had dealings with who hadn't posted a picture on their profile has ended up being a problem; and while I understand some have jobs that the posting of pictures would make it very difficult, I have found others with the same type of job on here with pictures. I have yet to have one without a picture state they were ugly...all claim to be handsome +100.

It is a choice they make to not post a picture; it was also a choice I made not to have any contact with them.
 skato1
Joined: 4/16/2011
Msg: 12
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:21:54 PM
I'm sure you all have your opinions and reasons for having a picture, not having a picture, responding or not responding. But questioning motives and assuming people with no photos are out to cheat, looking for cheap thrills... well, that's a bit too intense.
I personally will gladly send a picture of myself ... if someone I chat with needs the visual.
I put up a picture when I first signed on, and being that it was my first attempt at this dating site, found the emails I received from men where just because of my looks. Believe it or not, some of us are sick and tired of men judging a woman immediately on just looks. Getting to know people without the actual first impression of the physical attraction, can be fun. Let's face it, men really don't care what is in our heads , as long as we look good. How fun would it be if they can't see who they are chatting with, (that's IF they have the balls to chat with a faceless person) and THEN see that person... and find them even more attractive.
So not all of us have questionable motives... just saying
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 13
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 10:53:50 PM
*Have you met/dated people who had no pic on their profile?
Yes.

*If so, did they provide one before you met?
They didn’t offer and I didn’t ask.

*… would you say they were on average better looking than those with pics?
About the same.

*This was suggested in another forum about women who don't post pics and I wonder if it holds true in our age group and for men as well.

A lot of things get “suggested”. How many women without pics would one have to meet to make a valid generalization though, really? And how would that be useful predictor, anyway?
 kissmeyoufool
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 14
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/25/2011 11:18:35 PM
I don't have my settings to block people without pictures for this reason: It is very simple to send one with a message. Problem solved. *UNLESS* they are not willing to do that.

I've had the same experience as mentioned above...men with no pic on their profile=married. I'm not implying that this is ALWAYS the case. Just my experience.

Chemistry IS part of a relationship...like it or not. :)
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 15
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no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 2:42:42 AM
"I don't have my settings to block people without pictures for this reason: It is very simple to send one with a message. Problem solved. *UNLESS* they are not willing to do that. "

My response is getting photos from those without posted pics should be done WITHOUT asking. Since I seem to always have to ask, I should have just posted such in my profile. With all of the hassles I have had with that simple request on other sites, I have simply taken the easy way out and sorted them out via the website's configuration controls.

I have always wondered why people would not post photos. Here are some of answers I have received:
1. I don't have any. [married]
2. I'm not photogenic. [married]
3. My hard drive with my pics crashed and I am using the public library computers. [married]
4. I don't have a digital camera. I explained that you can get a CD of the pics from the photo shop or I could travel to take some for her. [married]
5. Do I need to go on? You've got the bottom line, anyway. [married!]
But I've saved the best for last
6. I was a prison guard and don't want any ex-cons finding out where I live and coming to say hello. [It was so good that I believed her! At least the dog didn't eat her photo. LOL]
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 16
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:01:33 AM
I have mine set up to no pic.
but I must admit that years ago I met my fiancee and he had no pic. (it was on a different sight than this one). he eventually gave me his web address where I could see him and found out why he didnt have a pic. it had to do with his job. He didnt want local people to see him on a dating sight. (I broke off the engagement but looking back i wonder now ......)
maybe I will change mine back and people with no pics can contact me. I have to think about it as POF is kind of a different sight then the other one.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 17
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 6:40:47 AM
I have to laugh at the "no pic no contact" , "no pic no meet" .. Some of us that do not have a picture simply do not want every tom****and harry contacting us because of our looks.


If that's the case, you should have no problem emailing a picture before an initial meeting. Those meet and greets can be awkward enough without being clueless about which stranger is going to suddenly pop out of the crowd as your date.

It's really a matter of fair play. You've seen my pictures after all. If you don't have the decency to reciprocate, your motives are suspect.

By the way, I've received a few emails from women that posted a picture of an inanimate object to get around the no picture thing. I'm sure they eventually get forced to remove it, but it stays up long enough for them to get by that rule.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 18
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History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 7:18:19 AM

If you are in a rural area, with limited options, it might be worth your while to take that chance.


