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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date      Home login  
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 jeanmarie2
Joined: 8/1/2010
Msg: 4
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To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/datePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Yes, I prefer to speak to a potential date prior to meeting. I want to hear their voice - some voices are attractive to me and some aren't. Same with their laugh. And I do want to get to know them a bit better and get an idea of their conversational skills and interests. I also hate texting as it's so limited. I'd rather read an email than a text.

 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 6
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/18/2011 10:44:14 AM
I don't give a man my number until I have met him and know that I want to see him again. I prefer to meet and meet fast ( within 2 wks). If he doesn't want to meet I move on.

I did the throwaway phone thing and went through 4 rather quickly. I have other things to spend my money on. If my not wanting to gab on the phone is a deal breaker then so be it. That just means we aren't a match. Next.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 8
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/18/2011 6:35:38 PM
I hate hate hate talking on the phone period! Even with my mother. But, I must say that I prefer talking to someone on the phone before meeting them for a date.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 9
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/18/2011 7:13:07 PM
I insist on talking on the phone before I'd meet someone. If we can't have a somewhat natural convo, there's no point in meeting them. Conversational skills are important to me, otherwise I'll just stay home and talk to myself! I give good answers, too!!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 10
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To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/18/2011 7:42:17 PM
It is just a natural progression to exchange numbers and talk on the phone before that meet and greet. It also assures both that if something comes up, one can contact the other.

Now, saying that, if I give my number to a woman and she is constantly calling or texting me, I feel that I have a potential stalker and/or someone that has this need to check up on another.

Phones are for communications, not as a tool for checking up or being used as foreplay.....unless in a relationship and wanted by both......

cd...........
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 12
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/18/2011 8:36:13 PM
I don't want to give my number to someone I may never see again, and I too want to meet in person fairly early-a week or two, meet and see if it is worth pursuing. If not, well, then at least he doesn't have my phone number.

I've called guys at their request, but it's not necessary for me. The one time I talked with someone who had no picture (and didn't produce it upon request, so I don't know why I made the call), his opinions and voice turned me off. Think Jerry Seinfeld, "high talker." But the opinions alone would have done it for me, even if the voice had been fine.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 13
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/18/2011 8:51:30 PM
Talk on the phone if:
-- There is critical info you must convey and email would be ambiguous.
-- There is a change of venue and time is of the essence.
-- You are paranoid that your date may sound like a man or a chipmunk.
-- You are just nervous, and it will calm you down without raising HER anxiety

Talking on the phone will not:
-- Guarantee anything your date said or wrote is true
-- Guarantee your date will show up and/or like you
-- Guarantee more than one date, or a specific outcome/end state of the coming date
-- Make her your girlfriend before you actually meet
-- Convince her you are a "good guy" and deserve endless chances if she doesn't like you.

Talking on the phone can be:
-- Useful for people who are not good typists, or good at spelling and grammar
-- A crutch for people who are afraid to meet but are OK making small talk while simultaneosly watching TV or surfing the web.
-- Misleading in that someone thinks they have a relationship when they've NEVER MET.
-- A tool for self-delusion into thinking "everything is going great" or "we're on the same page"
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 14
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/19/2011 12:11:00 PM
I would prefer to briefly talk on the phone, it gives me an idea as to what his personality is, if his voice is really high pitched & squeaky, that would be really weird...but you can also tell if there are any big red flags, if they start talking crazy, or act menatally ill on the phone, you can cancel the date.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 15
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To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/19/2011 12:33:28 PM
A phone coversation is a must for me before we meet and a better way to confirm any plans for a meet.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 16
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/19/2011 12:52:09 PM
I don't feel it's necessary to talk on the phone before a meet..(tells me nothing)..I can chat with anyone....besides us women need to remember from a phone number a person can get an address easily.
I know...your thinking...paranoid.
But it's true....I live in the country..secluded and I did have a mini stalker once.
I have a home line...so, only give that number after meeting if there is going to be furthur dates.
As a fellow poster once said...Phone rings.."Hello sweety..How are you?"....You saying.."Who is this?"..lol.
I find...an exchange of cell numbers....just in case something comes up on the day of the meet is good.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 17
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/19/2011 1:05:41 PM
"I can chat with anyone." Me too, I'm not talking to someone to confirm my conversational skills, it's to see how the other person's are. I care if they can chat back. For me, I can tell a lot about a person with a 10 minute or so phone chat.

