Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > First Contact      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 1
First Contact Page 1 of 1    
OK, so I keep reading that so many men wish that women would contact them. I did a little experiment.

Over the last two weeks, I contacted over 50 age and geographically appropriate men. Guess what...not one of them wrote back to say "thanks but no thanks". Either I'm hideous or men really don't what women to pursue them.

So guys, I would love to know how often you respond back when a woman contacts you first.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 2
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:39:04 PM
I don't respond back to women who send standard generic messages. I would suspect that your 50 messages were all that way.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 3
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:41:23 PM
i only respond back to girls that send boring messages who i think are really HOT...



i never expect a girl to REALLY put herself out there like we men have to.




so i give 'em a break.


then break 'em down.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 4
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:43:29 PM
No I didn't send out a standard email to each person.
I let them know I was interested by stating something about them or something they wrote in their profile. I also included a question to help break the ice.
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 5
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:50:46 PM
I'd say it might help if you had more pictures OP. Or at least some which you are not wearing sunglasses.

Other than that, I'm not too surprised to hear this OP since in the past I've had more success w/men who contacted me first versus the opposite. This topic's been discussed quite a bit on here and some theories are that perhaps we tend to aim higher than what we can "afford" ... if you know what i mean ....
 Law212
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 6
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:51:15 PM
I respond to women who message me first. ONe did today and she was cute so i responded.

Though I Have had another 2 or 3 in the past couple days make first contact with messages saying "hi" or "hey" Those ones did not get a response. Though admittedly if I found them atractive, they would also have gotten a response.

Though to clarify , most of the time if a woman makes first contact and she sends a decent message, I will politely say no thanks if im not attracted to her.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 7
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:53:13 PM
if a girl has the sand to msg me...

i already know she's got interest....
 isa92314
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 8
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:08:27 PM
so basically you are saying I don't have to waste my time trying to send interesting messages, if the guy is interested in my picture a simple Hi will do?
 Law212
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 9
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:13:26 PM
Yes, to get a response, you just have to be attaractive to the person. Though, if you dont have the brain power to maintain a convo which wouldnt be a shocker if you send out "hi" messages, then the interest wont last.

When I get "hi" from someone I respond to because I think is attractive, I also have the "Shes probably not very bright or interesting, but lets see." thought.
 raxarsr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
First Contact
Posted: 12/11/2011 11:42:14 PM
i usually reply.....but i do confess..theres been one or 2 that i didnt....mostly because i saw nothing that interested me in their profile............and in one case........i didnt reply to a woman that was a dead ringer for my 3rd grade teacher...........who i still cant stand to this day
 BlaineV
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 11
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 12:33:58 AM
It would depend on what her message says and whether or not I find her attractive. Personally, I get messaged back by maybe one out of 20 people that I send messages to. I get messaged randomly once in a blue moon, and most of those times, the girl has nothing interesting to say in both her message and her profile (literally about one sentence in both).

I really don't give a hoot (don't think we can swear here) who makes first contact. I don't think that much into it and nobody should. That's where mind games come into play. I'm a very direct person and usually tell it like it is. But I also don't want to waste anyone's time. If I'm not interested, I'll usually only reply to messages from women who put some thought and effort into it, even just to tell them I'm not interested.

But never fear, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
History
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 1:08:55 AM

Either I'm hideous or men really don't what women to pursue them.

not a bad false dichotomy. are you sure you're not a christian?

the 50 hottest doctors, lawyers and entrepreneurs on the westside in their 40s are all dating at least 10 years younger.

So guys, I would love to know how often you respond back when a woman contacts you first.

when i was dating, i got maybe 20 first messages. i wrote back (if only to say no thanks) to all but two of them: one was unsettlingly enthusiastic, and the other didn't appear to have started life as a woman.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 13
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 1:23:03 AM
I don't know how many men I messaged first, but I probably received replies to a third or half of them.
Some were a thanks but no thanks, others were conversational.

Your back-lit sunglasses pic probably isn't doing you any favors.
You look as though you're trying to camouflage your appearance/identity.
If you are, as you say, *hot* then your profile pic does nothing for you except disply your very hot teeth.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 14
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 2:24:43 AM

Either I'm hideous or men really don't what women to pursue them.


You're not hideous, ....you have children.

