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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than lov      Home login  
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 Tiina
Joined: 6/23/2005
Msg: 1
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Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Is it worth looking for companionship rather than love in marriage? Could marriage based on companionship be satisfying and fulfilling on a deep level or would you feel as if you were being short changed emotionally if you went ahead with it? The reason I am wondering is that I find it easy to make friends but virtually impossible to find love . Does anyone know of a couple who has married for companionship and who are happy with it?
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 2
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:09:44 AM
I was married for 17 years to a man I was not in love with. We peacefully coexisted but there was no passion. It eventually wore thin and when our kids were old enough, we divorced. No, I have no desire to live that way again.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:27:21 AM
My feelings about it are this: Love and marriage are 2 very different things.

I know some women who wanted to be married to attain a certain lifestyle. They seem very happy with that. They did not marry average joe's... but married for lifestyle and an easy life. Works for some, and works well...

if you seek great love and romance I suggest to stay single and date. When the romance wains, you can just find someone new. This would not work for me because I do not seek romantic love.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 4
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:33:01 AM
You know this is something I have thought about and discussed with friends recently..!
I have always thought and believed in the "initial" chemistry between two people.
Has to start with passion for me...I know, I am getting up there in the years and people are saying...I am expecting too much or maybe just pick a nice guy and go from there.

Hhmm...Just can't! Not for me!
I also have come to the realization that at my age...I am content not to have a full time "man" in my life....so I don't want to settle for just companionship!
I do see people that stay together because they feel stuck and are afraid to do it alone.....kinda sad but if it works for them....who am I to judge.
Oh yeah..Forgot they stay "together" for the almighty dollar too..ugh
Could never marry just for money!!

I refuse to be with someone I don't "love"and I want to be happy....I have been contemplating getting a lap dog lately though...lol.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 5
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:35:33 AM
i think many people do this and are very happy
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 6
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Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:36:39 AM
There is love and being in love.. they are different things !

I choose love over being in love, much more reliable. :)

If the man is head over heels for me, all the better !!!

you can goggle this topic :love or in love
if you don;t know what I'm talking about
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 7
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:37:28 AM

Does anyone know of a couple who has married for companionship and who are happy with it?

Yes, most obviously and candidly in my parents' generation. Of those, several I've seen have been kind and respectful of each other over time and thereby developed a deeper or richer loving relationship.
 mustardmoon
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 8
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:37:47 AM
Armstrong, you are a very attractive woman. I don't know why you would think you had no hope for romance in your life. I don't think I will ever give up hope of a "happily ever after". BTW, I have two chihuahuas that I love dearly!! I highly recommend getting a lap dog!! Awesome companionship:)
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 9
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:53:13 AM
There is love and being in love.. they are different things !


Could you please explain this to me...I have heard this before....


If the man is head over heels for me, all the better !!!

Just couldn't let this go..I tried this..I liked the guy...known him for years(since teenagers)my family knew him..liked him.
He had everything we look for..own home,own money, treated me like a queen...kept buying me things (which I would pay him back)...because I knew I didn't feel the same way about him.
Had to end it.

@mustardmoon...I am not giving up on romance..I have been in hibernation since my last break up....Just recuperating and making sure I don't do the rebound thing..
Thanks for the compliment and it's right back atcha girl...don't settle for less than what you think you deserve!
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 10
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:55:32 AM

if you seek great love and romance I suggest to stay single and date. When the romance wains, you can just find someone new. This would not work for me because I do not seek romantic love.

Can I pick your brain and ask you how you define romance ?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
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Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 12:17:34 PM
I love romance, companionship I can get from a cat or a dog.
 carptopus
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 12
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 12:29:08 PM

Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?

I have never met anyone that thought those were the only two options.


Is it worth looking for companionship rather than love in marriage?

This isn't all that clear.
This tends to imply you are already married.
So do you mean if you are married, and you aren't "fulfilled" or "happy" instead of running away to the divorce lawyer should you just look to the relationship for companionship and be content with that rather than look to see if there is love, could be love, or to rekindle love?

Or do you mean "I am on a dating site and not dating anyone. I want a relationship. I want to get married. Should I look for companionship and not worry about love?"
And then "should I just decide or assume love isn't important?" or "not decide love isn't important, just not worry about it. So not really look for it, but pay attention and notice if it's there or not...after I am married. And if it's not there, is that okay for the marriage?"