As far as getting an address, I use a voip phone service, so I can't even find a listing for my phone no. (I tried). You could get a magic jack or something, they're very inexpensive and give them that number. I haven't been listed in a phone book since 2003.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 18
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 12/20/2011 2:36:10 PM
Usually I have talked on the phone first, but it's not a MUST DO.
Usually it's because the women have sent me their # and asked me to call them.

But I have met a few without talking on the phone first and it was not a problem. I like some mystery and intrigue anyway.

 Kuffs1978
Joined: 10/29/2013
Msg: 20
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To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/25/2016 6:19:29 PM
To spot4username. Five years on, I bet you're still single. Just how selfish are you? Two weeks? I'm glad there aren't many like you around.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 21
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To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/25/2016 8:45:19 PM
I am with you guys. I would want to hear a guy's voice before I met up. It is important to me and if I dont like it, then I dont bother to meet up. Again if it is attractive then I look forward to the meet and see what happens.

Dont have to chat endlessly but just to get an idea of his language skills and personality. I once connected with an attractive looking guy, seemed to have it all until he called me and then it was all over. High pitched, boyish when he was a man, and talked about week ends away before we had met. Saved a lot of time for both of us when I declined. I am not into texting except for emergencies and quick messages. What is so hard about getting a prepaid phone that some people seem to object to?? . I dont know what a throwaway phone is but I wouldnt be bothering to get four???
As for not getting a number before a meet, that is foolish for many reasons.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 22
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To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/25/2016 10:49:27 PM

Personally I would rather talk to the lady in question on the phone. I would like to see if were able to hold a conversation with one another.

It's not required at all to see if you're able to hold a conversation. Because you had to have some form of conversation to get a #. :)

It's never a sure thing, but I would like to think it's a clear indication.

I think the clear indication is having a conversation thru texting (POF). Now, if that's off, that's a clear indication of a lack of interest. If she says she doesn't like pen-paling, that's a clear indicator of setting up a meeting quicker than usual. If that's the case, I would then say I would kind of prefer to talk on the phone then -- but under those circumstances, it's a clear indication that she'd likely not want to.

In fact, I won't meet a person that I haven't chatted with on the phone.

You're putting too much stock in your comfort zone. Not a good idea to live by. :) We're all guilty of it to some degree, but one shouldn't be proud of it when it's unnecessary and can only hold ya back.

All the ones I didn't do a phone chat with always ended in a dreadful first date.

Of all the dates I've had, which have been many over a long period of time, less than 10% have had phone conversations. I could also say though, of all the gals off the net I have had a phone conversation with -- there's been a higher % of not meeting... due to them just wanting a pen-pal and wanting to take forever to meet, which is ridiculous.

And texting is ok, but it's not a cconversation.

It is a conversation. This is texting. People can have conversations here. They are. Are you saying deaf people are incapable of having conversations, "pastyandtasty"? :)

What is so hard about getting a prepaid phone that some people seem to object to??

What's so hard about just meeting someone? It's a lot more fruitful that way. Meeting in person doesn't indicate dating, it's just meeting. :) One's not going to go out and get a prepaid phone and play "24" for the very low % of people who demand to talk on the phone. Of course, to those people I would just say talk to them on the phone with your own phone and *67 (or #31# for some) if you're paranoid. In the end, I'll talk on the phone if the gal wants to -- but will be weary if she's going to want to be a pen-pal before meeting (which will lose my interest).
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 23
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/26/2016 7:11:44 AM
I like to exchange numbers before a first date / meeting in case someone is late, needs to postpone, last minute change of plans etc. A phone conversation is optional. Not necessary though. Unless it was a painful or extremely boring conversation, I'm not going to rule someone out after 15-20 minute phone call. Some people don't like talking on the phone and are better in face to face conversation. Also some of my worst dates were with people that I did have a good phone conversation with.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 24
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/26/2016 9:39:58 AM
the next time this thread gets revived, the younger posters will ask, "what's a phone?"

