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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.      Home login  
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 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 2
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
If it's not ok with you, then it's not OK for the relationship. Other guys may not have a their significant others doing such things, but it's -you- and your feelings that need to be accounted for. I, personally, would be fine with hugs, but not kisses.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 3
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 5:41:14 PM

It bothers me a lot but I haven't said anything because I'm testing her out.

She'll probably keep doing things that you don't like unless you say something.

Playing a little game like this or testing her out usually won't go well for the tester.

What else are you testing her for? Sounds like she already failed the kiss and hug male friends test...
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 5:43:03 PM
It would be normal for some and not others.

You should tell her it bothers you in a very non threatening way. Maybe she will stop doing it if she knows it bothers you. Some people are just that way and very huggy huggy kissy kissy.
I have met a few and dislike it. I would not like a spouse who was that way either with others... its very social butterfly, but that is how some people are and to them it means nothing.

Your testing out idea is a bad one. If she does not know this bothers you, what are you testing exactly?
 cheryl1229
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 6
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 5:44:53 PM
Is your wife giving a guy a peck on the cheek in front of you really worse than you posting on a dating site that you are divorced and seeking a long-term relationship? I assume she has no knowledge of this profile. Who is passing whose tests?

And as for the kiss on the cheek thing, that depends on what broke you up in the first place. If she was cheating on you or getting too flirty with guys, then maybe she needs better boundaries. If she has never given you reason to be jealous of her friendships, then you are overreacting.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 7
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 5:45:01 PM
It would be normal for some and not others.

You should tell her it bothers you in a very non threatening way. Maybe she will stop doing it if she knows it bothers you. Some people are just that way and very huggy huggy kissy kissy.
I have met a few and dislike it. I would not like a spouse who was that way either with others... its very social butterfly, but that is how some people are and to them it means nothing.

Your testing out idea is a bad one. If she does not know this bothers you, what are you testing exactly?
testing her ability to read your mind ?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 8
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 5:46:24 PM
What kind of kiss? A short peck on the cheek, no big deal. Drawn out and full on the mouth, you have reason to be upset.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 10
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 5:48:57 PM
I had a little banter thing going on with a mutual friend of my SO and myself. I didn't see any harm as it was always done in her presence. Until she told me that it kind of bothered her. So I stopped. I could certainly live without the banter.

Why don't you say "you know...it might be a little silly...but it bothers me when you kiss other guys even though I know it's just a friendly greeting".

There's your test. Not the covert one you are conducting.

Edit:

we had a bad marriage.


Do you suppose respectful and open communication could have been the problem? How 'bout you go with "Plan B".
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 6:05:27 PM
Takes more tham loyalty to have a marriage, takes 2 people who are open and communicate with each other and not playing silly test games where one person makes secret rules and tests the other.
From what you wrote I have the feeling your wife is not that difficult to get along with, your just not being fair with her.


that would make any woman difficult, even downright angry
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 19
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 6:18:15 PM

I recently decided to give my wife another chance at making things work.


So how’s she doing making things work in your marriage?

You know that it takes TWO people to make a marriage successful. You make it sound like she’s got to prove herself to you while you do nothing.

Quit playing “testing” games. If you aren’t comfortable with something she is doing, explain that to her. What are you testing, anyway? That makes no sense.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 23
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 6:49:17 PM
i think this is a cultural thing. in some cultures people kiss on the cheek as a form of greeting. that being said, i think you could easily judge whether this is done inappropriately, or if there is something more going on. but honestly, if this bothers you then perhaps she should reconsider such gestures, and if she truly cares about the relationship, she will take your feelings into consideration.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 25
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:05:11 PM
OP,
you shouldn't test people if you have a problem you should have told her your problem from the beginning it starts. Talk to wifey
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 26
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:17:07 PM
Dude, you list your race as Hispanic, everyone one of them I know greets me with both a hug and a kiss...I think you are trolling vs anything else especially when you are setting up a test but not telling her.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 28
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 9:20:34 PM
It would bother me too, from both sides, I wouldn't want my husband kissing and hugging my friends and I certainly wouldn't want any of my friends kissing my cheek and hugging me. I hate that crap, I don't like shaking hands either. Really, must be touch and slobber on each other at every meeting? But I'm not the norm.

If it bothers you, then rethink getting back together. You shouldn't be trying to change her, you should be happy with her the way she is. Forcing someone to change or being jealous and mad all the time is not a reasonable relationship.
 Vicente Fox
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 29
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:03:02 PM

Dude, you list your race as Hispanic, everyone one of them I know greets me with both a hug and a kiss...


That reminds me. I my job, there are these 2 Hispanic women.
One that is much older around her 50's and she hugs and kisses me all the time. She also got me calling her "mama".
The other one is about my age, but she can't come close to touching me or anything because she says her husband will kill her. Is that the "controlling title" you fear?

I believe at the beginning of every relationship, you both have smooth many issues out for the long run. The true test should be, how long can you both last accepting each other for who they are.

So if that hugs a kissing is a problem, I say tell her. Just don't be an ***hole as threatening to kill her. If she has a major problem and she wouldn't stop even for you, then its not going to work.... From rough to smooth, you guys will harvest mountains between each other.
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 31
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:42:17 PM
I think it's OK. I know a lot of girls that will hug me and then give me a kiss on the cheek. Some of them are married to my friends. I don't read anything into it, except friendship, because we've all hung out so many times and had a lot of fun.
 ripley65
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 32
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 12:53:15 AM

She is a very social person and I've always noticed that she hugs and kisses all her male friends on their cheek.