Could marriage based on companionship be satisfying and fulfilling on a deep level

Yes. It "could." But that's wide open since there doesn't seem to be any accompanying context or boundaries with the marriage. I mean for all I know you marry for companionship, are totally honest about it, yet still go off and have romantic short term flings to get some sort of pseudo love you are missing.


would you feel as if you were being short changed emotionally if you went ahead with it?

No. Because I wouldn't marry a stranger. And any relationship is more than me just sitting alone. So from Hello I can't be shortchanged.


I find it easy to make friends but virtually impossible to find love .

Maybe you need to try making love more rather than trying to find it.
There's some vague fortune cookie shit right there.


Does anyone know of a couple who has married for companionship and who are happy with it?

I don't know anyone that has married for companionship.
Green card, yes. Insurance, yes. Taxes, yes. Money, yes. Security, yes. To have kids, yes. Mutual professional goals, yes (and lots of tv shows in the 90's are about that).
But just for companionship, no.
To me that's like asking "anyone buy a city bus to get free public transportation?"
 BrockLee74
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 13
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 12:32:24 PM
I came really close to marrying a woman for similar reasons. It wasn't just companionship though. We had been together for a while (2 years), got a house, started living essentially as a married couple. I fell in love not with her, but the lifestyle. I felt I had a purpose, goals to work for and have more than just myself reap the rewards. No more family asking when I would "settle down". I liked holidays and planning doing things with each others families. I could go on and on..but I never loved her and I knew she didn't love me. We had great communication and talked about everything, but that one thing. Over time little trivial things add up and get under your skin and feeds resentment. She coped with it by spending more and more time with her family. I drank.

There was a time when she suspected she was pregnant and that parted the clouds a little. It was a moment where we had to think about someone else but ourselves and we came together like a "team", but that turned out not to be and it was back to the same old same old. In the end I grieved because I loved the lifestyle, just not the woman. It was a very shallow existence and I would rather go it alone than go through that again.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 14
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 1:21:41 PM
I know people who married or stayed married for all kinds of reasons; kids, money, companionship, insurance, convenience, convention... you name it.
Would I do it? Not in this lifetime.

 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 2:36:12 PM
My mother (a widow) married a widower late in life-my mother was 69 or 70 year old and her "new" husband was in his mid 70's at the time. They had a very short courtship, which prompted my sister to ask her: "Do you really love him enough to get married?" My mother's answer was: "What's love got to do with it? Love is for young people. At my age, love doesn't matter". The answer was a bit of a shock. Surprisingly (or not), they were happily married for ten years, until he passed away. My mother moved afterward to be closer to me-about an hour away. My mother very rarely drives now, but she still makes regular visits when she can to his grave to plant fresh flowers and clean up around his grave.

The creepy part is this guy bought two plots side by side at the cemetery long before he met my mother (when his first wife was still alive) and his first wife is buried in the plot next to his and there is one big headstone with his name and his first wife's name on it, which he bought right after his wife died and had his name put on it as well along with his birth date, and the date of death was left blank until he passed away . That doesn't bother my mother. My mother bought a plot in the city I live in.
 Monica417
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 16
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 2:54:10 PM
I know of several people who have stayed married for different reasons; the kids, money, insuranc, the lifestyle...I stayed married for 17 years for most of those reasons.

I don't know if I believe in being "in love" as being anything more than lust that goes away after a while. When we are in a new relationship, our hormones go crazy and we basically are insane for awhile.

I've never experienced true, lasting love, so I really can't say if it exists.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 17
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 3:54:35 PM
I know people who married or stayed married for all kinds of reasons; kids, money, companionship, insurance, convenience, convention... you name it.
Would I do it? Not in this lifetime
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree with you 100%.
Companionship is 1 of the hats everybody wears, and the best relationships/marriages eventually come down to only this hat and the partnership hat between the couple.

There are 4 hats: Parent, Lover, Companion, Partner (this is divided into 2 being financial and contributer).

Everybody, damn near everybody rather, wants all 4 hats in youth. Although all 4 hats are sought, each relationship starts out seeking just the Lover/Companion hats. If you find these hats, you'll try to add the other 2.

These hats are removed as you get older. The first to go is usually the parent hat once you have kids. The second is usually a toss up of both Lover and Partner (sometimes both at the same time). This is considered a amicable divorce (we're still friendly). The last to go is companion. Even in good marriages someone is going to die before the other.

Someone 45+, looking for a relationship, might only be looking for the lover/companion hats.
Someone 55+, looking for a relationship, might only be looking for the companion hat.
Someone 60+, usually isn't looking for a relationship, and just wants friends. At that age you should already have them. If you outlive them, you will eventually be left alone.

