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 spacecakes112
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 1
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I go on a typical dinner date with a guy. Everything went awesome in my mind. Conversation was poppity pop. He was a gentleman. No red flags. Was home by midnight and no kiss or anything but I had a good time.

The next day he sends a text message

"I think you are awesome, fun, smart, attractive and had a good time. FYI I am talking to other women as well and don't want to lead you on."

My girlfriends think this guy is a jerk and to not see him again because I shouldn't have to compete with all his others.

My guy friends say he is being honest and it was just a first date. Not a jerk. See him again.

I am looking for a relationship ultimately and this text did sting a little.

Is he a jerk or not?
 walkingtall38
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 2
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:20:32 PM
Well, I'm not sure why he would text something like that. Outside of the lame idea of texting I think he's simply being honest.

Don't any of you discuss what you're looking for and expect in a relationship before meeting each other?

Not a jerk but a bit of a putz for texting it. I think that is something that should be discussed in person or over the phone at least.
 jmy2x
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 3
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:26:32 PM
Probably not a jerk, just clueless. Here's a plausible (and charitable) explanation for what happened: He asked a female friend at some point if she would like to know if a guy she had been out with was also dating other girls. She said that she would want to know, and that he should be upfront about it if he is dating other girls. He took that advice to heart and decided to send you a clumsy text announcing that he was keeping his options open.

If you like him and don't mind a little competition, I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 4
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:28:17 PM
My girlfriends think this guy is a jerk and to not see him again because I shouldn't have to compete with all his others.
Get more intelligent friends. Maybe a friend that understand that ONE date does not make an exclusive relationship. You have the option of dating other men, why in the world should it be different with him?.


If being honest and unfront makes a person a jerk then I guess he is. But the only thing I see him doing wrong was stating the obvious.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 5
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:29:35 PM

My guy friends say he is being honest and it was just a first date. Not a jerk. See him again.
I am looking for a relationship ultimately and this text did sting a little.
Is he a jerk or not?

Normal guy, overtly trying to compensate for your genetic celebrity power..

He initiated everything, he bought dinner, he entertained you well, and you apparently responded..
Since he may have lacked as much of that "genetic celebrity" power that you obviously have, he may have felt some imbalance there, so he gave you a bit of a neg by being soo honest with you that he "don't want to lead you on"..

Read "Why Men Are The Way They Are" for more about genetic celebrity power and why SOME men try to compensate for it by Buying Dinner power and status power, why he may try to elevate his and lower yours a bit to feel more in balance...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 6
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:34:22 PM
You are assuming you have a choice in seeing him again. The fact that he didn't kiss you and then sent that message would indicate to me that if he's interested in seeing you, his level of interest is more like, ``meh.'' I don't think he was a jerk at all. I think he was less interested in seeing you again than your friends seem to think.
 Drew608
Joined: 10/18/2011
Msg: 7
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:36:22 PM
I would say, not a jerk, considering he was being honest enough to tell you he's talking to other women. If you met him on here then it might be that he has been e-mailing other women that he is interested in. We all go on a first date not knowing what to expect. If he is looking for a committed relationship he might go on many first dates before he figures out which one best suits him. I think you shouldn't take it too seriously in the first few dates. If your interested in him you should let him know that fact and tell him he has a limited amount of time to make up his mind. After all it would hurt you to go on another date or too. If he's wanting to play the field for awhile then let him go. If he is honest enough to tell you he's talking to other women the he should be honest enough to tell you weather or not he's willing to forget about the others and date you exclusively. I've been on a few dates with women on here and have maintained, through e-mail, conversations with other women. However, I have not gone on dates with anyone nor have I ask for a date if I've already been out with a girl twice. Most of the time I don't even log onto my account after a second date. If the first date doesn't go well and the second date is a disaster then I usually break it off right then and there. No need to start something that is most likely going to end badly. I've also dated a girl on here that lasted a few months but we broke it off because of a distance issue, but we are still friends and I enjoy hanging out with her. I view this web site as a way of meeting new people, women mostly of course, and I usually don't put too much stock in the first meeting. It is what it is. Hope this helps you out! Good luck!

Andrew
 Mikemiller2011
Joined: 10/31/2011
Msg: 8
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:37:03 PM
Sounds more like he is blowing you off and is not interested if he texted that.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:38:33 PM
It's easy to tell you are a newbie here. The issue of exclusivity has been discussed to death. You are not in a relationship with him. You are not boyfriend/girlfriend. You have just as much right to date other guys as he has the right to date other women.

Maybe he got the impression you friend-zoned him, since there was no kiss at the end of the night. Or maybe he's not that into you. Who knows. Anyway, he said he is talking to other women-not banging them (yet). The only way to find out what he thinks about you is to communicate with him. Oh. and don't listen to your girlfriends. They sound like idiots, or they're jealous. You said you had an awesome time and you liked him , and they're immediately telling you to dump him because he was being honest and up-front with you. I guess your girlfriends think that if you date a guy once, you should be planning a wedding soon.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 10
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:42:29 PM
The fact that he's seeing other women does not preclude the possibility of there being a relationship at some point. You just met him, neither of you should be thinking about exclusivity at this point.

The quickest way to drive a woman away is to act overly interested in her after a first date.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 11
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 5:42:44 PM
if u r looking for a serious relationship...DUMP HIM!!!

you are what he says, then you should be w/ a guy who values you too much to be playing around

all that talk about not exclusive is just window dressing for he is looking for the Holy Grail of Women (doesn't exist) or he is a player. get the book "The List" PLEASE!

i reaad your profile...u r very bright & looking 4 long term...do NOT waste your time on a JERK & get the book I told you to get!!!!

