Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological ki      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Randy1401
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 11
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
For the longest time I thought I wasn't going to have any kids and I was OK with that. When I was 38 my son was born. I was overwhelmed.

Fast forward ten years. I just finished a game of scrabble with my son. Now I feel sorry for my friends who didn't have any kids. It's been the most awesome experience of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. My only regret was not having one more child with his mother.

Randy
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having their own kids?
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:16:14 PM
Life is full of choices and decisions OP. Every so often there's a cross road. You have to make a decision that can lead you either to here or there, and you don't know if the two roads will cross again or forever part.


<div class="quote">I can only speak the 10 additional years, and I haven't gotten any "regrets" for not having kids ... and at the same time, it isn't like I'm overly happy at not having kid either. It is just that there are many forks in the road of life, and that happens to be the fork I never traveled down. You can't experience every experience possible in life, OP.

Personally, if she's as great as you make her sound, then I think it is a very simple decision, OP. I wish for you the best, whatever you decide.

Being even older than SunD - I pretty much echo the same sentiments. Life hands us things at certain times and you just have to deal with whats in front of you. My long term SO wasn't really interested in have any children, but we had a good relationship a long while. I don't regret that part at all - but alas some times good things do end.

If you are going to have children, the first thing you need is a solid relationship, not just any warm body with a supply of eggs or sperm. This is something you owe to your offspring- and yourself and your partner; to try to have a good situation to raise them up in. Even this is no guarantee of anything in the future but its a good start.

If you really like this girl, I'd have to say you should stick with it- as you should know good relationships don't fall off of trees or come waltzing in your front door very often. A number of guys I know have married women with children and grown to love and adore them.

Having to have your own genes perpetuated is nice but it is also a bit of a vanity item as well these days. Do you really think the world will be robbed of something if your particular genes don't carry forward? Maybe it will miss them a bit but the other seven billion or so folks will carry on anyway.

Really with reading this over, I think your thoughts are a little premature for worrying about kids just yet. You and this girl need to get to know each other for a while first to see if you can go the distance. I would say you really need to explore this for a while and just enjoy the time you have with her right now. The future will come to you - when its ready.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 19
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:36:45 PM

Do you think childless old men (potentially me, 40 years from now) ever regret never having their own biological kids?

What makes you think you have 40 more years to regret anything, Pilgrim?

IF what you say is true about your current "love interest", then do your best to appreciate her and her daughter right now, or you may forever regret letting that one go..

IF you live another ten years, you can still father a child by her if she changes, or adopt or find someone who is more willing... Get in there and experience all the challenges of "parenting" right now with your friends kids, it will be enlightening for all...
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:42:27 PM
op
you should really examine your desire to have children. i married a man who had no children, i had 3. the same question came up as i had my tubes tied and could not have more. he decided that he wanted me and mine and would forego his own.

the two years after we married, i had a reversal on the tubal ligation. tried for 2 years to have one of ours. it was unsuccessful.

after a 25 year marriage, he cheated, we divorced and he now has a 2 year old of his own. cited one of the reasons for the affair and divorce was that he wanted children.

so, based on my experience, i would say you really need to be honest with yourself about how strong your desire is. at the time of our marriage, i don't think he did, but over time for some men it becomes an issue.

knowing what i know now, i wish i had married someone who had children already because,well, alot of reasons that you may or may not be able to relate to.

for sure, don't do it if you are thinking this is the only girl possible for you. no matter what your past dating life has been like, you should not go into a marriage if you know you want kids and she does not.

kaylee
ps my brother married a girl that wanted children, he had one from a previous marriage. over time his mind changed, they have two daughters and a long happy marriage. i guess it is pretty much a crap shoot, some you win, some you don't
 NYDistrict14
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:33:58 PM
I knew a man who worked with my father. He never had children and he never married. And it never seemed to bother him.

When I first asked him about it, he said it wasn't what he wanted out of life. I asked him the exact same question 20 years later, and his answer didn't change one bit.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 23
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:39:50 PM
Op, I met a man on here that married a woman with two kids, he adopted them but inside he referred to them as her kids. He was angry and bitter that after years of supporting her and her kids that she fooled around on him. He was the best man at the son's wedding ...he said how the son was extremely successful (but instead of being happy at the part he had played in making this child successful he was bitter cause he considered the to-be-wife a gold digger).

The daughter got married and had a baby after he and the wife had divorced, there was a car wreck and both the parents were killed, so now him and his ex raise the grandchild. He was bitter that it wasn't his grandchild.

My point is this man is doing right by this family but he is letting the bitterness of never having his own kids eat away at him. I so wanted to applaud him in his actions but in the next breath his bitterness would come out. The way he referred to them as hers' I know part was his hurt when she fooled around on him, I think that was what separated them from being his kids to being her kids.

