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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > That reply was unnecessary!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 1
That reply was unnecessary!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
A guy contacted me yesterday via chat. We talked for a couple of minutes and I had to run, so I told him I would contact him tomorrow. By the time I woke up this morning, there were 13 messages from him in my inbox. 13! Each one a little nuttier than the last. I was busy the whole day and couldn't address him until a little while ago, when I said "I'm sorry that I couldn't contact you until now. I've been busy with work. I've read all of your messages, and the impression that I'm getting from you is that you need more attention that I am able to give to you. I just don't see us being a good match for each other." I really thought that it was a diplomatic approach.

Not so, according to him. He replied back with a very mean and hateful comment calling me all sorts of bad names and dissing the city that I'm from. WTF?!

Have you guys/gals experienced unfounded hate mail? And, would you have said something different? Or said nothing at all and just ignored, deleted and blocked?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 2
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:28:14 PM
I would've deleted and blocked!
Cuckoo for coconuts...
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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History
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:29:39 PM
Have you guys/gals experienced unfounded hate mail? YES

would you have said something different? NO... YOU DID GREAT
but maybe should have blocked him right after sending the email to stop communication.

common sense would indicate someone sending you 13 emails might react badly to being told to knock it off and bye bye.
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 4
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:31:49 PM
It seems as though this is a redundant topic and my thread may be deleted. If it does go - thanks for responding! I'm new to the forums and am just learning the ropes. (Who'da thunk it would be so tough?!)
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:32:38 PM

And, would you have said something different?

a reasonable person might find your judgment of 'needing more attention' condescending and critical, but you were direct and abided by your communication values, so you get a general thumbs-up in my book.

many people find it's easier not to reply to people they want no further interaction with, specifically to avoid this kind of response. i personally support the polite 'no thanks' route, but it's up to you.
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 6
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:33:24 PM

Have you guys/gals experienced unfounded hate mail? YES

would you have said something different? NO... YOU DID GREAT
but maybe should have blocked him right after sending the email to stop communication.


I'm not a fan of the block feature...but maybe it's because I'm easily entertained by the trainwreck.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7
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That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:35:07 PM
Yes, block delete. Look, OP, the guy sent you thirteen nutty messages. What more proof did you need that he was crazy? Social rules don't apply when dealing with nutcases on the internet. What did you honestly expect in response to your polite message? That he'd say, oh, yes, of course, you're right. I'll stop being bat shit now and wish you good luck in your search? When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 8
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That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:37:12 PM
Be glad you didn't meet him in person !!!

Takes a lot of effort to get those restraining orders going
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 9
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:39:02 PM
LOL. I've always been honest with those that I am either not attracted to, or live too far and NONE have responded in that way. It just took me by surprise! I have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole "internet nutcases" scenario. Still learning!!!
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 10
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:52:14 PM

I have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole "internet nutcases" scenario. Still learning!!!

One full evening of cruising the forums here and reading reading reading will be a good teacher!
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 11
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 2:58:54 PM
You can't predict the nut-cases. If you could, we would never have posts like these, everyone would see a problem with a nut-case and avoid him ahead of any interaction.

You can't predict wild emotional responses either. Telling someone "no thanks, we're not a match" can get you Silence, Blocked, Crazy Outbursts, More Mail and Begging, or Well-Wishes and Good Luck. You simply don't know which answer is coming, like some crazy slot machine. One solution is to disappear/block without saying anything. Another is to suffer the insults when they come. There's no fool-proof anger-detector to tell you when and when NOT to send your emails.

Over 12 years ago, I had a third date with a woman I thought was marginal. She wasn't a terrible person in any one way, she just didn't seem into me or focused on dating at all. Anyhow, she invited me to go to a Sunday brunch sponsored by her employer. I did all the driving, and she pretty much slept the entire morning away. Asleep in the car. Non-talkative at the brunch - I talked to her co-workers instead. Asleep in the car going back. Later in the day I called and told her it didn't seem like she had enough time to date, that she needed more rest instead. She pretty much exploded. This from a woman who acted bored, quiet, and sleepy on every date. She begged for more chances to "prove herself". I was wondering what she was supposed to "prove" ... ??? That she could stay awake past 7pm? The same woman contacted me a year later on another dating site, trying to get another chance. I told her "no". She blew up again. I dunno, maybe she just wanted to sleep on my couch all day...???
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 12
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:01:45 PM

I'm not a fan of the block feature...but maybe it's because I'm easily entertained by the trainwreck.

Then.. welcome to the refuge of some of the worlds greatest trainwrecks.. The POF Forums!

IF you haven't yet figured it out, there are a vast number of guys on here that hardly ever get ANY replies.. So when they actually get a live one, some may go a bit nuts on ya..

Why haven't you replied yet?? I posted this five minutes ago!! Whats the matter with you??

