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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Why cant I have casual sex?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 4
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Why cant I have casual sex?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I don't understand why you would want to go against your own nature and be somebody you are not.

If you know yourself, be true to yourself and be done with it.

I wish I had had these insights when I was your age. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and pain.

ALWAYS be true to yourself.
 christianwarlock
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 8
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 12:37:47 PM
first you need to find a guy that you are attracted to and let him know that you need closeness that might led to sex..if you want it to...and ask him /her how she would feel about you as a partner..There is nothing wrong with a healthy sex life..Ppl who do not have healthy and active sex lives are boring and lonely..do not for sake your emotional happiness because you how to stay "virginal" for ever. Maybe you should invest you r time findong a friend you trust...just food for thought..as you said --you are 25, and should at least be getting to third base once in a while to see what you want put of a partner and to know that you are not cold and lonely...
 cataclysm1987
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 9
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Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 12:41:09 PM
Because you're a woman. Women struggle to detach their emotions from a situation and always have to take matters personally.

Example: "Hey babe want to have sex?"

What he said: He thinks you're physically attractive and would love to bang you.

What you hear (assuming you're like most girls): All I care about is having sex with you. That's it. You're not interesting enough to go any further.

Casual sex is just whatever. It's fun, don't get me wrong, and it's been a month since I've been intimate so I could go for some right now, but no point in forcing yourself to do it.

If you really want to though, learn not to take things personally. That's why women are so less keen than men to have casual sex.

Well. That and rape, pregnancy and social stigmas.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 12
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Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:18:12 PM
If you can't do it easily, why do you want to do it at all?
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 13
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:19:10 PM
Honey, you're doing just fine! Stay true to yourself ! There's NOTHING wrong with your thinking.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/13/2011 3:45:35 PM
Growing up isn't about following the crowd. It's about knowing who you are, what you are and are not capable of based on who you are, and realizing you don't care what everyone else thinks.

If it's not for you it's not for you - don't let people tell you what you should be doing to fit in.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 27
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Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:42:31 AM
Last time I checked, there was no regulation requiring one to indulge in casual sex before being able to get a drivers license, or graduate from school, or getting any job outside the performance side of the porn industry.

I suspect your friend is concerned about the fact that you DO fall in love too easily. He/she doesn't want you to have indiscriminate sex, what she is cautioning you against, is latching onto a guy and staying with him just because you had sex, and in spite of him being otherwise not right for you.

The solution isn't to "learn how to have sex without caring about the other person." But you DO want to break the cycle of

a.meet a guy
b.go on a couple of dates
c. have sex and immediately fall in love
d. suffer heartbreak and depression when things don't work out after all.

Therefore, you most logical alternative is to delay having sex with new prospects for long enough to work out compatibility a bit better. Work on your PRE-sex parameters and sorting processes.

You might also want to work on figuring out WHY you think you are in love with any guy you have sex with, since this might be due to a series of decisions or concepts in the back of your mind, that have been there so long that you don't even see them all happening.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 30
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 3:34:03 AM


Because you're a woman. Women struggle to detach their emotions from a situation and always have to take matters personally.

This isn't a gender specific issue. Please do not generalize.

I second this. I know women who can do this without a problem, and men who can't without getting very attached.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 31
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 10:14:27 AM
^^^^^^^^ We must know some of the same people. I have a number of lady friends who prefer sex without emotions/commitment and I have two male friends that have never had sex without the love-relationship in tact prior to getting to the sex part. It's a personal preference, not their gender that likely decides these things.

~OP~ When I was your age, the thought of sex without the emotions made me feel sad for those who were doing it. Today? I see nothing wrong with sex without emotions for those who opt to go that route. I also see nothing wrong with abstaining until the emotions are in-tact. But for anyone to beat the morality drum to you on this topic? Well? I do see a problem with that. Only YOU can determine what it right/wrong for you. When you start joining forces with those who judge others? You become judgmental yourself. Just worry about your own sex life and let others do the same. (I wish someone would have told me that when I was young and holier-than-thou ~ I'll bet I would have had a much easier time liking others and them liking me. But hindsight is what it is.)
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 36
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Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 11:56:38 AM
It really does not matter the age one is, but much more where your mind is, when one thinks about casual sex or one night stands.

I gave up the bar scene long long ago, and only go out when doing group activities. The casual sex thing stopped for me while in college, and now as much as I want and enjoy sex, there are "hoops" that others must jump through in order to get into my bed, and me theirs.....