You see it everyday on these forums. Someone who has a distaste for the concept of prenups, is looking for a partner. The person bringing it up, is not. The person seeking only companionship, yet requires the Partner hat (marriage or similar too), IMO is delusional. You don't need to Partner-up to have companionship. Or the case of profiles where the 47 year old woman says "undecided" in the "Do you want children" block. This just adds to her marketability, not that she will actually have them. To me this just says "younger men can apply."

Figure out what hats you want to wear, then go find your hat(s). Some hats you can no longer wear though. Not everybody wants kids. Not everybody is a good partner. Not everybody is a good companion. Not everybody is a good lover. If you're 45+ and still want all four hats, you need to reevaluate. Whether male or female, if you have kids and don't already have all 4 hats (but are looking), you also need to reevaluate. Your Partner and companion hats will be suffering, and the first hats you'll remove will be your lover and companion hats. i.e., this ain't working. IMO, someone who requires you wear a particular hat, usually considers this same hat their own liability.

So, do people just look for companionship. Yes. But, not with people who still want to partner-up or want to wear their parent hat. In some cases, not even if they want to wear their lover hat. People who settle by marrying, having children, and eventually divorcing have taken care of their own needs. Looking at the partner of this type of person, he/she has wasted his/her life and is now older and less marketable. Their relationship was continued through a great lie, or the other one was blind as a bat, yet easily satisfied (or just felt stuck). That type of relationship scares me the most. Companionship only, combined with marriage, is a waste unless you've been together all of your life. When the love ends everything else goes with it. Someone living this way since day 1 of the relationship will justify their actions by saying they were very giving, suffered, and the other person should be thankful for what they did for them. No, not for me.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18
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Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 4:01:34 PM
Honestly, OP it doesn't matter what makes other people happy, it only matters what makes you happy.

It's just curious as to why you posted this, it would seem you're looking for affirmation to settle for companionship and forget about love. Not trying to read between the lines, but it's what I feel intuitively reading this.

Relationships are not one-dimensional, both love and companionship are important aspects, for most people, for a satisfactory relationship. I think of companionship as enjoying someone's company, but not having to be joined at the hip 24/7/365. But that's what works for me, for other people they may need that.

What's important is what's important TO you.
 thevee
Joined: 4/25/2010
Msg: 19
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 4:22:50 PM
I for one can say that I was never married, just lived as commonlaw for 12 yrs. But since we both had children together I figured it would be fine and it was for a while. We grew to love each other in a manner. But this ive seen elsewhere, after 30 or 40 yrs a few couples I do know and are married truly do love each other .
If you like the person and its mutual, go for it. Love cant be found instantly, esp viewing a pic or two.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 20
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:55:47 PM

Does anyone know of a couple who has married for companionship and who are happy with it?


Al and Peggy Bundy
Frank and Marie Barone
Archie and Edith Bunker

Why would you settle for companionship? You just make yourself unavailable to the possibility.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 21
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Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 7:30:44 PM
carolann comes through again...


I love romance, companionship I can get from a cat or a dog.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 22
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 8:05:32 PM
I didn't marry for companionship,but up until very recently I was in a relationship just for the companionship.There was no love.There was no sexual desire.

There are good and bad things for this.For over 4 years I tried and tried and tried to make myself love and be sexually attracted to him,but it never worked.Anytime he wanted to get romantic it was a nightmare.The companionship part of it,the having a partner to share your life with was great,but the romantic part couldn't work.

Having someone to do things with,to talk with ,to laugh with,and even sometimes to cry with was a good thing.If I could of done something,anything to avoid the other side it would of been perfect.I miss the companion ship every day.I am alone and will likely remain so due to my circumstances.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 23
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:20:51 PM
I cant imagine marrying anyone just for the companionship,unless i was in my 80's,perhaps ??

I need love,romance,passion and sex,but even then,i wouldn't necessarily get married.
Im not the marrying kind
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 24
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Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/10/2011 11:48:04 PM
Yes, I do. They are both older and very happy. They claim their age and experience have a lot to do with this. They say..."I wish I'd done this the first time around." They are both divorced.
They do love each other in a friendship way.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 25
Do you know anyone who has married for companionship, rather than love?
Posted: 12/12/2011 4:14:34 PM
I know many people in exactly that situation..living with partners for their own comfort and not for love. They are miserable!

Personally, I cannot..I have/had several opportunities to be very comfortable in life, but I just can't! ..I have to have "feelings" to have a relationship, unfortunatley, the ones I had feeling for turned out to be @rseholes! CHIT!!!
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