Sounds to me like this is just who she is, and she was like this when you met her. Did it bother you then? Must not have, you married her. :)

Maybe she comes from a huggy family, like i do. You didn't mention any other issues that may be inappropriate when she's hugging and kissing. If this is the only issue, then let it go. She's doing it because she is friendly and that is just who she is. :)
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 33
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 3:16:03 AM
If you feel threatened by this, it is a sign of insecurity. Your wife should be with you by choice, not by force. If she is acting disloyal, and she runs off with one of her male friends, that man did the both of you a favor. He took a disloyal woman off of your hands, and she is getting what she wants. A hug or a peck on the cheek is one thing, it's not like she is checking his oil or anything. I could understand if the man cupped her buttocks or her breast. I don't think that is the case, but if you truly feel threatened, you need to let her know.
 Spherical_Dream
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 34
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:09:40 PM
It depends if you trust her or not. Use your gut instincts...some women are just loose like that...

I would not stand for it one bit, but you did notice this behavior before you married her right? Or is it a new thing? If it's new it sounds like she's making you jealous, in which case, either play the game and kiss all your girlfriends, or cut your losses and dump her like a sack of man-kissing rotten potatoes, find a woman with some morals and class
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 35
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:14:55 PM
In some cultures it would be rude NOT to kiss the cheeks upon greeting.

You knew who she was when you married her....either accept her 100% or move on.

A peck on the cheeks is nothing to be worried about, unless the mans hand is also pinching azz.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 36
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:24:14 PM
Is it just men she's kissing on the cheek or does she do it with her girlfriends as well? You admit she's a very gregarious person and always has been. Perhaps you are a controlling and jealous individual and always have been?? I'm tending to think that if you always knew this about her, your thoughts of her having had relationships during your separation is getting the better of you. If that's the case, I'd suggest you get a handle on it or your attempt at a retry of the relationship will be doomed to failure.
 DSMTraveler
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 37
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:27:56 PM
You're 'testing' her.

Until she fails?

It seems to me that you're simply looking for an excuse.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 41
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:51:27 PM

we have been separated for almost a year.



While we were separated she made a lot of male friends


let me just tell you this. she has had sex with at least some of these men, and thats a 100% GUARANTEE.
separated people are the easiest game out there, and that is no myth.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 44
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:32:32 PM
[. quote]Testing her? See if she can make it work? Giving her another chance? Very patronizing! You know marriage is a full participation activity, you have to do more than sit on the side critiquing her performance.

It sort of sounds like you are expecting her to do all the work or perhaps you are making her pay for somehow offending you in the past.

If she has any self respect she will leave you.

I agree. I don't care how old you are, you don't know s*it about relationships. Ugh. You might as well leave now, b/c your marriage will not survive your ignorance.

As for what she's doing--of course there is nothing wrong with it. Lots of people do it. YOU have a problem with it; clearly you don't trust your wife. Again, the marriage seems doomed anyway, but you could seek to understand why you have no say over how your wife treats friends. If she asked your advice, that's different. Clearly not the case here.

When a man wants his wife to stop doing something, people rush to say, "Oh, she should consider your feelings!" That's b.s. SHE DOES NOT CONTROL HIS FEELINGS! His thoughts control his feelings. The only reason he dislikes this behavior is he feels threatened by it. He can explore that--and if she does not deserve his trust, he should leave/get couples counseling. If he still doesn't trust her, he needs to end the marriage.

Suppose he just thinks it is "inappropriate." That is still his to own. He can tell her and she can (and should) consider his p.o.v., but she gets to make her own judgment. If she believes her behavior is perfectly appropriate, then she may disregard his judgment. He can adapt or leave--but never should one part of a couple say their partner needs to change merely to accommodate the thoughts/judgments/feelings of another. This type of expectation demonstrates a lack of respect for boundaries--and boundaries are the limits we set on ourselves, not on others.
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 48
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 10:16:37 PM
Brother, testing people out is not a healthy way of dealing with relationship problems. An emotionally healthy man would simply sit down with his wife and explain to her that it bothers him to see her hugging and kissing her male friends.

Do not give ultimatums like: "if you don't stop then it's over." That is controlling. However, saying something like: "it's important to me that you not continue to do this. Maybe in the future when our relationship is better that will change; but right now, I need you to stop doing that and to get into the habit of not being so physically familiar with men other than me."

Also, you need to take the time to find out why she does this. Men view women hugging on them a LOT differently than women do. Is she having a lot of male friends because she likes the attention that men give her? Why are these men hugging your wife in the first place? Have you informed them that they need to curtain that? Why are you not speaking to the other men on this issue? Your question raises a LOT more questions in my mind than anything else.

When you test people out it is because you are afraid of dealing with them directly. You are not trusting them. But no one can be secretly tested and perform well. You want her behavior to change you have to sit down and discuss it. Otherwise you are guaranteed to get disappointed. She needs to hear you say what you need. Not hear you make demands. It is tough and that is why finding someone to mediate the process sometimes helps a lot. Just something to consider.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 50
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 11:23:37 PM
Kiss and be kissed! Such are the pleasures in life!

Plus it's Christmas time...mistletoe an 'all....
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