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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Are single dads something most women don't like?      Home login  
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 KevinSpringer
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 1
Are single dads something most women don't like?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Just wondering, because I seem to get a lot of comments saying, "sorry I don't talk to people with children". That seemed like something men would say, but I guess women feel the same about a single father that is consumed by his kid. Please any insight that might help me for the future would help. I love my daughter and believe me, there is not a woman on this planet that could come between her and I.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 2
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 4:13:53 AM
I don't think the issue is being a single dad - it's being a 24 year old single dad :-(

Although of course other people your age are in the same situation, many are not. At 24 years old, most girls who are not parents are focusing on their careers and having some fun. It's simply not a responsibility some will want so young and it's a situation they can easily avoid.
 KevinSpringer
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 3
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 4:18:57 AM
I figured as much, unfortunately, things happen that we cannot control. I mean my daughter is 2, it just seems unlikely that woman are more understanding of a younger man having children that an older man handling that responsibility. So if i was 21 with a 2 year old child it would be easier to find a woman to accept that than a 24 year old man with a 2 year old child? I am much more stable, have a career and support at this age...seems like the older the person is with a young child the easier right?
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 4
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 4:36:54 AM
If you were 34 more women would be open to dating you then at 24 because a higher proportion of the population would have children at that age. It still doesn't make it easy though.

I understand that you are stable, employed and in a good situation for a man your age but parenthood is not something many 24 year olds are ready to embrace, especially when the child is not biologically theirs. There will be some loving, wonderful young ladies out there but most are simply not looking for that responsibility. I know at 24, I was not.

Many young adults at your age are just out of university, just starting their careers, just beginning to set out on their own, just getting used to having their own place. They are beginning to enjoy the freedom that adulthood provides away from their own parents and families. They won't be looking to be tied down with responsibility again until they have their own children.

How many 24 year olds would have the dream in their head to find a single dad and become a step-parent ? See what I mean. It's simply not there in the mental list. See it from their point of view...you meet someone at a Christmas party, you tell them you are 'something' which is not on their wish list, i.e. alcoholic, married, drug-addict, heavily in debt with no way out, single dad - it's easy for them to wish you luck and move onto the next cute guy at the party. They have no investment in you at that stage so it's easy to dismiss the potential of a relationship based on something they don't wish to be involved with. Okay - lumping single parenthood with the other undesirable traits may be unfair but it drives home the point.

What we consider as individuals to be an undesirable circumstance/trait in a partner, change as we age - In my 20's a single dad would have been a firm no but in my 40's, that's not such a big deal. However, as a single parent myself, there are now other traits on my list which would not have been their when I was younger.

Now, it is possible that you meet someone and they take on that role but most young ladies will turn away initially. It's just a situation which in their early/mid-twenties, they can choose to avoid.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 4:38:04 AM
There is also the matter of drama with people with kids and sharing custody or visitation... some mothers and fathers try to alientate the kids from the other parent( reserach parental alientation, its not what you may think- and a form of child abuse)...
which results in guilt and confusion... hence drama. BIG DRAMA. Good luck trying to prove it in court and win sole custody
How is your co=parenting with the mother going to go? or is there going to be lots of fighting ?
Needless to say also is substancial loss of residual income that will go to another household to help support the child. That would take away from any new family in the future. In the present it will limit not just your money to date but also your time as you have major responsibilites now when a small chaild is involved.

Older people do have small kids, lots of them do. My fathers friend had a baby with his 30 something year old girlfreiend... the man was in his 70's and thanks to viagra, now has a baby he is paying child support for out of his social security checks.
Also older people in 40's and 50's with small kids have issues because people their age do not want to mess with baby raising issues and those demands again.
For older people it may be worse, as people do not have the extra money sometimes to secure everything to bring up and raise a child... they have lower energy and maybe much higher debt and other responsibilites like aging parents or even health issues themselves.

It's all just a lot of work and cost, not many willing to do all that... your best bet may be a single mother, although many of them have very strict guidelines with that as some do not want to date anyone with boys of they have girls, and a lot of other stuff, like avoiding anyone with teenage boys ( more so if they have girls).

