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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture      Home login  
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 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 4
when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picturePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I live in a very small town, an island in fact. Many years ago when I asked my then husband to leave I was indeed the bad guy. Only those who really knew me (and the # was small) chose to remain my friend. I had done a very good job of keeping my private life private.

As the next couple of years went by people began to realize what my reasons for the divorce were. A lot came around wanting to renew friendships. They were really just acquaintances in my opinion. There is only one person who I really welcomed back and became closer to. All the rest could go their own way, I really didn't care to be friends with them. They had no problem believing the most vile lies about me when I and my children needed them the most. Good riddance.

**off topic**
SNOWKITN - please stop screaming.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 7
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when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/4/2011 9:39:09 AM
OP, from what you wrote, I would not respond to them and keep them out of your inner circle. There is no reason to believe they will turn on you again.
I would agree to casual friendship, but not close one......

Trust has to be build again and that takes time. Could be a long time. I have had friends turn on me in the past.
I am not one to forgive and forget and let them do it all over again.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 10
when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/4/2011 10:57:42 AM
I would be suspicious of their reasons for wanting back in...They left you high and dry at a time when you needed friends.

I don't understand the need for people to take sides in a divorce. It has nothing to do with anyone but the two people getting divorced.

They made their bed, let them lie in it. No one needs 'friends' like these. Screw 'em.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 11
when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/4/2011 11:20:18 AM
i think people like that are just aquaintances from the past....nosy about whats been going on with you....not gonna change anything...lol. up to you if you want to share anything or not....i wouldn't.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 12
when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/4/2011 11:35:45 AM
What would you do?


Understand that divorce creates turmoil and confusion in "everyone" involved.

Then I would very thankfully let em back in the fold.



Congrats


If they were your friends, why would they do that?


Lies and rumours usually work wonders that way.

Eventually the truth comes clear though,
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/4/2011 12:21:20 PM
I'd tell them to stick it, unless you were also in the wrong, etc. I don't lose friends, only people who can be lost are those who don't think much of me, so why would I call them friends?
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 18
when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/4/2011 3:04:38 PM

I can't help but think if it wasn't happening again to someone they know, they wouldn't be lookin me up.


I think you may be on to something there.........they probably feel guilty for baling on you when you needed them most...........like a few have said, if they were true friends they wouldn't have baled on you to begin with.......sounds like you'd be better off not getting involved with them again.......
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 19
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when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/4/2011 3:17:42 PM
treat each one on a case by case basis. i am told many are fearful that they will be divorced. some think you might "steal" their spouse. some feel they have to choose. some are takers and not givers, so they have an ulterior motive.

i'd ask each one upfront why they dumped you. not aggressive, but with emphasis on how alone you felt. then take a while to decide.

in many different scenarios we loose friends. sometimes for many years. but, i have experienced several instances where we found each other again, have talked in depth and share a deep history. more even than family and relatives. i believe some of these people will now be with me til i die.

do it one at a time. not in a group. see if each person has the time to speak to you over dinner or whatever. i am talking real friends, not just party buddies mind you. those are a dime a dozen.

also you were given this opportunity to also make new friends. see it as a cup that was half empty. no need to empty it totally. just sip and decide over time. you will probably end up in a mix.

also many singles, once they find a mate, will dump you. that p's me off even more.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 20
when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/4/2011 3:21:10 PM

And all in all, I just feel like telling them all to stick it.

where was that support when I needed it?
Sounds as if you're not very interested in being friends with them again. So don't.
They're fickle friends.
Dumped you as a friend and now they seem to be interested in dumping her and/or her new guy.
Who wants fickle friends? Go off and make something better of yourself.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 23
when the friends you lost in a divorce want back in the picture
Posted: 12/5/2011 12:29:04 AM

What would you do?

I'd just ignore them. It's not worth the effort to tell them off.
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