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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Hidden meanings behind gifts      Home login  
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 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
Hidden meanings behind giftsPage 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
It's hard to say.

Some people are simply practical people. When they have heard mention of dishes being needed, they see it as something the recipient has expressed a desire to have and therefore feel it's a great gift. Far better then something redundant which is not going to be used.

Other people like to give personal gifts. Something which is a little more luxurious which the recipient may not have treated himself or herself to. A bottle of perfume, jewelry etc.

I don't think he's meaning to be offensive with his choice of gifts for your friend. It's simply that he has a different view to hers and it seems he's unaware what her view is regarding gifts.

Perhaps she should have a chat with him and simply say that although she really appreciated the lawn furniture and can see that he paid attention to her when she voiced that, as he had both remembered and taken the time to get them, she would really like to have something less practical from her lover.

Besides, nice lingerie is a gift to them both. I'm sure he will see the logic in that once pointed out.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 5
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:41:26 AM
She is so upset she is contemplating breaking up with him. They have dinner parties at her house quite frequently & she has mentioned that she wanted/needed these items, but is there really hidden meanings behind gifts?

Soo the poor guy is damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't??
THAT may be why some people try to forget about gift-giving altogether..

Also, tell us what SHE gave to HIM?? Sounds like their honeymoon is over, so they need to communicate more clearly on what is most important to both of them, or "they" may be over shortly...
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 7
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:43:04 AM
Has she tried communicating this to him?
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 8
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:43:12 AM
A necklace:
"I really care about you and want you to think about me every time you wear this."

A Cuisinart:
"I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not attracted to you anymore."

A sweater:
"I've got no imagination and I probably gave the same gift to my mother and/ or father."






 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 9
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:46:15 AM
a gift is a gift. technically it is supposed to come from the heart and mind of the giver. our gift giving practices have become so selfish, not only do we expect a gift, we want to dicatate what it is we get!

in my opinion, this man was listening to her throughout the year and wanted to give her something she wanted. simple. mission accomplished.

your friend needs to break up with him and free him up for a woman who will appreciate the fact that he listened and felt the love to give her something he thought would please her.

kaylee
 A_Forum_Lurker
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 10
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:47:29 AM
IMHO... No, there is not hidden meaning behind the gifts.

He is probably thinks along more practical line rather than romantically.

She mentioned that she wanted/needed these items. He obviously listened to her. He then tried to satisfy her practical need, which guys tend to do.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:52:31 AM
I think she should shoot him, and then buy HERSELF whatever the hell SHE wants. In this economic enviroment, I will ask again, WTF is wrong with people????? Oh,,,yeah, self indulgence. I forgot.

Perfume. Yeah,,,,so you can "smell" good. I'll drop a couple hundred bucks for a couple of ounces. I don't even do that for good smoke.

Lingerie. Something to wear to keep ya warm???? Or to make you feel sexy???? Or is the lingerie for me, so that I can assume your are sexy?????

Jewerly. Again,,,,attire for you fingers,,,or neck????? To make ya "look" good????

People,and what they need,,,,,sorry,,,,what they WANT!!!!!!




Tell her to put the guy out of his misery and kick him to the curb. I know what I would give someone like this for a "gift",,but, I can't say it here.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 8:56:01 AM
msg 11...
not as I see it but everyone is entitled to their own feelings and thoughts on it.

I would be very upset at any household products or appliances as a gift. Those to me are not thoughtful gifts.. they are domestic items... not gifts.
I would feel the same if it were a washing machine, rolling pin, blender or vaccum cleaner. UGH



but if you are ok with domestic cleaning/ cooking items for Christmas, good for you. it's not for everyone and certainly not for me.
 soo-girl
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 16
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:08:45 AM

It's all subjective, I love to cook so if my man gave me a cuisinart I would be happily surprised.


Yes. Me, too! I would also be thrilled if my man gave me a new set of dishes as a gift. I do like useful presents, though. I've never been one for jewelry or lingerie.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 17
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:10:34 AM
Hidden message.... she mentions wanting something and he buys it.... maybe she neds to mention wanting something personal....

I love him and I don't even know him.... I could use some patio furniture....

what did she get him??
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 18
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:14:01 AM
Yep - I'm more practical myself too. Give me a new socket set and I'm one happy girl.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 19
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:16:50 AM

she has mentioned that she wanted/needed these items


Well he did it again!

'did it' being 'got her what she said she wanted.' what a rat bastard.

op, your friend wants out of this relationship, right? because she's setting up a classic double bind for the guy: not only does she find fault when he fails to meet the impossible expectation of reading her mind, she finds fault when he listens. under these terms, she can't be satisfied.

if she's not looking for a passive-aggressive out, then she's merely a terrible communicator. whatever's going on with her, though, she SHOULD dump him, so he's free to find someone with basic relationship competence.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 20
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:17:56 AM
I think he's a keeper! He listened to what she said months earlier, tucked it away for future reference and then bought her something he knew she wanted.
I'm not big on jewellery, I find it basically useless. Now patio furniture, I can see myself relaxing on that with a cold drink enjoying doing nothing.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 21
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:18:30 AM
I think she should either get over herself or do the poor bloke a favour and dump him so he can find someone that is more worth being with than this woman personally
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 22
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:26:25 AM
My ex husband was clueless @ gift giving WHEN WE WERE MARRIED, appliances for things HE WANTED ME TO COOK, etc.

But when we were dating, I got jewelry, taken to a Broadway show...