IMHO a father is who gives a child his heart, not the sperm donor.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:45:48 PM
It's all in the cards of life sometimes we are dealt the loneliness card and some are given children and too find it a bad hand...sad but true.
I know I would have regretted a decision such as the one you face, my kids are everything.
You really need to search your heart for this is one you really need to be able to live with.
 Womac911
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:53:49 PM
As a 40 year old man without a child to raise, my own biological clock is ticking. Quickly. At 40, I feel the possibilities of finding a woman who's either A: young enough to safely bear children or B: Still wants children - or C: attracted to an old fogey -- to be growing slimmer by the day.
I have something special I want to pass on to my children. Not only the knowledge I have learned through unique mentors, but the business legacy I have been working on for the last 13 years. When I am done, it could provide for my children, and their children, and so on, if they wish to carry it on. And for my own selfish sense of immortality, I hope they do.
I want to teach my children the respect I learned, the integrity I was given, and the unusual, rare skills I have acquired during my time here.
I want to be young enough still to be able to do stuff with them.

I sometimes regret spending ten years with someone unable to have children. In the end, it was my choice, but then again, I thought it would be a forever thing.

It it difficult for me to see my siblings sometimes, because they have children.

Yes, it will be my biggest regret if I do not.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men (Who are you calling old?) ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/30/2011 2:53:11 AM
No regrets here. Lets just take care of the children that are already here who may need a good male figure in their lives.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 33
Do you think childless old men (Who are you calling old?) ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:19:36 AM
It's the year 2011,almost 2012 and I am sure if you really want a biological child you can have one. Is that what you "want" or is it someting you "need"?????? It is a question you must ask yourself, and answer truthfully. And more. Like,,,,,why is it that you have this "need" or "want",,,cause you are asking about "biological" which makes me believe you have want to pass on your genes???? Are your genes worth that much to pass on????? Or do you actually want to be a father, and raise a child to become a productive part of society?????

If you do have "regrets" it's only because of your "beliefs" or "thoughts" of what could be/should be. And unless you truely "know", you are just guessing about the "regrets" and why you would have them. I personally, don't put much into "regrets" about my past actions. Why???? Cause I tend to think before doing,and if I actually want something badly enough, or need it,,,,,I'll be doing it,come hell or high water.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:39:55 AM
I dated a man who at 50 was in here lying about his age because he regretted his decision while married to not have children. He was hoping to meet someone younger and start a family.
I dated another man who also had decided to not have children while married. Now single, he regretted it.
You may regret it years down the road if you compromise on this. You may not. We all make choices in life and have to live with them.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 35
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:50:20 AM
An old man with no biological kids will be no sorrier than an old man who is alone without a wife and a stepchild. If you think it is hard to meet a woman in your mid 30s with whom you can have a child, just wait until you are in your 40s and 50s.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 39
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:10:00 AM
I worry about things I can change, the past is not one of them.
 OutofControlMan
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 41
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:55:05 AM
since you ask the question that way (as an absolute)..

Ever? some men? yes.

Always,? or all men? no.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 48
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:06:16 PM
Ya know, on second thought, you should let this woman go. She shouldn't be put "on hold" because you think that you might want a child.
 Bob2452
Joined: 12/29/2009
Msg: 50
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:35:19 PM
I am not quite an old man yet-at least I tell myself that, but I think I am old enough to answwer your question. This one does regret never having children. I see my friends with kids and grandkids and I have seen the joy on a young man's face when he looks at his newborn son. At that moment, I would have given anything to be him. However, I am also painfully aware of how difficult it is to find the right person to spend your life with-at 59 I am still looking. I would definintely not give up on your relationship if everything else is great. And who knows? Maybe she will change her mind. If she really loves you and knows it is important to you to have your own child that may be enough to convince her. Also I have known women who were quite adament that they did not want children and surprise surprise-the next thing I hear they are pregnant and are quiet passionate and committed to having children. So hang in there. Try to be a good step father to her daughter; it is great practice. Good luck.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/31/2011 3:46:46 AM
Guess I'm "old" since I'm over 50

Never wanted kids, didn't have any. My ex had two teen-age boys and she wasn't able to have any more. Perfectly ok with that. Now divorced, childless, "fixed" and no regrets.
I think my life is good. American, living in Europe. I can travel whenever I want, no ties or responsibilties other than my own.
Loads of women constantly saying "you'll feel different when you get older".
Didn't happen.
Not knocking people with kids, just saying I have ABSOLUTELY no regrets about not having kids.
OP, you may feel different. I don't know your head or background.
But, I'll just answer your question.

