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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Anyone seen a key laying around?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 4
Anyone seen a key laying around?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I had to laugh at the title of this thread.



I just got home from walking my dog and someone (bet it was my son)
took the spare key out of the hiding place and I couldn't get in.

But ... I have a spare key hidden that he doesn't know about.

Now I have to ask ...


Anyone seen a key laying around?


As for your real question ...

How long have you been alone?
Have you worked with someone (a professional) to try and figure out what you need to address?

I enjoy my own company,
However I look forward to the day that I will have a compatible partner in my life.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 5
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 1:24:09 PM
I'm with you sister.

I'm actually aquiring an fwb relationship as this is now
My last resort to any kind of closeness to anyone.

I hate this defeatist attitude but I seriously am done.

I'm done.

Too bad you don't live close. A few of my friends are going
To dye my one friends hair bleach blonde tonight - we
Are going to eat, drink and smoke weed. You could have
Came over.

I know a few guys who feel this way too.

Advice to you- nahhhh. Your young honey. When you least
Expect it, there is magic.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 6
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 1:27:32 PM

I am interested in finding out whether or not I am the only one who feels this way if so, then I am more screwed up in the head than I thought.

I found myself in your position at age 35. I couldn't quite figure out why I was extremely "locked" away. Motes, dragons and armed guards at that gate to my heart. In time, I learned that I wasn't truly closed off ~ just needing to get ME in order. I took several years off from the idea of meeting/dating and after some time, those hardened/cold/locked-away-heart just didn't exist any more. It wasn't something I purposely dwelled on, nor did I even think about my lacking/lagging personal life until one day I thought, "I think I'd like to get back out there and see what's there." I wouldn't beat myself up to much if I were you. I'll bet in time this, for you shall pass and you'll find your relationships much richer than those you've had in the past. Could be you just need an emotional break. Not a thing wrong with that. In fact, I'd find it a little odd if you didn't go through that stage. Good luck to ya.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 7
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Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 1:30:22 PM
OP, a relationship will most likely come when you least expect it. You are not screwed up in the head, just lonely. I'm sure most of us all have been there once or twice in our lives.

There is the old saying, "You gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince." You're young and a very nice looking lady; love will find you in time...but maybe you might wanna go on a frog hunt every once in a while (just kidding!)

Take a break from searching and go out IRL with friends and when you are ready, contact some gents on POF when you resume your internet dating search. Don't wait for someone to contact you; you contact them. I have met quite a few friends (both ladies and men/married and single) IRL on here. We occaionally would go out and party together just to have fun. Two of my single friends who I met on POF when I lived in Tucson are now in a relationship together. So it does work, but it takes time.

Just a suggestion or two....Best of luck to you!
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 8
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Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 1:31:50 PM
Whatever you do, don't pick-up smoking more! Try to quit! It's that time of year for resolutions, anyway.

If you don't have close friends, do you have a Pastor? If not, please pray about your situation. Ask about your missing key!

Look up to the heavens, you'll feel better.

God bless you!
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 9
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 1:34:43 PM
Oh WOW! I thought it was just me!! I could write your story for myself plus more!

I've been divorced for a very very long time and I have finally conceded that I will be single/alone for the rest of my years. Did I plan it that way? NO! but thats the way it is..

I've had great relationships and very many not so great relationships ( the last one 3 years ago was the killer of my soul) I believe he stole my soul taking my emotions away with him.

I have friends but even with them, I tend to pull away as soon as they get too close to me....psycholgical problems I hear you say ..and I say "yea" !! I'm done, wish I wasn't but I am.

Sorry I cannot give you advice because I'm looking for answers myself..
this is all can do well :)
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 12
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Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 2:23:24 PM
You are far from alone OP, and you need to know that you are as normal as most of us that have climb those walls, only to fall time and again...........and then what I call the "click syndrome" happens.

When I was young and playing with my brothers and sisters, we use to torture each other in many ways. I was very sensitive to being tickled and they knew it and would gang up on me to tickle me until I would be crying and in pain. Then one day the "click syndrome" happened and while they were doing it to me, all of the sudden it did not tickle anymore, it hurt, or I felt nothing. They tried it once or twice more and when nothing happened, they left me alone. To this day I am not sensitive to being tickled at all.

The same thing happened when falling in love with others and being hurt. One day the "click syndrome" happened, and my heart seemed to close and not feel that "in love" thing again. It has been more than a decade or two since that happened, and even though I am kind, caring, and concerned, I do not fall in love with others. I love, do not get me wrong, but not the same way or thing as it use to be so long ago. I do know the difference, and tell all those that I have a relationship with, to not fall in love with me, and I have not ever said those words to any significant other of mine since that "click".

What I have done is work on me, my life and situations, and learned not to get mad or blame others for my lack of loving, but work even harder to enjoy those I am with, treat everyone with respect and kindness, and if they choose to stay with me, they understand how and why I am the way that I am, and they know not to ask for more. If they need more, I truly understand and let them know that I will miss them, and wish them the best in their quest for falling in love and having that returned.

