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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the e      Home login  
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 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 2
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Adele has a moving voice..
Raw emotion filled lilting and beautiful.



I don't think it means they identified with her words necessarily..but her emotion IN her words.

She could have sung Grandma got run over by a reindeer and someone may have cried.

Like the violin..Its not saying anything to me but the sound can bring tears to my eyes.
Like opera..I don't understand Italian but ..well I will cry if it has raw emotion in the SOUND of it.

No I am NOT a cry baby..
 twotru
Joined: 1/22/2010
Msg: 3
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A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 12:09:13 PM
I detest that trivial awful needy whiny creepy song!!!!!!! UGH! I was painting my ceiling the other day stuck way up on the ladder and had to listen to the whole nattering drivel.

So no tears here. OI. But, I get all misty eyed when I hear O Come Emanuel, Mille Lune Mille Onde and that ridiculous song "Without You" on the pop stations. I also get teary eyed when I see 80-something year old vets saluting *shrug*

Tell them wimmins to shut their pie holes and pass the kleenex lol
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 4
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A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 12:11:18 PM
An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men and women responded differently and here was what came back:

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”


Men and women are different and far as I can tell they are supposed to be, as God made them different.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 5
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 12:12:00 PM
Listen closely to the words of a LOT of songs and you wonder how anyone can like/listen to the song. But in reality, both men and women can be very emotional--in women, it shows up as tears more often thatn with men. Men often channel their emotional responses in other ways (anger comes to mind as one that is a favorite for a lot of men--not all, of course, b/c anger is more "acceptable" for men).

Anyway, while some people may "agree" that showing up at the doorstep is ok, most are simply relating to the feeling of being hurt. So my perspective is that you are reading too much into the women's reaction :)

And, just for the record, showing up on a doorstep may be creepy, but it is still a far cry from being a bunny boiler! I think a lot of people take that one step toward "crazy" (esp. when they are young) and then either they say to themself, or a friend says, WTF are you doing?

And the people who don't recognize that is a step toward crazy end up in high-drama relationships b/c they think jealousy and long-term "pining" are signs of love rather than evidence of self-indulgence and OCD.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 12:15:02 PM
I wouldn't think it was so much gender motivated as probably most of these songs are written by men and often sung by men too, but more that people don't really pay attention to the words. I know many songs have gotten to me until I learned the words/meaning of the song. Most songs are cries of the co-dependent or wails of desperation because the person moaning/whining is an idiot.

I use to love the old Lou Christy song, Lightening is Striking Again until I realized he begging some girl to wait for him, and stay pure herself, while he gets it on with 'lesser' women so he can get sex. It's really not so much the words that get to you but the sound, the way the music moves you, most people don't pay much attention to what is really being said.

Now about your family LOL are the women usually that rude to someone with a different opinion than theirs? Because whether I agreed with your son or not, I certainly would have listened to his thoughts (unless he was also rude about it) and taken into consideration that he just might be right. I would never have jumped to feeble claims of him being a typical man.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 9
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 12:50:45 PM
^^I always thought "Big Girls Don't Cry" was about a long distance relationship (or at least that's why Fergie wrote it).

I've never really paid much attention to the lyrics of Adele's song, but I do appreciate her as an artist. I don't get anyone crying over a song unless it's attached to a memory maybe. There are songs that remind me of someone who's passed on or something huge like the 911 incident where I get a little welled up over, but that's not really the same thing.

If a song (or something similar) does make a person cry for Pete's sake they need to go off and cry in private. If you can't stop the crying you can at least take it somewhere else and get it together.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 12
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 12:59:48 PM
Thats funny! I always thought 'Big Girls Don't Cry' was all about ending a relationship that she knew was going nowhere. One that stunted her emotionally and she needed to grow beyond it, even though she loved him and it would be 'easy' to just stay in the status quo.

I agree that Adele's voice can conjure emotion.. but the lyrics are lame.

Some people are more prone to being caught up in the sound of a song and sort of forget or don't necessarily care about the words.. while others, like me.. focus more on the lyrics.

It's not that I don't enjoy the melody of a song, but if I cannot agree with the lyrics? I just can't/won't like it.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 13
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 1:04:30 PM
I think that's one of the things I like about music, because it's so personal and can mean different things to different people.