Re-try the experiement and this time , only contact age appropriate and geographically reasonable men, as you did, but this time make sure they too have children.

See what happens then.



I would love to know how often you respond back when a woman contacts you first


Irrelevant data. Go back to your experiement and try again.

And this time, don't go into lots of detail, just tell them you want to meet him , for about one hour , or just 30 minutes, tomorrow at -some public place- at a convenient time.

Then see what happens once you've remove the factor of "Pressure of sitting with someone for many hours".
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 3:57:39 AM
Looking at your profile, I think the fact that you intend to have any man who you latch onto, die in your arms at some UNSPECIFIED DATE afterward, might give some men cause for concern.

As with pretty much everyone here, I have learned to answer when it makes sense to (as in because I want to continue the conversation), and don't when it doesn't. The reasons why can be anything. Read all the other threads about people not answering emils, and you'll get plenty of examples.
 TuffGuy666
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 16
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 4:27:13 AM
(coff, coff) Just waking up.

The Tuff Guy thinks replies were not forthcoming because of one or more of the following with regards to each man reading your initial message ...

1. You have no pics without sunglasses.

2. You have no pics of a full body shot.

3. Your profile makes you sound *very* structured and busy.

4. Your profile makes you sound quite egotistical. And you don't mention who you're looking for in a man.

5. You own your own business and you have kids. Where's the free time?

6. A lot of men don't want women to make the first contact.

7. You don't seem like an easy lay.

Something's Gotta Give! :D

In short, you made it very easy for the men to hit the remove button without replying.

 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 17
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 6:18:07 AM

So guys, I would love to know how often you respond back when a woman contacts you first.


I don't have a problem if a woman writes to me first, if I'm attracted and interested in who they are, I'll reply. Just about every first contact from women is just a "Hi, how are you"

I do get a fair amount of emails from women that aren't looking to date me, they just read something in forums I wrote and wanted to tell me they found it funny or honest.


so basically you are saying I don't have to waste my time trying to send interesting messages, if the guy is interested in my picture a simple Hi will do?


Yep, thats a fairly accurate assumption. Picture AND your hobbies/interests and what you wrote in your profile about who you are. Its not just about a picture, I've skipped right past just about every very good looking woman who had nothing written about themselves or wrote some really weird things. I don't care how gorgeous a girl is, if she's a barbie doll type with all glamour pics and says she doesn't like the outdoors and prefers to be all dressed up and go clubbing/dancing constantly then I'm not interested.

You really need to be able to hold a conversation, if all your emails are 3 words or less... its obvious you aren't all that interested...
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 18
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 6:45:40 AM

so basically you are saying I don't have to waste my time trying to send interesting messages, if the guy is interested in my picture a simple Hi will do?


That's all I need. It shows that you were interested. If I am...I'll take it from there.

And I do reply to every message...interested or not. Except some of the forum induced "hate mail".

Opie...you don't appear hideous...but I am very cautious of profiles with only one picture...especially if that picture doesn't give a total representation of your appearance. Head shot only, very distant, dark, sunglasses. I wouldn't know if I was attracted to you...I can't see you. And...I hate to be the shallow "send me more pictures" kind of guy. It just sounds creepy and shallow to some. But there is no point if I'm not attracted to everything....mind, soul and body.
 F1fanIam
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 19
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 6:58:45 AM
I will respond if I am attracted to the photo, and we seem to have some common interest's. If I am not attracted at all i usually won't send a reply.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 20
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:38:11 AM
Tuffguy66, you may be right - Instead of my present profile, maybe I should just post that, I'm ten years younger, I don't have a kid, I don't have a career and that I'm an "easy lay".

Also, maybe I should just post some tasteful nudes so the guys will know exactly what they are getting.

Just kidding.

Really, thanks everyone for all the good perspective and advice regarding me.

And guys, good to know that at least some of you will respond to a woman making the first move.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 21
view profile
History
First Contact
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:44:31 AM
If a woman emails me, and I find her attractive, I reply. Doesn't matter what is in the email, not really. The profile only matters if it contains really bad deal breakers (born again christian, rabid conservative (Rush Limbaugh fan) ). Attraction is what matters to start with. And from your one and only picture, I have no idea if you are attractive.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > First Contact