No.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/31/2011 5:05:57 AM
Do her doggy style then go out and buy a puppy

Its not exactly the same, but with a bit of imagination its kind of heading in the right direction
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/31/2011 5:34:18 AM
I guess there might be some guys who wanted kids but didn't have them; but I myself don't miss 'em at all. As I was growing up, of course I heard all the remarks about how wonderful it was to have kids, how rewarding it was, how you should have them 'so you don't grow old alone'. Bull. Everybody grows old alone. Sure, when they're young, kids love grandparents. But later they treat it like a chore to visit them. Same with the grown kids. No one really wants to spend time with old people. They do it out of obligation. Who needs people who are only with you because they feel they have to be? And, of course, watching my friends and coworkers wonderful lives filled with the turmoil and aggravation of children. Virtually every guy I know had what I liked to call 'the Al Bundy' face. Pure frustration. Working two, three jobs to support wife, kids and lifestyle, and for what? So they can work every day of their lives before they drop dead?
NO thanks. I was lucky I got divorced before the trouble started. Now I work one job, take great vacations, never worry about bills. No multiple hundred thousand dollar college tuition payments. No daughter expecting me to cough up $50,000 for an overpriced wedding, which the wife of course agrees to because she feels we must keep up appearances.
I may not be 'happily married' i.e., overworked, but in general I'm content. Too much is built up simply to perpetuate the society. Over half of all marriages fail, most of the rest aren't happy either. Non married relationships fail even more often.
Bad childhoods for the kids are the result.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 59
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/31/2011 11:39:24 AM
If you feel that you need to have your own biological children, and she does not want any more kids, it has nothing to do with whether one of you is being selfish or whether or not you should go with a sure thing...you are simply incompatible. If it's something you truly want in life, then you WILL feel regrets for not having done it. Sometimes we choose to stay with what's not right for us because it's safe, but in the end, it won't work out because it's not compatible with what we truly want and need. You need to choose whether you would rather to take a gamble at something you truly want or are willing to settle for less because it's a safer bet.

In my experience, when someone says they truly don't want children, they aren't going to change their mind. I spent four years with someone hoping he'd change his mind before I realized that I didn't want to leave that decision in my life up to someone else. That didn't mean I was hell bent that I wanted more kids, just that I wanted it to be an option for the future if my partner and I chose, not something that was a unilateral decision of never. If I had been wiser, I'd have not let the relationship go on for so long and saved myself a lot of heartache by accepting that we were incompatible from the get go. I stayed because I don't meet a lot of men that I connect with very often and it was safe. Since then, I've met a wonderful man from POF, we are now living together, and he does want kids in the future (as I have decided I do as well). If you settle for less than you want, you're going to get less than you want; but if you take a gamble, you have a better chance at hitting the jackpot than if you never took a chance at all.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 60
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 12/31/2011 6:12:58 PM
When my two best friends got married, about 8 years ago, she knew she never wanted children. He had always wanted children but promised her that he could live with her decision.

After a couple of years of marriage he decided he had to have another focus in his life so he went on to become a very successful triathlete.

Throughout their marriage, whenever they argued it ALWAYS led to her selfishness about not having children, and his resentment about it, and his deception at saying he could live with the decision. ALWAYS. It was the underlying simmering issue that they tried to ignore but it was always there.

About 9 months ago they divorced. He is 43 and has been dating a woman for about 8 months now. She is 3 months pregnant with their child. Being older, and both having been through a failed marriage, they are confident they can make it work.

I am sooooo happy for him as he is perfect 'dad' material and I was always sad that he had been prepared to give that up.

I think if you want your own children, but decide not to, it always leaves you with a sadness that never quite goes away.
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 65
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 1/5/2012 6:00:48 PM
I forget what the rules are about posting a link
but I would like for people to lighten up a bit ...dammit!

http://graphjam.memebase.com/2009/03/03/song-chart-memes-find-mates/

Oh and 33 is hardly the end of time !
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 69
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:30:33 AM
There must be plenty of "older" men regretting not having kids in their prime...I've lost count of the 50-something men with 3, 4 and 5 year old kids.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 72
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:53:32 AM

I've met a damn sight more people who regret having them than regret NOT having them.


That would make sense, as a lot more people have them than don't.
 jeffm10456
Joined: 5/25/2010
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?
Posted: 1/21/2012 7:57:37 AM
I agree with Adora71 as part of my advice. You can also consider adopting her children as your own. I married a woman who already had a child, I adopted the child, we later had a child together. I do not feel any difference in my love for these two children. It is my opinion that you adopting her children might fulfill your desire for kids
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you think childless old men ever regret never having biological kids?