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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Why isn't he making a move?      Home login  
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 LyricSerendipity
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 1
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Why isn't he making a move?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So, I've been out with this guy three times over the last month or so. We've been texting/IM'ing on and off every day for the past few months. Not always flirty or sexual, but it's there for sure. We've been out for coffee, to a POF meet-up and he went to a parade with me and the kids (introduced as a friend to the kids). So, unless I'm totally off the mark here...I'd say there's mutual interest. I don't think he's wondering if I'm interested either.

Here's the thing though...he hasn't really made a move to be intimate. I mean, we have kissed...but I initiated it. He was responsive and texted me on the way home to say he wanted more....but that's really as 'bold' as he's been.

He's pretty proper and reserved when we're together. Kind of quiet, although we talk and laugh and are comfortable with each other. He's a gentleman. He gets close to me and compliments me and all that...but he hasn't really overtly made a move of any kind in person. He's made reference's to sex through IM/texts...and we've talked sexual likes/dislikes via IM. He kind of hints at sex, but more in a joking, *wink wink* way.

Am I supposed to run with that and be the one to actually make it happen? I'm not shooting him down when he brings it up...but I'm not saying 'Yes! Let's do it!' either. I'm kind of waiting for him to take initiative and make a plan to make that happen. I know he's been more sexually open in the past than I have...so I don't think he has a problem asking for what he wants, but it kind of feels like he get shy when we're face-to-face or something.

Am I misreading something here? Is he just waiting for me to show up naked? Is he unsure if he wants to go there?
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 2
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 8:02:27 AM
Op,
He`s a virgin and doesn`t know what to do. Next time your with him, bed him down and don`t say a word. If he doesn`t get the message, than he`s not in women....At that point, you`ll have to decide what to do....
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 3
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 8:33:48 AM
OP - some guys don't know how to make a move or at what point they should...

maybe he really DOES like you and spending time with you and is afraid he'll put you off by making a move too fast.


weird, I know....


but maybe you should make the move...
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 4
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 8:38:31 AM
Maybe he wants to be sure that your relationship has a solid foundation before he takes it to the next level.
 LyricSerendipity
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 5
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:51:54 AM
I think it's very cool if that is something that's going through his head....thinking about if he wants to get involved in my situation. I can respect that. I understand what you're saying about some men feeling a little hesitant to go there until they're sure what's going on.

I could make the first move. I did go in for the kiss first and I figured that was at least a green flag on the play...lol

Just to clarify, because I DO agree with not parading men in and out of kids lives and actually have very strong opinions about that and want to be clear that I'm NOT okay with that either...

...it wasn't a "Hey kids...meet the new guy!" kind of thing. We took separate cars to the event and met there. He is more familiar with the area, so he helped me figure out where to park and where we'd get a better spot for the parade. To my kids, it was just like running in to a friend out and about somewhere. I mentioned to him a few weeks ago that I was taking my kids to the parade and he said he thought he'd go too...so we planned to meet-up there. His child was supposed to go with him, but it didn't work out that way. He decided to go anyway and meet-up with us. He's not coming over for dinners and hanging out at the house or anything But, he did choose to meet us at the parade, which I guess does indicate he may be thinking about things and wondering if this is just a 'fun' thing...or if he wants to get involved seeing it's really a package deal if we continue.

Or maybe he's just shy...lol
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:57:53 AM

Here's the thing though...he hasn't really made a move to be intimate. I mean, we have kissed...but I initiated it. He was responsive and texted me on the way home to say he wanted more....but that's really as 'bold' as he's been.

That's a request. He respects you and wants you to let him know when you're ready for more. What you said here indicates he likes you, he enjoyed the kiss, and wants more but is also considering your personal time frame. Sounds good to me.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 7
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 10:14:48 AM


A lot of men these days grew up in single parent families, or with multiple step-parents. They've seen first hand what having a parade of men marching through a child's life can do, and do not want to be just another guy in the procession. They/we are more hesitant to initiate sexual relationships with single mothers, before we are sure of what kind of situation we are entering. It's possible to have interest in someone, and reservations at the same time. You could initiate the sex, and it may make him cross the line in his head. Though it may just make things more complicated for him, and you. I he's just someone to have fun with, then bringing the kids into the picture is ruining his fun. If you are seriously interested in him, you may have to be patient.


And this has what to do with it?? REALLY?? I can tell you that my being a single Mom has never once interfered with a man wanting to get intimate with me in any way.
I will say that I don't introduce any man into my child's life unless I feel that it is developing into a serious relationship but I think you are WAY off with that BS posted up there.