Now we are FRIENDS, he gave me a designer handbag...

I think when a man is pursuing (in general) the gifts tend to be romantic...

when he is comfortable, they are PRACTICAL (in general)

In your story, specifically, did HE REALLY WANT THESE THINGS CUZ HE'D USE THEM ALSO??? or were they just practical???
Sometimes a gift or lack of can be a barometer of the relationship. I am not a big Dr. Phil fan, but he had episodes on this...people make priorities of what is IMPORTANT to them...a man who is sexual & romantic will give lingerie, jewelry, perfume to his partner.

I don't know all the particulars of this couple, but we've seen some interesting & diverse Holiday gift threads for sure. The people, their gifts & attitudes are equally as diverse...makes u wish there was a handbook, no???


if he thought of her as a girl friend & lover he would give her things she could wear, (perfume, jewelry, lingerie). She is so upset
she craves more intimacy & sex IMO...lucky him, he has a partner who enjoys that aspect of a relationship
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 25
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:31:08 AM
i don't think gifts like this are appropriate until you get the personal ones first, as the relationship matures. when you first date you want to be romanced. just to cut to lawnfurniture...is just inappropriate. i'm sure he means well but i understand how op feels. some guys just aren't good romancers.
 dsljim
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 26
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:31:45 AM
Don't waste your time talking to her,tell him to give her the boot before he he gives her a house and family she won't appreciate.
Significant others like this are like trains, don't worry about the one you are about to jump off, another one will be along in a few minutes! !
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 30
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:35:46 AM

she craves more intimacy & sex IMO


Don't we all ! LOL Just need to find the right person to crave it with now. Should be easy, right ? LOL
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 31
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:40:05 AM
No hidden meaning. No meaning at all, really. Purely pragmatic. That’s the problem.
Gifts on special occasions are supposed to have hidden meanings, or at least some meanings.

Nice that he’s thinking of household needs. Next he could think about her emotional needs, her need for a gift that speaks of his feelings for her alone. Something he can put in her heart, not in the cupboard or on the patio.

Save those gifts for other occasions, like say the first Thursday in spring or the Saturday before their next big dinner party. But her birthday calls for something a little more personal.
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 32
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:42:15 AM
Wow, your friend is an ungrateful shrew!!!

My suggestion to her, leave the clueless **stard and find another man that will give her all the gifts she seems to think she deserve. I bet there are thousands lining up at her door to take his place.


 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 33
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:42:44 AM
Guys, just remember next time giving a gift- her BF should be flattered she think of him as her LOVER...I think this is all just a huge miscommunication- sad cuz when we think this way, we all LOSE

Did you see me last night
I was there in the dark
I saw her look at you, the way I used to
When I still had your heart.

I watched you take her hand
There was love in your eyes
I remember when you looked at me that way too
Before we said good-bye

I don't want to be your friend
I just want to be your lover
I don't think I can pretend
That you mean nothing to me

It's hard enough to say good-bye
Even when you know it's over
I don't want to be your friend
I want to be your lover and when I think I've had enough
And I just can't stand the pain
I reminisce about the way it felt
To have you every day
You know that every time I hear your voice
I still get a thrill
And there's nothing I can do about it

Am I gone from your thoughts, forgotten somehow
When you be there with her
Does my memory stir, any part of you now
I know that I should concede, face the truth and all that
I know I should realize I'm not a part of your life anymore,
But I can't

I don't want to be your friend
I just want to be your lover
I don't think I can pretend
That you mean nothing to me

It's hard enough to say good-bye
Even when you know it's over
I don't want to be your friend
I want to be your lover

by Pat Benetar
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 34
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:45:35 AM
Agrees w/ message 33... a guy who gets it

"Nice that he’s thinking of household needs. Next he could think about her emotional needs, her need for a gift that speaks of his feelings for her alone. Something he can put in her heart, not in the cupboard or on the patio."

well said.....
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 38
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:56:33 AM

So you are saying *EVERY* woman (half the world's population) just wants a romantic gift, huh? They just want perfume, lingerie, and such?

no, I know how I feel, but that's me...but her friend's description clues me in...I don't just want a romantic gift, I want a romantic man in a romantic relationship, I want to be free to give him all of that & more, but he has to want it just as much as I do... and it's not just about sex...
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 39
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 10:08:22 AM
Frankly, if I were the boyfriend in this situation, this coming Valentines day, I would get her a gift that she would never forget, and settle the matter one and for all:

An order of protection.

To me this woman sounds like a user and gold digger. No making her happy, so don't even try.

The guy would do well to leave her.
 edjoecdn
Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 42
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 10:17:08 AM
LOL, "your friend" or is it you ??

No matter, the gift, any gift; says a lot about the person..
Men ( if we're generalizing- which isn't really fair b/c personally "people " are people... )

But men "generally"... are a practical lot... few ( if any men) I know, would prefer a new house coat or cologne over something that is practical... "few" not all!!

Thus the "people are people" statement... However, there are all the different types of people to contend with... if "YOUR FRIEND" is materialistic and simply wants fodder for the weekly girls night out... then pffft !

If she's not appreciative of getting a gift at all... then she needs a crash course in "hard- luck"!

Now if I received a gift that seemed just the fastest, easiest "on sale" thing.. then it was merely a materialistic token of giving... But if it was something needed.. then THAT speaks volumes to that person...

They listened to what was said previously ( A HUGE accomplishment for a man to start off with ) ..lol and spent the time and the effort to get something to help this person out...
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