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 AUTHOR
 _kealoha
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 1
Horrible experience!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
This website should definitely have a forum especially for you douchebags who think it's ok to list 'looking for a relationship' on your profile, but are only interested in leading a girl on and hooking up. That's pretty disgusting to use vulnerability to get what you want. Aren't there any men out there that actually have genuinely good intentions?? Jesus f'n Christ. I'm never doing this again.
 Womac911
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 2
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History
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:17:11 PM
Too bad there's not a rating system for people, eh?

They're out there. Just got to find 'em. Apparently, they're not in MO. I've had two relationships that were from MO, and both had what I would call genuinely bad "user" intentions.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 3
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:18:28 PM
I agree kealoha, lots of that sh1t here and its beyond pathetic. Where the he11 do they come from?
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:25:37 PM
if you know you're vulnerable, work on getting unvulnerable.

so how many dates had you gone on with this guy?

edit:
2? your panties are this knotted up after 2 dates? you really got ahead of yourself emotionally. people who've been on 2 dates are barely acquaintances.

i'm sorry you're hurting, but you need to do a better job of looking out for yourself emotionally. again, get unvulnerable.
 _kealoha
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 5
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:36:05 PM
only 2, but apparently 2 was enough.

and apparently i'm not human enough for even a dignified response to 'hey, do you want to keep dating when you go back to school.'

just the cold shoulder and unacknowledgement
 KittenCatt
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 7
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:51:53 AM

Men will say anything...I repeat...ANYTHING to get into your pants.


And the men on the forums will fall over themselves to jump and blame it on you. Like a big bloody shark feeding frenzy. Like no man on earth has any bit of responsibility or accountability in this common disgusting thing that happens. They're "guys". "Wired that way". You "let" them do that to you.

Wrong is wrong.
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 8
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:34:20 AM
Men will say anything...I repeat...ANYTHING to get into your pants.


Boy you got that right!!!!!

If I am talking with someone for the first time and the guy starts making references to sex in the first 10 minutes......well.......needless to say, I end the conversation immediately, delete, block, and move on. - because I DEFINITELY know what they are after.........

OP, you just need to hone in your built in B.S. detector skills a bit more........

Hang in there.......just take it as one of life's lessons and go from there...........and don't let anyone take advantage of you.

- That being said, I DO concur with several of the posters here in saying you should probably sit out of the dating pond for a bit so you can gain your footing and shed the vulnerability that is around you at this point and time.........

 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:05:04 AM
Not meaning to be an apologist for mankind, but I can't leave the logical errors here to fester.

You ARE right, OP, that you can't simply trust the intentions stated in a profile to be accurate. This is as true in real life as it is online.

But this is NOT because all men, or even most "online" men are evil deceptive swine. And I take issue with the oft repeated "they'll do anything to get into our pants" phrase. While it has SOME elements of truth behind it, and does apply extremely well to some men (especially the younger lot), even the times when it DOES apply are more complex and subtle than the phrase itself allows for.

Yes, there are SOME men who will literally do or say anything to get you naked. They make all the genuine men look very bad, because as liars and cheats always do, these men DISGUISE themselves to be like us, and they do a good job of it. Since liars also know to point at the honest people when lies are suspected, you will find that even when someone DOES warn you about someone else, that you wont be able to tell if they are being kind and honest, or craftily manipulating you to believe THEIR crap.

The reason you WILL get a fair number of people in these forums, telling you that you DO bear some responsibility for the bad outcomes with these guys, is that the reason they use the methods and disguises they DO use, IS BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU CHOOSE TO BLINDLY WALK INTO THEIR TRAPS.

There are some good lessons to be found in a casual study of Marketing of crappy products. We all know of a number of things that are sold everyday, that experienced victims know wont do anything near what the Ads on TV imply they will. People selling garbage know well that if they lie as thoroughly and completely as they can, that lots of people will choose the EASY LIE over the complicated reality every damn time.
From what I've seen, men and women who complain of being victimized by their opposite numbers, usually fit into that same group. When you find something that an experienced person would squint at and say "that sounds too good to be true," instead of shying away and remaining careful, you say "Oh! He's perfection incarnate!" and then come back here lambasting the opposite sex as you have.

You are young, and you haven't had enough experience to learn any of this yet. You probably don't even think any of what I've said has any validity, for the same reason.

You will learn the hard way, as most do.
 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 10
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:09:42 AM
He is a jerk for not responding to your text about whether you should keep dating or not. I'm not sure how that adds up to that he's not looking for a relationship though. Perhaps he is and you weren't his cup of tea. If so, good! He wasn't worth it if he isn't polite enough to respond to a text that was so important.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 11
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:41:02 AM
At 25 years old, you are not likely dating men,but boys. Boys your age have no idea that there is a tomorrow,,,I know I didn't at that age, and I was even an "old soul" back then. Gonna sound crass here,but, if you don't want something between your legs,don't open them. And yes, I've said the same thing to my daughter.

The world is full of alllllllll types of people. More and more are learning the art of saying what needs to be said to get what they want. Some of us,along the way, have learnt to hear what they are saying,despite the words they use. Time for you to start learning.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 12
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:57:23 AM

At 25 years old, you are not likely dating men,but boys.


Oh, honey, age has NOTHING to do with flakiness. The 65 year olds can be as flaky as the 25 year olds, and dentists are as bad as biker dudes.


On the other hand, he may actually be looking for a relationship...but decided you were not the one he wanted that with.

Face it - he was just not that into you.


Then a "Sorry, it isn't working out" note would be good, eh? Perhaps she wants some acknowledgement that he isn't into her.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 14
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:08:27 AM
Yes - there are dirt bags out there. Yes - some men are just looking to get laid. This is the same in real life too. To be fair, there are dirt bag women, manipulative women, and women just looking to get laid. This is not just a one gender issue.