Time to work on yourself OP, get some good counseling, time alone, love those around you like family and friends, and be all you can be, as you treat others the way you want to be treated, until you can find what you are missing, or at least be honest with yourself and those around you, with what you can or can not do for them and their needs.

Peace...........

cd..............
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 13
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 2:25:03 PM
I work in what I call (for lack of a better term for it) parahypnotic 'levels'. I ask questions, and record the answers I get. This is a question I asked in March, 2003, and the response I got, which I offer here for whatever use it may be to you:

"Q: Am I going in the direction I should be going in, or am I adrift?

A: You try to catch purpose, never to enjoy the lulls between the events of your life. It is like the pauses between the notes of a piece of music; it has as much meaning as the notes, as much significance, though usually only recognized in retrospect. Be patient. Your times of seeming purpose and achievement are in the works, but they must await their proper appointment in the lyric and music which are the song, the sonnet, the sonata of your life. You cannot rush them without corrupting the piece of music or the story being told in events rather than words.
Enjoy now, today, tomorrow and every event which punctuates the spaces in between, and you will eventually arrive at the end of this lifetime feeling you have accomplished the mission you set out to explore, experience, express. Rush it, and you will overshoot the mark with tragic (from your perspective) consequences."

We are hardwired to go after what we want, do things to change what we don't like. But when it comes to finding the right partner, there is very little we can do to hurry things along, other than attempt to be where we might encounter that person.

If you look back at significant changes in life, you'll probably realize (as I did) that had they occurred earlier, I would not have been ready for them. Like the old saying goes, "no wine before its time". Which doesn't make waiting any easier, but in retrospect, we'll probably understand why we couldn't have met him/her sooner.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 14
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Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 2:31:14 PM
Know exactly where you are coming from......

But I honestly believe.....when that the "right one" comes along, you will suddenly
find yourself wanting more....the blocks will come down and you will allow love to happen again.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 16
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Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 2:57:22 PM
PO no way! You're not the only one. I'd rather be by myself instead of in unhealthy relationships. You took the words out of my mouth.

I'm okay though. I really think it is part of a process we have to go through, for whatever reason. I have hope but I am learning not to depend on it.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 17
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 3:08:48 PM
You are definetly NOT the only one who feels like this. In fact, that is what I am going thru right this very moment.

I have been divorced now, for almost 9 years (my choice in leaving and no regrets. Im over it.) But it did take some time for me and its also taken its toll. I recently (finally) got my head outta my a.s.s and got out of an unhealthy connection to an ex bf/turned into FWB that went on for 3 eyars. We did alot of "family" type things with our kids who were the same age, so that broke me down and hurt tremendously. Lesson learned. On ALL counts. It was a rollercoaster of emotions and the big "F you;s" were thrown, only to go right back to ea other. Well, it finally clicked....but thru it all; the heartaches, the misleading, hurt, anger, there were lessons learned. Whats left now, are the reminants and realization that I am ok. I have adapted and have become content. Its just my little 2 person family. With working full time, full time parent, police volunteering, its left me with a very busy lifestyle and Ive grown accustomed to being alone.

We all have our moments where we can get down in the dumps, but trust me, dont give up. Even though the "effort" isnt there, Im happy. And I know you will be too, whether there is or isnt anyone.

Its the contentment stage I find myself in. It doesnt mean its good or bad. It just means that we have not placed dating as a priority or something that HAS to be fullfilled to make us happy or whole.

During the contentment stage, our hearts can often become cold, a tad hardened. Its a defense mechnisim (for me at least).

Ya ever see the new movie, "Crazy Stupid Love"? I am the redheaded daughter. The quick witted one who has witty cold comebacks that dont let that hot guy at the bar pick me up because I am questioning his cheesey line motives. Until one day, you take a chance, and wind up letting down those walls.

Take it easy on yourself. I know you are satisfied and come to grips with things, but always stay positive
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 18
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 3:44:13 PM
Maxie,
I loved your story! Its very beautiful and an inspiration for us all. I am sorry of his passing.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 20
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 4:33:15 PM
I'm not giving up on love despite the situation that I'm in. At times I feel like having that I give up kinda attitude. I don't just look on here, but I also look on other sites or just go out with friends and maybe meet someone new. Keep your head up OP
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 21
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 4:40:00 PM
Snow:
THERE'S A LID FOR EVERY POT...
Hahaha! That one makes me laugh every time. People always say it so sing-songy too. I'm like the dented camping pot whose lid got swallowed up somewhere years ago, kinda like the mysterious missing socks.. lol.

Christy:
Maybe it's more of a can't give my heart to anyone anymore feeling that I have so I lock everything up emotionally and don't allow myself to give it to anyone. I'm sort of "stone cold" when it comes to dating.
I remember having that cold and dead feeling before too.. somebody bring out the AED! lol.. I wondered if I would ever feel anything again? And then love just sort of smacked me when I wasn't expecting it.

As others have said, I think it's a normal phase.. and a healthy and necessary one too. I don't understand those who just jump from one shallow relationship to another? You're only accumulating more and more baggage as you travel, never stopping to lighten the load.. I just can't operate like that.

I'm not open to dating at all right now, I know I need to get right with me first. Dating takes a lot of energy, and I need mine for other things right now. I don't believe in putting myself on the market under false pretences. It amazes me how many do just that.