And there are some people that purposely send dramatic emails just to see how much they can try to get someones goat.. There is a name for those people online..
 4everRadiant
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 13
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:04:42 PM
Although I personally wouldn't respond to anyone who sends 13 consecutive messages (because it speaks of extremism in thought, feeling and behaviour) I do think the message you sent was great in that it was diplomatic.

Perhaps in the future consider being a little more self protective and see the essential equivalent of "13 message like behaviour" as a major red flag. However diplomatic one is in responding to a guy who is extreme, his response is going to be in keeping with his message presentation... extreme.

I'm sorry you received that hate mail. If this type of thing happens again, with anyone, I'd simply block and delete. You don't owe a personalized response to such lunacy. Nor do you need to subject yourself to the displacement of rage and hatred.

Have a gentle holiday season.
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 14
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History
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:08:40 PM
LOL. I've always been honest with those that I am either not attracted to, or live too far and NONE have responded in that way. It just took me by surprise! I have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole "internet nutcases" scenario. Still learning!!!


"Internet Nutcases" are occurring all to often before the holidays.

I just experienced something similar within the past two weeks. Met a lovely, beautifully young lady who seemed normal (we met in the real world). Enjoyed a few dates together. Recently, I've been extremely busy with work and haven't schedule a date with her for a few days but talked over the phone, as brief as our phone converses have been, I made the conscience effort to keep communication open in showing her I'm very much interested in seeing her again.

Damn if I do, damn if I don't - she mistaken my avoidance towards her as an insult and lack of interest on my part. She spouted off some harsh words via text message and voicemail. I quickly terminated our communication.

... and I thought I'd "hit the jack pot" with this one. She seemed so normal and well tuned in the beginning only to turn out like the rest - total nut case.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 15
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:15:43 PM

KatWing123: He replied back with a very mean and hateful comment calling me all sorts of bad names and dissing the city that I'm from. WTF?!


Well, that may depend.. What city ARE you from?

He could be right ya know
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 16
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:35:29 PM
there were 2 recent threads on this..one was called hate mail, the other was about men who email u & get mad & blck u...a variation on the theme...i also did a thread that got killed "the crazies are coming" the peeps who r so freked about alone @ xmas that their true crazy colors come out...hide your profile till 12-26
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:36:41 PM
I'm the same - I'm nothing if not educational, and will give a person something to go on so they don't horrify the next woman. I have no qualms with telling someone no, or even why if they ask. If they can't handle the truth in an environment like this, they have worse problems than what my response is.

13 messages in one night is nuts, though. It's apparent that he was going to find anything but "where have you been all my life" and a response immediately after every e-mail a heartbreak, so the tantrum when you gave him a no wasn't totally out of the blue.

To insult someone who is already overly sensitive will just exacerbate his anxiety towards you and to me is the worse possible thing you could do. The kindest things is not to answer or block the person. Maybe with the tension of the holiday season the guy was just having a bad day or something. I just wouldnt have insulted him insulting is wrong.

She didn't insult him, he took it that way. Not her problem.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 18
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 3:43:08 PM
When I still did the imo polite thing and replied to mails when not interested, I surely got my fair share of unfounded hate mails!

As a result I do not reply to these mails anymore and if they try again, block!

But 13 emails in about 24 hrs? That should have given you a fair warning!!!

In that case I would have blocked right away.

Laugh that nut case incident off, and have a
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 19
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 4:03:16 PM
You did well. Perhaps you should have blocked him after sending your reply--because he was clearly a nut and wasn't likely to respond politely, and you do *not* have to submit yourself to abuse.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 20
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History
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 4:26:19 PM
You should feel glad that he showed you what a whack job he was before you gave him your phone number. Or worse, your address.
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 21
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 4:37:10 PM
All I have to say is "FVCK NEW YORK!!!"
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 22
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 6:54:45 PM

I had to run, so I told him I would contact him tomorrow. By the time I woke up this morning, there were 13 messages from him in my inbox.


Odd.

I would very much if you were making plans, and he needed to solidify or lose a spot in his other plans; but before you even contacted him at the arranged time?



Peculiar....
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 23
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 7:57:23 PM

And, would you have said something different?


Do not accept IM Chat messages.

If a man really wants to get to know you ...
Let him send an email and introduce himself.
 MyScreennameRox
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 24
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/21/2011 8:57:30 PM
That's, "cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs." :)
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 25
That reply was unnecessary!
Posted: 12/22/2011 5:23:57 AM
LMAO! This guy, with his succession of 13 messages (each one becoming more and more anxiety-ridden than the last) SO reminds me of the movie "Swingers."

This guy had managed to get a woman's telephone number at a party and decided to leave her a message (this was pre cell phones) on her answering machine. Because he was such an emotional basket-case, he kept screwing up his messages (or the machine would cut him off) and he'd call back to leave a continuation message. By the time he'd gotten to his 8th or 9th message, he'd managed to work this imaginary conversation/situation into 'breaking up' with her due to differences they simply couldn't overcome.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > That reply was unnecessary!