The only songs that made me really cry were "Through the Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics because it played on the radio the night my great grandpa died when we were driving home from the hospital and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" because they played it at my grandma's funeral. I remember wanting to break down and cry when I heard it playing in the grocery store a week or so later, because it brought those feelings back.
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 14
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 1:09:53 PM
Twotru, I completely agree with you!! Adele has a great voice, but her song lyrics are pathetic. Apparently a devastating break up in her real life caused her to write all these lame songs, but she seriously sounds obsessed and unable to move on. Getting over someone you love deeply is very hard and takes time, but you have to it for your own mental health. Otherwise you can look and feel very desperate:/
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 15
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A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 1:10:52 PM
So women and men see things differently; is this really a surprise to anyone? Man, have we got lousy schools.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 16
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 2:13:24 PM
TDH, the lyrics, melody line and/or rendition (singer) of a song can stir feelings from experiences (related or otherwise) or trigger resonance or empathic responses. I would think this happens more often in women than men because men have been trained to suppress tears.

That said, three against one is bullying -- be it physically or with words. The victim cannot even verbally defend his position against three voices in attack mode.

Re the jist of what was being said to your son, the women obviously were not taking into account how men usually handle women's tears. He couldn't see a reason for the emotional display, so comforting them didn't fit the bill. He couldn't leave and let them get back in control of themselves because he was stuck in the car with them. So he fell back on 'problem solving' (in this case, pointing out what they were crying over didn't make sense).

What I don't understand is how three grown women could expect a young man to NOT go into 'problem solving' mode when he was trapped in a car with suddenly teary-eyed women. If I'd been one of them, I would have apologized for embarrassing him (something I've done with my late husband when something triggered -- ahem -- leaky eyes).
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 17
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 2:23:10 PM

When the son(g) was over my son not having my experience when it comes to women turned around and said to his sister " I can't believe such a stupid song could make anybody cry"


Maybe the women were reacting to the nasty remark, which I think would be a natural response for either gender.


For instance, I love Nine Inch Nails and find most of their lyrics to be fascinating and rather thought provoking.


I found the lyrics to “Closer to God” rather thought provoking, myself.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 21
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A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 3:15:42 PM
it takes a big man to cry.
but it takes an even bigger man, to laugh at that man.

-jack handy
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 22
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 3:26:39 PM
Dude, you were driving the car. WTF was something like that even doing on the stereo? The man card police will be paying you a visit later in the week...

(I'm kidding, of course...)
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 24
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 3:58:22 PM
Well..I sing this song in Karaoke.. and i always want to cry.

it might seem like a stalker song.. but.. thoughts are different than actions..

and this song, Keep you by sugarland, and Skyscraper by Demi lovato all make me cry.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 25
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A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 4:24:26 PM
"Come on who cried when Old Yeller died?, raise your hands"--Bill Murray in STRIPES

People get choked up at all kinds of stuff, but that Adele song has been over played to the point where I turn it off. Yes I agree the lyrics are down right creepy.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 26
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 4:26:56 PM

Keep you by sugarland

How about "Stay" by Sugarland? ugh...the song & the video are so intense!

But...of course the Adele song sounds bunny boilerish! Nobody wants to hear a song that says...well, now you're married & I'm bummed, but I'll get over it I guess. It's like video taping my daughter & me hanging around our house. Exaggeration is much more entertaining than reality. (even though my daughter & I are fascinating...haha)
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 27
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 4:39:12 PM
They played it a lot on the radio when it first came out.

My daughter has an amazing voice, and sang it a few times when it was on.

When my son was in the car, and it came on, he would crank it up
and would sit there in silence.

I could see he was reflecting.

I asked him if it made him think about a girlfriend that he let go,
and then realized he made a mistake and wanted her back ...
his heart was broken over it.

I can see why that song affected him.
It was not that he listened to it word for word,
It was the context that she may have moved on,
But he still loved her
and wanted to find someone just like her.

So you cannot take a song literally
You pick out portions that means something to you.

I find it to be a lovely song
Her voice is amazing
The video could have had more to it
But I cannot identify with it.
And maybe that is a good thing.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 29
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 4:45:24 PM
Not being familiar with the song referenced by the OP, I just watched the video. Didn't affect me at all, like, dislike or emotionally (although I do like her voice).

I think all of us, at some point, have called a lost love, or driven by their house, or gone temporarily goofy over them, until we slapped ourselves upside the head and moved on.