Anyway, learn to love this place! It can actually be rewarding and kinda fun. If I may suggest a book.. 'In the Meantime' by Iyanla Vanzant is amazing for such questions :)
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 22
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 5:54:40 PM

I'm not open to dating at all right now, I know I need to get right with me first. Dating takes a lot of energy, and I need mine for other things right now. I don't believe in putting myself on the market under false pretences. It amazes me how many do just that.


Shatki- my beautiful!

You reached into my soul and said what I
couldn't.

I just want to be with me. I feel beat up. Torn
down. Worn out.

I need to get right with myself.

My lid is bent. He just doesn't fit my pot
right now.

Nice thread. Nice to know I'm not alone.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:14:17 PM
Yep, I agree with this too:

I'm not open to dating at all right now, I know I need to get right with me first. Dating takes a lot of energy, and I need mine for other things right now. I don't believe in putting myself on the market under false pretences. It amazes me how many do just that.

I've been on a self improvement thing for close to 4 years now, and a lot has happened to me that's been out of my control. I was always a loner, and very content with being single but I am in an extreme state of that right now. I am getting closer to achieving what I set out to do, but until I feel I've put some things behind me I am in no place to try and start a relationship with anyone.

Funny, I'll see a guy somewhere and start talking to him and become interested in learning about him. We'll talk a few times, maybe go out once and then I get sidetracked by a bunch of stuff and I can't consistently communicate with him. When I think about trying to stop and make sure I reconnect, the thought of it actually going anywhere seems like too much work, so I put it off until of course it's been to long to bother.

I am amazed to see so many who feel the way I do. I thought I was the only one who had this way of thinking. Maybe I am not as "weird" as I thought I was.

I think you're doing it right, it's just that so many don't that you're questioning it. This society has us thinking that we have to be trying to find someone every day no matter what. Pffft.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 25
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/2/2011 9:22:27 PM
Maybe you just need time alone. The feeling that you "want" to connect could be related to some subconscious expectation that you *should* connect--when, in fact, you really just want to be on your own for now. Do you hold any beliefs that being alone is somehow "less" than being part of a couple? If so, this belief might be tugging at you in the way you describe. If that is part of it, you can really work on the way you see yourself as a single person.

If I'm totally off track, feel free to ignore me!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 26
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Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 1:40:22 AM

I think you're doing it right, it's just that so many don't that you're questioning it. This society has us thinking that we have to be trying to find someone every day no matter what. Pffft.
Exactly.


My lid is bent.
I’d make an exception for the right bent lid if I came across it.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 27
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 8:37:30 AM
with regard to smoking, it may be a big part of your problem, you feel more depressed from the effects of the nicotine. I would focus on kicking the drug habit right now

Absolutely! The KEY is to do everything possible to maximize your health.. Regular exercise, breathing clean air, eating healthy foods and drinking plenty of water..

These ARE things that you can control.. And physically doing things helps bring your body/mind out of that Holiday Blues doldrums slump where you may sit around in torpor drinking, waiting for someone ELSE to bring you some "key" to your own happiness..

The KEY is between your ears, and being an adult, it is YOUR responsibility to grab it and vigorously participate in your own renaissance..
Amazing how self-improvement can begin attracting others into your life, those who can encourage your own progress and share in your goals and enjoyment.. "Two equals half the sorrow and twice the fun".

IF you are S.A.D. clinically because of low light levels, then buy one of those super bright light panels and sit in front of it every morning reading for a week, until you come out of that SAD and get back involved in your improving life again!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 28
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 9:20:42 AM
As others have said, know you are not alone. We've all lost that "key" of which you speak of. It comes and goes with me personally. I know my options are very limited because of the type of person I am,so one of my first reactions to a person whom takes a liking to me is that I raise my eyebrow and question THEIR sanity!!!!
I wish for someone,but not just anyone. It will take one of those that is a little off the wall, and not a follower,which there seems to be less and less of everyday. I accept it, along with being single. But I also believe that someone has that key,I just don't know which part of this world that she lives in. I doubt she will drop in my lap, therefore I always have to keep my eyes open,and the door a little ajar,,,,,just in case.
 Akizzej
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 30
Anyone seen a key laying around?
Posted: 12/3/2011 6:51:22 PM
Guess I'll put myself in the 'melting pot' too...
I've been out of my marriage 11 years now, had a few short term 'involvements' over the years but never really meeting anyone who 'gets it'.

then I saw one day, a comment "would you want to be involved with 'you'"?? and I had to step back and see if I was what I myself would want. I wasn't really that nice then.

From that, I have been spending time looking at and working on myself, having insightful moments, have recently begun to treat myself with 'kindsight'... and instead of beating myself with "what were you thinking" thoughts, I'm now reflecting with "what were you learning?" kindness gestures.

My 'key' is out there somewhere, I don't have much personal 'me' time for dating but I do try to at least get out and enjoy one coffee date a week, with a member of the opposite gender and as my life's chaos begins to reduce, I might actually be in a frame of mind to be something that 'I' might want... and then be something someone else would want.
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