Ah, but the flip side of that is that if you live in a rural area odds are good than any date is going to require a significant investment of time and travel, so it's good to be as confident as you can be that your first date has a reasonable chance of leading to a second date. It's not like you can just grab a quick lunch or drink for your first meet and greet.

When I first dabbled in internet dating I was quite surprised to discover that there could be absolutely no chemistry between two people who hit it off quite well conversationally. A pic doesn't resolve that problem, but it does help.

This whole internet thing turns dating on its ear. In real life we start with face to face impressions, then if something intrigues us about each other we start talking and gradually learn more. The initial spark triggered by appearance, mannerisms, or who knows what either grows or is snuffed out. Here we know a fair amount about each other before ever initiating contact, but we're denied that real time opportunity to engage all our senses.

In real life if you find yourself in a room full of people there are generally one or two who you find intriguing, and it's often not easy to pin point exactly why. The same can happen here, but we only have text to go by unless there's a pic to at least help to flesh out the overall persona.

I don't automatically eliminate anyone without a pic, but if I'm wavering whether to meet or not that can certainly tilt the scales to the "not" side. I do ask for a pic prior to meeting, (and I often get asked for more pics than what I have on my profile) and if for some reason she can't or won't provide a pic I'll ask her to paint a picture in words for me, which not only gives me at least some idea of what to expect but also provides insight into how she perceives herself.

In my time here I've fluctuated between the "just here for the forums" and "actively seeking a relationship" ends of the spectrum. A pic is not at all required if someone from afar just wants to engage in further conversation yet we both know the odds of ever meeting in person are remote. If a real date is in the offing, I like to have as full of an impression as possible in advance, and visual input is a big part of that. Not essential, but certainly appreciated.
 antoinette01
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 19
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:35:35 AM
I really agree with you wvwaterfall...
I don't like meeting men this way, but it seems that the internet and all electronic devices have distorted all sorts of relationships. I would rather meet someone face to face, engage with them, look at them as they tilt their head, telling me about some event in their life as their eyes drift off as they are describing it and then return to meet your eyes with a smile as they wait for your response... Watching, listening, the nuances in their voice, their mannerisms, how they react to interruptions, how they react or respond to me.

Texting with the younger generation and the elimination of words seems so fast and to a point meaningless.... everything is set up to be too easy and friendships, relationships of all kinds take time to build and as you say with all the senses... It's the truest form of communication because it involves the whole person.
Yes, I prefer a picture, but I long for the days when men were allowed to be men and pursue and a woman didn't have to be but a woman and smile and enjoy the pursuit.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 20
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 8:49:07 AM
My feeling is that if a woman won't post a picture or share one in a first message it's because she knows she's physically unattractive and is attempting to lead with her "award winning personality". If I get a message from a faceless woman and I ask her for a picture, and I get one of the many excuses listed on this thread (usually with a defensive attitude), then I have no doubt she's physically unattractive.
 Iascaireachta_arís
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 21
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 9:01:01 AM
Don't openly publish all the time (YES: Job parameters at this time) ...will send one with a message...don't have to wear a paper bag over my head..."Que Sera, Sera"
 antoinette01
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 22
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 9:36:41 AM
I ask this in the most sincere and with respect, but job monitors your dating habits? I could understand it you were being ordained as a priest and were taking an oath of celibacy, but then again there's the deception. Other than the CIA or Secret Service would one not post a picture or under cover police officer, but what percentage of men are in these fields? I'm just asking...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 23
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 9:44:41 AM
You want someone to take a chance and meet you without seeing your picture, but you're not willing to take the chance of posting a picture. Good luck with that...
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 24
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History
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 10:02:43 AM
Maybe peoples perception of their notoriety is more grandious than in actual life.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 25
no pic: worth the risk?
Posted: 11/26/2011 10:19:25 AM

antoinette01: I ask this in the most sincere and with respect, but job monitors your dating habits? I could understand it you were being ordained as a priest and were taking an oath of celibacy, but then again there's the deception. Other than the CIA or Secret Service would one not post a picture or under cover police officer, but what percentage of men are in these fields? I'm just asking...


Agreed. The old "I can't post a picture because my job might find out".

As if it's against the law to go out and date.

That excuse to me is nothing less than "You won't like what I look like so I'm going to try to win you over first by telling you how great I am, even though as soon as you get a look at me you're going to bolt and I'll be back here starting threads about why guys walk out on me on the first date and/or they never call me back".
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