Maybe if your son had refrained from calling the females' response "stupid", he could have avoided the argument. It would have been more constructive (and instructive) fror him to ask them why they had a tearful reaction to the song - ya think?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 31
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 5:16:47 PM
For Adele, writing stuff and singing it is probably the best therapy for that old relationship - and it's made her millions (though she lost stupid money on tour dates with throat surgery). If she still needs more therapy once this all dies down, at least she's not wondering how to pay for it.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 32
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/4/2011 5:27:29 PM
I agree with ^^^ woman.. writing music IS therapy.

and just because she has THOUGHT to boil his bunny.. doesnt mean she did.. she just wrote about her innermost thoughts.

and as for the notebook.. i HATED that movie.. but once again.. just because a woman or man cheated in a movie and we cried about their trials and tribulations.. does not make us morally inferior.

i have not contacted nor acknowledged my last ex.. but had i wrote a song about him.. it would be full of Alanis morrisette type lyrics.. lol
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 35
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/5/2011 8:19:04 AM
Good point scurvy_little_spider

Lyrics are just lyrics.
Beat and vocal emotion seem to really sell the song.
 4everRadiant
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 38
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/5/2011 10:33:46 AM
I agree with what others have said, that, so often, it’s the music and sound that moves people’s emotions, even if they don’t know the lyrics. And then again, while they may only be able to make out some of what’s being said, the words they do hear touch them.

I listened to the song, understood the majority of the lyrics and then went to read them to ensure I heard what I heard. I personally found the song to be hauntingly beautiful, and this is why...

The song is apparently based in reality. Adele was in relationship with the love of her life yet the relationship didn’t work out for whatever reasons. While it didn’t work out she was, in essence, forever changed by him, by the love she experienced with him in that relationship. Adele describes what the song is essentially about here…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAc83CF8Ejk&ob=av2e

In that interview she explains how she longs for the same *type* of love (i.e. a deep love) in her next relationship; she hopes this will come to pass but isn’t sure it will. She further explains how she was feeling when she wrote the song and what that relationship meant to her.

Btw, he didn’t “just get back from his honeymoon...”
Adele goes on to say “I can *imagine* being forty and looking for him again and turning up to find he has a beautiful wife and some beautiful children and he’s completely happy and I’m still on my own….”

I have no sense whatsoever that this is a “bunny boiler” song. To the contrary, it seems to be about her *grief* over the loss of what she fears she might never find again... “someone like you.” She’s basically mourning.

In the song she is expresses multiple losses, and although she says “it’s not over for me” (she still loves him and is grieving. It’s not that she plans on “stalking him”) she also seems to sincerely mean “I wish nothing but the best for you, too.”

I don’t think it’s unusual to have the desire to want to be remembered by the one you loved, even if one or both of you have moved on. We all have past relationships and, IMO, we often hold a special place in our heart for different people. Just because we move on doesn’t mean we necessarily forget those people or the life and love experiences we had with them.

While people may have different interpretations of (and/or to) the song, whether they be male or female, I’d guess part of the reason the females in the car became so upset was not because your son had a different response to the song per se, but rather *how* he expressed that difference… “I can't believe such a stupid song could make anybody cry.”

In declaring the song as “stupid” the potential implication of that might be “your tears are stupid or it’s stupid that you’re crying.” If he’d said something to the effect of “I don’t understand why you’re crying… what about this song makes you cry?” he probably would have gotten a very different response. Yes, the way people interpret things and express themselves is different.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 39
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/5/2011 11:13:40 AM
No where in the song lyrics does it imply stalking, it says "I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited". Doesnt say on thier wedding day, doesnt say on thier honeymoon...in fact she states "I heard that you settled down"...meaning after the wedding is over, she found out and had to say "For me it isnt over, Ill find someone like you one day"

Anyone who cant understand the longing any human being feels when thier love is unrequited...Id be a little concerned...either they havent lived to feel a broken heart, or they have no ability to empathise.

There are a few songs that can bring tears to my eyes, However, I believe there is a time and place. In a car with my brother and parents? Nah...but alone? Sure it can happen.

For me the piano can bring my emotions right to the surface...so much so, that I wont have it play in my car. Thats the last place I need to feel distracted by emotion.
 Blueyes4youbabe
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 40
A different perspective on how man/woman think while looking at the exact same issue.
Posted: 12/5/2011 11:35:54 AM
Someone please enlighten me. What is a bunny boiler? New lingo challenged here. Thx
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