Younger women have no dreams on being a step parent. No one actually dreams of that, it is not an ideal situation and most people who want kids will have their own.

Your profile already suggests lots of drama over custody and child support. Trust me, you have a slim chance of getting custody or NOT paying child support. The only way you would is if the mother basically abandon the child or sooooo very mentally off she would be considered dangerous ( not usually the case). Courts usually give custody to the mother and you will be set visiation days by the court. It is a very messy situation for anyone and you can see how someone would opt not to deal with any of it, more so since there are plenty of others to date, that do not have kids...
After child support are you even going to have money to date? KIDS cost a fortune ! there is much more than child support they will need, not just time but money and energy... all things someone you would date would have to sacrifice. Not many are going to be willing to do that when they are trying to establish their own lives and way. THESE THINGS are some of what any women you meet may wonder about and why they are not interested.

Maybe the answer for you right now is to concentrate on your child and not date. I know several young women who choose not to date because they have small children. They will do that after the kids get older and maybe even grown. They then will be able to concentrate on themselves and a new relationship. Not many willing to date someone with small kids after they do all that sacrifing... and get with an older person and do it all over again. Kids are a deal changer at any age.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 6
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 5:30:31 AM
I have a lot to say about this.

I passed on my true love when very young because he had a baby with a woman while in high school.
After he had become a father ... he did not want the mother of the baby of be his wife and he wanted to date ( he did not marry her but stayed single). I dated him, fell in love... but always drama from baby momma.
I had to pass because I did not want a life like that, the constant fighting, the hassle it was to have to be involved with this child as a part of him... and babymomma.

I did not want to come second, marry to be broke, have his babymomma controlling us with the baby, which she was sure trying to do.
I just walked away to find someone without all the baggage. Not that kids are baggage but all that goes with these situations is huge baggage.

No regrets for me.
He ended up killing himself. The stress from babymomma got to be too much I guess. That was over 30 years ago.
Things not much changed with these situations.
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 7
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 6:18:06 AM
DUDE!!
Your a single dad..focus on your little girl and if your ready to date....and a woman say's," I dont talk to people with kids." Your best path is to run away from her. They have a right to like what they like. If they dont want a partner with a child they have that right...SO just move on..simple as that
 KevinSpringer
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 8
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 6:33:33 AM
I was just asking what the opinions on women was in this situation. Dating nor this site has taken anytime away from my daughter. I just found it interesting that women now feel very passionate about if a man is trying to take a child that they don't want to be a part of that. Most cases the woman gets custody and takes the child, stereotypically the man doesn't want or take the child so woman haven't had to worry about it. But, it seems now that more and more men are taking the liberty to put their lives on hold for their children, and woman now are not accepting of that. It is a common conversation for men to discuss if they want to be with a women with 2 or maybe 3 kids. Really, I could care less, I have WAY to much going on in my life to worry about if a woman wants to be with me because I have a child.

As for the drama part, I think it is BS that women have to worry about the drama when men rarely ever do. You always hear of "baby momma drama" but, you never hear of baby daddy drama. That's hardly fair in my book.

So by this posting, I'm getting the impression that being a single 24 male with a child, that dating is just not in my realm, but if i was a single 24 female with a child, I would be having to beat the guys away because it is acceptable, because women are more mature and need a man in their life to help raise children.

Correct me if I'm wrong, this has been more of a social experiment than anything, I'm going to continue to enjoy myself and my beautiful daughter, I guess if a woman isn't afraid to settle down with a guy at my age then they can go somewhere else.

Thanks for the replies people! <3
 KevinSpringer
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 9
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 6:45:03 AM
See, Holycowwow, I feel very passionate about this also. I have traveled across the country following my little girl. I have made enormous strides to make it possible to have her. I also was in a very abusive relationship with the mother, she alienated me from all family I have, I'm stuck in a state where I know nobody and nothing. All I have is a job and a car and a place to live. I understand custody fights are important, this isn't about custody, this isn't about who gets and who doesn't get my child. If I have to pay child support, the so be it. That has nothing to do with finding a person to enjoy my time with. If i get 50/50 custody of my daughter and have her 3/4 nights of the week. Am i not supposed to find someone to make me happy. Regardless of what the courts decide, if i have to pay full child support and never get to see my daughter then what? Or if that is reversed and I have full custody and get child support, than what?