He's not way off with it. My guy was told upfront he wouldn't be meeting my spawn until I was ready. He agreed. He was 10-12 when his parents split up, and from what I can understand.. there was a string of guys through his mother's house before she found her current long-term partner. My guy does not touch me or kiss me when my spawn are around. He's reluctant to even have sex when they are in the house with us.

@OP - What's the hurry? Are you on some sort of time schedule? Be patient..
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 12:14:52 PM
First of all, pay no attention to the person calling themselves Aquan Gold. He/she/it is a troll, a scammer using stolen pictures of Steve Reeves, a 1950's action movie star.

As for why your guy isn't progressing as fast as you would like, OP, you would be best to ask him directly. SOME folks just move at a slower pace than others, as a way of being cautious about a number of things.
 Ole Rog
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 9
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 1:26:39 PM
Have one of your friend whisper in ear, " Lyric really likes you and is so ready for you to fvck her brains out"

Hope ya get some for Christmas !!!
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 10
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:00:29 PM

I just find it disheartening that he automatically assumed that the OP lives that lifestyle. As I stated in my previous post, I do not agree with that either but I also didn't jump to the conclusion that the OP was "parading" men in and out of her home or life.

I don't see where he said she was doing that. I see where he said that some single mothers have a parade of men, but more that he was saying the guy could have seen that if he came from that kind of family setting himself, and doesn't want to put that out there for her kids... ya know.. kind of like I said my guy witnessed and doesn't want to be seen as "some guy f*ckin their mother"...
 brothatrain
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 11
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 4:07:07 PM
I must say often i have gone out for weeks with a woman and just enjoyed the time. In the end we may kiss but oftenthat is how far i take it.In the days of screaming date rape or he druged me, i stand to wait for a women to make a move the first time around. What that does is set a place of comfort and then opens the door of what she does or doesn't want.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 12
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/14/2011 5:32:32 PM
When kids are involved, I am not as aggressive, because of the obvious reasons. Most women with kids want to be more careful who they date, so I respect that boundary.
 Agallah005
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 13
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/16/2011 4:19:56 PM
he probably had a recent outbreak and is waiting for it to go away
 Puppydog54
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 14
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:24:22 PM
Only THREE dates? And not exactly intimate dates at that! Come on,girl... cool your jets. Give him a chance!!
 ripley65
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 15
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 12/17/2011 11:23:42 PM
He's pretty proper and reserved when we're together. Kind of quiet, although we talk and laugh and are comfortable with each other. He's a gentleman


He really likes you, OP, AND he is a gentleman. He may not want to ruin anything with you by becoming sexually intimate at this time. Maybe he just wants to enjoy your time together, get to know each other slowly. If that is the case, i'd say you are a lucky gal. Let things progress naturally. When the timing is right, you will both be on the same page at the same time. Don't rush it.

 ridesbikes
Joined: 9/8/2010
Msg: 16
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:59:34 PM
I have to be totally honest and admit I am the same way. It's pretty much 4 things for me.

1. I take sex seriously and don't just give it out to anyone. (I know. I'm letting all the other guys down) I want to make sure the trust is there
2. I don't want women to look at me as 'just another guy' only wanting sex
3. I'm scared I will be called a freak if I get a little too crazy too fast
4. I don't want to treat women as my own personal cum dumpster

The last woman I dated was very open with communication and we texted EVERYTHING before we had sex the first time. Text was nice because of the extra courage since we weren't face to face. We talked about turn ons and offs, favorite positions, things we especially like and don't like, past experimentation, everything except numbers. It almost became a game of coming up with a new question and seeing who could be the most honest and revealing. I knew my boundaries so I didn't have a problem initiating it the first time. It was also some of the best I ever had.
 1osubuckeye
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 17
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 9:57:21 PM
Your problem is you are both passive. He is probably thinking the exact same thing as yourself....why won't she make a move or at least FULLY leave an open door to walk through.

Just show up and bang....after that it's all downhill from there.

What are your other options?......dumping him?

.....or you could just show up cuddle, grab his package, and ask for it, then even if he by some weird miracle turns you down, you ultimately end up dumping him anyways.

There is 1 way to most likely win and rarely lose, and then there is the other way which is just losing in which you are currently. Be proactive.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 18
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:15:34 PM

Only THREE dates? And not exactly intimate dates at that! Come on,girl... cool your jets. Give him a chance!!


Finally, a real answer; although there were a few others that were also reasonably rational.

Good Lord , girl. By your own admission, you've been on three whole dates with this fella over the past month. Wow! I spent more time in the past WEEK with my 1/4 sheet finishing sander. You describe this fella as proper, you've got children, let things develop without rushing into something that's not necessary yet. Why don't you try getting to actually know each other before you know each other.