But you've been here a short time. This was ONE man. You only went on two dates. He's not worth getting this upset about, he really isn't.

I would say, you need to address the reasons for being vulnerable - your word not mine. When someone has a sense of vulnerability, the sharks can smell it, they will circle and move in. Dating can be ruthless.

Determine who you are, what you want, stick to your principles - and you will be in a better position to find what you want and dismiss the losers.
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 15
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:53:29 AM
If you wear a semi-inappriopriate t-shirt in your profile picture, it will help to weed out the slimballs and horndogs. I promise!

(Seriously guys..."I have a big candy cane for you." How original.)
 Bkrast
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 16
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:54:14 AM

If you wear a semi-inappriopriate t-shirt in your profile picture, it will help to weed out the slimballs and horndogs. I promise!

(Seriously guys..."I have a big candy cane for you." How original.)


But what if there are guys who like candy canes or candy in general?

I might have to try this t-shirt thing in a future profile pic.
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 17
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 9:00:48 AM

But what if there are guys who like candy canes or candy in general?

I might have to try this t-shirt thing in a future profile pic.


Then, they usually just say "your shirt cracks me up." I swear, it was the most genius thing I've ever done. I recommend for guys that you get a shirt that says "I like opening up my wallet for psycho crack whores" for your weeding out process.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 18
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 9:09:47 AM
OP, you met a guy who may indeed want a relationship. Just maybe not with you.

Do you honestly jump into a relationship with every guy with whom you have had 2 dates? What do you do when you don't want to see a guy any more?

Unless you've always been 100% honest with guys whom you have dated, put down the broad brush and back away from the paint can of man-bashing.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 19
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History
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 10:31:26 AM
we can't blame others for our poor decisions..... you had sex with him thinking it would mean something... after two dates??? please..... never have sex hoping it will be a relationship.... especially that early on.... if you want a relationship... wait for one..... two dates do not make a commitment....

live and learn.... in the future say no.... unless you are ok with it being just sex...
 FlirtingGreenEyes
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 20
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 11:05:51 AM
Completely agree with you!! The men who want sex only, you can pretty much tell within a few messages for sure. I have become such a Guy gets one chance girl lol! A pervert is a pervert, and not the guy for me!!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 21
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History
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 11:42:38 AM
And that's why, for most women, I don't advocate sex with strangers.

As long as you feel invested in what's going to happen AFTER you have sex, and you fear that he will not stick around, you should not be having sex with him.

On date one or two, that's what he is, a stranger. You don't know anything about him. If you choose to believe everything a stranger you met on the internet, who you already know has a self-interest, tells you, you have nobody but yourself to blame.

There's no point saying people shouldn't lie. The world is not what it should be, it is what it is. Deal with what is, not with what you think should be.

Are there men who will have sex with you on the first date and then stick around, date you, fall in love, put a ring on your finger, and eventually marry you? Of course there are. My guess would be they are fewer than those who will hit it and quit it, but of course they do exist.

The problem is that on date one, you have no idea which kind he is. If you take the time to get to know him for a few weeks and months, and observe his behavior toward you and the world in general as it is, not as you WISH it would be, you'll have a much better idea who he is.

But most people think that's much more boring than first date sex and the ensuing drama, so I'm pretty sure that's not what you're going to do.
 getanet
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 22
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 11:55:08 AM
How much TOTAL time commitment to this person are we talking? If it's two dates, that's not all that much time together. It sucks to feel like you've been burned. It happens. Hopefully we learn from it. Did she sleep with him? She never said so in so many words, but the reaction is the telling part?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 23
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History
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:38:52 PM
Leading a girl on? A man can be looking for a relationship and just not want one with you. It is always up to you to determine how soon you 'hook up' with a man and sweetie they will accept the invitation the moment you give it.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 25
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:40:12 PM
I can't see how this is a "horrible experience!" (with an exclamation point, even).

I've run into a lot of guys over my lifetime like that one. *shrug*

Just some guy who is out to get laid. *shrug*

You learn to see IN THEIR EYES what is really going on... commonly called "reading them"..

You'll learn how to read men's intentions, I guess it takes experience for some to learn.

I don't know. I've always been able to tell if a man was just out to get laid, even when the words spoken weren't saying that.

"horrible experience!"?? Nah, just life.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 26
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Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:45:19 PM

That's pretty disgusting to use vulnerability to get what you want. Aren't there any men out there that actually have genuinely good intentions?? Jesus f'n Christ. I'm never doing this again.


Sorry you had that experience..hope you heal from it.
This venue is for meeting people..unfortunately, some have evil intentions, but not all of us. Seriously.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 27
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:51:42 PM
Men will say anything...I repeat...ANYTHING to get into your pants.

...and women will do anything, and say anything to get into a mans wallet!

Ugh...as one of my favorite Forumites has said...have sex when YOU want to have sex & not with the thought that you're exchanging it for a relationship. Sorry your feelings were hurt, but it happens to the best of us. Don't use sex as currency, but value it as something you have to give even if that's all there ever will be.

Dogslife...as far as the money goes, don't spend it if you're gonna resent it. Set your standard from the beginning & stop blaming women when things don't go your way or you end up with someone who values your wallet more than they value you. It's really no different than the 5,067 threads from women complaining that a man only wants them for sex.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 28
Horrible experience!
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:15:25 PM
It sounds like you got used girlie. The site is of full of douchbags. Live and learn and don't let it happen again. If you gave it up too soon, don't do it again. Get to know the person and see what their full intentions are THEN get intimate. I am sorry that things got screwy. Don't be discouraged!
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