The "L" word does not need to exist before enjoying sex together, but other things like open communications, caring, concern, and consideration, must be there, and that does not happen often with casual sex.

Maybe the greatest part is the health concern, and this makes me take it much slower no matter how horny or attracted I may be for another. I believe in healthy and open sex for two that have both been tested, shared results, and have an understanding about pregnancy, and bedding others while together. If more would take the time to talk about this, and jump through each others hoops, the sex will be awesome, and the time is there to think with your large brain and not your genitals.

Your body belongs to you, and how you share it, is your business and yours alone, as long as you are open and honest with yourself and the one you want to sleep with...

cd............
 kissmeyoufool
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 37
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 1:09:33 PM
I agree with the 'don't do it' bunch. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you...and giving in to something you really aren't comfortable with will probably only result in negative feelings for you.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 39
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 3:50:15 PM

But for anyone to beat the morality drum to you on this topic? Well? I do see a problem with that. Only YOU can determine what it right/wrong for you. When you start joining forces with those who judge others? You become judgmental yourself. Just worry about your own sex life and let others do the same. (I wish someone would have told me that when I was young and holier-than-thou ~ I'll bet I would have had a much easier time liking others and them liking me. But hindsight is what it is.)

UGH. AMEN on this. I had to post it again because I see a lot of people here responding with "casual sex, bad - sex for the sake of it, bad - don't be one of THOSE people."

Casual sex isn't better, and it isn't worse. It's just different. Some like it, some don't. People - if something isn't for you, to make the assumption that it's bad for everyone is projection. Here's an example (no offense to the individual poster, as it's been stated in here 20 times by others):

You say you can't bring yourself to do it...Then don't do it. That is a good thing actually.

For HER (and maybe you since you're taking this angle) it is. You left "for you" out, here.

You are the one who is better off and probably has or will have healthier emotions. I agree with you that sex is not something you should do casually with random people. You're fortunate that you 'don't know how to detach the emotions from the physical.' That's a good quality and is healthy.

This states that by default that anything but this is unhealthy. Blanket position, and obviously, not true.

Don't give into what others are saying you should do or what you could be doing.

Finally, something I agree with...but it could apply to anything, from liking expensive shoes to wanting extra mayonnaise on your sandwich.
 Agallah005
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 41
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 12/16/2011 4:31:44 PM
yeah, you'll keep singing that song until you get Herpes and...Oh, you didn't know that would happen....ten years later because your immune system suppressed for so damn long...sorry, but I've read about HSV-1 and 2 when I dated a chick who had it and damn if she wasn't like you...check yourself
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 49
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Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:35:02 AM
I feel the same way, or maybe it is fear of the crazies ?
 Mozzily
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 52
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:10:34 AM
Im just like you, just have sex with a guy that you dont have any emotional attraction to or have no desire to date.
 joe_226
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 60
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Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/12/2012 11:54:29 AM
Jen,
I understand what you and everyone else
is saying about "non-strings-attached sex".
But, it's to each their own. Sex is a primal
necessity between man &woman. Done in
either a "relationship" or just 2 people getting together for a "f***", it is still "sex"
no matter which way you slice it or look at
it.
So I, & I'm sure many others, don't understand why you ladies are making such a fuss about just following your primal instinct and just be happy with satisfaction.
 gdscott75
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 63
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Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/20/2012 1:22:17 AM
well put. it takes all the games out of it. at the same time its still a compatibility issue. i totally see your point though!
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 65
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:32:05 AM
I get told the same thing, & I've learned to ignore the ppl who encourage me to go out & get laid. I can't have casual sex either, I think that's a good thing. Why would you want to be used for sex then disgarded like trash when he's done w/you?
It's ok to want/need an emotional connection, to have it mean something to you. I've been told the same thing, detach the physical from the emotional, & I can't do it either. That's just the way are personalities are. How can sex with no emotion or commitment be fulfilling? I've been celebate for over 3 years now. I could go out & get laid anywhere. I don't because if a loving relationship doesn't come w/it, then I don't want it. There's nothing worse than waking up the next day, knowing you want to get out of there pronto, that feeling unfufilled, feeling regret.
 LyamB
Joined: 7/25/2010
Msg: 67
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Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:59:51 AM
It seems almost like you're complaining for not wanting to sleep around and potentially catch nasty STDs...why do you want to change? Just keep looking for someone.
 Helloitsmeyourlookingfor
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 68
Why cant I have casual sex?
Posted: 2/20/2012 8:09:14 AM
Be your own person. End of story.
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