It makes no sense to sit here and tell me other people are selfish and do not understand what must be done in life. It seems to me people need to learn to grow up, yes, you may want to go out and party. Thats fine, stay away from me. You may want to finish school, thats fine stay away from me. You may also want to pursue your career, that also is fine, stay away from me. I just don't understand what at all is going on.

My daughter comes first, if you ever have had a child you would understand that right?
Maybe I got a really bad shot at love and have wayyyyy more love to give someone that can look past a young man having a child. But, if nice people can't succeed at love than I give up.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 10
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:18:38 AM
Kevin, I hope this doesn't come across as being mean but you have challenges and you're not looking at the big picture here.

Look......You're a single dad, 24 and I'm going to assume you have custody of your daughter, if that is the case that shows the type of person you are, but and I say BUT, the problem is women your age associates men with young children as and I hate to use the word possible " baggage" that is such a terrible phrase and I dont agree children are baggage.

The fact that you had to post your daughter comes first tells the woman or any potential partner that they will be in second position, and if they don't have children they cannot understand the commitment and sacrifice a single parent makes. Now I'm not saying you should push your daughter into second position behind the girlfriend (no caring parent would even entertain that) I'm saying people for the most part don't want to be reminded that someone else is important.

The mature well adjusted person dating a single parent with young children understands this and accepts this, you don't need to remind folks of it is what I'm saying.


Am i not supposed to find someone to make me happy
This stood out like a sore thumb, its not someone job to make you happy , happiness comes from within, looking for someone to make one happy is a recipe for disaster and heartaches IMO.

There will be women that will date you , but you are focusing or directing your focus telling people you are a single parent, its okay to be proud of your little girl and by the picture you've posted she is adorable so I can see why you are a proud papa, but the focus should be on YOU.

And have patience, as I said earlier you have a major challenge but if you stay the course you can find someone who understands, I would change up the attitude a bit too, just because someone doesn't want to date a single parents doesn't make them bad, you just posted a laundry of things you don't like too.

Im curious though, would you date a pregnant woman?
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 11
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:28:05 AM
No one is knocking you for wanting to date. We are trying to explain why your situation is off putting to girls you age.

You have traveled all over the country to be with your child, kudos to you for doing that. But a young woman, will not readily insert herself into that situation. It is a stressful time, courts and custody decisions are hard on the heart and emotions and finances. You acknowledge yourself that at this moment in time, you don't know what the outcome will be.

All we are saying is that a young woman who has options not to get involved in that situations will likely decide not to date you.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 12
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:30:45 AM
Well, i think most women your age are, as other posters said, focused on carer, social lives, having fun, exploring the world, etc, & the ones who do have children are probably married.

I dont see anything wrong with your age, i was married & pregnant with number 2 at age 24, & had a child out of wedlock at age 19. The man i married was older than me by 16 years, so he had already done all the stuff he had wanted to do, sowed his wild oats, lived the swinging single life, travelled, partied, finished college, was established in his career & had started his dream business, so he was completely ready to start a new chapter as a family man & settle down into domestic bliss. The men my own age were just getting started on their lives, so i had to look a little deeper into the pond.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 13
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 8:11:52 AM
I'm sorry but what challenges does a single parent have trying to date that any adult doesn't have in the same situation? Granted they need a trustworthy babysitter but that's not really a challenge its something any good parent should have available.

We all need to find someone who is compatible to our needs, those needs differ from person to person but the process is the same

And the answer is no, single dads are not something MOST women don't like but there are always reasons any given women would not date any given man. The trick is to find someone who likes you for you

I personally at least on this site have only been told by two women they would have talked to me if only i didn't have kids and I was told by one other she would have talked to me if I wanted more kids in the future
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 14
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:01:53 AM

I'm sorry but what challenges does a single parent have trying to date that any adult doesn't have in the same situation?


I don't understand your statement. Any adult in the same situation would be another single parent - and so, to me, this statement reads as "What challenge does a single parent have trying to date that any other single parent doesn't have."