 Smilingeyes10
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 12
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:03:38 PM
As TDH said, one date does not make a relationship. If he states on his profile he is looking for dates nothing serious, then you should have realized that prior to your date. If however he states he is looking for a Long term relationship, then I would say he is not that into you.

Which ever it is, I would say, carry on dating, don't dwell on this. Move forward an meet others.
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 13
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:07:24 PM
I couldnt get passed
Conversation was poppity pop.
!

No really he is "dating" that is what ya do untill you find the one you are looking for. Consider a first date kinda like a job interview... he has not found the right canidate yet.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 14
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:14:16 PM
Is he a jerk or not?


Yes; your girlfriend is dumb.

Next question?


 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:18:01 PM
He was being honest with you, tacky but honest.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 16
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:19:08 PM
I asked this very question a few months back but it was a friend of mine..went on a 2nd date and this was "told" to her.
When she initially told me...I said..Kuddos to him for being upfront with you and yes....There's no exclusivity for either of you.
But I realized...She was had been quite interested in him and this bit of tidbit...took the wind out of her sails.

Bottom line is...It probably was just a polite "blow" off ! It was in this case....she never heard from him again!
Sorry...keep fishing and if he comes back(some do) for a 2nd round....go out with him...or not..go with your gut!
You can get a sense if they consider themselves a player or if they have the good intuitiveness to see your a great catch.
Good Luck!
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 17
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:20:33 PM
A guy cant win for losing? good Lord.... The guy is upfront and honest and your wingnut friends tell you to dump him ? by the way I would get new friends if I were you , they don't sound like the quickest bunnies in the forest.

You went on one date with the guy ONE DATE, as other said that doesn't make a relationship, and I don't think he is a jerk, A jerk would of led you on and said d!ck diddly squat .

Look...... the bottom line is , he probably didn't feel it with you and this was his way of letting you down easy, take it for what its worth, and meet other guys
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 18
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History
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:25:23 PM

you are what he says, then you should be w/ a guy who values you too much to be playing around


I agree with blondedevil on this one. He doesn't sound too serious, as he is seeing other women.


do NOT waste your time on a JERK & get the book I told you to get!!!!


I have no idea why he's a jerk and why you'd need a book to see if he is one.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 19
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:36:21 PM
Op,a jerk would've tried to get in your pants on your first date with him.

He was being honest with you so hopefully,if he liked you enough,you'll hear from him again.
Meanwhile,you should date others,too and not put all your eggs in the one basket
 Jersey125
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 20
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:40:29 PM

My girlfriends think this guy is a jerk and to not see him again because I shouldn't have to compete with all his others.



This is like getting financial advice from broke people. Compete with his others? Let's be honest. After the date you probably logged on to POF and had 25 new messageges from 25 new suitors ready to take his place if things didnt work just based on your pic alone. Now him on the other hand, he proablably had to send out 5 - 10 messages just to get one option to consider.


He doesn't sound too serious, as he is seeing other women.


It was just one date. All he got was some poppity pop conversation from her..not even a kiss. How serious is he suppose to be about her? I dont even thing poppity pop equates to the usher showing you to your seat if we're using the bases analogy.
 spacecakes112
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 21
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 6:53:46 PM
Ok...update.

I responded to his text as

" It was just one date and I had a good time too. No worries."

He texted back

"Whew, glad you are not upset. I just need to be honest and a lot of girls get pissed at me for seeing other people. Those girls obviously aren't for me. You passed the maturity test!"

Ok, this is one of those things where time will tell. I don't feel good about being tested..even if I pass but in the grand scheme of things dating is all about passing tests isn't it?
 Jersey125
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 22
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:01:23 PM

if u r looking for a serious relationship...DUMP HIM!!!


1. Even if a guy was looking for a serious relationship, he's not going to start canceling future dates, deleting numbers from other dates, canceling the POF and changing his Facebook status after ONE date...especially if he doesnt even know you'll even return his phone call for a second date.


you are what he says, then you should be w/ a guy who values you too much to be playing around

all that talk about not exclusive is just window dressing for he is looking for the Holy Grail of Women (doesn't exist) or he is a player. get the book "The List" PLEASE!

i reaad your profile...u r very bright & looking 4 long term...do NOT waste your time on a JERK & get the book I told you to get!!!!


Up until your mid twenties reading a book on dating and consulting your BFFs is fine. After your mid twenties stop with the books and learn from real relationships. If a man calls you at 5:35 instead of 5:30 like he said he would, are you going to consult a book? And if your going to ask another woman about dating advice... make sure she is in a successful happy relationship/marriage.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 23
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:02:39 PM

a lot of girls get pissed at me for seeing other people. Those girls obviously aren't for me. You passed the maturity test!"

More overt bits of neg there: "a lot of girls", "You passed the maturity test" tilts the power level towards him, HE is "testing" you, and he knows "a lot of girls that get pissed"..

You can play along with his game, go out again and see what other bits he tries to get in to feel more powerful than your "genetic celebrity" power had him initially at..
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:06:24 PM

He texted back

"Whew, glad you are not upset. I just need to be honest and a lot of girls get pissed at me for seeing other people. Those girls obviously aren't for me. You passed the maturity test!"


Okay, THAT is being a jerk!
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 25
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:07:09 PM
Now you do the same.

Date and have fun.
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