"you know the chip they keep upgrading in your ear? that. people carried it separately so they couldn't be tracked and actually would forget it at home as a result."

Back in the day before the internet, when it was personal ads in the paper, I had some women who ONLY talked on the phone. never got to actually meeting. maybe it was their TMI :).....
 eg0724
Joined: 4/19/2016
Msg: 25
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/26/2016 10:43:05 AM
This reminds me of a guy that asked for my number on here. He would text me lots of times, but he never once called to say hi. I thought, 'If we were just going to text, we could have kept doing that in the messages on the app.". I brought it up with him once & he refused. I didn't force the issue. I never met up with him in person due to other reasons , but I always did wonder about the texting and refusal to actually talk on the phone. I wonder if he sounded funny or if he was actually a she. The mystery remains...lol.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 26
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To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/26/2016 7:51:16 PM

To spot4username. Five years on, I bet you're still single. Just how selfish are you? Two weeks? I'm glad there aren't many like you around..


Spot4 isn't here, anymore..... Why do you feel the need to put her down?
Talking about Single... 37 & your longest relationship is a year.... Wonder who has the problem?

As for the 2 weeks & move on.... Many people here aren't looking for a pen-pal......
 ginghamgal
Joined: 2/13/2016
Msg: 27
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/28/2016 8:26:54 AM
If the other person wanted to talk on the phone first, that's fine. But I wouldn't insist on it before having a date.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 28
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/28/2016 9:50:23 AM

As for the 2 weeks & move on.... Many people here aren't looking for a pen-pal......


Good general guideline. But not an iron clad rule for me. Some of my first dates / meetings were more than 2 weeks after initial contact. One of us was away or going through a busy stretch in their life. But was willing to go out on a date when we had more free time. Or we simply weren't available on the same days or times.
 InstructionalProducer
Joined: 7/28/2015
Msg: 29
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/29/2016 6:35:53 AM
Texting is a great way to check up on someone and let them know you are there, but an awful method of holding a long-form conversation. One of my best qualities is my voice, and I'm a quick thinker, so I use phone calls to my advantage to help offset my average looks. You can hold an engaging conversation with a perfect stranger if you actually know how to TALK.
 InstructionalProducer
Joined: 7/28/2015
Msg: 30
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/29/2016 6:37:25 AM

I wonder if he sounded funny or if he was actually a she. The mystery remains...lol.


eg0724, I actually attempted to message you, since we both live in Florida, but I'm apparently too far away, lol.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 31
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To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/29/2016 7:05:37 AM

I would want to hear a guy's voice before I met up. It is important to me and if I dont like it, then I dont bother to meet up.


Yet so many people attack the guy who makes the thread about women being too picky... On this site, I'm really starting to think it's an extremely accurate observation.

ANYWAY... The problem with the phone obsession is that it doesn't actually tell you anything about the other person. You could say that someone who won't talk on the phone is hiding something, but someone who is great at talking on the phone can have his negatives too, like being able to talk you into anything...

Whether or not you talk on the phone first is only a personal preference. If you do or don't has absolutely no outcome on how your first date will go (unless you're like the person I quoted, where your voice is more than enough reason for her to change her mind about meeting you). It's just another case of "if he says he's nice, he's really a jerk." You're just making random decisions based on a fact that has nothing to do with the outcome. Do what you want, that's the only right answer... But if you're still single in 4 years because you keep dumping guys because they don't have this perfect voice, or they didn't carry on this amazing conversation the first time you've ever talked in real-time, you can't blame the guys for you being single.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 32
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/29/2016 9:15:21 AM

But if you're still single in 4 years because you keep dumping guys because they don't have this perfect voice, or they didn't carry on this amazing conversation the first time you've ever talked in real-time


Many people want an instant connection on the first date / meeting or phone call or they quickly lose interest. Many times there isn't an instant connection because 2 people are virtual strangers. Or 1 person may be a little bit nervous, shy, or guarded at first. In case of a phone call, as mentioned before some people don't like talking on the phone and are better with face to face conversation. If having a phone conversation is a requirement for some people, then they should set a relatively "low bar".
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