Eh ? Please clarify for me.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 15
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Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 10:30:54 AM
Kevin, do what I did and don;t date until your kids are over 14 or 16 years old.

That way you will be able to devote all your time to them. This is of particular imprtance as no woman is going to be number 2.

I did not date and remined single when my kids were small. Lots of people do.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 16
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 10:47:56 AM
^^^ Me too.

Mine were older when I split from my ex but I concentrated on them. Made sure they were adjusting to the changes. I also took time to look at my role in the breakup, to learn some lessons, and to consider what I would hope for moving forward.

My children are 15 and 12 now and I am just beginning to get back into dating. I am fast approaching 42, I am happy with where my life is, yes - I would like to meet someone special and remain open to that happening, and yes - I understand that might not happen but I'm okay with that and wouldn't change the way I did it. For my family, it was the right decision to wait.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 17
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/14/2011 11:51:27 AM
import_from_uk

I guess what I was trying to say is what does a single parent have that is different than a non parent?

single parent has kids

non parent may have dogs or multiple personalities, or psycho ex, etc

Basically everyone has something someone considers baggage or undesirable, our job i guess is to weed through the flakes and fakes and find someone that is right for us

Just because you have kids does not make you a pariah to anyone that matters :o)
 UniquelyPassionateCandy
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 18
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/15/2011 6:57:14 AM
OP I have been told many times....Just don't focus so much on finding it...When the time is right....It will find you...Even if it means you have years to wait (and trust me I have been a single mom for a long time).

But honestly, you have a kiddo to keep you busy anyway. You are only 24, and most women at 24 who don't have kids, won't wanna be a mom at that age. Enjoy your baby and find happiness in you...No person should be expected to make you happy, if you aren't already happy where you are in life-perhaps you shouldn't be dating. Just a fishies opinion
 Saraboo12
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 19
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/15/2011 10:24:10 AM
When I didn't have a child of my own I dated single fathers. I personally do not have any issues with it. I now have a child of my own and find that single fathers I tend to get along better with. I've always loved kids.
In the long run though, that girl who turned you down wouldn't have been a good match for you anyways. You're a goodlooking guy with a beautiful daughter. THEY are the ones missing out!
 happynotharry
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 20
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/15/2011 10:35:18 PM
Dont give up, there is nothing wrong with being a young dad and I think it is wonderful that you are sticking around and being Dad good for you! If you are having a hard time finding women on this site try and see if your community supports a single dads group? These women who are passing you up now are not worth your time, and keep letting your kids consume your time and if you meet someone and she does not like it, then she is not the one for you.
 Nellies50
Joined: 11/30/2011
Msg: 21
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/16/2011 3:48:37 AM
I'm a single mom and I get that ALOT too...I'm thinking that a single parent would be better off dating another single parent...
 CptJohnSheridan
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 22
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/16/2011 12:39:29 PM
I get completely the opposite response. Of course I am twice your age so it is far more common at my stage of life than yours.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 23
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 6:51:40 AM
@ Kevin mess. Nr. 1 . That last sentence about capsulizes the situation. Good for you. My feelings exactly. Altruism is dead in current society. Narcissism is alive and well. Read some of these profiles. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!! If you don't care for your kid; no one else will. What I tend to see is many women expect the "new dad" to toss his kid under the bus and see his child "when time permits". Sorry. For the most part; good DADS and nice guys sleep alone.
 scott2600
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 24
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 8:09:11 AM
no it not any easier i am 44 and most woman have raise their kids and are ready to travel but the way i look at it, is our kids need us and i am proud to see a young man accept his responabiy and most woman don't have a clue what they want any more just wait god will send you the right one just keep being there for your kid that the most imporant
 Monica417
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 25
Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 8:29:29 AM
I agree with UK...Most women your age are just starting out on their own, and aren't really looking to have an instant family. Not all, but most.

I made the mistake of marrying a man who had a 1.5yo daughter when I was 23...I fell in love with the little girl and thought that meant I loved the father. Worst. Mistake. Of. My. Life.

Good luck to you, though!
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