TK
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 20
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 4:52:07 AM
He seems interested because he saw you 3 times. But, like too many men he jerks off too much, so he has no desire to be with you or anyone. A very sad truth and fact, I know. You have to , bluntly tell him not to jerk off for 24 hours before he sees you again. I know this is difficult to tell a man, but you must say this to him. He, as most men may not be able to break away from their jerk off habit. Give it a try and tell him this.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 21
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 5:55:19 AM
Good post sauder!!!


 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 22
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 10:25:07 AM

He's pretty proper and reserved when we're together. Kind of quiet, although we talk and laugh and are comfortable with each other. He's a gentleman. He gets close to me and compliments me and all that...but he hasn't really overtly made a move of any kind in person. He's made reference's to sex through IM/texts...and we've talked sexual likes/dislikes via IM. He kind of hints at sex, but more in a joking, *wink wink* way.


You've answered your own question!! HE'S A GENTLEMAN!!!

I don't understand what the 'rush' is if you are enjoying each other and there is mutual interest, it's only been a month - ENJOY IT!! It's called GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE before becoming intimate??

I know that may sound like an unfamiliar thing in today's day and age, but OMG I wish there were more guys like him out there!! If you mess it up... send him my way!! (JK of course, I wish you only the best!! )

Give it some time and if you get to a point where you HAVE to have it... just make it completely obvious with the next KISS you guys share (it's not a hard thing to do!!)!! There is nothing that says that YOU can't be the one to give the green light and put your foot on the gas peddle!!

 captnjimbo
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 24
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:20:11 PM
Seems like you're asking the wrong people. It would make more sense to talk this over with him. Honest open communication is the way to get the flames burning brightly. He most probably is into you, respects you, respects himself, thinks that you're quite a catch, may have been hurt in the past, trying to make up his mind how far he wants this to go. So talk to him.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 25
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/11/2012 9:39:40 PM


Wow! I spent more time in the past WEEK with my 1/4 sheet finishing sander.
Doesn't that hurt?


Abelian:

I think you be confusing a finish sander with a belt sander.
See, the thing about the finish sander is the gentle vibrations. 5 speeds, infinitely variable, 1/4 horse -- sure beat the heck out of a stock Hitachi (wand): weak motor, only two speeds. and no place to attach sand paper.

TK
[and women wonder why some men enjoy their shop time so much]
 kasandroid
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 26
Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/11/2012 11:52:00 PM
Well OP here's a better more important question:

You just got out of a ten year relationship and are newly single, so please do tell, why are you are looking to jump into another relationship so soon?

What about enjoying some new found freedom for a while?

Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want to seal the deal oh so fast.......................
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 27
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Why isn't he making a move?
Posted: 1/23/2012 2:04:16 AM
Have to admit this topic has been quite amusing

Three dates in an entire month, two of which were social events and youre complaining he hasnt grabbed your funbags and tried to bump uglies with you yet?

Jeez, take a breath

On the flip side, if he HAD tried and it had then turned out that you werent well suited it would have been another one of those "he was ONLY after sex" things no doubt (sigh)

If you want to have sex with him then be clear about that. Dont parade a series of hints out there and then complain when he doesnt pick up on them or isnt totally sure how to read them

Women the world over have a tendency to assume a hint is "obvious" when its only obvious to them, whilst others interact in a way that is either accidentally or deliberately "suggestive" where theres no desire for intimacy

The former example seems like the one you are experiencing now. But the second is where sexual harassment or even sexual assault accusations come from.

As its pretty much unheard of for women to be accused of the latter, and equally rare for men to become huffy and indignant about a minor missunderstanding of signals then if you do like this bloke it would make sense for you to make the first move, and in a way that that cant be misread in a variety of different ways like, I dont know. Actually using direct and specific words for example?

After all, if youre old enough to be ****ing someone surely you should ALSO be grown up enough to be able to talk to that same person ABOUT ****ing them too?

This really just seems to be yet another example where the glaringly obvious lack of mind reading ability within the human race has slipped by unnoticed

You want him to proceed, he isnt proceeding. But rather than just talking about what you both want, what time frames, what conditions etc you take the approach of subtlety and then talk to strangers about why your hinting isnt having the desired effect?????

Genuis!

Women (depite what they think) can very often send out extremely confusing and mixed messages even when they think theyre being "obvious"

Infact one womans idea of "suggestive" or "obvious" can be quite staid and reserved compared to other women

Soo what YOU think is "obvious" could seem nothing more than some playful banter to a man who knows or works with more direct or less subtle women.

Plus lets face it, three meets with two of them being in social settings is barely any time together at all in any real sense. Your were still practically strangers by any real measure
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